Contemplating To Break Up With Him....

[Guest Amphetamenace]

But, however, in this post, is someone in the same boat of many others.

I don't know what to do.

I respect my boyfriend, so instead of attacking him with diapers, bringing it up in daily conversation, asking his friends to chip in, or conspiriting with his family to corner him and baby him (like some roleplays lead people to believe this is how our fantasies go down), I shut that side offf away from the relationship. Completely and entirely. Now its beginning to eat away at my feelings for him. All I can hope to do is let my mommy side "filter" in little by little, by fluffing up his pillows, fixing his breakfast and massaging his back.

But I am not a slave, I'm a Mommy.

So many people see how pampering I can be, and they see my fun loving, joking side, and how drama just bounces off of me. Kyle himself can't keep his hands off me. I'm a good faker, however, and on the outside our relationship is perfect.

On the inside, I'm numb and cold, living a lie, and arguing with myself to let time "heal" everything, that someday he will come around.

I've even tried altering my feelings. I thumb through my memories sometimes and before, which used to thrill me, only hurts and bores me now.

I see the end of a relationship....

This repressed Mommy desire is the flame that lights my kettle to any agitation I may have, from him walking away from a hug, to snapping at me, to not sharing the ketchup... anything small. I also get the urge to haul him over my knee and dish out a few stingers to his backside.

This started out as a "bonus" now its sucked up my entire will to love.

The poem I wrote, "Letter to My Boyfriend" over in baby talk expreses my feelings entirely.

Thanks for hearing me out...

[curiositykilledthecat]

my ex was the same way, dont settle for being a slave. yes your a mommy however you have your own needs too

[sarah_ab]

the thing is, being a mommy is clearly something essential in a relationship for you... it is not the only thing... but it is an important thing, perhaps up there with sense of humor, intelligence and having a job.... there are some things that we require in a partner that we should not settle for less...

if being a mommy is one of those things that for your are essential to have a fullfilling relationship... then perhaps this is not the relationship for you....

i am not say just go and dump him... not at all... but i think you need to first examine what it is you need in a relationship and if you are able to have all those things with hyour current partner..

for example... ab is a sexual roleplay for me.... where i am being dominated and forced to be a baby... however, for me sexual compatibility is very crucial for having a fulfilling relationship. I believe intimacy and sex are important to a fulfilling relationship and part of that means finding someone who compliments my submissive needs, and for me that was finding someone who would also be my daddy.

So instead of entering into a relationship and then hoping i could change that person into becoming my daddy.... I sought out someone who i would already know was a daddy... and once i had a large pool of men who fit that one criteria i was able to meet and go out on dates until i was able to find someone who truely was for me in all ways and i was for them....

so please please do not take this post as a 'dump him' post... but instead i think you have discovered that being a mommy is very important for you to have a fullfilling relationship.. and i think if this is so, then you do need to share this with your current partner.... not so he can then be the one to end it, but so you can have a frank discussion and decide where the relationship is headed given your needs and his needs.... it could be the relationship is headed for just good friendship while you both pursue other romantic interests... or it could be a catalyst that allows him to discover his own need to be mommied.... I can't tell you what will happen, but it seems neither of you can be completely happy in this relationship until the facade of 'perfectly happy' is dropped.

[DiaperFriend]

I wish it would be possible to just say something that made you feel better and solved all the the problems.

I agree with sarah. Being a mommy is certainly something that you want. You can't just put it away and forget about it. It's not going to do any good to you.

I may sound cruel, but sometimes love isn't just going to work. Sometimes, loving someone can hurt like hell. I too don't just want to say that 'go and dump him'. It might be a wise idea to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, and decide together, what you are going to do with your relationship.

I really have just one advice to you: What ever you are going to do, do it so, that you won't have any regrets. Because, believe me, having regrets is the worst thing that can happen. You need to tell him about all the feelings you poured into your poem.

I wish I could have said something better than this. =/ But alas, my mind is empty. All I can do is wish that you two can be together.

[Bettypooh]

....sometimes love isn't just going to work....

That exactly My last relationship didn't work even though both of us wanted it to We kept trying- maybe too long- and there are still some feelings between us but they're not deep like they once were Communication is the key to building a relationship. Sometimes being more direct or more blunt will get a message across when subtle hints aren't working The risk is that bluntness can push the other person away if they are strongly against your ideas but at least you'll quickly know where you stand

Over my few relationships I always wanted her to take control of some things, to be the one doing the leading as I followed since that is my true nature, but alas it never happened Maybe if I had communicated better, things would have been different, but I was always too scared to be that open. And since it didn't work piut anyway, it couldn't have ended up any worse than it did. If I get the chance again, I'm going to be more direct if I need to do that, even if it means spelling out all the details so they will understand If they're against it then at least I'll know whether to hope for it to work out, and if I want to I can just go along for the ride for as long as it lasts to get by till the next time I'd suggest just going into "Mommy mode" when the time is right and see what happens- maybe it will reignite the spark. If it doesn't then it was over anyhow.

Bettypooh

[curiositykilledthecat]

maybeI understand where the original poster is coming from and where Sarah is coming from. I went into this past relationship taking on a role that is not my natural role and made many sacrifices for the sake of making my ex happy. I took on the role of daddy for her, cooked for her, cleaned up for her and comforted her when she needed it. This took it's toll as my ex was incapable of contributing back into the relationship in any lasting or meaningful way. During the course of this relationship, my depression deepened to a point of impacting my life on occasion and the lack of reciprocation caused angry outbursts. there were times when I enjoyed being daddy, however constantly I was reminded of why this would not work and why I could not be in a relationship with someone who is strictly a little. I needed that someone to be there for me as I could be for them. I was not a daddy/big, I consider myself a switch, however I am coming to the conclusion that it is more of a delusion I created for myself to make finding a relationship easier. I enjoy being there for my mate and helping her through struggles and help her break past emotional walls, I treasure my mate. the problem I keep running into is I find the proverbial succubus who only takes and sucks me dry until I am a withered, angry shell of who I was when we started. Love cannot be a one way street and you cannot kid yourself that your innate needs will be met by someone who does not share that common goal. Your boyfriend is not reciprocating the relationship and if he is not into the age play side of things, then it is unfair to expect him to do so. some people are honestly self centered and psychotic and others simply are not compatible. You need to look at your current siuation and understand that on this site alone there are many who would treasure what you bring to the table and would reciprocate in return. You deserve better than to feel angry and frustrated all the time. There is a point and time where you have to be honest and accept that the relationship wouldn't work. I came to that conclusion four months in on the nine months of my last relationship. Don't do what I did and hang around hoping she'll or in your case, he'll chnage for the better.

[LILJIM]

Life is a two way street. Talk to him about how you feel. Hopfully he will open-up to sharing relationship of giving each other what they need.

[tcc]

Alas, Kelly, I think the handwriting is on the wall with Kyle.

I commend you for working through what you've needed to work through.

A relationship that has to come to an end, or partners that need to go their own seperate ways, does not signify "defeat". It can be taken as a learning experience, helping each of us to better be ready for "the one" to come along.

We've all heard stories of like "high school sweethearts", people that never dated anyone else, ever, and have had a fabulous marriage for many years. Those, I'm afraid, are rare. Having a life-long relationship with a partner is work, and the work continues every day. Sure, there has to be a solid base from which to work, but it's still two different people, coming from two different backgrounds, coming together, to MAKE IT together. It isn't easy.

And, while there will be tears and hurt feelings, if you can part from someone in a relationship that didn't work, without anger and resentment - maybe more resignation and sadness - you will survive to love again and find happiness. You will be, after grieving and a mourning period, better able to be open to love again. And, what you HAVE experienced will not jade you, but make you a more complete and well-rounded partner in the future.

Patience and time are great healers. Unfortunately, in our "immediate gratification" society, patience and time seem to be at a premium, and overlooked. The older we get, the more we learn this.

Only the best for you and Kyle, no matter where each of your journies take you both. You both will have gained from the relationship you each had with each other...