So I Told My Girlfreind.....

[Hamilton_ABDL]

Im a first time poster here, long time visitior and i have recently told my girlfreind about my ab/dl side and as expected it did not go over well, she was really weirded out by the whole thing and now she doesent know if she can be with me sexually anymore. We used to have amazing sex, and we are/were... i dunno anymore very much in love, She was the first person in the world i have told this to and its not giving me any encouragement to try it agian with another girl after ive built a long relationship with them. Has anyone out there had any more luck than i have, i never asked her to participate, although that obviousley was my hope. At least she didnt run screaming out of the room but we discussed it for about half an hour, but things havent been the same and i can tell they are goin to end. Is there hope out there or is society just never goin to be comfortable with what we like?

---Hamilton_ABDl

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Sorry to hear things did not go over very well with your girlfriend. I know lots of members here that have had success in that area, including me. I never told anyone, including an x-wife and an x-fiance in 20+ years. However, recently I met someone and told her about my lifestyle after about 10 weeks and she is not only OK with it, she encourages it and has even participated in it a couple of times. She is the only person I've ever told. I probably would not have told her if it were not for this site and other things I've read about infantilism that strongly recommended telling significant others before things get too serious. For years I thought that my secret lifestyle might have negatively affected those relationships and now I'm sure of it.

I suggest you try to get her to read about infantilism and diaper fetishes. I would also try to get her to view this site and others if possible. Unfortunately, my favorites list was wiped out and I can't remember which site it was, but it was free and it had a lot of very helpful areas on it like: How to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend, how to tell your spouse, what questions might come up, and other material that talked about infantilism in great detail. I'll look around for it, and if I find it, I'll post another thread. Maybe someone else knows the site I'm talking about as most sites don't offer that kind of advice. Anyways, it's going to take more than a half an hour, more like a couple hours if not three to properly discuss this lifestyle in my opinion. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can work things out with her.

[BabyLex]

Hamilton_ABDL,

It's brave and admirable of you to maintain an open and honest relationship with your gf. There's a definite sense of commitment and sincerity on your side that may relationships lack. In the end your honesty is going to be key in the future. If you'd continued to hide your AB/DL side there would always be something between you that you were holding back and you'd never be able to be truly 'together' or you might slide down the slippery slope to hiding other aspects of your life.

I'm sorry to hear about the immediate negative reaction, although I think Phantom is quite right in his advice to encourage her to read more about infantalism and the AB/DL lifestyle. Education is important as is your ability to empathize with her situation. The AB/DL lifestyle isn't mainstream and requires others to change paradigms relatively drastically. Try to be patient and cooperative while she comes to terms with something that's still shocking and unfamaliar. Things will work themselves out one way or the other.

Although you have my best wishes in re-establishing your great sex life together. :-)

All the best,

--BabyLex

[Hamilton_ABDL]

Thank you both for your posts and encouragement, i did give her 1 site to view, adultbabysource.com im sure we all know it, she looked at it quickly then closed it as she said it made her feel very uncomfortable, she did try to be understanding when i told her as it was one of the hardest things i have ever done and she could see it, she told me how she had seen the episode of CSI "King Baby" and that at the time while she was watching it her whole family and her talked about how weird and messed up it was so she, said she has already got a negative impression of this fetish. I know giving her time is the only thing i can do, and thats what i have been doing.

[diaperwerx]

I could preach and I could prey. I've discussed paraphilia's with both a fiancee and an ex-wife. The key point or lesson learned here is that if you LOVE your partner you need to honest with them. If they feel you've been hiding something until they're hooked they feel betrayed. The trick is (and I know there is better advice somewhere in another forum on this site) to be honest with yourself and your partner. If a girl loves you for who you are then everything else will fall into place otherwise maybe it just wasn't meant to be as painful as that is.

Of course all this depends on your relationship, honesty, and commitment to each other as well. I've told at not the right time and not told and had to pay. As a "kid" who's been around the block...honesty and truth usually pay off better than deceit over the long run.

I sincerely hope that your g/f reads this thread and the others. And discovers for herself the dilemma you find yourself in and the difficulty you went through trying to be honest with her. It took me a long time too. And trust is a difficult thing to rebuild. However it can be rebuilt.

Keep the faith!

-Werx

[bobbyc]

I'm sorry it didn't go so well. I admire you, though, for telling her. I don't think I could have told anyone when I was 19. Actually, I didn't open up to anyone until I was 25, so you are at least more honest with yourself for telling her.

I think you need to ask yourself how important is this fetish to you. If you are like me, and many others, diapers are a big part of who we are and we would be unhappy if we could not be honest with at least one person in our lives. It is so important to me that I can wear my diapers around my girlfriend. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have much time to wear them and I would probably distance myself from her.

So, maybe it was a necessity that you told her, whether the outcome was good or bad. I hope things go well with you two but even if they don't it seems the majority of the members here have found someone who accepts this fetish. Things will work out eventually for you.

[wetbuns]

I'm sorry that you've got a frosty response Hamilton, but I suppose like all of us guys into this fetish, you have two choices - well, 3 I suppose. 1 - tell your gf about the fetish; 2 - don't tell her and keep it secret; 3 - find a gf who already is / know's you're an AB.

I must admit that when I told a gf I'd been seeing for about a month, she took it very harshly. She did try a few times to participate (I'm a DL) but I could see she didn't like it at all, and wasn't easy with the whole thing.

I was afraid of her telling our mutual friends if we split, and I just let things drop, and didn't bring it up again. We worked in the same office, and after we split, she really used it as a lever in arguments and stuff (I got a couple of spitefull phone messages after she'd told her new bf).

If I'd spent more time getting to know her, I would have found out more what she was like, and whether she was open minded in that respect. I wouldn't hesitate to tell someone I met in real life in future, if they were right for me. I think I might tell them a bit sooner maybe though. On the other hand I've met a wonderfull woman I've known for 5 yrs or so now who's every bit as kinky as me, just a bit of an age gap. It's fun when we're together, but I do miss her alot as we can't have a full on relationship. I suppose my advice would be if your relationship doesn't work out, then don't worry, as she obviously wasn't the one for you; Maybe finding someone who likes a bit of an "alternative" lifestyle to begin with might help.

[BBoy]

I agree that telling your girlfriend about your fetish can be important for building trust in a relationship. Obliviously telling her right away can be hazerdous. Trust in any relationship takes time to build. I don't expect any girlfriend to tell me all her inner most secrets within a month, eventually I would expect her to tell me but not right away.

Your approach to the conversation is also important. Don't just come out and say "I have to wear diapers because they make me feel good." That approach wouldn't work for her nor would it work with me if you pulled that trick. With my latest girlfriend we saw a show on TV which had a scene where a woman momentarily walked through with a diaper on. Before thinking about it I said "Hey cool!" She asked what that was about and all of a sudden, confronted, I just told her I thought a woman in a diaper was cute, I thought diapers were sexy. I didn't make a big deal of it, nor did I ever create an expectation that I wanted her to be involved with the diapers.

The topic was never brought up again however one time she did find this message board open on my computer and dismissed it because she already knew about the fetish.

To her this is my form of pornography, its not quite correct however she has a level of understanding . I also do not wear diapers in her presence however someday (someday...) I expect she will suggest using one for play. Because she knows diapers are a turn-on she now has the chance to introduce it only if she wants to. Maybe down the line she will also be comfortable with me wearing them around the house. That is good enough for me.

[bobbyc]

P.S. In retrospect I don't think I would show her a website like 'adultbabysource.com' to introduce her to the fetish. There are several websites, including dailydiapers, that have a section explaining what diaper fetishism is all about to the uninformed. http://www.geocities.com/seaotter1975/ is also a good one that is more explanatory rather than graphic. You can email the guy who runs it with any questions as well and he will be more than helpful.

It's a tough fetish to deal with for most and the more answers significant others have the better. Both of the girlfriends i've had whom i told did lots of research on the topic as to the psychology behind it. That was something even I had never done but am now very curious as to why I like this.

The more knowledge you have the easier it will be to explain in the future.

[dldad]

I'll also add my regrets. However I think the manner of telling her and the site you chose weren't the best choices. To tell someone you love that you enjoy being AB/DL or anything like that is a very hard subject to approach. Being able to have a complete open relationship with open discussion is paramount to having, hopefully, a lasting and long relationship. My wife and I are very much different, but our open mindedness and open dialog have allowed us to keep together for 17 years now. Sometimes it's not what you say but how it is said, too. Take your time and if this relationship isn't to last, hope for a better one, but whatever you end up with, it takes work on both parties to make it last. Good Luck.

[Hamilton_ABDL]

Thank you Bobbyc and all the other repliers, but espeecially BobbyC that ink you provided whats excellent, juts what i needed to show her, all of your advice was much appreciated

---------Hamilton_ABDL

[Hamilton_ABDL]

Bobbyc i just may owe you a great debt, that link worked marvels, she understands now what it means that i am 99% DL and only slightly interested in a few parts of the AB side of things, and she and i have had a great conversation tonite, where alot of proper information was gathered for her, shes still said its not easy for her, but i love her so much more for being willing to try and understand all of this. All of you repliers have been extremely helpful i must say this truly is a community here. Also special mentions to diaperWerx and BabyLex i have used parts of both your posts to show her and your words helped alot. To All of you i give a sincere Thank You

-----Hamilton_ABDL

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Hi Hamilton_ABDL, glad to see you're making progress. It doesn't stop with just telling your GF though; a continuing dialog is also necessary, but not too much too soon as it takes a while to digest Accepting it, understanding it, and being comfortable with it are all areas that need to be work on. After my GF tried it a few times over a 6 month period and talked about it a little here and a little there, I came to the conclusion that she will never get out of it what I do. To her it is totally sexual and that's OK, but for me it's a lifestyle. It can be very sexual for me at times, but for the most part it's not, and she really understands that now through further discussions. We know we are right for each other and we have formed a very special bond through diapers. Another positive diaper aspect to add to my already seemingly limitless list, lol. I hope your GF continues to be open-minded about it and is able to put it into perspective like mine has.

I also want to thank the members that posted here. You all gave great advice and were very understanding. This is what it's all about, helping other AB/DLs get through these difficult times.

[bobbyc]

Hey Hamilton,

I'm glad to hear that things are finally being smoothed over. I hope they continue to work out for you. This forum is a great resource and I'm glad you came forward with your problem. I think sometimes it's tough to ask for help with this fetish because you might feel that a forum is too impersonal.

As for me, I'm lately realizing that finding a girl who accepts a diaper fetish is not nearly as tough as finding a girl that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I think the initial joy I feel at her acceptance of my diapers kind of overshadows our true compatibility...something I might neglect until several months later.

Anyways, feel free to send an email if you have any other questions.

[wolfwood390]

Just want to say im very glad to see that it worked out!

[i_luv_dgirls]

Hey Ham,

Sounds like the first time I told my g/f. We had been together for 3 years, and it just seemed like there was always something that I had to hide, and I decided to tell her what I liked. At first she didn't know what to say, how to take it - she was nervous talking about it.

Then one day, we had a nice little conversation and I ironed out all the details - basically the assumptions she made about the fetish. Now she is totally comfortable with wearing one (I don't think I've created an AB/DL) - I'm just lucky to have a girl who is open and understanding.

Hope everything works out 100% in the end.

Cheers.

Alex.

[Augie7000]

Hamilton:

First off very very brave, at 19 I wouldn't have and couldn't have had the braveness to tell my girl friend.

Anyways I think when you get older you care less what others may have an opion of and well that goes for the AB/DL's as well as anyone we may meet. As life goes on and we experience more of the world and become lets say less naive we all learn that the world can really be a very dangerous and messed up place. Any ways as you get into an older age group the women you meet are likely to mor eopen minded and thoughtfull and guess what that diaper fetish isn't so bad compared to the guy they just left for beating them or whatever else. In a nut shell I found it got easier when I was older. My wife is very very open minded about my diaper side. She finds my diaper quirk cute, interesting, and harmless. I have a high earning career and live a good life. Now compare that from the guy she was with..... Unfortunately he was a smart guy but was bipolar had massive mood swings and could not hold down a job. Do you see what I am getting at. In the big picture the diaper fetish is tiny tiny quirk and as we move through life we realize it and so do potential mates. GOOD LUCK and man that girl will come along trust me.

[Dill_Pickle]

Hamilton:

First off very very brave, at 19 I wouldn't have and couldn't have had the braveness to tell my girl friend.

Anyways I think when you get older you care less what others may have an opion of and well that goes for the AB/DL's as well as anyone we may meet. As life goes on and we experience more of the world and become lets say less naive we all learn that the world can really be a very dangerous and messed up place. Any ways as you get into an older age group the women you meet are likely to mor eopen minded and thoughtfull and guess what that diaper fetish isn't so bad compared to the guy they just left for beating them or whatever else. In a nut shell I found it got easier when I was older. My wife is very very open minded about my diaper side. She finds my diaper quirk cute, interesting, and harmless. I have a high earning career and live a good life. Now compare that from the guy she was with..... Unfortunately he was a smart guy but was bipolar had massive mood swings and could not hold down a job. Do you see what I am getting at. In the big picture the diaper fetish is tiny tiny quirk and as we move through life we realize it and so do potential mates. GOOD LUCK and man that girl will come along trust me.

Hamilton:

When I told my GF, I emphasized to her that I still loved her....and had not changed, except to be more honest about some of my feelings. Further, she really isn't turned on, because she's had a little too much exposure to diapers professionally and personally (for example, drunken ex-husband wetting the bed and blaming her), so she does not participate in my diaper experiences.

It's perfectly OK to allow your GF to set some boundaries around your diapering...for example, keeping it private and largely out of her consciousness.

Dill Pickle

[wsdler]

When I told my GF, I emphasized to her that I still loved her....and had not changed, except to be more honest about some of my feelings.

This was the approach that I took. I can't remember what I said exactly but it was along the same lines of "nothing is changing I'm still the same person you fell in love with but there's a secret I've been keeping from you because it embarrasses me".

[tommee]

Hi, all, I'm sorry for butting in on this topic, I hope no one minds. I didn't want to start a new thread as many of the replies in this forum have helped me figure out what I want to do in this situation. I've been seeing a brilliant girl who's great in everyway. I love her loads, but I'm really scared to tell her about this. It's not like I want her to participate in this with me, so I kind of feel if I told her I would just be thinking about myself. They'd be no reason to tell her, so to speak. But I hate the fact that I'm hiding something from her.

I suppose I've only put this on here for myself as well. This is such a great community it just feels good to share this with someone. thanks to all everyone whos posted on here already, I hope Hamilton_ABDl doesn't mind me muscling in on his thread

[Topguy]

I really don't know what to tell you. This things is still so taboo to most people. I have pretty much given up-till I find someone who's also a partial incon,or at least adventouous enough not to mind.

[tinkers]

I have been married many years and my wife accepts my diapers. Through the years there has been good times and bad times. The best advice i can give you is, you also have to give back what you recieve. It's not just all you and your diaper fetish. I have found that treating your gf or wife the very best u possibly can and giving her just about everything you can she will love you for it and help you out in your little fetish. Have you ever heard of the honey do list? Well if you haven't it's like you will do whatever it takes to make her happy. When she is happy you ussually are to. hope that tid bit of info helps

[turtlepins]

Let me offer some advice, and perhaps a very important lesson here. You violated the whole trust issue right from the start, and there was no foundation for trust when you told her about your ab/dl needs. This is going to sound "old fashioned" and maybe even wierd to you. Any sexual relationship before marriage is a violation of trust. Honest. I grew up in the late 60s, graduated high school in 1970. I'm an old guy. We had girls wearing hot pants and halter tops with no bras at school, micro mini skirts, the works. Every guy I knew, including me, wanted some! But I knew it was wrong (yeah, I know, that's not a word we use these days!). So when I started dating the girl who became my wife (college years) we dated for four years before we got married. We were engaged for a year. This is the lesson to learn, and I hope you make use of it. Because we did not engage in sex before marriage, and because we were both virgins when we went to our wedding bed, there was an established trust. We both knew how hard it was to resist doing "things" that we considered forbidden, especially the last couple of weeks befoe the wedding. But because we resisted the temptation, we both knew we could trust each other. That foundation built into trust in other areas, including my infantilism desires. She's a principal at a local elementary school, and I'm a consultant with a national curriculum company. We've both been willing to sacrifice for the other. Trust. Next time operate under trust. Tell the girl you become seriously attached to about your ab/dl from the start. Don't engage in sex until you're married, or the trust will never develop. Hope it works for you, man.

[wsdler]

Don't engage in sex until you're married, or the trust will never develop. Hope it works for you, man.

With all due respect that is your personal belief and it's a value system that work for you personally. It is neither my belief nor my personal experience. I've been going out with the same woman for 7 years (and yes... having sex for all 7 of those years). Neither of us needs a legal document to prove our love or trust in one another (nor do we need a legal document that says it's OK to have sex). As for trust... I trust her unconditionally. According to you because we have sex and we're not married there is no trust. It's a fallacious argument at best.

I know we all have the same goal here, to help one another out but one must consider who they're giving advice to and what their circumstances are. This might be great advice for someone who is deeply religious but for those of us who aren't that kind of advice is more likely to hurt a relationship than to help it. Food for thought.

[Necare]

Let me offer some advice, and perhaps a very important lesson here. You violated the whole trust issue right from the start, and there was no foundation for trust when you told her about your ab/dl needs. This is going to sound "old fashioned" and maybe even wierd to you. Any sexual relationship before marriage is a violation of trust. Honest. I grew up in the late 60s, graduated high school in 1970. I'm an old guy. We had girls wearing hot pants and halter tops with no bras at school, micro mini skirts, the works. Every guy I knew, including me, wanted some! But I knew it was wrong (yeah, I know, that's not a word we use these days!). So when I started dating the girl who became my wife (college years) we dated for four years before we got married. We were engaged for a year. This is the lesson to learn, and I hope you make use of it. Because we did not engage in sex before marriage, and because we were both virgins when we went to our wedding bed, there was an established trust. We both knew how hard it was to resist doing "things" that we considered forbidden, especially the last couple of weeks befoe the wedding. But because we resisted the temptation, we both knew we could trust each other. That foundation built into trust in other areas, including my infantilism desires. She's a principal at a local elementary school, and I'm a consultant with a national curriculum company. We've both been willing to sacrifice for the other. Trust. Next time operate under trust. Tell the girl you become seriously attached to about your ab/dl from the start. Don't engage in sex until you're married, or the trust will never develop. Hope it works for you, man.

So sorry to say this, but the fact is you are probably immensely repressed, and that is all fine and dandy if it works for you, but do you honestly think that this is advice appreciated by people who actually don`t go around all day long feeling oh so ashamed because they are sexual beings? Have you heard about independent thought? About acting and thinking like an individual? Of course, these are futile questions, I know, you have already proven that, but don`t you think it would be truly wonderful discovering that sex is not supposed to be limited to the confines of marriage? No, you are probably too afraid that Satan will harvest your sheepish soul if you actually began thinking for yourself, beyond the congregation of lambs and the shepherd. And I guess it`s all the more fulfilling preaching to us "poor godless", than preaching to the converted, after all, you have a obligation to make your flock vast, you religious people seem to have this everlasting compulsion to preach the "good tidings" no matter what, to force people to listen to your automaton-speeches, to automatically assume the stance: "What I think is right, and it must be so for all". If you want to live this life in your own mental prison, fine, but I think religion should stay a personal matter, and not something you should automatically feel the need to share in the nauseating form of "good advice"! If I would like to hear about "the safe and narrow path", I would join a congregation, not stumble upon it here. You know, my tender stomach cannot handle it, I`m afraid. PS! Funny that you didn`t mention Jesus once, was that a unforgivable slip of the mind, or is there the tiniest bit of sense in you still?