I'M Trying But I Just Can'T Get Into It - Bf Is A Dl

[leesee]

Hi there,

I've never posted on a forum before but I'm just not sure who I could talk to about this. My signifiant other is a DL and I am not. He told me after weeks of trying to tell me and not being able to get it out. I am really touched that he felt comfortable enough to share with me and I have no problem with his fetish, I'm just sad that I do not, in any way, share it with him.

Diapers do not turn me on. I feel awkward wearing them and feel out played and out done by a diaper since he gets so much more aroused when we bring them into the picture. I know that he loves me and wouldn't wear them around me if I asked him, he also never pushes me into it, but I really want to be part of what he finds sexually arousing. He has bought some for me and they are not horrible all the time, but some days I get upset when he asks me to wear them. I wish that I were enough for him and they make me jealous of the connection he feels towards them.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over myself and enjoy sex with a diaper flair? Also how does one have sex in a diaper? I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

Thank you so much for any help you can offer!

[Bettypooh]

Hello and welcome to DD- I'm glad to see that you are willing to try to get this worked out. It says a lot about you

I guess the best place to start is to say that for most of us, this is an extremely strong feeling- I liken it to a compulsion. Being so strong it drives us to do things we might not otherwise do though most of us control and handle it well. That strength also amplifies other feelings we have when we're in the mood to wear- you're seeing that in his wanting you to wear them too. He probably doesn't see so clearly that this is a problem for you. Open and honest communication can help there so discuss (not argue over) this when the mood is right for both of you to do that. Quiet, content, and calm times when there is no pressure or crisis happening with either of you is a good time to look for

The basic fact here is that you are both in a relationship trying to make it work out. All relationships involve areas where there must be compromise, and being the humans we are, also have areas where the one must totally give themselves over to what the other feels because they cannot change their feelings which are opposite and equally strong. For the latter, the solution is usually in granting your partner adequate freedom to take care of these needs away from you so that you don;t have to deal with it. Yes, you will know what is happening but you can't change that. You have to deal with that much in them or decide that they are not the person you want to be with- and remember that this works both ways I am not saying that they should be unfaithful with your permission, only that they need enough room in their life to deal with this so that they are not tempted to go there.

Compromise is different. It may help to see that as giving of yourself more than you want to for someone who is dear to you. We all want to see the people we care about be happy, and we all sometimes go out of our way so they can have that happiness. Just don't go so far that you become hurt over it. We all have room to give, but only a limited amount of that. For us to have that room we have to take care of our own needs well enough first or we will not have the ability to give what we don't have ourselves. Compromise is best when it is a balance. It won't work without that balance.

You both also need to remember that your entire lives lie ahead of you- there is time enough to deal with this slowly and carefully, leaving yourself room to reverse in the places you may find that aren't working out so you can try another approach. Dealing with this slowly will give you both the best results. Just remember to not let this turn into an argument so if either of you don't feel up to discussing it or working on the solution wait for a better time to do that. Just make sure that there is a time for this- it's not going to go away by ignoring it or refusing to work on it

You might want to lead him here if he doesn't know about us and this site. We're quite a diverse bunch but most of us have found ways to work out the issues about this in our lives, and most of us want nothing more than to see you both happy forever- the way things should be. We can help you both see things in many different ways which might help you to find the solution which works for you.

I'll close by saying that not everyone can deal with this, and not everyone is willing to try to. I am glad that you're trying because it shows that there is hope for things to work out to satisfaction for both of, and that is a very good thing

Bettypooh

[Repaid1]

BP good advise! But ya forgot to "approve" the post so others can see it. I did it for you

I'm Repaid1, and I approve this message.

(always wanted to say that )

To the OP: Just touching on the sex with diaper part. To be honest it varies. It could mean a couple of things or ways depending on what you mean. I would gather that the diaper part could mean more in the foreplay part, and is removed for the actual intercourse. But sometimes this isn't the case. Actual intercourse may not be involved and is more a a manipulation thing if you get my drift

Then there are those that do wear and go for it with holes cut into the diapers in the appropriate area . Although I have been informed this could get a bit...ahhh. messy? As the material in the diaper (SAP-Gel) might get transferred to areas not really becoming for you.

Lastly there is also others who buy a larger diaper and put it on with both of you inside the same, sounds a bit off, but hey it has been done

So that is another topic of discussion you too will have to get to when you feel comfortable with discussing it. Best of luck for you two, keep us informed.

[Bettypooh]

BP good advise! But ya forgot to "approve" the post so others can see it. I did it for you

I'm Repaid1, and I approve this message.

(always wanted to say that )

Durn! I've noticed some of the posts and threads appearing on my screen are shaded- even long-existing threads! do hope this is a temporary glitch that gets worked out.

Thanks repaid1!

Bettypooh

[CDLover]

I wish that I were enough for him and they make me jealous of the connection he feels towards them.

Your comment here is one that has been said to me. From my experience, I heard it in a couple of ways. First was, "Why don't you get this turned on my me? Why do you have to have diapers?" The other perspective was, "You love diapers more than you love me. As long as you have your diapers it doesn't make a difference who you are with."

From my perspective I always thought, "I love you very much and I am thrilled that I can share the deepest part of myself with you. This part of me is very vulnerable and I trust you and I'm open with you as my partner to be able to share this. You know me more than anyone else."

I'm not sure that I was ever really understood, but this is my experience in sharing this side of me.

Best wishes to you,

CDL

[leesee]

"For the latter, the solution is usually in granting your partner adequate freedom to take care of these needs away from you so that you don;t have to deal with it. Yes, you will know what is happening but you can't change that. "

To clarify, I don't have a problem with his diaper enjoyment, just his diaper love and the feeling that its greater than his love for me. The actual him wearing diapers is absolutly ok. He looks very adorable trying to hide them under his sweatpants and he is noticable more carefree and some times down right giddy in them. I love seeing that side of him. And watching him try to suprise me with new diapers, its like hes at Christmas evertime he gets a package in the mail. Its the idea that he wants me, but wants me more, modified in diapers. I accept him 100% no matter what kind of underwear he wants to wear, I just feel hurt and frankly unappreciated that he wants me to do something he knows I am uncomfortable with, even if he doesn't know why. We have discussed this many times but its the first time for both of us to be in a relationship where this is a workable factor and neither of us have very creative ideas for a compromise.

I think the problem is that I'm the kind of person who likes to know what part we each should play, and when I have on a diaper, I feel like a child, and sex when I'm in that mindset is repulsive to me due to some childhood tramas. I suppose I could explain why I think the diapers are upseting me but then we would be discussing some very scary events from years ago that I would rather not mix with my current bedroom relationship. It seems its mixed up in me now since the apperence of the diapers but I do not want him to worry about it. Do you think it is fair to ask him to support me in becoming more comfortable with wearing and using the diapers since I support him wearing them?

How can I think about them as a sexy item instead of something for small children? That's just my natural association unfortunatly.

Thank you again so much for your replies. I can't tell you how nice it is to finally have someone to talk to about this. Just being open about it somewhere has really helped me think it through more clearly and understand my own feelings better so we can have a more productive conversation about this later. Really, Thank you.

[leesee]

In response to CDLover, sex is a very important sacred thing for me. My boyfriend was my first and I feel like I'm also sharing the most vulnerable part of myself. Just because what is important to him is taboo, shouldn't make it anymore valuable in my mind. I come from a very religious background and when my friends and family heard I wasn't "pure" anymore, I was rejected for being sinful and loose. I understand that this is a big thing for him to share but I am a big thing to share as well. It seems like you are saying that his fetish for an object is worth more than my pure love for his heart. Like your saying he told me something so I should just be grateful, but he only has the option to share his fetish because I chose to share myself. Both were big deals for each of us and I feel as though you are forgetting that just because you have strong feelings doesnt mean someone else's dont compare.

[CDLover]

Hi leesee,

I completely agree with you.. I do believe he needs to understand you and respect your feelings. Intimate relationships are sacred and touch us in places that are very deep. Love and respect are important.

Please understand I did not mean to imply that his fetish for an object is worth more than your pure love for his heart. It is not. He should value and treasure your love for that alone.

I do wish you well.

[darkravendl]

The love of an object could not compare to the love of a person. It may seem that way at times but you can't truly conversate with an object. He put a lot of trust in your love for him by opening up to you, which you already realize. However, as others have stated this fetish, compulsion, life style whatever you want to call it has very deep roots in the psyche.Think about it as something that makes him feel complete. Not only that it is very rare that this is something that goes away. It is absolutely wonderful that you have accepted him. To me that says a lot about your love for him. IMHO I think it speaks volumes about your character.

Do I think it wrong to want the level of emotion that he gets from diapers directed towards you? Absolutely not. Its easy to become jealous of that level of love. While you may not be able to fulfill him the way wearing a diapers does. I believe that its the fact that he has his diapers and is so accepted.by you that makes him as happy as you depicted in an earlier post.

The fact that you stated diapers are for babies is a complete misconception. I have to rely on diapers due to incontinence.im not even thirty years old yet. Besides being a diaper lover before I became incontinent I chose to rely on diapers because to me it would have been harder to be intimate with my spouse if I had a catheter in place.

I hope the best for you and your s/o.

[NewMommy2]

leesee, as a 'mommy' to someone that is a diaper lover, I can see where you are confilicted. But he really needs to understand your side of things. To be open with you was hard for him and I understand that. But you have feelings too and deserve to be heard. If he cannot respect your side of the issue then it is not worth continuing. The relationship has to be 50/50 give and take. You have been very patient and accepting, and him telling you was not easy. But he has to respect your feelings and concerns as well. Communication is the key to every relationship, especially in one that involves this lifestyle. Feel free to PM me if you just want to chat.

[leesee]

CDLover thank you, I appreciate your understanding.

Darkravendl, after your post this is the first time I've ever thought about it like that, as acceptance adding to the enjoyment. It really is very nice to think that I'm adding to his pleasure in some way atleast. Thank you for that. Also, I didn't mean to imply that diapers are for babies just that I FEEL like a child when wearing them. I just have memories wearing them late into childhood and being very imbarassed by them. I'm sorry if i offended you, I really didn't mean it the way you interpreted.

Newmommy2, I do have some questions and would like to talk about the "mommy" thing, I'm just not sure about how to go from changing him and going from mom mode to lover. If you have any advice I would love to hear it. Im not sure how to PM, but if i figure it out I'll shoot you a message.

[darkravendl]

Leesee, you did not offend me at all. I can understand that perspective clearly. I was only trying to clarify. Balance in everything is vital to happiness. He needs to understand your feelings and respect them just as its important for you to understand and respect his. That sounds like a tramatic experiance. Anything you may want to discuss ill be happy to answer either here on the board or via a pm. Good luck. You are very welcome for that new perspective.

[Yuna]

leesee if you have some kind of trauma assasociated with wearing diapers, it might have to be something that he has to accept that you cannot do. I feel much safer now when I wear diapers, not at all like I did as a child, if they made me feel anything like back in childhood, there is no way I would be able to wear them myself.

The best advice I could give you if you want to try to move past your feelings is to associate adult diapers with a sex toy as opposed to thinking about it being similar to a baby or child's diaper.

I hope that the two of you are able to work this out.

[Creepymouse]

Indeed. As an AB/DL and a Daddy to my wife's inner child, I have to reconcile those feelings with those of simple love for my wife. Both are necessary parts of our relationship. Personally, I'm not aroused by a diaper, but by my wife either taking the control and being 'mommy' for a while, or by reversing that and making her be the little one, when she needs it. We each enjoy the physical sensations of the diaper as well, which brings in the 'sex toy' aspect of things.

I recommend you take care to avoid thinking you can cure him. This is something that isn't harmful or wrong, just different and often misunderstood. If you have a relationship with him and can't tolerate his needs, I guarantee that eventually he'll keep it secret from you, or someone will be emotionally hurt. It's not that he loves you less, but that he has emotional needs that cannot be met by only your love. Your love can't feed him, clothe him, or give him air to breathe - despite romantic poetry to the contrary. Neither can it replace what he needs in this regard, and that doesn't make your love any less necessary.

If you can tolerate his use but do not wish to participate, that is probably a compromise he'll understand. It's common in our 'community' to have an SO that is accepting of one's needs, but doesn't want to change/wear/know about diapers. Others participate fully. The saddest ones are the people who feel they must hide their activity from their partners.

Perhaps you might think about how it would feel, knowing your partner was disgusted by your needs whatever they might be? It would be a horrible secret to bear and a strain on the relationship. If you love him that much, it's important to know it's not something we can just switch off and decide it's not for us any more.

[Creepymouse]

In addition (sorry, couldn't edit my draft) on the 'mommy' front, you might think of it more like a sitter, a nurse or a nanny. Imagine a girl of consent age caring for a boy of consent age who needs diapers. There's no need to separate the nurturing, caring part from the lover part, unless that feels better to either of you. I never called my mother mommy in my memory, so there's no connection or incest weirdness to overcome in our relationship. She calls me daddy and I call her mommy at different times, and often during bedroom activities, it's just our way.

Many inner kids lead happy, playdoh filled lives without diapers, but others need them physically and emotionally. The way my IK (for whom my account here is named) sees it, he IS three years old in a 20someting body. He deserves to be loved for who he is, and he happens not to be potty trained yet. My older self has learned to cope with that.