Confused By My Emotions

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well my frustrations with I guess now my EX-girlfriend have been well documented on this site and as you can tell we finally decided to just stay friends and break up today. Well I let her think we're breaking up today, I more or less stopped caring and trying a month ago and officially decided it needed to end at Christmas. I gave Mia an ultimatum to either put something back into the relationship and after a few days she decides to tell me that she doesn't love me sexually but loves me as a person. Okay first of all, she is the second self centered psychopath I've dated who's used that same line after not getting what they want any more and secondly, she just basically said "I've used you for the last eight months." I was basically that gay friend who listens to your problem without even being gay. Hell I could have had a gay relationship during that time frame if I wanted to. I feel that I should be angrier than I am about the whole situation. Part of me wants to club her like a baby seal right now but for the most part I feel relieved.

I am confused, I was just pretty much bitch slapped by her and I am not outraged. We decided to be close friends as we were before dating and I'm still going to try to do the daddy stuff for her; though I don't know how long that'll last. We are essentially going back to where we were before we started dating. Why am I not angry over this, why am I handling this so well? I should be furious, I should be cussing up a storm however I'm just kind of chilling here all lackadaisical while writing this. I'm just nervous that somewhere down the road I'm going to go off like a bomb on the wrong person when everything finally sets in.

I guess part of it is I can't fault her for having mental issues. Hell I got my own however instead of crying victim all the time I just deal with obstacles when they come. Maybe it's just from being a guy, we're less emotional by design. I'm just wondering if there is something wrong with me(well that's a severely loaded question, lol) because I'm not angry, when justifiably I should be foaming at the mouth. What gives?

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well I guess my response is normal, I spoke to a few coworkers and they more or less were along the same thought process that I was; it's useless getting angry at someone like her. Things are actually quite alright at the moment. I feel nice and calm and am enjoying this for a few days before it's back to hunt.

[TheMagicDragon]

Well Curi (if its any consolation?) you've got way more experience than most on selfless giving as a daddy. That oughta make you popular with the adult 'Little Girls'. Their are many daddies around who wish they had the chance to change an AB girl even once. That should put you way up there in the Daddy Hall of Fame in most Littles minds. Take heart, you've got alot of friends you didn't have a year ago, and it shouldn't be all that hard now to find an adult LG to perhaps reciprocate with you. They do exist after all.

[Guest little_jonny]

people handle break ups in different ways. i do think guys handle it more easy then girls.

girls (girls please dont get mad when i say this) they cry for days, stay in bed, call their friends wnating company, some get rid of everything their bf gave them, and go nuts some times... when i was in high school me and one girl tried to date so many times and she fliped out on me one time ripping up pictres of me and stabbng one of them with a spoon... YES i said a spoon. she would always want to make out when we were alone, get made over small stuff and so on.

some guys just take it as a gun shot wound and walk it off. they just hang with their buddies, drink beer, smoke, go to bars, and hardly talk about it.

i do know where your coming from. the girl i dated in school, when she broke up with me, (the over 5 times) i just toke it and really didn't care. i lost count on how many times we tried dating. last time i saw what she was doing is that she was in college.

you need someone who will love you and treat you right. keep looking for that special someone. it's good that you two are gonna try ad be friends. me and my e gf are trying to do the same thing. we do have our days where we fight but we get over it

[curiositykilledthecat]

Thanks Glenn and you're right about girls Jonny. I'm more or less good with things, well today I feel strange however I think that's probably related to something else, she is still getting used to being single and isn;t having the easiest time with it. I cannot go back to dating her, I hope she understands that. I'll always lover her but it's just not going to be in that way again.

[tcc]

Relationships, especially without the AB/DL stuff, can suck, royally.

Different people hook up for different reasons. Relationships proceed in particular directions and may or may not become "permanent". I mean, that's what "dating" is for. You explore other people for the possibility that they may be "the one" or are able to figure out that they aren't. Everyone starts out dating and a relationship with the same expectation(s) - that this one may be "the one". In some cases, people are looking for "the right one", and while, at times, it might not be "the one", it certainly can be "a right enough one" - the good outweighs the bad - to make a relationship long-term, if not permanent. Only the individual can feel or know that or if someone is "the right one" or "the one".

Breakups are difficult, at best, and even when the parties involved agree to a mutual or friendly breakup, it still is not easy, and there will still be tension that only time can then heal, especially if both parties move on to other partners. And, unless you are dealing with a psychotic, most former partners become just that, former, and part of our past as well as our growth process on the path to finding and connecting with "the one".

A.A. teaches its members to embark upon a "personal inventory" process. I learned about the necessity for "self-examination" - what makes me me, what makes me tick, and how I interreact with others based upon how I am - early in life, without any prompting from anybody else. If a person will practice self-examination, and take a personal inventory, once your grieving process is over - grief is an emotion, mourning is a period of time in which your grieve, and you grieve breakups just like you grief divorce or a death - you will be ready to embark out again, with a new and hopeful attitude. Maybe the new attitude and hopefulness will make you ready to date again, to have a relationship again, to maybe finally connect with "the one".

Right now, explore your confusion - what got you into the relationship in the first place, and what seemed to make it fall apart - sort it out and learn from it. Once you've done that and you can move on, you'll be ready to cherish the good memories and look forward to the quest ahead. Good luck!

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well I know what I need to avoid in the next relationship and my biggest concern right now is that I don't take out my frustrations over the ex on the next person. I have to laugh because she wants me to be daddy stillm except we don't date, so the sad reality is nothing really changed. she's just bitchier now and I no longer have to give a shit if I upset her.

[Mischa]

I'd suggest cutting ties and getting distance between you. Staying there just opens you up to being taken advantage of more. If there's no give, there should be no get.

[Dill_Pickle]

I'd suggest cutting ties and getting distance between you. Staying there just opens you up to being taken advantage of more. If there's no give, there should be no get.

Curiosity, I'll second that...you don't have to give all of you to this user...get her out of your life, all the way.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I'm not going to penalize the others in her system over her selfishness, however now that I have some distance between us, I can force her to own up to her issues a bit more. I have felt much better as of late knowing that I am free to go when/if I please. It's a lot easier for me being just the roommate. I still have to get my point across that I'm not their made anymore, however progress is coming.

[Bettypooh]

I'm not going to penalize the others in her system over her selfishness, however now that I have some distance between us, I can force her to own up to her issues a bit more. I have felt much better as of late knowing that I am free to go when/if I please. It's a lot easier for me being just the roommate. I still have to get my point across that I'm not their made anymore, however progress is coming.

I've waited awhile to comment hoping the sadness of the breakup would be lesser now. So, based on your posts Mia is a user of people and you got used The same thing happened in my last LTR. Even as much as I tried and as much as I gave it was never quite enough And I never got what I really wanted even though we talked about it. I left too because with people like this, you're never going to be happy It's not that they don't want you happy- it's that they don't truly care deeply as one should in a relationship That can happen for many reasons. In Mia's case maybe her 'multiples' thing prevents it. In my case it was someone with an addiction problem, anger management issues, and was out of touch with reality

Some of us deeply caring people end up hurting ourselves trying to make a go of it with people like this We've got our own personality problems- not in a bad way, but they blind us to the bad so we can try to make something good where it can't happen- we're too romantic maybe. And it's likely to happen to us again because we can't see it coming My heart is fragile to the Nth degree which has made me become more and more remote each time this happens to me. It hurts knowing that I'm not likely to find my partner because I'm too busy protecting my heart to give someone the chance they deserve. Curi, if you see yourself in this I don't know what to tell you except not to close your heart to others the way I have. I don't think you'll 'take it out' on the next person- you're too deeply caring to let that happen Just go on knowing that we attract users somehow, and that we really need to make sure our own needs are going to be met before getting in too deep so we don't get hurt so badly when it falls apart.

May the next one be the right one for you,

Bettypooh

[Dill_Pickle]

I'm not going to penalize the others in her system over her selfishness, however now that I have some distance between us, I can force her to own up to her issues a bit more. I have felt much better as of late knowing that I am free to go when/if I please. It's a lot easier for me being just the roommate. I still have to get my point across that I'm not their made anymore, however progress is coming.

You need to find a new room...if you are going to be the unpaid maid, you are being used, still....

and, after the first bad relationship involving multiples and anger issues, I could smell the problem a mile off...I gave myself some space, telling myself I wasn't going to get involved with anyone until I had recovered some...

[curiositykilledthecat]

I'm pretty much in the same place. A lot of the resentment I held towards her has passed and I accept her for who she is and am no longer going to put myself in harms way(metaphorically) unless there is a benefit for myself in it. I'm here at the apartment for now. i am going to allow time to see if things can return to where they were before we dated and to allow myself to build up some income in case it doesn't. I don't have anymore animosity about everything, she'll never recognize that she is self-centered and neither will the rest in her system. I don't fault them for it, their existence is constantly challenged and Mia has severe psychological issues. I need to learn to find a mate who is an asset and not someone I need to rescue.

[Mischa]

well i was dumped almost two weeks ago, because my ex needs time to reevaluate us. I've been on such an emotional rollercoaster for so long that I started throwing up last night. I cry daily. I can barely eat for fear of throwing up now. Even if she decides she wants me back, I don't know if by the time she takes me back I'll even be capable of love anymore.

[thong5]

Mischa you will be capable of love again, believe me. I broke up with my ex awhile back due to her always using me as her sounding board for all her complaints. It was such a negetive enviorment for me ,very depressing. But the point i'm trying to make is you may not want to love this person again due to the breakup you will move on and maybe meet the right one for you. Breakups are hard ,they hurt but remember for every door that closes a new one opens. believe me you will find your way to that new door. Good luck to you Thong5.