Dont You Hate Having To Keep It A Secret?

[tyrantblade]

i know some of you at least have people that accept it (it = our lifestyle of using diapers and / or other baby items) even if they dont want to get involved. but for those of you that have to deal with people that wont accept it and may even go as far as to try to shame/ridicule you to stop, dont you hate it? i mean sure they often find it "weird" and dont understand it, but that doesnt mean they have to fear it and refuse to accept it. im speaking as one that still lives at home with my mom, whom knows im a diaper lover, but just refuses to accept it and just let me be, so i have to sneak diapers in and if she finds out that i did she tries to get me to stop, and i know i cant.

[Youngatheart252]

Not to be a jerk but MOVE OUT!

Your mom doesn't need to be a part of your fetish and will be very happy to repress that memory and move on.

Til then understand that there is nothing you can do to make her accept.

[tyrantblade]

Not to be a jerk but MOVE OUT!

Your mom doesn't need to be a part of your fetish and will be very happy to repress that memory and move on.

Til then understand that there is nothing you can do to make her accept.

i know i cant make her accept it, and i never asked her to take part in it, but it wouldnt hurt to just let me do it.

[rusty pins]

Here is my take on things. Look at it as if it was a regular hobby someone has. Some people may like hunting or fishing and others do not. Some people like playing card games such as having a weekly poker night, and others do not. Maybe a girlfriend or relative likes scrapbooking and you don't. Why would I want to have their interest forced upon me, and likewise, why should I force my own interests on others who do not like them? I have friends and relatives who are against hunting and I have friends and relatives who hunt same as I do. When I get together with my hunting friends, we talk about hunting and fishing and other interests we have. When I'm around my non hunting friends and relatives, I avoid discussing those topics, instead choosing to talk about interests we all have in common. Same thing, if I happen to be talking with a group of family members who start discussing things like scrapbooking, clothes shopping, things like that I will excuse myself and go talk with the guys about the sunday football game!

That said, why would I treat my diaper hobby any different? I know there would be many family members and friends who would be repulsed by the idea of me wearing diapers for fun and enjoyment, especially when I wet and once in a while drop a load in them. Why then should I force such people to listen to me talk about it, thereby forcing upon them a subgect that the have no interest in or find disgusting? They won't accept it so why would I even want to try? That would be like forcing an animal rights activest to listen to you talk about how many rabbits you shot last weekend on your hunting trip! You don't think that wouldn't lead to a major argument and fight? All it does is cause you to lose friends and have people think of you as a wierdo. They will never forget that you like wearing and using diapers as long as you both live!

Sure, many people here would probably like to talk openly in person about their diaper hobby or fetish with someone but because they may not know any other AB or DL's in their area, they are kind of caught between the rock and hard place, so to speak. The fortunate ones are the ones who have AB or DL friends that they can get together with now and then. Sometimes some people need to talk about things in person and messaging or sending e-mails with other AB/DL's just isn't enough. I can understand that. Unfortunatly, we can't expect people who are not into this lifestyle and those who just don't understand it to always accept us for what we do, and even those who do accept or tolerate it don't want to hear details about it or see us walking around in a wet or dirty diaper. I say don't involve people, friends or family members who don't like the idea of diapers into your lifestyle. Don't talk to them or start conversations about it with them if they do not like it! Why would you even feel that you had to bring that type of interest up to them in the first place? It's not fair to them and will just ailenate you more and more from them. Your parents do not have to tolerate your diapers or listen to you even talk about them when you live in their house! When you move into your own place and they come to visit, you can tell them you won't tolerate them talking about things that you do not like or tolerate yourself!

I've always maintained that a person should talk about their diaper interests with like minded people that they meet or interact with on these sites and leave people who do not like it out of your fetish.

[mike indiapers]

Listen to rusty pins, these are words to live by to make your lifestyle the most acceptable and tolerable among those that don't understand. It would be great if everyone was so accepting, but part of the excitement of being an ABDL and wearing diapers, is that it is a bit taboo and I feel naughty doing it. Expand your network of ABDL friends to gain acceptance and don't try to force this on others that will probably never fully understand our needs and feelings.

[diaperpt]

Right off the bat, I'm hoping you are 20 years old (at least). I see also you are brand new here. Welcome.

You'll find that we all fall on a huge multi-dimensional spectrum; age, background, sexuality and gender, as well as our need or desire for diapers, including DL, AB and several combinations of that and other categories (BDSM, furry, etc).

With that out of the way, you'll find a huge range of people's opinion on how to navigate the waters of whether to keep your diaper thing completely secret, known to a few, just plain out there, etc.

In this case, your mom knows and hates it. I've been married almost 25 years and my wife just discovered my diaper thing a year ago by accident. She hates it as well. I'm not about to throw away my marriage and all relationships associated with it for diapers. On the other hand, I've found I can't just walk away from diapers either. Despite our ages, we have that in common. You'll find many here who share other things in common with you.

One of the things I need to deal with is to get my wife to understand a little better. I'm not sure she'll ever totally 'accept' this and I don't know what will happen with our relationship. Neither of us want to break up the marriage, yet we are standing quite far apart as to my diaper use. For right now it's a stalemate and we'll continue to work on the entire relationship, not just diapers.

Yes, I've hated keeping it all a secret for many, many years, but it is a necessity for the most part. Some of your friends may accept you, but others will not only reject you but talk about it to others. The problem with this is that most of society has a huge taboo against diaper use; they are for babies and old people they don't know and don't want to know (but maybe to make fun of). There is no consideration for people who deal with incontinence and certainly no consideration to anyone who wears for any other than health reasons (and again, we get back to a full spectrum on that!).

Now it wouldn't hurt YOU to have your mom just accept it, but you don't know what goes on in her mind and what hurt she may feel. If she knows you wear and don't want to give it up, you have nothing to lose by talking with her about it. Don't be defensive or try to argue why you ought to be able to wear. Just talk. Let her know why you like to wear. What is feels like - to you. What effect it has on you. Look at the support area here as well.

And in the end, it isn't within your power to decide what would 'hurt' your mom and what wouldn't. It seems like what will hurt is if you two cut off communication and therefore your relationship. Don't throw it in her face, but be willing to talk with her to the extent she is also willing to talk. Back off when you sense she doesn't want to deal with it. The best you may ever get is a stand-off. Good luck, though.

In terms of getting into use of this site (and it is a GREAT site for us!) my advice for someone like you is to begin your time here with observation, then a few non-offensive, small responses. Check out all areas of the site here. Look through profiles. Get to know people a little (though there are so many here, it's impossible to know everyone). If you decide to message people, do it on a friendly basis and don't start hot and heavy on diaper issues. Look for a long term friendship rather than expect anything immediately. It will take a while.

When you post, you will find a wide variety of responses and so don't be offended by any one response or group of responses. Some people here - as anywhere on the net - can be mean, rude and obnoxious. Try to avoid that yourself at all costs!

So far, the other responses here are pretty sound, I think. Listen to what others have to say and work out your own truth. YOU are the one who has to live with your decisions, so don't just glom onto any one piece of advice thrown out to you!

diaperpt

[tyrantblade]

im not talking about forcing it on others or talking about it, im talking about just letting it happen instead of trying to shame me out of it. i mean think about it this way, if you dont like to hunt what right do you have to say that somebody else even somebody related to you cant hunt? what right do you have to say they cant buy a gun to hunt with? its not about forcing it on to them or talking about it, its just about tolerating it and letting it happen.

[dave_the_baby]

When I was younger, I asked my mom if I could be back in diapers and she thought I needed to talk to a therapist. So now when I buy diapers I claim they're for bedwetting.

I can understand if you can't move out. I'm about the same way. My job isn't all that good, I still don't have my license, and I'm on pretty expensive medication (Zyprexa. You do NOT want to see me off of it).

My parents also would not be very understanding if they knew I was attracted to men, not women. It's just one of those things...sure, I hate being the only atheist in my house. But it's better than going out on the streets.

[drynot]

People here are quick to condemn any ABDL folks who reveal their diaper desires to anyone as 'forcing' their fetish on them. Come on folks, do you truly think that is the case? Sure there are always those extreme members who will flaunt their diapered behinds in public and actively participate in baby play and childish antics but the poor person who inadvertantly is 'outted' by an innocent diaper reveal or discovered by a nosy friend/lover/parent/neighbour is hardly forcing their fetish on to them.

It seems to me these days that anyone caught wearing diapers is accused of forcing their fetish on to others.

[RMS401]

I'm not normally one to disagree with Rusty Pins, as his views so often agree with mine. That is to say that he's usually right.

But in this case I'm going to have to disagree.

Wearing diapers isn't a hobby, at least for me. It's part of who I am. It's part of what makes me tick. I think a better analogy might be one's sexuality. Gay people have a hard time keeping that secret because it is a huge part of what defines them, and they have a hard time connecting with people who don't know who they are.

I feel that my diaper fetish is a smaller part of me than my overall sexuality, but it's still a piece of who I am, and no one will every know the whole me without that piece. I get the pull to share that, I really do. But I also know that most people in this world just aren't ready for that, and we all must be very, very careful about the people with whom we share that part of ourselves.

-RMS

[JDL23]

I appreciate that having a diaper fetish is an undeniable part of our identities, much as it is for someone to be gay. On the other hand, we're all adults and therefore free to do and enjoy things outside our parents' jurisdiction without them necessarily having to know about it.

In my own case, I've moved back home after being unable to find a decent apartment and a steady job, but my parents still allow me my privacy and, so far, I've haven't been caught. I know that my mother would never accept the idea of me liking diapers and I'm okay with that, but to make things easier (and because it's sexual for me), I don't keep my diapers in any place where she's liable to see and I wear them only when I know no one's around. It's not a matter of denying my own pleasure, but making things easier on everyone at home. I did the same thing with my roommates in college--not that they wouldn't be able to accept it, but why make it their business?

So I don't think you have to stop liking diapers, but I think your mom isn't going to be happy knowing about it, so you have to be more discreet about how you enjoy it. That way, you'll be fulfilling your own desires while respecting her feelings, as much as they might clash with your interests.

[Cute_Kitten]

Diapers are a very, very private thing for me. I'm single, (with no plans to change that) so I'm not sure how I would them up- or if I would- in a relationship. I still live at home because my mom and stepdad can't afford to have me move out (I pay a good portion of their bills) and I'm still in college and paying off student loans, too. We don't see eye to eye on too many things, and neither one knows about my diapers. They, for the most part, give me my space, and I'm very, very discrete (I have my diapers hidden, and I don't wear around family/ friends)

[BBB]

im not talking about forcing it on others or talking about it, im talking about just letting it happen instead of trying to shame me out of it. i mean think about it this way, if you dont like to hunt what right do you have to say that somebody else even somebody related to you cant hunt? what right do you have to say they cant buy a gun to hunt with? its not about forcing it on to them or talking about it, its just about tolerating it and letting it happen.

Cool. Hunting. Something I know.

Ok, you're right. If you choose to take up hunting, you'll need a gun (or bow).

Maybe your mother won't want a gun in HER house. Sure, you could still hunt. But you'd have to find some where else to store your gun.

Same thing here. You can still wear diapers, just not in her house. Respect the fact that it's not your house, and I'm sure it'll be fine.

[Jackiewope]

I have similar feelings, but in a different sort of way. See, I'm purely AB, with absolutely no DL involved. I only wear maybe once a month, and if I never wore again I'd be able to deal. It's being able to act innocent and childish that I like. Often times I wish I could tell someone who'd understand so I don't have to feel so closeted/dysfunctional all the time. And it'd be nice to have someone play along with it, too. I'm sure one day I will.

[sarah_ab]

you mother does not have to agree with it, however, she should at least accept it in as far as you are an adult making a decision, but she does not have to accept it.

that being said, if you are living in her house, and are not engaged in a written and signed rental agreement, i.e. she is letting you live in her house.... you should do her the courtesy of not engaging in that behavior when around her, i.e. keeping it strictly in your room, not leaving your room while wearing, not discussing wearing around her or anything related to it, taking your black trashbags to the outside trash can when she is not around... it is her house, and as such she does have the ability to toss your ass out on the street for something as silly as you liking diapers.

My boyfriend and I live with his parents. His parents are mormon and as such do not drink or smoke. Our cigarettes stay in the car, and we only smoke when we are out somewhere. We never ever ever drink in the house, and the only alcohol are an unopened bottle of wine given as a gift to me because i was a bridesmaid in a friends wedding so it has a personalized label on it, and one bottle of gluewine (sp?) we bought at disneyworld and have never opened and don't plan on it.

SImply put, we live in my boyfriends parents house, and they do not approve of alcohol or cigarettes, so we do not bring it into the house, You live in your mothers house, she does not approve of adults wearing diapers. Do the respectful thing and don't engage in it in her house.

Part of being an adult, is making sacrifices ...... so don't engage in the behavior until you have your own place.

[rusty pins]

im not talking about forcing it on others or talking about it, im talking about just letting it happen instead of trying to shame me out of it. i mean think about it this way, if you dont like to hunt what right do you have to say that somebody else even somebody related to you cant hunt? what right do you have to say they cant buy a gun to hunt with? its not about forcing it on to them or talking about it, its just about tolerating it and letting it happen.

True! Who's saying you can't hunt or even wear diapers? If I want to go hunting, I don't have to tell everyone I'm going to go hunt. I don't need their permission to do it, and why do they even have to know what I'm going to do? I just go do it! Same with diapers. Who is saying I can't wear diapers if they don't even know in the first place that I like doing it? I don't have to tell people I'm going to go put on a diaper! I just do it and who is to know? That is the point! No offence here and I'm not getting on you at all, but you seem to want to wear diapers with the acceptance of others. My question to you is, why do they have to know in the first place? You want someone to either accept you for wearing diapers or at the minimum, tolerate your wearing diapers. Who's life is it anyway, yours or theirs? To put it this way in your own words, "if you dont like to hunt what right do you have to say that somebody else even somebody related to you cant hunt?" That is true, but then why would I keep trying to convince someone who dosn't like to hunt to accept or tolerate that I hunt? I've made my own point one time, realized that the other person is against it so why keep bringing it up to that person over and over all the time? I won't change their opinion, they won't accept it so why bother? I want to hunt, I go hunt! I don't have to let the other person who is against hunting know that I'm going hunting! Why would I? Just do it, keep it to yourself and don't try to convince people to tolerate what you like to do if you know they don't like it! Why do you need their permission or acceptance? Just do it if you want to and don't even let them know about it! Just let it happen in your own words if you want to do it, but don't do it in front of people who you know don't like, accept or tolerate it! If you do, then that would be "forcing it on others or talking about it", in your own words.

[rusty pins]

I'm not normally one to disagree with Rusty Pins, as his views so often agree with mine. That is to say that he's usually right.

But in this case I'm going to have to disagree.

Wearing diapers isn't a hobby, at least for me. It's part of who I am. It's part of what makes me tick. I think a better analogy might be one's sexuality. Gay people have a hard time keeping that secret because it is a huge part of what defines them, and they have a hard time connecting with people who don't know who they are.

I feel that my diaper fetish is a smaller part of me than my overall sexuality, but it's still a piece of who I am, and no one will every know the whole me without that piece. I get the pull to share that, I really do. But I also know that most people in this world just aren't ready for that, and we all must be very, very careful about the people with whom we share that part of ourselves.

-RMS

Good reply! I also agree with it as in some cases, diapers are truly a part of a person. I myself know they have been a part of me for over 40 years. It is a piece of who I am, but in my case I do look at it as a hobby or interest, just like all my other hobbies. That way I put it in perspective and even though it's always a part of me, it dosn't take control of my life. I have a couple DL friends that I share this with when fishing or having lunch once a month, but other than those people, no one else has to know that part of my life. Does anyone ever really know 100% of another person or, "The whole me?" Do they really need to know "the whole me?" In my case, I don't believe so.

[drynot]

Yea, but if you did like to hunt.....wouldn't be nice to find people with similar intrests and have a nice chat about it? How are you going to find out if someone close to you likes to hunt as well without talking about it?

This is obviously off the wall because I just couldn't imagine myself going up to someone I know and start up a convo about the pro's and con's of disposable diapers However, I sure wanted to in the past....

Back to the original topic.....I'm not sure if I could ever have my diapers 'out in the open' and feel comfortable with it. I think it would be awkward if my folks knew and I am glad that they don't. All I can really say is that someday soon you'll be living on your own and you can wear and act however you like. It might suck right now but it does get better.

Hmmm...I just noticed that JDL23 and I have the same avatar....gonna have to change mine

[aleyxsis]

You are at a young age right now !.Just keep it private as long as you can. When you get older or get your own place then think some more about it .just don't make rash decsions you may regret ! good luck !

[diaperbrownie]

Consider moving out. You don't want to be 30 years old and sneaking out wet diapers around your mother and be unemployed. Despite how much we hate it, we have to grow up sometime.

[oliver d]

I kept it a sort of secret from my wife of 17yrs and I have many regrets about that part.I know its hard for others to accept this fetish,but for most of us its part of who we are and its not going to go away.Its youre mothers house respect her wishes and her rules,she doesnt like it so dont shove it in her face,and dont do it around her do it in private in youre room or when she isnt at home.Get youre own place I know its not easy but its the only way you will really have freedom to do what you want.

[JDL23]

Hmmm...I just noticed that JDL23 and I have the same avatar....gonna have to change mine

Not necessarily. People know we're different by our usernames and signatures. It's all good.

I also agree with diaperbrownie about not letting the situation go on forever. A lot of us are in the same situation of being unemployed and back home, but ultimately, things will change and when we're independent again, we can pursue our lifestyles to the fullest.

[rusty pins]

Yea, but if you did like to hunt.....wouldn't be nice to find people with similar intrests and have a nice chat about it? How are you going to find out if someone close to you likes to hunt as well without talking about it?

This is obviously off the wall because I just couldn't imagine myself going up to someone I know and start up a convo about the pro's and con's of disposable diapers However, I sure wanted to in the past....

Excellent question! Sure, if I liked to hunt (your example above). I would go to the local sporting good store and ask about any local hunting clubs or sportsman clubs. I might run into other duck hunters down at the boat launch or by the marsh durring hunting season. That would be where I would make like minded friends if I wanted to talk hunting. Sure, you could talk to strangers or people you may have been introduced to at a party or something, but then you are taking a chance about stirring up a hornet's nest if that person happens to be anti hunting. Diaper wearing adults are an even more controversial subject to bring up to someone you don't know that well. That is why with the subject of someone who likes wearing diapers, if they want to discuss it with other like minded people, read the posts on sites like this one and make your contacts here, same as if you joined a sportsman club to find others with your same hunting interests. Think of it. You'd have much better luck making diaper contacts with people on a diaper site who you already know have an interest in diapers as opposed to just asking general people whom you might be introduced to or know from your bowling team or football league if they like wearing diapers.

[curiositykilledthecat]

People don't have to accept anything nor do you have to care if they don't. It's not your house thus you got to play by their rules, either don't get caught or don't indulge until you move out. I chose the first one, I never got caught and moved out before I did.

[tyrantblade]

People don't have to accept anything nor do you have to care if they don't. It's not your house thus you got to play by their rules, either don't get caught or don't indulge until you move out. I chose the first one, I never got caught and moved out before I did.

well i have been caught, not in the act but rather afterwards when i thought i wouldnt get busted only to find out my mom had investigated the apparent overwellming smell which must have not been apparent to me. i still indulge, though ive found better ways to hide it.