Another 'how Do I Tell Her' Thread...

[Guest YkDave]

well, beating the dead horse again.... but i just dont know how im going to do this...

Heres the scoop, AB/DL is a very big part of my life, something i just will not leave in the closet even if it is for a girlfriend!

She is one of my best buddys sisters, so likewise she knows me fairly well (except for this side of it... i think...) along with pretty much all of my friends and their sisters, families ect. That is the part that kind of freaks me out... If shes not 'ok' with it, well thats her opinion, but im worried about this backfiring and everyone including all of my friends knowing! (not that i really care if they know, but again if they are not 'ok' with it, well....)

Just not sure how i can do this without the possibility of a total backfire...

I want to tell her so bad and just get it over with because its really holding back the relationship...

[RandomDL]

the decision of whether to tell them or not depends on several factors.

1st. what is their relationship with you.

2nd. how often would you have to deal with your "friends" if they can be so called.

3rd. any other issues involved.

if they are just your best friends sister they dont need to know of your AB/DL side and as such its better not to tell.

if they are your Girlfriend (your post doesnt say that they are so im not assuming anything) then they need to know early on and the best way to tell them would be in the most private place at the best time possible when others wouldnt be around.

the reason i put "friends" earlier is because if they were to find out and not be okay with it then they arent truly your friends, however if you were to have to deal with them often and could avoid telling it would probably be best.

[Guest Dodi]

dont tell her it would spoil the buzz

[Guest YkDave]

ok, sorry i missed that in my first post. She is my girlfriend (my buddys sister), and as for the rest of these 'friends', basically i hang out with most of them whenever ive got some spare time (most of the time its usually the same small group hanging out on weeknights and weekends, pretty much the only people i socialize with because most of this city is full of whacked out crackheads...), so if word did get around, basically i would be screwed because i see these people ALL the time!

I totally agree that she should know right away, its really thrown a 'stick into the spokes' as far as our relationship expanding. I really dont even feel comfortable with her over at my house for fear that she may see some of my things ive got laying around... (its not all that easy to hide a whole whack of cloth/disposble diapers, plastic pants, wipes, powder, bottles, pacifiers, footed sleepers and to top it all off the vinyl sheet on the bed!)

I really want to tell her and just get this over with and carry on with life and our relationship, but i also dont want to do it in such a way that might not turn out so well...

[Guest Dodi]

ok, sorry i missed that in my first post. She is my girlfriend (my buddys sister), and as for the rest of these 'friends', basically i hang out with most of them whenever ive got some spare time (most of the time its usually the same small group hanging out on weeknights and weekends, pretty much the only people i socialize with because most of this city is full of whacked out crackheads...), so if word did get around, basically i would be screwed because i see these people ALL the time!

I totally agree that she should know right away, its really thrown a 'stick into the spokes' as far as our relationship expanding. I really dont even feel comfortable with her over at my house for fear that she may see some of my things ive got laying around... (its not all that easy to hide a whole whack of cloth/disposble diapers, plastic pants, wipes, powder, bottles, pacifiers, footed sleepers and to top it all off the vinyl sheet on the bed!)

I really want to tell her and just get this over with and carry on with life and our relationship, but i also dont want to do it in such a way that might not turn out so well...

good luck man i hope it turns out ok 4 u

[babylin]

You consider her a person of interest, but have you had sex with her? If not, do so first.

No point in going any further if you are not compatible.

So, IF you have had sex and it was good sex, then you have future opportunities to consider.

I've said this before and it bears repeating: While cuddling before, during or after sex is a good time

to investigate her kinks and yours. Get a copy of Alex Comfort's classic sex manual THE JOY OF SEX

and go thru this page by page together, taking the time to openly and freely communicate. An opportune

moment will occur to bring up fetishes. Taking it lightly you can get an idea of her interests and maybe share

this intimate part of yourself.

If you are just needing to "tell" someone, then you are really not mature enough to handle it anyway, so

FORGET about telling her and just grow up first. Otherwise expect the worst possible outcome.

Get over needing a mommy.

You might also get out and fail in a few other relationships first so you have some experineces to grow on.

Then, if your best buds sister is really your soul mate..........

HAPPINESS IS WEARING COTTON DIAPERS

[babykeiff]

A few points to consider, and this is to everyone in a similar situation -

• Why do you wish to tell your significant other - is it for some benifit of yours, or is it that you wish to be totally honest with him/her?

• Re. honesty - would you wish your significant other to hide something from you - because she/he feels uncomfortable about it = doesn't know how you would react = doesn't trust you? How would you feel?

• This AB/DL-ness, for want of a better word, is part of you - how long do you think that you can hide it from your significant other?

• This information is personal to you, and to your significant other - do you trust him/her not to tell everyone else?

• How well does your significant other know you - time spent together etc - does he/she already suspect this (the answer is yes, in most cases).

It it were me in that situation, and it was previously, I would and did tell my significant other - and my significant other became my wife. I also told her mother, at a later stage. IMHO, the 'don't tell her crowd' have something to hide, and don't trust their significant other.

[FretaBWet]

The main reason you're in this dilemma is because of the risk factor. If there were no risk in telling her, she would already know. If she were just some woman you met in a bar or somewhere there would still be some risk but it would be somewhat mitigated by the fact that you could compartmentalize your relationship and keep it separate from everyone else in your life. The fact that she is the sister of a close friend and has access to your entire circle of friends compounds the risk exponentially.

Before you begin getting honest with her you need to get honest with yourself. The first question you need to answer for yourself honestly is, if she did tell your friends how do you think they would react? Come on, their your inner circle of friends, you must know them well enough to have an idea how they would react. The second question you need to answer honestly is if they react badly and sever your friendship can you handle that and move on? If you couldn't handle it then the risk is probably too high and maybe you should just end the relationship before anyone gets hurt. The final question you need to ask yourself is do you think she is "the one" because if she isn't why are you even considering risking so much?

If you can't answer the third question then you haven't reached the point where it's important to tell her. You could date her for a while and one of you might decide this isn't working and no harm no foul life goes on. If you honestly think she's the one and she is communicating the same to you then you need to make a decision about telling her. Good luck whatever you decide.

Hugs,

Freta

[Guest YkDave]

Wow... ok.... info overload

so... I feel that i NEED to tell her early in the relationship, no point in trying to keep something like this in the closet and pop it up one day in the future, i dont see that going over very well at all. Because being an AB/DL is such a big part of me and my life, i really dont want to have to try and hide it away from her anyways. Personally i would rather try to tell her sooner than later to get it done and over with, if she is not accepting of this i would rather end the relationship before things turn ugly.

I really cant say if she is 'the one' or not as we have not been dating more than a few months. but i feel this is really holding me back trying to keep this 'big secret', im shy enough as it is but with this big burden on my shouulders its really F'n with my mind. Im not looking to get her into the fetish or anything (though that would be a bonus) i just want to get this 'out there' becasue its such a big part of me.

I have been thinking about doing something along the lines of talking about sex/fetishes with her and pop it out then... Still may go that route as it really seems to me to be the best route.

Really though, like mentioned above i probably would just blurt it out if it werent for the fact that it could possibly ruin alot of friendships for me, she knows and is also pretty good friends with 99% of my friends. Not only that, but this city isnt that big and if it did happen, it wouldnt take long for everyone to know... yes, im paranoid

[curiositykilledthecat]

freta is correct.

[Shymoon]

I have been thinking about doing something along the lines of talking about sex/fetishes with her and pop it out then... Still may go that route as it really seems to me to be the best route.

well thats how it was started for me and my significant other. at first i was kinda of like ok...? ehh? but in the end i discovered that i had a little one inside me aswell. all i know is that if ur honest with yourself as fretta says then i guess the comfortable way of doing it would be just randomly talking about fetishes and if it ends up in the end that she doesnt approve of and starts blabbing then you know it wasnt ment to be and they really werent your true friends. i hope that all goes well for you and hope to hear on an update soon

-shy

[momma.bear]

before my boyfriend told me he was an ABDL, i didn't know anything about the community. but i decided to try it because i loved him. see, he waited to tell me until we had built up a level of trust with one another & he knew that i loved him, & that even if i didn't like it, i wouldn't do anything to hurt him or freak out. because if someone really loves you, they won't freak out. so i reccommend giving it a little time.

[superdiaperbaby]

well, beating the dead horse again.... but i just dont know how im going to do this...

Heres the scoop, AB/DL is a very big part of my life, something i just will not leave in the closet even if it is for a girlfriend!

She is one of my best buddys sisters, so likewise she knows me fairly well (except for this side of it... i think...) along with pretty much all of my friends and their sisters, families ect. That is the part that kind of freaks me out... If shes not 'ok' with it, well thats her opinion, but im worried about this backfiring and everyone including all of my friends knowing! (not that i really care if they know, but again if they are not 'ok' with it, well....)

Just not sure how i can do this without the possibility of a total backfire...

I want to tell her so bad and just get it over with because its really holding back the relationship...

Wait until you have told her you love her. I waited with my girlfriend after 6 months when I told her I love her and then told her about me liking diapers 3 months later. It worked out well because she is now my wife. Now I did this based on experience. Being a closet AB/DL is as serious as being in love. If you are not willing to say I love you then you should not be willing to share your biggest secret. Some people say you should do the reverse, but what if you don't love her and tell her your secret. Then you realize you need to break up and she tells the world your secret. Being in love impacts how she reacts to your secret very much. If you are sure she loves you then this is a test of that love. I know it may seem cruel because it would hurt alot if she says no. But, it is a good test. IMO wait for the I love you back. Then later on you are going to have a very hard time telling her, but when you do it will bring you closer than you can imagine.

SDB

[sarah_ab]

Just not sure how i can do this without the possibility of a total backfire...

bottom line... there is no way to do it without the possibility of backfire, like babyk said, its about trust, but no matter how much you trust someone, there is always a possibility it will come out.. a night of drinking with her best girl friend, a fight between the two of you when she is angry.. or just her being human and needing someone to talk to...

i've said this before.. girls talk to their friend, they use them as free therapists, and tell them things about their SO, that their SO doesn't KNOW they are talking about.

i cannot offer you any advice other then... do you trust her, it sounds like its pretty early on in a relationship, which may mean that there is a basic level of trust, but not a deeper emotional level.... maybe you just need to wait....

[momma.bear]

i've said this before.. girls talk to their friend, they use them as free therapists, and tell them things about their SO, that their SO doesn't KNOW they are talking about.

yeah, you're right on one level... but even girls who tell their friends everything basically, still have basic limits in terms of respect for their partners. for instance, when my partner told me, i knew that it was a big deal & not something he would want people knowing. so instead of telling my friends about it to have someone to talk to, i got online & starting talking to ABDLs themselves.

so, ya know, it could go either way.

[willow]

You have some great advice above. The long and short of it comes down to trust. If you are honestly asking yourself if she'll go and tell your deepest secrets and betray that trust, then you should be very wary. I told my GF around the time I told her I loved her, but I wouldn't love or trust her if I thought she'd pick up the phone and tell me friends, even after we might break up. Doesn't even enter my head.

If it's entering yours, give it some more time.

[Diaper Lightning]

LOL @ "Have Sex first to see if you are compatible"

Penis goes into Vagina - You are sexually compatible.

As far as all the other hoopla you claim as "compatibility" it is just learning "dance moves" Sex gets way better after a couple of years of learning how to dance with one another and to also learn what makes them spin, moan, and call out your name.

That phrase is like taking a rookie to his first day of pro football practice and telling him to play like one of team and he'd better be an Ace right out of the box, or he is not "compatible" with playing football. ROFLCOPPER.

[Guest YkDave]

lol, i chose to ignore that line....

Moreso for the reason that if sex is the only reason for the relationship (bad sex= dump her?!?! wtf) then their really isnt much point in worrying about all of this because the relationship isnt going to last....

Anywho... guess im going to try and play it cool for a while and hope that sometime shortly an oppertunity will arise where i can tell her, or else i will just have to blurt it out, i seriously dont like keeping things from other people, especially trying to hide something like this away from possibly a future wife!

[zarmdl]

its scary to tell

I am getting married next year and i still have not told....

[JeiSiN]

lol, i chose to ignore that line....

Moreso for the reason that if sex is the only reason for the relationship (bad sex= dump her?!?! wtf) then their really isnt much point in worrying about all of this because the relationship isnt going to last....

Anywho... guess im going to try and play it cool for a while and hope that sometime shortly an oppertunity will arise where i can tell her, or else i will just have to blurt it out, i seriously dont like keeping things from other people, especially trying to hide something like this away from possibly a future wife!

I hope you didn't mean blurt it out in a literal sense If you did, its best not to rock that trick. In life, the majority will justify your actions or words based on their perception; as perception is 9/10ths of reality (or so the saying goes). If you don't have it fully planned out concisely in preparation for everything she will think or say, she ain't gonna accept it. Its kinda like... you can't just blurt out "You see, I have this fetish..I like to wear diapers and act like a baby, i don't know if you understand.. blah blah". With just that in mind, it'll fail. You gotta like, build up to it, explain that you have a strange fetish that isn't really well known and its really silly and embarrassing.... maybe explain a few stories, explain how others haven't accepted it... go on to explain how it has nothing to do with anything gross or painful, that she might think its cute they kinda un-manly, and most definitely has nothing to do with pedophilia. And the pedo thing has to be repeated MANY times during the explanation process. Get her emotionally involved in your story! Then just blurt it our casually. Explaining this and teasing her by building up to it (but explaining that it isn't huge, just embarrassing and its hard to come out with it). Then explain it how you like slowly, being ready for her reactions.

I wonder if we take ourselves too seriously. In the past, one girl I told was kinda like "alright, ya i guess its alright, pretty weird ya like... whatever". That was just a month of dating, and that was based on immature desires as has been discussed in this very topic. However, she never really got mad until I mentioned the communities out there online, and how I grew up talking to all these weirdos just like me, blah blah... then she was really weirded at how "into it" i was. Important: IF YOU TELL HER, and you are TOO STRONG with all the concepts and your level of involvement in the fetish and obsession with it then -YOU ARE FUCKED-. Then its over. If you love it more than you love sex with her, its all over. And if you truly do, you might have an addiction problem. Because this fetish is a drug. Moderately, fantastic. Everyday? Its great for us, we can justify it, but the rest of the world are too closed and into their "normal" lives to possibly accept it. Its not their vision of society, thus it is not their vision of -what They want in a Relationship.-... This is serious shit.

Interestingly, my girlfriend was really cool with it when I told her. I had experience of doing it in the past, bogus failures that I decided were mostly my fault, and that explaining things might be the key. After my build up and shit, saying there was "another part of me" and shit like that, my girlfriend actually thought I was cheating on her!! She was relieved if anything! lol. Crazily enough, it saved the relationship, and that night she diapered me and she enjoyed it, loving how turned on I was by it, and the control she had over me. And the control that I could have over her with her in the baby role. And the pacifier, that can be a big turn on for some girls apparently. Tease her and make her beg for the pacifier if you want her your babygirl, it just might work! That was months ago and last weekend we had the most amazing weekend of sex ever with her babying me and me babying her. She crazily is right into both roles. ----- and its not because she's into the fetish, but she's so convincing that I can't believe it... but its unconditional love. Because we loved each other beforehand, and I was feeling crazy and guilty about the fetish and not telling her.... and I almost broke up with her instead of telling her out of fear..... and I told her anyways.. and she was cool with it. Cooler than Cool. You have no idea what a lucky baby and a happy daddy I am.... But today we got into an argument.. and she mentioned the fetish and she mentioned how she is still doing her best to understand it, even though when we are doing things sexually she seems totally into it. I know she is, but when you think of it from the "what I want in a relationship" point of view, and she gets mad and starts thinking of all the shit she wishes were different... the thought of her boyfriend's need for diapers isn't a calming thought. That's not her being a bitch, thats her being someone who's grown up without the understanding of fetishes, especially AB/DL.

I consider myself lucky, but more so, I believe that the explanation and HOW you say it is important. You'll have the confidence to say it and to be ready to counter any concerns and convince her that.. ya know, hey, it ain't such a bad thing. In fact, its a part of all us. The only thing wrong with it is the prejudice thoughts that initially occur, and the EXPLAINER has the power. In actuality, we have the ability to accept anything. Having any solid-stance beliefs or prejudices is dangerous and limiting. I saw it with the fetish before I saw it with marijuana which I saw before all the injustices in the world today, and their reason --> Strong prejudices, addiction to consumption/power, and the belief to everyone that all (or most) of their values are true and right, when only one fact exists: We live because we die, and Right is wrong because Wrong is right.

Slap a diaper on baby, we could be dead tomorrow. Lol. Oh yeah, that guy who went on about the guy talking about the SEX-COMPATIBILITY issue, he was likely referring to whether or not chumly can maintain an erection whilst fucking his girlfriend without thinking about diapers. Or her in diapers. or him in diapers. being diapered by her. or diapered by someone else. Ya know?

JeiSiN

[i have a weird sense of humour]

[momma.bear]

i don't think you should bring up pedophilia at all. if you bring it up insistently like, "oh but this isn't THAT" it comes off like you have something to hide. if you don't even bring it up, it might not even enter her mind. & if she brings it up, you can just act surprised about it, like, "what? no way! gross!!"

[Guest YkDave]

^^^ im totally with that. not even going to bring up that subject... If she brings it up, well thats different and that will definitely be cleared up instantly!