Diaper Trustee/beneficiary?

[ultrapampers]

I'm generally a positive, upbeat person and I try to spend most of my time living, not thinking about death. Sooner or later, though, the same fate awaits us all. I'm boarding a plane in two days and, despite my faith in modern aviation, that got me thinking about my mortality. A little bit of planning for the inevitable couldn't hurt, right?

I have lots of diapers. LOTS. A ridiculous amount, honestly. If I died or was otherwise incapacitated, I'd hate for my parents or friends who don't know about my diaper interests to have to sort through them and decide what to do with 'em all. On top of the grief they'd already be feeling, I wouldn't want to put them through the shock of discovering that secret.

If they were left to deal with it, they'd likely decide to donate them all, or--heaven forbid--throw them away in an act of disapproval. I wouldn't mind the run-of-the-mill diapers being donated, of course, but some of my vintage baby diapers are quite rare and worth hundreds of dollars to collectors. Most people outside our circles would never know that, so next thing you know a church daycare would be using a box of Quilted Pampers on babies!

The best solution I can think of is to appoint a trustee or beneficiary from the AB/DL community, who would inherit my diaper collection upon my death. They would be responsible for removing them from storage, and distributing them per my wishes. Such a person would be much better suited to know what's valuable and what's not, and could appreciate much of what I collected (because to anybody else, they're all just diapers). Of course, payment for this person's services would simply be first dibs on it all!

I'm just curious if anyone here has had the same quandary. Who would deal with your diapers if you weren't able? Would it be your parents? Your spouse? A friend? Or have you found somebody you trust in the community to be your trustee?

[Lil_Miss_Ruffles]

An interesting topic.

I'd volunteer since everyone in this household knows about, accepts, or are into our lifestyle. However, inasmuch that I do not live nearby, it would suit you better to find someone geographically closer to you.

For me, the dilemma does not present itself. Odds are, with my heart condition, I'll be the first to go; but then, one never knows. All the more reason that I am quite serious when I tell the wife to be careful each time she leaves for work.

The missus and I are going on a road-trip late April and if something were to happen to both of us, then it would fall upon my mother-in-law. She's ABDL supportive, very open-minded, and I have nothing that I would be embarrassed for her to see.

In fact, this topic gives me an idea for our pre-departure checkoff list; sealed instructions for the distribution of various personal items were we not to return.

I would leave such a thing in plain site on our bed as the presence of such a thing would upset her, but readily found in the event of our demise.

Food for thought.

regards,

Ruffles

[Lil_Miss_Ruffles]

On top of the grief they'd already be feeling, I wouldn't want to put them through the shock of discovering that secret.

Unfortunately, even with a will, I don't believe this could "easily" be prevented.

The only possible scenario I could see is in the case of a terminal illness where such 'private' items could be preboxed and addressed to the recipient.

Sorry for the gloomy thoughts.

Ruffles

[ultrapampers]

The only possible scenario I could see is in the case of a terminal illness where such 'private' items could be preboxed and addressed to the recipient.

In my case they're in a locked storage bin to which only I have a key. If I had a trustee, they'd be named on the authorized access list or be given a key. But I understand that won't work for people who keep their stash entirely in their homes. Whoever came to my house to go through my belongings is still going to find a dozen diapers, which might raise eyebrows, but I don't think it'd would have the same effect as finding cases of them.

Sorry for the gloomy thoughts.

Yeah, me too. I didn't intend to start a morbid thread!

[Loveable_guy]

My wife is very aware I am a D/L so a few diapers around the closet is no big deal. My real fear is all the other toys and if she was to find all the diapers at one time she would be shocked to realize how much money there is invested in D/L products including the plastic pants collection.

[sarah_ab]

if they are in a locked storage bin, then put in your will, the bin with all the contents locked inside are to be given to so and so.... and then keep the key in a safety deposit box, talk with the bank and a laywer to find out how the contents would be aquired upon your demise. put the key in an addressed envelope with a stamp on it, and a letter instructing upon your death the letter is to be mailed.

can't garuntee 100% your family wouldn't find out, but its one way to make sure they dont see the contents of the box... i'd say talk with a layer who specializes in wills to find out how you would go about something like this. or leave the key in the laywers posession so only you can either retrieve it, or s/he will be instructed to deliver it to the recipient of the locked storage box upon your untimely demise.

or just dont keep so many diapers...

[TheMagicDragon]

Dear Ultrapampers and Fellow Diaperthreaders All,

What an Awesome subject! Restated, the question put forth by Ultrapampers is: "Who would deal with your diapers if you weren't able? Would it be your parents? Your spouse? A friend? Or have you found somebody you trust in the community to be your trustee?"

At least daily I find myself thinking something along this line. If I become incapacitated/ deceased, who will be there to deal with my diapers/ paraphilia collection/ stash? How will they deal with this collection? What will happen to my little 'secret'? I'll be damned (sorry Mommy, darned) if Ultrapampers hasn't hit a serious issue (to most of us) square on the head!

In my case, my wife knows (for the most part about 80%) about my stash and I am fairly confident she'll be the survivor who would have to deal with this dilemna. However, I have not as of yet addressed this issue fully and there is no action plan of 'Where' and 'How' these items are to be dispersed. And believe me, I know and appreciate that I'm one of the lucky ones who has a confidant who cares more about me than my little fetishes/ quirks. But, she is straight. So straight I think she, too, would just throw it all away. So, I am also not out of the woods either. My collection isn't likely anywhere near as extensive as Ultrapampers, but I have nice things I paid good money for too. And that is, of course, after the customary occasional purges many of us seem to experience throughout our lifetimes. Yeah, I've thrown out some fine and expensive fetishwear too.

First and foremost, there needs to be a WILL and statement of your wishes for the dispersal of your property. This important item should be formulated by yourself and discussed with your legal counselor/ attorney at law. You DO NOT need to disclose the diaper stash/ fetish collection to your lawyer, just insert it into the will as a blind item (i.e. Dispersal of clothing and personal effects.) At the very least or to start things in motion, right something down NOW as a very simple WILL and keep it in a safe but discoverable place should you pass on. If there is no will, then there is no control and you may never be able to feel satisfied that, when you perish, your personal effects will be disposed of according to your wishes. I do not yet have this one under control, so I have to address this as a priority.

The 'Who' (no, not the band silly!) in question is the TRUSTEE of the will, one whom is trusted and presumed to be trustworthy by you. If not a spouse, then perhaps the one whom you trust the most might be considered to be the executor. The naming of this trustee is stipulated by yourself in the will. You may wish to have a backup trustee named, if possible.

The 'Recipient' of your 'Personal clothing and/ or effects' should be named/ specified in your will and should include a way to contact that person(s). Perhaps a trusted fellow fetishist might be named as a recipient in your will, to receive your special "things". As long as your trustee knows what it is that you mean by 'clothing and personal effects' then you may safely conclude that this recipient will recieve the diapers and special things. However, one can only hope that a court-appointed estate executor (named by the court after your death as trustee) is going to have the moral fortitude to follow your wishes to "a tee". So be specific!

Oh and by the way, Make Diaper Friends!!! If you seriously want to see that your goodies go to someone who will cherish and appreciate these nifty things, how much will it hurt you to actually take real advantage of this Wonderful website and other social networks, and sincerely try to reach out and contact the many people on these sites? ? ? Yeah, I'm yelling. Yeah, I'm yelling at many of you out there. Perhaps I'm "preaching to the choir" so to speak. I'm definitely yelling most loudly at myself! It's time to find someone to be my diaper beneficiary. And I haven't done a thing about it. Yet. But I have a good idea now who it will be. Someone I met on a diaper chat on the internet and who is now my actual friend in this world. (Yes ADBL's you to can make friends here.)

Thanks again, Ultrapampers, for raising the point!

[FretaBWet]

This is such an interesting topic. Since I live alone and my children for the most part don't know about my diapers ( one knows I have some control issues and have been to a hospital for testing) but what would really be the worst part would be them finding my bib and pacifiers with my diapers. Bladder issues don't explain that away. I do wonder just how uncomfortable this discovery will be to them. I have thought about this quite a bit and there really doesn't seem to be any easy solution. Keeping my things locked up in some storage space is unacceptable because it makes them inaccessible. What do I do when I'm having spaghetti for dinner? I guess I'll gamble that I live long enough to know my time is coming and get rid of the stuff myself. If it's to a nursing home some day at least I won't have to change my own diapers anymore. Yup the silver lining to my diaper.

Hugs,

Freta

[ultrapampers]

Thanks again, Ultrapampers, for raising the point!

My pleasure! And thank you, glenndl, for your reply and the excellent suggestions therein.

A will is probably a really good place to start. Perhaps, also, a sealed envelope containing instructions and the key, with a simple note outside, "In the even of my death, please mail this letter to..."

As for friends in the AB/DL community, I've made a few over the years, but they've come and gone (or maybe I did!). I had a good DL friend whom I'd hung out with in person who I would've trusted with the responsibility without a second thought, but, tragically, he was killed in a car accident a few years ago. Which just circles right back to the topic; I've always wondered who had to go through his stuff.

And yes, it would help for the trustee to be at least regional, if not local. The upcoming munches and meets that are being organized will almost certainly catalyze new friendships, and perhaps a trustee/beneficiary will emerge from that.

[PampersPete]

Value of one's belongings aside and I'm sure I'll be labled a dickhead once again for asking this but-Who gives a shit? Seriously. You'll be dead. Six feet under. Worm bait. I'll have much bigger fish to fry when I kick the bucket to worry about what happens to my shit or what anyone living thinks about me.

[sarah_ab]

Value of one's belongings aside and I'm sure I'll be labled a dickhead once again for asking this but-Who gives a shit? Seriously. You'll be dead. Six feet under. Worm bait. I'll have much bigger fish to fry when I kick the bucket to worry about what happens to my shit or what anyone living thinks about me.

*giggles* pete u always take the words right out of my mouth.

but my question is, you have all these diapers, locked away, and you can't even wear them.. so what exactly is the point of having them, if u have them locked up so u can't see or touch them.. and you wear or use them..... they are diapers, not rare cars.

[Bettypooh]

I notice that a lot of us here are worried about the people who don't know about our ABDL finding out upon our demise. If something is in a will it becomes known to all the persons named in the will, and even public knowledge after the will is executed If you're intent is to keep things as quiet as possible, putting something in a will isn't the way to go. I prefer a "Cover Lettter" stashed with the goodies addressed: "To whoever finds this letter please read", then in the letter I go on to explain that I guess that I'm now dead, that I don't want anyone to know about this stuff to save everybofy the unnecessary heartaches it would cause, and that if they can't handle it please ask (nephew who I trust) to deal with it quietly Done deal, the least number of people know, and no public records to foul things up later on In my case, my cool-headed nephew will also receive instructions to let a few people know I've passed on and how to email them. Those people will know who to relay the news to so that my 'secret friends' won't be left guessing why I suddenly disappeared

Yeah, I care about what the people I leave behind are going to hve to deal with but at that point I won't have any worries left so phooey on it Everyone who knows me knows that you'd better expect anything from me short of a practical joke because that's how I already am

Bettypooh

[ultrapampers]

I'm sure I'll be labled a dickhead once again for asking this but-Who gives a shit?

I'll not label you a dickhead, but I think you're inconsiderate. This is not so much about what my parents or friends think of me, because you're right, if I'm dead what do I care. But I don't want my loved ones to have to go through boxes of diapers and figure out what to do with them, because I imagine that could be a gut-wrenching experience for them.

...you have all these diapers, locked away, and you can't even wear them.. so what exactly is the point of having them, if u have them locked up so u can't see or touch them...

Actually, most of them I can and do wear, and I can get to them to replenish my home stock in twenty minutes. It's not like they're in a sealed vault. I bought lots because I feared most manufacturers were switching to cloth-like covers, and that fear is proving justified. As for the baby diapers, you're right I can't wear them, but I nonetheless enjoy collecting them. Maybe someday I'll open a vintage diaper museum!

[ColoradoIceman]

I also collected some of the baby sized diapers because I noticed a huge number of them going up for sale and the price was going up and up. Now it's rare to see too many for sale on E-Bay. Of course with the poor market, they are not worth selling right now since people just don't have the disposable income they used to.

I plan on selling these later when the markets come back because plastic-backed diapers are now a thing of the past. I need to tell my wife that she should sell all she can on E-Bay or Craigs-list because they are worth a lot. Maybe some of the adult sizes as well that I am too fat for...

It might be best for you to separate the collectibles and the "everyday" diapers. Also, you might want to put some sort of book together with photos of the items, how much you paid for them and when and how much they are currently worth to a collector. And how much you think they will be worth later. Maybe even printouts from recent Ebay sales with the amount similar items sold for on E-Bay. That way the benefactor will have some sort of idea what they have on their hands. Of course if that person just takes them over to the church for the kids to wear, then they are the ones who are out the money, of which they could tithe 10% which would buy probably 10 times more "modern" diapers for the kids! Oh well!

I wonder how many unused "vintage" diapers ended up in the landfills and how many are STILL going there. If only people knew...

[diaperpt]

I've read two issues in this thread...1) when I die, I want someone to inherit my stash...I don't want my good stuff thrown out

2) when I die, I don't want my unknowing loved ones to stumble across my stash and have to deal with the psychological issues of finding out I loved to wear diapers (and use other toys, etc)

My stash isn't so elaborate or impressive that I need to worry about #1.

Many others here have loved ones who are fully aware of their diaper status and so don't need to worry about #2. Yes, I agree, that would be the ideal. On the other hand, because my relationships developed before my diaper fetish (habits, preference...whatever word you want to use...) this is NOT a realistic hope on my part.

So, #2 is my big concern. I've thought of keeping my stuff in a big box with a label that says, "Don't peek...just throw it in the trash when I'm gone..." Well, how do you think that would work???? Hah! I don't think I'm going anywhere today or tomorrow, but maybe a comet falls out of the sky and smacks me...maybe a truck plows through the driver's side of my car...maybe I have a stroke or heart attack (a little more chance of that...).

At any rate, how do I make a timely decision to trash my stuff? Of course I don't want to fall prey to the old binge and purge cycles - that isn't the issue. How do I figure out just when it is that I must get rid of my stuff for a really, really 'final' time so my wife doesn't have to clear out my drawers and find my cute sissy panties, my dipes, plastic pants, paci, etc, etc.

There really is no answer. As I get older (61 now) I don't see a need yet, but I know there will come one day when it's too late and I'll be gone, my stuff still in my house, and my wife and/or kids dealing with shock and whatever other emotions in addition to having lost me.

My only hope is that as I age, I get to a point where this stuff either becomes a necessity anyway...or I sincerely lose interest and decide to trash it on my own. Personally, I kind of hope for that first option...I've already told my doctor I've got some urinary issues and I don't want any of the meds they plug constantly on TV. Unfortunately, he recommended Saw Palmetto which really has taken care of much of my issues...rats...

And so, I have no answer to offer. I can only share this piece of the original question.

diaperpt

[Yvhuce]

I'm more worried about my dogs than my diapers. I can't leave the dogs to family, because none of them really knows how to care for dogs and they'd wind up being shot... I'd probly burden my best friend with the dogs, and my wolf stuff, and the rights to my half of the various story stuff we work on together (and probly the rights to my other chars and story stuff, too). But not the diapers.

I prefer the "have my death be a burden on my family" aspect, as a means of vengeance for the "Hey! Let's treat the little brother like he can do no wrong and the older brother like he can do no right!" BS they put me through... *eye twitches slightly* So, I'll let them deal with the diapers and whatever else isn't something my friends would want.

[Aurelius]

I think about death all the time, it being the case that I probably should be dead.

I don't care what happens to my diapers because I'll be dead and I don't really have that many diapers, all in all (might keep an absolute maximum of 3 bags but not possibly more and typically 1-2 bags, no loss, except to my puzzled parents).

[PArms]

I've thought of this topic before but came up with no easy solution. Until now. A self destructing stash of diapers that goes POOF when found by someone else.

[sarah_ab]

this diaper will self destruct in 10 seconds....

hope you aren't wearing it when it does!!!

bt how about this, for those of you who wear 24/7 for want, not medical purposes.. will u request to be burried in a diaper and/or other ab stuff?

[diaperboyMKE]

I don't care what happens to my material positions when I die. They are of no use to me any longer, so unless they could benefit my surviving loved ones in some special way, who ever finds them can do what they wish with them.

I would do something funny like, leave all my material possessions to my family, only if they complete 1 year in diapers (to be checked daily by my Atty).

[Repaid1]

You know I have always had that made fully clear. From girlfriend to girlfriend, now with my new wife. I will be buried in a diaper, and It better be a good one, as it will be my last as my favorite plastic panties too. Then they will be those that say "what if someone notices??" Like I care!!! Jeeze! Let them talk!

this diaper will self destruct in 10 seconds....

hope you aren't wearing it when it does!!!

bt how about this, for those of you who wear 24/7 for want, not medical purposes.. will u request to be burried in a diaper and/or other ab stuff?

[Yvhuce]

If those people who turn cremated remains into diamonds're still in business when I kick the bucket, then that's how I'll have that matter handled. The remaining remains, I'd have put in a diaper and buried by the trees where we buried my old dogs. Then my family'll have the diamonds of their creepy relative to pass down through the family and tell ghost stories about.

[tcc]

This was a fabulous topic, and a good one to consider, as most in the AB/DL world have such fears about discovery and being humiliated. While I agree that after I'm taking that celestial dirt nap, having assumed room temperature, it doesn't matter to ME what happens to my stash. However, I had to consider this issue with an impending divorce - in which my ex used my "leanings" (in which she HAD participated!) against me - and I anticipated it would be used to take my children away from me. So, into a storage unit, along with other items, for the interim, until the divorce was final and conditions set. As it turned out, nothing came of my fetishism, though I blinked when the issue was brought up, and it cost me big bucks to just be done with the marriage.

That said, I have had a number of surgeries, and have other items, like firearms, coins, etc., that had I died, needed to be dealt with, and NOT just "given away" or sold for a fraction of what items were worth. At this point, married again, with an acceptant wife, I have steered her how to divest herself of what I have, without losing out on value. Before that, I had left instructions, to be given to trusted friends, including one who knew about my DL life/world, who would then disburse what I had, so that my children would not get to any of it first, embarassing THEM in finding out about ME, in the case of the diaper stash. There was an envelope for each individual to be contacted upon my demise, who would be admitted to my house, immediately, to carry out removal of items and disbursal. There were directions, as well as the location of where to find what I would have them take care of.

This also points up the absolute NEED, when it comes to a partner, that they KNOW about your DL or AB life/world/desires/acquired "stash" of supplies. If you are going to hide your "leanings" from a partner, or have HAD to, you DO risk your partner discovering your secret that may be devastating to them mentally, for you HAVING witheld something like this from them! And, if your partner does NOT know about your "secret life", there is NO guarantee, and you cannot legally set in concrete, that someone from the outside can come in, keep your partner sheltered from the truth, and just remove and disburse your "shame".

The thought that such supplies be willed to or directed to a site like this - providing the admins would accept such a donation, as the donation would have to be sent somewhere and stored pending further distribution - is wonderful! You can always direct that items be distributed to those most desiring them, pending some proof of need and some financial inability to purchase items like this, but proof will be hard to assure.

As a mortician, I can tell you that you do NOT want to RELY on a will to assure privacy, continued secrecy, or that what you want done will actually BE done. Wills are often read MONTHS after a death. That's where those special envelopes of instructions are a good idea and need to be handy for those who survive - maybe sealed, maybe in a safety deposit box, a lock box in the home, or even in a desk readily available to whomever needs to access that envelope! COPIES of the will are handy for family members, as well, in laying out what IS going to happen, withOUT going through the probate process first. If you do not have a spouse, or significant other - and I don't care what anybody says, if you're not legally married, a significant other does NOT have the legal authority that the court may afford a legal biological next-of-kin - a trusted someone who can be named Durable Power of Attorney and Executor of your estate, SHOULD be apprised of the situation, and agree to carry out what you want done, especially in a case like this.

Certainly a good topic to be thinking about. We DO have mortality issues to consider. I hope others are as fortunate as I am, to not have to worry about this issue. Good luck to all!

I, too, want to be buried in cloth diapers and two pairs of my favorite plastic pants. I know my wife could see to that, but what if my SON is the mortician to pickle me, be the one to be dressing my carcass, and put me into that oak "pine box"? Kind of blows keeping my secret from my KID(s)! LOL I mentioned that to my wife. We haven't quite sorted THAT one out! LMAO