malus_infantia Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 "Orpheus picked up his lyre for the last time He was on a real low down bummer And stared deep into the abyss and said This one is for Mamma" -Nick Cave, "The Lyre of Orpheus" Excellent build up of tension here. Really enjoying the story. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Chapter15: The Orpheus and the Saint Dante dreamt of bright, brilliant colors. They shimmered in his mind’s eye with the twinkling of a thousand diamond stars. Hendrix couldn’t top this. His dreams were a kaleidoscope ; mesmerizing, soothing. There were no troubles here, no worries, no nightmares. All was as it should be. Perfect comfort, perfect warmth, perfect everything. Dante opened his eyes and gave a yawn. His tongue absent mindedly probed his toothless gums, the saliva running over onto his chin. He couldn’t move, that was normal. He couldn’t see very much. The walls of his cot rose up around him and kept him safe, blocking his view, and he couldn’t pick up his head. His vision wasn’t focused anyways. All of that was normal, too. What was wrong then? He had felt like there was something bugging him at the back of his mind. Then it hit him: He was hungry. He was very hungry. He was very, very, very, hungry. There were no other words. If he didn’t get fed, something bad would happen, he just knew it. He hated being hungry. He wanted Milk, and he wanted his Mommy, and he wanted them right now! Dante began to whimper and mewl, calling for Mommy. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he thought he was doing something wrong. There had to be a better way to communicate. Then he remembered. LOUDER! He cried out louder. He cried out louder and louder until he couldn’t even remember why he started crying! HUNGRY! That was it! MILK! After forever, he saw Mommy. She smiled at him, and made shushing noises. Dante suddenly felt cold as Mommy unwrapped him. He couldn’t pick up his head, but he felt his diaper become more slack as Mommy. Then he felt the cold baby wipes washing him all over. No Mommy! He didn’t want a diaper change. Even if he needed one, that wasn’t what had been bothering him. Dante redoubled his crying, though no tears came forth! He wanted Milk! Milk, Mommy, Milk! Dante was only vaguely aware as the new diaper was put on him. He wanted Milk! Mommy wrapped him back up and picked him up. At least now she was holding him. That was a step in the right direction. Then Dante felt the nipple brush against his cheek. He latched on and began greedily sucking down Mommy’s Milk! Joy! Rapture! The Highest of Highs! This is what it meant to be alive. Danted started to calm down as he suckled and Milk slid down his throat. Dante began to make soft little animal sounds as he nursed, and was rewarded with Mommy stroking the back of his head. He couldn’t love Mommy more than he did right then at her breast. He couldn’t love anyone more right then. This was Heaven. He mewled in protest again as Mommy switched him over to her other breast, but the absence of Milk was mercifully short lived. This was all he needed. Just this. This perfect little moment reverberating throughout all eternity. Finally, he was full and he stopped suckling. Mommy was making happy noises; she liked it too. “Guh deeter! Link to comment
diaperpt Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Very interesting point of view, well reasoned and well developed. You've done an excellent job with this chapter, having it really make sense with everything that is going on and tying it well with the human condition. Link to comment
LilDavid Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Great stuff! Another interesting twist in the story! I'm looking forward to more! Link to comment
Corwin Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Well- I have some Hitchens-like rants in my head, but that's a testament to the writing. Good job! Link to comment
malus_infantia Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Eh, the cosmography/cosmology/theology are all conciets of the tale - take 'em at face value for the sake of your entertainment. Link to comment
Corwin Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Exactly. I'm of the opinion that a mark of good writing is the ability to engender emotions in your readers. I'm just wanting to chime in to make sure that personalias knows that he is affecting his audience The only time I would consider it "bad" would be if it's a trigger issue, in which case I'd simply stop reading the story. I'm not complaining at all. :-D Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Ok, I'm gonna sound bad here, but which Hitchens? I'm missing yet another reference. Yeah, like I said earlier, this is all for entertainment. I'm as much a theologian as much as the writers for Supernatural are occult experts. But glad you're engaged in the story. Link to comment
malus_infantia Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Christopher Hitchens was an atheist and social critic - mostly crticisizing theism. I'm as much a theologian as much as the writers for Supernatural are occult experts. I guffawed. Link to comment
babyjennie Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 You are one hell of a writer! Well done for a new and innovative story. Please keep up the good work and post more soon. Baby Jennie Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Chapter 16: Better a man in Hell… Dante was alone in the darkness after the Saint walked out. His legs lost their balance and strength and he collapsed to the floor, back on all fours. Saint Jude had said that as long as they were speaking, Dante could stand as a man. Clearly, the conversation was over. Dante sat there, alone in the darkness, waiting for something to happen. The darkness receded, and Dante’s senses were slowly barraged by a bevy of familiar of sights and sounds. Bluish gray indoor/outdoor carpeting, the smell of baby powder and crying. Lots and lots of crying. Dante was in a playpen, he concluded as the world came into view around him. He was all too familiar now with the mesh walls and padded floors. He turned his head to the sound of the crying. It was a girl, about his age, blonde, with her hair done up in a pink bow. She wore a pink t-shirt that was puffed up and frilled around the sleeves. Useless buttons ran down the front that made it resemble a blouse. Stitched onto the left breast of the shirt was a cursive “L Link to comment
PeculiarChangeling Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Daaaaaaamnnnnnmn...... Link to comment
GeekSquad_in_Diapers Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Very good. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Chapter 17: I Am Mine Everything had come down to this: Dante’s death, the Judy’s, Lysa, Midori, the Newborn Room, Caroline, regressing, Jamal, Vivian, Kevin, his Grandparents, the truth about Lysa, approaching the threshold, finding his anchor, singing, standing, being punished, Saint Jude, things getting even worse, and now this. Dante was about to commit his one last act of defiance against the forces of Heaven and their jailors in Limbo. They would see the mortals in their care as something to be respected, not manipulated; that they were more than just simple children to be rewarded or punished as deemed appropriate. Some very small part of Dante questioned himself; felt guilty. Maybe the Judy’s were doing the right thing in the long run. Then he remembered that the Devil was once an angel as well. Not even angels were perfect. They only held onto that pretense. These things were just as capable of fault, pride, and monstrousness as any sentient creature. They just had special tools to help them in their designs. Hopefully Dante’s plan would shock them bad enough to where they’d think twice, but he wasn’t doing this for them. Not at all. Fuck them with a giant spoon and twist it sideways. Dante always thought that guilt was the last thing to go. Apparently not. He had so many other emotions running through him that he couldn’t register them all. Anger, fear, hope, even a little bit of pride. He’d never felt like this. He counted to a hundred slowly, as the stroller moved along the winding narrow path. Then he counted backwards from a hundred just to be sure. He wanted to be at about the half-way point before he started, too far away from Limbo or Heaven for reinforcements to arrive in time to make a difference. It was fortunate that the Judy in the green dress hadn’t stripped him of his ability to count. Dante smiled. Then again, maybe she did, and he was just taking it back anyways. Dante knew exactly what song he wanted to use. It wasn’t “You Gotta Keep ‘Em Separated 2 Link to comment
PeculiarChangeling Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 It's over? But... What happened to.... Nooo!!!! Really, really good job. Link to comment
ajthebabypie Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 That was amazing. I am crying now, especially with the dedication at the end of the story 1 Link to comment
malus_infantia Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Remarkably well done. Quite an excellent tale. Perhaps Dante shall take after Belial ;-) "This is now Our doom; which if we can sustain and bear, Our Supream Foe in time may much remit His anger, and perhaps thus farr remov'd Not mind us not offending, satisfi'd With what is punish't; whence these raging fires Will slack'n, if his breath stir not thir flames. Our purer essence then will overcome Thir noxious vapour, or enur'd not feel, Or chang'd at length, and to the place conformd In temper and in nature, will receive Familiar the fierce heat, and void of pain; This horror will grow milde, this darkness light Besides what hope the never-ending flight Of future dayes may bring, what chance, what change Worth waiting, since our present lot appeers For happy though but ill, for ill not worst, If we procure not to our selves more woe" -John Milton, Paradise Lost - Book II Link to comment
007specialk Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Thanks for a great story. Link to comment
messyman Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Thank you for the best story I have read in a long time. And can we get it put on the story page so we can re-read it easily? 1 Link to comment
diaperpt Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Wonderful story. I don't think I'd do it justice by trying to comment further. Thanks. Link to comment
WBDaddy Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I concur with messyman - this deserves promotion to a more permanent place in the DD archives. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 No direct sequels planned at the moment. Right now if I wrote a sequel, it would basically just feel like Dante's Infanzia Ch 18. I don't want that. I told the story I wanted to tell and I'm content to give those characters a rest for now I might use some recurring characters though; kind of like how Long_Rifle has a couple stories that involve an old wizard in a robe running a magic shop. So maybe in future stories people will be visited in their dreams by a pushy 16 year old "Saint in Training" or run across a mysterious pretty woman in nursery scrubs who just loves babies. I dunno. We'll see. If anything though, I'm immensely flattered by the reaction to the ending and the injustice of it all. I feel like that means I did something right. Messyman and WBDaddy: Seriously? You think this is good enough to put on the main story part of the site? Damn. Uh...how do I do that? Link to comment
messyman Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I think you need to message DD to get stuff put on there. I wish more authors would do it. A lot of good stories slip to the bottom of the forums never to be read again. I think it would be worthwhile for someone to go through the board and find completed stories and put them up there to be read. Link to comment
multi Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Love, love, love, love, love this story! I hope you continue writing here because your ideas are brilliant! Link to comment
GeekSquad_in_Diapers Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 I loved this story and argee with the others that it should be added to the main story page. Link to comment
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