What To Do?

[BabyGizmo]

a little backgroud first, im engaged to who i believe to be an amazing woman. we moved in with her mother a bit over a year ago under the thought of helping her renovate her home, but it turned out to be a very abusive situation to with we had no out at the time. when we finally got out, we moved into the basement of my mothers home.

now that we are here, things where going good. my fiancee had some major emotional and mental abuse from her mom she is getting over, and we gave her some time. she isnt that thoughfull about some things, like when the dishes get done or if she rinces them, food in the sink, that kind of thing. and this morning, my mom freaked on us, saying she does nothing, and and it turned into an all out screaming match. being slightly unstable already, and super stressed, my fiancee lunged at my own mother, wo attacked back.

i stoped them both before they got any hits off, but how to i go from here? who do i defend? what do i do? we have no way to get our own place right now, new city, new jobs. we had nothing when we came here, and still have nothing. im so lost and confused.

[LILJIM]

If your not paying for the roof over your head & even then there are some rules that go along with it. Daughter moved in with us too. She said she would clean the kitchen & other stuff around here. Out of 2-3 months they got cleaned up 2 times. Not to mention the bills (electric- water- gas- food) all have went up.

[babyalan]

Well Yelling wont help and while your fiancee has issues and I am sure your mom does too this is a pick your battles situation well as far as helping out around the house that is just common sense now maybe she has just never been shown so it is up to you to set the example and maybe do things with her together to show your mom that you both are responsible and also chiping in financially usually goes a long ways to calming the mood.

Finally pick your battles and choose a more peaceful route

Wetly Yours

Babyalan

[FretaBWet]

It sounds like you're saying that because of the abuse she isn't really capable of carrying her share of the load. If you're living in your mother's basement and you're not covering your expenses by paying rent or room and board then the very least the two of you should do is help out with the housework. I can understand why your mother got upset. I can also understand that you're girlfriend might not be capable of helping right now. That only leaves one solution to the problem and that is for you to carry the load for the both of you. If you truly love her for better or worse now is the time to prove it by your actions not talk. If you can't or wont do this then either you don't really believe that she just isn't capable of helping right now or you don't really love her enough to sacrifice for her.

Hugs,

Freta

[BabyGizmo]

i work fulltime monday to friday, and she works part time, but the time she is at home she is drawing (she makes money off her art). we do pay rent, quite a bit actually. and food is comunal, we "try" and plan meals for everyone, but the mother has an argument for every food (canola is bad, sauce is bad, salt is bad. come to think of it, i dont know when she eats, i never see her eat) and she pulls alot of weight, she just isnt thoughtfull sometimes. like, if the floor never looks dirty because at 6 am every morning, mom sweeps it, is she supposed to get up at 5 to beat her to it?

my father is moveing in too now, and they both want me to eather move out with her or send her away. not only would that kill me, but if i dont, my family is ruined, if i do, her only option is her moms house. and unfortunatly, the only way we are moveing to a new place is if i get promoted, this city is WAY to expencive.

[babyalan]

Wozers that sounds like a complicated problem baby bro but maybe I can actually offer some assistance here you both need a place to stay that is probably diaper freindly right well I happen to have very good freind in Calgary that needs a roomate and well if there were two that might even work out better let me know message me at babyalan007@gmail.com

[sarah_ab]

it seems like if you have a full time job and she has a part time job plus making money on the side there is another living situation you could find.. including a small studio apartment, renting a room in a house, renting a very small one bedroom apartment... if you already pay rent then clearly you can afford bills. Start looking on craigslist, there are often loads of people looking to share a house, or an apartment, or rent out a small mother in law type apartment or studio... and often on craigslist they are willing to let you make your deposit in payments over the first three months rent....

if it hasn't worked out living with either parents, it may be time to live on your own.

[LuvsGurl]

Time to move out of mom's basement and get your own place. If you both are working you should be able to afford something, even if it is just renting a room or a cheap studio apartment.

[Mama Melody]

it seems like if you have a full time job and she has a part time job plus making money on the side there is another living situation you could find.. including a small studio apartment, renting a room in a house, renting a very small one bedroom apartment... if you already pay rent then clearly you can afford bills. Start looking on craigslist, there are often loads of people looking to share a house, or an apartment, or rent out a small mother in law type apartment or studio... and often on craigslist they are willing to let you make your deposit in payments over the first three months rent....

if it hasn't worked out living with either parents, it may be time to live on your own.

I agree with this. If you are ready to marry this woman, you have to be ready to be in charge of your own life entirely, and that means living on your own. I am SURE you can even find low income housing if it comes right down to it. Because if there are physical fights happening, it's just going to get worse. So get out of there asap.