My Parents

[SomeThing]

(Wall-of-text warning. There's a TL;DR at the bottom).

I felt I should create a thread so I can describe my current situation with my parents so I could get other peoples' opinions and advice for where to go from here.

My parents have always known about my interest in nappies/babying since it started when I was 5 but they never took it seriously; they saw my behaviour between 4 and 7 as 'normal' regression-like behaviour; not much happened (that they were aware of) until I was 14, but at 10 I 'came out' to my mother who thought it was a joke and laughed it off, never to speak of it again. I came out again to my father at 14 when he thought my strange 'conspiratorial' behaviour was evidence of drug abuse rather than me hiding my small stash of Pampers Size 6 that I almost still fit into. I learned that my parents interpreted my actions at this age as 'just a phase' that I would pass through, because it's not like other teenagers don't experiment sexually at that point either.

I kept my stash of Tenas and Attends in part of the house's attic from 2004 through 2007 (I didn't wear all that often, so my supply of around 80 nappies lasted me 3 years).

I wasn't involved in 'the community' between 2005 to 2009 because I didn't see it as being in my personal interests. I also tended to satisfy my diaper masturbation needs with about 20GB of legal hetrosexual diaper porn (that I paid for!) that I had downloaded from 2006 through 2008. All of this caused a lull in diaper activity as far as my parents were concerned, so they genuinely believed that the stuff at 14 to 16 was over and done with.

So then near the end of 2010 my mum found a package of Abenas under my bed at home. Apparently that caused a major family upset... but I gather my parents talked between them and they (almost, but not quite) confronted me about the issue (it wasn't really a confrontation, but anyway) they seemed to get the point that my sexual diaper fetish and non-sexual infantilism has been with me for a while, and that I have suffered a lot of stress and self-loathing/self-hatred because of it which hasn't been helped by their 'almost-but-not-quite-disapproving' stance throughout my life.

Now shortly after that Abena incident came a time when I needed to move houses for my uni accomodation. This meant my parents would have to help me move my diaper collection which included my onesies too. They dutifully obliged but seemed to have a "I don't want to know" attitude when it came to actually handling the packing crates containing the white stuff. At the time I did show my mother the snaps on one of my onesies that had become a bit worn with micro-tears in the supporting cotton fabric. I could tell she was uncomfortable but she said it would just require stitching over; I asksed if she could do it (she's handy with a sewing machine) but she changed the conversation. I stopped talking about it at that point.

Since then it's been a bit of a 'don't talk about it' thing, but lately they have been opening up. Depending on how things go in academia I may be living the next academic year at home; so I flat-out asked my dad, and he said "we want to be supportive"; I appreciated the sentiment but I can't help but wonder if they're feigning supportiveness because they know if I see them to be disapproving it would hurt my self-esteem. He also did request that I "be discreet" when it comes to returning home after graduation.

I had a chance to 'test' their level of supportiveness this weekend when I came home like I usually do (I come home most weekends, mostly for the free food that I don't have to make myself, and the free laundry service). My two onesies were in need of a good wash; I used to do launder these in the laundromat on campus, but they recently hiked the prices up for the washing machines and spending so much money just to wash my onesies seemed like a waste (not to mention they'd get too much detergent because all I have are liquitabs rather than actual liquid). They smelt of Johnsons baby powder and baby oil. So I figured I'd get my mum to wash them the way she launders everything else. I did wonder if the idea of washing my onesies might put her off but then I remembered that she washes all of our underwear and my onesies never come into contact with my genitals, so I popped them in my laundry bag and set for home.

The weekend passed by without incident; on the saturday when she unpacked my laundry bag to load the washer she didn't say anything to me (I was in another room at the time) and it wasn't until sunday when my parents were at a friends' house when I saw my onesies hanging to dry on the internal rack with my socks and boxer shorts. I felt something at that moment... less self-hatred and a feeling of 'acceptance' because before she seemed so reluctant to deal with that side of me.

Come monday morning (i.e. this morning) she was packing my stuff ready to catch the train back to campus; she asked if I wanted to take my 'things' back with me (she said 'things' rather than 'onesies' either because she was using Distancing Language or because she genuinely forgot what they were called (when I was an actual infant I wore babygro which are basically onesies with legging, but made of a form-fitting elastic-like material rather than loose cotton). I just said "yeah" and she packed them and we loaded into the car. On the way to the train station I told her that it meant a lot to me that she did launder them and she said that she wants me to be comfortable and happy with myself (a clear reference to my history of self-loathing) but did remind me that I should still be discreet and keep things confidential: she is worried about the potential damage to my social reputation if word ever got out. I agreed and did remind her that she's told me this in the past on my occassions.

I've yet to speak to my parents yet (it's only been 9 hours), but I think I'm off to a good start now. I was wondering how things should/could be.

I don't consider myself a true "AB" because I'm not into acting-out. For me it's all about soft cuddles whilst padded and being buried under my oversized stuffed animals. I don't 'identify' with onesies as a means of getting into AB mode, they're more of a practical concern: they keep everything in place. That said, I do feel nice and snug in my fleecy hooded footed sleeper (that has cute bear ears on it). What I would like from my parents (ultimately) is a kind of 'play along with it' attitude where if I'm snuggled up on the couch in the living room watching a movie that they might give me a token cuddle and attempt some sociable bonding: I haven't really bonded with my parents lately; and safe, calming, comforting physical contact is often a great aid in forming parental bonds. I'll declare straight away that I've zero interest in having my nappy changed by either of them or any real AB-play of the sort.

I will re-state, of course, that this is entirely non-sexual and I don't mix my 'infantilism-lite' with my fetish; I believe my parents understand this so that's why I hope they would warm to this kind of interaction. I don't want to specifically go up to them and say "hug me" whilst I'm just standing there, awkwardly wearing a nappy under a onesie, clutching my teddy... I tried that back when I was 16: I pounced upon my dad as he climbed up the stairs one morning, I was wearing my pyjama tops and an Abena (and nothing else). He reacted with horror as he saw what I was wearing and demanded I never do it again. That was 6 years ago, however.

What are everyone's thoughts? Has anyone been able to get their parents to 'accept' their infantilism, and has anyone even been able to get them to engage with it, even slightly?

TL;DR: My parents now seem to 'accept' and put-up-with my non-sexual infantilism, however I would like to move it from mere 'acceptance' to trying to bond with my AB self. What do you think?

[LuvsGurl]

My advice to you, move into your own place. That way you can explore your "AB self" on your own terms.

[SomeThing]

My advice to you, move into your own place. That way you can explore your "AB self" on your own terms.

That's what I've been doing the past 2 years when I'm away at uni. I'm not interested in 'exploring' my AB side, I've done enough of that as it is. I just want to bond with my parents.

(Besides, moving out is not a practical option. My parents live in a very expensive part of the country and I simply have no reason to).

[sarah_ab]

sounds like your parents respect you are an adult and making adult choices

now find a girlfirend boyfriend who will give you the cuddling and attention you need when in a diaper and onesie that is not appropriate for someone of your age to be doig with their parents ...

they have reacted in the bes possible way you could hope for and askig you to be discreet is their way of saying what you do in the privacy of your bedroom is your business .... it also means don have her wash ur onesies ..... she wasnt using distancing language in callig them things .... she was probably embarassed she had to once again talk about your private bedroom like sexual or not

[AutieAB]

This isn't meant to be rude, but I think you should make more of an effort to keep your diapers, onesies and other stuff out of your parent's sight when you're under their roof. It's obvious that they aren't truly comfortable with being exposed to it (and frankly, why should they be?) So why force the issue? The only person who needs to approve of your ABDL activities is you.

[padded_husky]

I think that you have gotten the best possible reaction that anyone could ever get from there parents! I say that you need to just leave things as they stand. Do not pressure them anymore because that is unfair to them. They are being way more supportive than most parents would be. I mean some parents actually kick there child (if there older) out of the house over this. A lot of parents force there children to see countless specialists and therapists and even try to beat in there kids heads that they are going to hell! The fact is, you might want that special bonding time with your parents but it is never gonna happen as you want it to and honestly, that is why a lot of people are ab/dl in the first place. They are being supportive and it is your turn to be supportive of there support and be discrete like they ask. If you feel like your missing out on bonding time, then you can bond with them in other ways with out shoving your lifestyle in there face. Otherwise, I think that Sarah_ab is on the money in saying that you should try to meet a boyfriend or a girlfriend that you can bond with.

I think that your parents are reacting (although in there own way) like my parents reacted. My mom not only walked in on me changing into a purple molicare diaper, but she also found a dirty diaper of mine that I had forgotten to but in the trash. On top of that, she even showed my step dad who was disgusted. At first she wanted me to explain why...etc and I did. Now I had a bed wetting problem till I was 8 or 9 and she my mother told me that she could kind of tell that I did not want to give them up when I was that age. also, I have had bed wetting problems since then that I have been hiding from them and she said she noticed the entire time. She told me after our long discussion that she will never understand, but that she does not want me to feel bad, embarrassed, or any self hate. That everyone has there kinks but it is out in the open between me, her and my step dad but that I should still be as discrete as I can. So know I wear when I want, and I toss the in my trash (inside a grocery bag of course ) and I do not have to worry about her seeing them in the trash. Now when I came out to my family as gay, that was an entire different story! lol

I think that the fact that they are being so supportive in the best way they can just like my parents are should make you feel good, and you should respect that they would like not to indulge into it with you. From now on, be discrete and just be happy that your parents did not try to send you to get exorcised and you are not disowned. Also...just get some new onesies! I mean lets face it, you know you want some new ones anyways!

[SomeThing]

I know you guys are all correct. I need a reality-check: I have let myself get carried away and jumped to the false conclusion that "acceptance" means "we'll cuddle you" when reality is actually a long distance away from that.

I need to spend some time to calm down.

[pampers212]

I will agree also with what others have said. Be discreet around your parents, just as you would with your sexuality. Find a lover that is willing to share this side of your life with you. I haven't mentioned any of this lifestyle to my parents, and probably never will. I did experiment from time to time when I was young and living at home, but I never bought diapers until I was an adult, and I moved out of home when I was 18. I only embraced this lifestyle last sumemr, when I was 30, and just a few months before moving back to the town I grew up in. I was only able to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks, even though they offered more time, because I really needed to have the privacy to explore this lifestyle more, and I didn't want them to be exposed to it.

I have been growing closer to my parents in other ways. My dad and I have talked often about depression, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts, which we both suffer from, or have suffered from (in the case of suicidal thoughts.) My mom and I talk about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child (babysitter) and the effects that is having on me as an adult. And we just hang out from time to time and do normal things. I find the more that we experience normal life together, the more comfortable we are discussing sensitive topics. The only way I could ever imagine talking with my parents about my DL lifestyle is if it came out in coversation; with me wearing adult clothes and speaking as an adult; no diapers, onesies, dummies, ect physically present. Essentially a mature adult conversation.

[superdiaperbaby]

I was in a similar situation when I was in college. I told my mom and she tried to be supportive. So when I came back home to visit she washed my footed pjs for me and a couple of times saw me wearing onesies when I would spend the night. I wore diapers alot back then and I was so very tired of worrying if she would notice. So I wrote her a letter and explained it. Now that I think about it back then I was glad I did it, however over the years things changed. Just like your parents still see you as a child my mom still saw me as an ABDL. I did not want to be defined by it. Back then I did, but when I finally accepted it all I didn't want people to call me the adult baby. I knew I was more than what my lifestyle was. Now, wearing diapers is an evening thing and I am not as out as I used to be. However, they all define me by diapers and bring it up whenever I see them. So you should think more about the future in dealing with your parents. These kind of things cannot be undone.

SDB

[FretaBWet]

At your age you're supposed to be an adult. That means cutting the apron strings and learning to stand on your own. You shouldn't be ashamed about your diapers or your onesies, there is nothing inherently wrong in your enjoyment of them. There is something wrong with your forcing your parents to deal with them because you need them to coddle you. What you are doing looks to me to like manipulation and blackmail of your parents. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment. They're your parents and they love you so they want to do things that help you not hurt you. You push your fetish in their faces and when they respond the way you want them to, you act happy and when they try to ignore it because it makes them uncomfortable you act with self loathing which hurts them. You don't need their permission, your an adult. You don't need their acceptance, just keep it out of their sight.

Hugs,

Freta

[curiositykilledthecat]

Since my father knows something is up and we leave it there, I would suggest not trying to force your behavior on your family and leave it at acceptance.

[Elfy]

I told my Mum recently and she said she said she is happy with whatever makes me happy. She said she accepts it and is OK with it, just not to obsess over it and try to be relatively discreet, which I feel I am doing.

Basically it means my nappies and everything go in my cupboard, and I don't bring it up in conversation or ask her to have anything to do with it because it clearly makes her a little uncomfortable.

If she comes into my room without knocking or goes through my cupboard and finds or sees things then I think its OK because I'm being as discreet as I can!

[SomeThing]

I told my Mum recently and she said she said she is happy with whatever makes me happy. She said she accepts it and is OK with it, just not to obsess over it and try to be relatively discreet, which I feel I am doing.

Basically it means my nappies and everything go in my cupboard, and I don't bring it up in conversation or ask her to have anything to do with it because it clearly makes her a little uncomfortable.

If she comes into my room without knocking or goes through my cupboard and finds or sees things then I think its OK because I'm being as discreet as I can!

Yes, yes; that's a very similar situation to where I am right now. I've gotten down from my earlier 'AB high' and I've stopped wanting my parents to go any further. Although I do get the impression from them that they don't mind me being in a onesie (and nappy) in my room, and probably wouldn't care much if I were outside my room (but were wearing something on top of it, such as my dressing gown) but anything beyond that they would probably think I were abusing my relationship with them for my own gain.

Thanks for the advice everyone!

[dl_ashlee]

So your parents only have a washer and hang things to dry?

Anyways though if your bring stuff home to wash, do them yourself. And you had no other dirty clothes? Just wait a couple days and do them with your other laundry.

Seriously don't involve your family unless they happen by when you washing them or something. Fine if they see you dealing with your baby stuff, but don't ever make them deal with it, even if the seem to be "comfortable" with it. No need to push boundaries when they didn't totally freak out and want you to throw away and get rid of this part of you.

[SomeThing]

So your parents only have a washer and hang things to dry?

No, we have a dryer, but there's no point using it: it uses up a lot of electricity and we've got a large garden. Hanging things out to dry just gives better results anyway. When it's raining outside we often just hang stuff up in the racks in the utility room.

Anyways though if your bring stuff home to wash, do them yourself. And you had no other dirty clothes? Just wait a couple days and do them with your other laundry.

Seriously don't involve your family unless they happen by when you washing them or something. Fine if they see you dealing with your baby stuff, but don't ever make them deal with it, even if the seem to be "comfortable" with it. No need to push boundaries when they didn't totally freak out and want you to throw away and get rid of this part of you.

I appreciate your concerns. Initially I was a bit more conservative in what I was doing.

Anyway, I spoke to an AB friend of mine (we've known each other almost 8 years now) and I suggested I have a frank discussion with my parents (my mother mainly, since she's the one who seems to be more involved...). So I had a good long chat with my mum about three weeks ago and we discussed how things were, and clear boundaries and what she was comfortable with.

I think it's also worth pointing out that at this point my grandmother (on my mother's side) recently died, and I was concerned that my mother was emotionally weak and I might be unconsciously taking advantage of her, but she said that she kept these things in different mental compartments.

The main things said in the conversation was the continued assertion that "whatever goes on in my bedroom is my business", and she clearly stated that she had zero problems whatsoever with washing my onesies, and that she did feel a teensy bit uncomfortable with washing my terry nappies (I don't soil them, but sometimes a bit of wee leaks into them when I wear them on top of disposables), but that's in the same way one feels a bit uneasy when handling an old lady's bloomers. I did offer to do my own laundry, but she was a bit insistent that I let her do it (it makes everything else around the house simpler). She also said that cuddles, even when I'm in AB mode are great, and she would like to see me open up more (I secretly love cuddles, of course, but I've always been too 'man' to show it, ever since I was primary school aged...), but did draw the line at anything "below the lower-torso" which includes patting a padded bum. Finally she's not comfortable with me wearing a onesie (with nappy on) around the ground floor of the house on account of what people can see from street level (and the unpredictable visiting schedule of our gardener) and that I should wear a dressing gown whilst downstairs, and to be sure to cover up my onesie if it has print on it. My footed sleepers are acceptable depending on the context. She's more concerned about other people seeing me in a compromising situation than it making her feel uncomfortable, which it doesn't seem to be at all.

A few days later I was in bed just working on my laptop, wearing a disposable underneath my terry, with my green jungle-print onesie on, but with the bed covers pulled back because it was a bit warm that morning (my thick nappy plainly visible). My mother knocked on the door and asked if she could come in; I told her I was 'in baby mode' and that she can come in if she wanted to, and she did without batting an eyelid. She came in to sort out some earlier laundry. I had on my laptop some photos and videos of grandma taken shortly before she died and my mum asked to see them, so I showed them to her and she started breaking down in tears. I was reclining in bed (on my back) and she just came over me and cuddled me (I didn't prompt her) and I reciprocated. After a few moments she composed herself and headed for the door, before reminding me to watch out I don't develop nappy rash. After she left, I sat thinking how surreal that experience was.

Nothing like that has happened since, although I have been around the house (incl. the ground floor) in onesies and my thick fleeced footed sleeper (often with the sleeper only going up to my waist, so I don't get too hot) and received no negative remark from either parent. One time lately I watched a film in the living room (in the same nappy+onesie+footed sleeper outfit) whilst cuddling one of my giant plushies and my dad walked by, sounding off an amused/cute chuckle.

The past couple of weeks have found me not going into baby mode at all (besides the occasional night) so I don't know if there was a certain novelty that's now worn off, or if I'm just going in an "off" phase.

In other news, earlier on in the year my parents did say I could get a new bed (and a larger one) and I'm putting serious consideration towards getting an adult-sized cot. I don't want it to be an ostentatious sign to anyone, that's why I'm eyeing up these AB cots that "convert" into a more regular-looking bed. This'll be interesting.

[Ryan23A]

Quite the story you have, now I wouldn't mind having a day like yours. Thanks for sharing I really liked it. I wonder would my parents be accepting to the point that would let me do the things that you do openly. It is good to see that your parents are accepting of your lifestyle.