Been Doing Some Thinking,Dont Like It Much

[nappy82]

ive been doing some real thinking for the past couple of weeks and this lifestyle is going nowhere for me,in terms of relationships and that sort of thing.im 28 now since the age of about 19 havnt had a proper girlfriend,this lifestyle has my poor brain all fucked up.......i can ring a complete stranger on the phone or in person who caters for this sort of thing i.e,a domme or an escort and tell what im into yeah a little bit nervous but i can talk to them,yet when i clearly like someone who id like to get to know and fancy like hell i cant even ask them out WHAT THE FUCK god i wish i was a little bit normal and why the hell am i cursed with this stupid fetish,yeah sometimes its great but most of the time its well not.....DAM YOU PAMPERS AND CHEAP DISPOSABLES................why have you done this to me,what did i ever do to deserve this,i dont want this.............has anyone else had the same feelings as me........i wonder if the like of kimberley and clark,huggies and pampers realise what they have done to people with there innocent products that are there mainly to help people i dont think that they do,its obviously something that has taken place at a very early age,and i dont think it will ever stop...its impossible for people who doesnt have this fetish to understand,and if they had 1 day in my life then that i think people would be a lot more tolerant of this,the asccotiation of kids and babies has us unfairly labelled as pedos and predators by people who have no understanding of this whatsoever....i just hope in years to come that these billion dollar companies try and educate people as what can happen when they use these products,but i very much doubt that they will,they had our parents hard earned cash when we were little now they have ours......theres just too much money involved to let parents know that this can happen.....anyway ive had my rant,now lets have yours and your opinions cheerio......

[curiositykilledthecat]

A fetish is still a choice, you can refuse to partake if you feel so inclined. Alternately you can also learn to be happy with who you are and thus take personal responsibility for who you are and not somehow justify blaming pampers for your fetish? Psychology does not know how or what triggers a fetish in a person, however it can help you to deal with it properly. There are many of us on this site who do just such a thing. This fetish is not the end of the world and considering the other strange things people are into, this fetish doesn't bother me one bit. If you cannot control yourself, do us all a favor and seek counseling. Though I don't know what triggered the DL tendencies in me as a child, I cannot blame the manufacturers for my own warped thought process and neither can you. The AB stuff makes perfect sense to me now and I just roll with it. If you are having such a hard time dealing with life, talk to a therapist.

[BriGuy]

Own it, be proud of who you are, be open and confident. Then the women folk will come. Until you stop fighting with yourself you'll always look at your ab side as a crutch instead of a bonus.

[LittlePhilly]

I agree, you must learn to accept yourself it has helped me in many ways.My wife is even my Mommy now bacause I finally got the courage to just accept myself and I explained it to her without so much guilt and shame and when you don't feel like your doing somthing wrong and strange others dont look at it as being so wrong or strange either.Philly

[DLK]

Maybe if you didn't spend so much time psychoanalyzing yourself, you could enjoy your diapers and have a normal life. Not being able to ask somebody out is more about confidence, not diapers. I don't worry about these things anymore, I just enjoy my diapers when I can. That's how I feel about it....I don't think blaming your diaper fetish is constructive, balance is key, sounds like you've lost yours.....I am sorry about sounding like a dick btw.

[nappy82]

hey curiositykilledthecat your totally and absolutely wrong about this being a choice,in no way in hell did i choose to do this,to me its more like a sickness than a choice,and who the hell chooses to be sick,who chooses to be mentally ill,absolutely no one you asshole....who chooses to be gay,who chooses to be a pedo,who chooses to dress up as a woman,who chooses all this no one thats who.......i wouldnt think that your born with it,but somewhere between being born and and a toddler something did click,and i gotta tell ya i didnt fucking choose it......ok it has given me some good experiences,but id rather have had them with a partner whom i love without the abdl stuff,rather some old witch who i payed for a service.....and afterwards you feel like why the hell did i do that,like some old drug addict after he sobers up,dont get me wrong id rather this than being a drug addict.......

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

The old "I can't help myself" defense. No, you did not chose in the full sense, but, once aware of things you can choose to enable yourself to stop. Most of what we are, we did not choose to be, we were not born as adults with all the faculties in place, up and running. But there comes a time when you make a choice, either not to choose, to be satisfied with what you are or to say no, I want to be different. I want to be my own person and this does not fit me. The choice is easy once you drop the excuses, cop-outs and psychobabble. The question then becomes: How to I get out of what I am? Well you have to know what you want to be. A journey from here to there requires both a "here" and a "there" and that you know both. This is just a redux of "the Devil made me do it" substituting genetics or some other force for Old Nick, It also speaks volumes of what you think of ABDL and by extension ABDL's. If you really want out. then look into Behavior Modification under the guidance of a professional. This hearkens back to one of my phrases but in a way I never thought of; "Before you can grow down, you must ggrow up"

[Diapered Jason]

I do not think self-acceptance is the issue so much as is laziness. Look, it all boils down to how much you want it. Now, I am not saying you should drop your fetish, but what I am saying is you should not treat it a cause or an excuse for your woe. If you want to make excuses for yourself that prevent you from finding the love of your life, then be satisfied paying for sex. I apologize for being a douche, but you need a wake-up call.

[sarah_ab]

So i didn't chose to go to a medical website and buy diapers? i didn't chose to pee in them? i don't chose to call my boyfriend daddy and suck on a pacifier? i didin't chose to come to this site today?

No there are many things in life we don't chose for ourselves.. but we DO chose out actions... whether you are gay or straight, you CHOSE to engage in sex, or sexual behaviors... there are many people who don't chose to have sex lives, whether gay or straight. it doesn't mean they aren't gay, or arent straight, but they are making a choice not to act on their desires.

I like to be treated like an ab, and i like to act like one... i will always have those desires, doesn't mean i have to chose to act on them.

So lets not get into the whole "i was born this way I have no choice" because right you may have no choice in how your body reacts physically and/or psychologically to certain stimuli, but you have a choice to act on those desires and feelings. and THAT is waht the issue is... choosing to act.

Also liking diapers has NOTHING to do with not being able to talk to someone you want to get to know better. I mean seriously, no matter what you like or don't like sexually, we ALL have moments of shyness, weakness, unsureness of ourselves, especially when it is in regards to someone we want to impress.

Its easy to tell your dr you have a funky rash between your legs, because that is the person you are supposed to talk to about those things... not so easy to tell your mother you have a funky rash between your legs. Just like of course its easy to talk to a sex professional about sex.... thats sorta what they do... but not so easy to talk to someone you are interested in about it....

and seriously... viewing liking diapers as a sickness? wow.... maybe someone needs to work on their self acceptance... i mean there are far worse things in like to be sexually aroused by than diapers!

[willow]

I don't actually believe in any form of choice, but it's not the point.

Diapers have got absolutely nothing to do with why you don't have a girlfriend. Not even a bit.

A word that used to be thrown around here a lot more than recently is Balance. You have to find the balance between the feelings and the actions. There's nothing stopping you from casually dating a girl and having a great relationship and sex life. Tell her, or don't, it doesn't matter if you dump her and find a new girl every year or two, or if you spend 20 years with her.

[BabyLexi]

Everyone, before you come on any website and want to blame something for your ills please make sure your not responsible for them in the first place. The OP blamed diapers for his relationship issues. Sorry but diapers are not responsible for interpersonal issues. Blaming diapers is not only an insult to me but everyone else who is medically incontinent Lots of incontinent people wear diapers as a result of their condition and are in a successful relationship. If you have a problem with diapers then don't buy them and use them.

[Elfy]

I guess I got lucky in finding a partner who is into the same stuff as me

This lifestyle can be as much of your life as you want them to... If you want to go the whole hog and have a nursery you can, but if you don't want to be that involved in it you can occasionally wear. Its only a big deal if you want it to be or let it be!

[nappy82]

well babylexi ive lost two wonderful people whom i thought would be ok with this and they werent,and let me tell you that hurt like hell,so do i keep getting hurt until i find some1 whos into this,and what about the two women who were involved they were hurt also,i think it probably affected them worse,to have there big strong boyfriend who was into this,and no i didnt mean to offend the incontinent people here,i dont even know were i offended them??.............its just my opinion and everybody is made different....,it has effected my personal life and probably 99 percent of people here also,it cant but effect relationships and personal lives thats just the nature of it.diapers are not totally responsible but they have a contributing factor here,and for you to say that diapers have nothing to do with goes to show how young and naive you are,you have a medical condition and i dont,so which of us is ok to wear diapers,in a normal person view of things,im a weirdo and its perfectly fine for you.......im sorry that your incontinent by the way............

[sarah_ab]

Sure diapers can affect a relationship

so can playing video games excessively

so can drinking a lot

so can being a closet smoker

so can wanting to be tied up, or wanting to tie someone else up, or wanting to play around with anal penetration

Basically everything about you will affect a relationship, especially things which are sexual in nature. It seems like people here assume they are the only ones to have failed relationships, get their heart broken, be hurt... thing is.... non abdl's have the exact same things happen to them... A failed relationship has absolutely nothing to do with diapers, and everyhting to do with the personalities of the two people involved... if a person is unwilling to accept their partner likes diapers etc...etc... and teh other partner will not stop wearing them etc...etc... then yeah the relationship is going to be strained... it may last.... but it will not be happily ever after....

me, i found my boyfriend of the past 5 years by simply looking ONLY on abdl websites, and knowing exactly what i wanted in regards to the ab aspect of the relationship and knowing where i was willing to compromise and what i was not willing to compromise on. I didn't just settle for the first person who would go to bed with me, or who opened a door for me or laughed at my jokes.

it is just absurd to claim diapers ruined a relationship. An inanimate object cannot ruin a relationship, it can affect the way the people in a relationship feel about each other, which in turn shapes how they treat each other, but at the end of the day, its not the diapers, its the people...

[acemanner]

gave up 1/2 way through, big wall of text is too hard to read.

[pvcdiapers]

I learnt to accept my fetishes a long time ago - having them doesn't make me any less of a valuable member of society and I certainly don't wish I was born without them. It's sad that you feel that way and can't accept yourself. It seems like you're equating your fetishes with being unable to get a GF or be in a fulfilling relationship, which I really don't think is true. I'm happily married, and my wife knows about 90% of my fetishes and is happy to play along. If you're partner isn't willing to accept that part of you, then find someone who is. Perhaps it's a problem with the way you broach the topic - I'm sure it could be quite a shock for some people. There's some articles on the site listed in my sig that I wrote to help couples. ... Then again, perhaps you're just choosing all the wrong kinds of partner in the first place. There are dating sites specifically for fetishists - goth and fetish clubs are usually a good place too. I find anyone with one fetish is usually open to another, and they can even complement quite well (hands up babies here who are also into bondage?!)Then again, I met my wife while teaching in a catholic girls university, so maybe that doesn't hold true all the time!

As for blaming the diaper companies for creating this fetish - I just don't think that's a good argument. Sure, I believe fetishes are formed during a certain young stage of life and imprinted on you permanently; so the fact that you had contact with diapers around that age is certainly the cause - but that's hardly the diaper's fault. It's a natural process.

Far better to accept who you are and live with your fetishes than repress them and be miserable, in my opinion. Think of it this way - there's another twenty ways that you can get off than the average Joe!

[diaperpt]

I think it strange that some people look at this fetish (or whatever it may be to you) as a simple string of choices and others will tell you that if you are attracted to diapers at all, you have no choice and will never be able to give them up. Gosh, could it be because we are all different? Strange concept?

As for you, Nappy82, it may be that something from your childhood has made you crave diapers. It may also be that you have trouble relating to others for some of the same reasons. Regardless, rather than simply feeling that you have no control over these things at all, you ought to step up and deal with those issues you feel are important to you. You may or may not be able to do this on your own. If you try on your own and can't seem to manage, then go get some help. That may be in the form of a friend who understands and will support you or it may need to be professional counselling or even therapy.

I do agree with those above who have urged you to take some responsibility for your own life and get more involved in it. Sitting back and feeling bad about your life means that you need to do some re-thinking and make some tough decisions for yourself. You may or may not be able to break away from diapers on your own or even with help; and you may or may not be able to establish a relationship with someone without some help, but you have to either make the changes you feel necessary or make peace with yourself in being whoever you may be. Staying in your present condition is a clear choice to be unhappy. That just isn't healthy. Decide what it is you want to do about it.

[curiositykilledthecat]

All I have seen so far is repeated statements your opinion is wrong and my opinion is different. It's the nurture verses nature argument(there's no convincing either party) From a psychological standpoint a choice is still a choice even if we are unaware that we are making it. Yes you cannot help your AB desires however you can choose how it impacts your day to day life. Being miserable and crying about it is in fact YOUR own decision. An experience is just an experience; it is neither good nor bad nor of any value except that which we attach to it. the same goes for thoughts, emotions and desires. The only value is that which we attach to it. Changing our perceptions of events isn't always easy, however it can be done. that is why to half this site being an AB is phenomenal while another 25% hate it and another 25% don't care. The truth is that being an AB is just that, being an AB. The value that is attached is done by our own perception. I choose not to be embarrassed or miserable about it. I also choose to accept who I am without having to shove down other people's throats; at the same time I still struggle with certain thoughts and emotions, however when I am consciously aware I can change the value I place on certain thoughts and emotions.

[shoelessjoe]

I believe that you can be in a successful relationship and still have a diaper fetish, as long as you're either attractive or have a great personality. If you're ugly and an asshole you'll probably die alone in a leaky diaper.

[nappy82]

haha thats funny but true,shoeless joe

[oliver d]

Yes it can work ,It took me 18yrs of my marriage to get the acceptance of my wife of this fetish.Make peace and accept yourself and stop blaming the "fetish" for youre not having a girlfriend,you should have a good look at yourself first