Disillusionment And Trust...

[BabyChris121675]

Lately, I've been feeling kind of disillusioned about the AB world as a whole, well, maybe 80% of it.

As I get older, and I start to realize a lot of things, I start to wonder about my priorities in my life. I realized what I used to enjoy, and what I now enjoy in the here and now.

I have as of the past few years, found my AB side completely die off. I guess the reason for that is all the lies, bullshit, and promises made to me by mommies and such that we'd meet, and I'd get to be her baby, and so forth that have not materialized, or the mommies have just up and disappeared on me after time. Plus, I've run into scam-artists in the lifestyle and people just generally not honest about who they are.

I have been hurt too in the daddy role, once in person by an AB, and I've been hurt by sissies trying to pass themselves off as real girls. I'm an honest soul, and I do not lie, or make up who I am. I was raised differently than most. I am honest even on the internet because I was raised that way by my conservative Christian parents.

Lately, I've been finding I enjoy more things outside the AB world too. I enjoy beer, football, and Cleveland Indians baseball. I am also more into adult shows and movies than kiddie shows and movies. I guess also as I have started to work again, as I went back to work in February '05; I started to realize that maybe I am on the track I am supposed to be. Maybe it don't get better than it already is. Who knows? I'm still in the AB community as it is still a turn-on for me, but it's not a major part of who I am. I think also the reason I became AB in the first place was it helped me deal with wearing diapers.

Now, I don't have to wear diapers. However, it became a part of who I am I guess. I also felt like I wanted to be a daddy more than a baby as I have gotten older. Plus, I had fun being a daddy until I got hurt in person by an AB girl but I haven't given up hope that one day I will find an AB girl I can baby. Another reason I may seem kinda like I am giving up, but I am not- is all the competition out there, lying, and sneakiness from 'uncles', and manipulative daddies. I'm just tired of competition as I get older, and wiser.

And before someone thinks this is whining, and pining to make people feel sorry for me, well, it's not. I'm actually rather happy with my life these days. I've got a decent job, and I work very hard for what little I have. This is actually from the heart.

Chris

[Baby Bethany]

Lately, I've been feeling kind of disillusioned about the AB world as a whole, well, maybe 80% of it.

And before someone thinks this is whining, and pining to make people feel sorry for me, well, it's not. I'm actually rather happy with my life these days. I've got a decent job, and I work very hard for what little I have. This is actually from the heart.

Chris

I think the best thing with anything in your life is to do it when you want to do it. I know that sounds obvious, but I think there are far too many people in this scene taking a view that everyone should do it all the time like them. In other words, unless you do it several times a week, you're either not serious about it, or you actually want to do it several times a week......but can't!! I've met lots of AB's with this view and it's complete rubbish. To me it doesn't matter if you do it 7 days a week, 1 day a month, or 1 day a year.

I've got hobbies that I haven't done in a couple of years. It doesn't mean I've lost interest in that hobby, I will do it again. But I just don't have time right now. You mention that diapers are a sexual turn on for you? Well I've got lots of things I find a sexual turn on, but I don't feel the need to indulge in all of them all the time.

Just put your AB stuff away and bring it back out when you want to. Just don't dump it, as you probably will want it again at some point in the future.

Beth

[lynniehyde]

I think the best thing with anything in your life is to do it when you want to do it. I know that sounds obvious, but I think there are far too many people in this scene taking a view that everyone should do it all the time like them. In other words, unless you do it several times a week, you're either not serious about it, or you actually want to do it several times a week......but can't!! I've met lots of AB's with this view and it's complete rubbish. To me it doesn't matter if you do it 7 days a week, 1 day a month, or 1 day a year.

I've got hobbies that I haven't done in a couple of years. It doesn't mean I've lost interest in that hobby, I will do it again. But I just don't have time right now. You mention that diapers are a sexual turn on for you? Well I've got lots of things I find a sexual turn on, but I don't feel the need to indulge in all of them all the time.

Just put your AB stuff away and bring it back out when you want to. Just don't dump it, as you probably will want it again at some point in the future.

Beth

Excellent advice, Beffy.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[Sophie ♥]

This is a good topic.

There are a lot of people out there that are liars and stuff, and I can't stand that. I am a very open person but I can't handle people who lie to me about who they are or their intentions. I have a mommy already, so that's not the issue... but with making friends a lot of people act so off. What's so wrong with being honest?

-Sophie

[Vickie]

I don't know enough about the trust things you talk about to say much about them. Mostly my disillusionment's have just come because I built my hopes up too far. I wanted things when the other did not. Or diapers being the only thing we had in common. One thing that raised my attention was "sissies trying to pass themselves off as real girls". I am a Transgender. I was born with a male body. I am now a "real girl". Was that your problem. I don't want to sound like I am accusing you of being a bigot but I wonder if part of your experience is you and whoever you had as a partner just not being on the same page.

You look for something and the person gives you what they think you wanted. We have an interest in what is a very small niche kink. We are not going to find a broad market to shop in. Even fellow kinksters often look down on us. I don't think I will ever find the right partner for life in the diaper community. I like guns and I shoot IDPA, I like ponyplay also. Plus I fight SCA in full armor.

But I don't write off the friends I have found here in the diaper community.

[Baby Bethany]

This is a good topic.

There are a lot of people out there that are liars and stuff, and I can't stand that. I am a very open person but I can't handle people who lie to me about who they are or their intentions. I have a mommy already, so that's not the issue... but with making friends a lot of people act so off. What's so wrong with being honest?

-Sophie

I have to admit Sophie, you and Vickie have lost me a bit on this one. Are you refering to the OP talking about being scammed etc?

The thing is there are people that will lie and scam you in every walk of life, our community is no different. In fact the first two people that I ever made contact with in the AB community scammed me (both of whom I contacted through fetish mag contact pages, no Internet then!!) The first guy told me he was 19 (I was also 19, or 20 I don't remember) and when we met he was more like 49. He told me he said 19 in the add, because nobody contacts a guy his age. I didn't want to be friends after that (I was contacting guys for friends only, to sort of give me advice about this lifestyle. I didn't want sex, as I'm straight.........and forget about AB females, I didn't even know there was such a thing until about 10 years later, LOL) Anyway, the second guy was even worse, a real creep. He wanted to meet at his flat (I should have been suspicious, but I was naive.) To cut a long story short, he wasn't even an AB, more a voyer.

After that I was really disillusioned with the whole AB thing. I didn't stop, because I couldn't stop. But I didn't want to meet any other people in the scene, because I thought they were all pervs like those two guys. Then one day I was in a fetish shop and I met another AB called Jan (Jan was a guy, that's a Dutch name.) We got talking and he remained my best friend in the scene until he passed away about 4 years ago. I learned most of what I know about this lifestyle from him, he was an AB years before me......a real pioneer!!

I've met lots of really nice people in this lifestyle, I've also met a few creeps. No different to the rest of your life really!!

Beth

[Sophie ♥]

I can read most people fairly well when they are lying to me, even online. It's not that hard. I learned the signs.

I have been scammed once. I can't believe I let it happen...

The only thing I have to say is a short quote my best friend taught me back in eighth grade, and it goes without exception.

"No expectations, no disappointments."

-Sophie

[sarah_ab]

i am very sorry to hear you were betrayed and hurt by some people, and happy to hear you feel you are doing well in life.

I just want to point out, when you start to classify and entire group of people based on the actions of a few, this is when you begin to stereotype and form prejudices. I understand you feel hurt and betrayed by people who were into ab/dl, but this is no reason to classify all of us as liars and cheats.

There are people in every walk of life who will liar, and people who have been betrayed. Whether on the internet or not, people are willing to lie, cheat and steal to get what they want. It sucks, but its no reason to think everyone in this community is that way, but the great thing about the internet is that you can be whoever you want to be. It could be as was mentioned, you had different expectations for the relationship than the other person. This had happened to me before, especially with regards to the internet.

As for not being so 'into ' ab/dl... nothing wrong with that, as you seem to understand, it happens we all have interests and likes and dislikes that sometimes we engage in actively and frequently, and other times we push to the side for weeks, months, years on end.

I think though you need to not be looking at the ab/dl community for what you can get out of it, but for what you can contribute to it. Just seems from a few of the posts i've read of yours today you are quite bitter about being betrayed and feel the community didn't 'give' you what you were looking for, so perhaps if you focused your energies on giving to this community, you might just get what you are looking for unexpectedly....

but eitherway, i'm glad to hear things seem to be going good in your life...

[BabyChris121675]

First off, I am not completely giving it up. I also have not played baby in 2 years or worn a diaper in that time as well, as I feel that my outside the lifestyle interests have grown more and more as I have gotten older. Plus, I have also been feeling better about my life as a whole lately as I work and do more with my life than sit around and whine about how hard it is to find someone who is in the lifestyle.

Nothing recent has happened, I've just felt as I have gotten better in my life, that it's time to stop dwelling on a lifestyle that may or may not be in the cards for me. I am not giving up, just kinda been feeling like as I get older my patience for a certain element is getting to me. I am not giving up, just feeling as I get older that it's not as important to me and that I have other outlets in my life than being a baby, plus I'd rather be a daddy than a baby I guess.

Well, just my thoughts on what I wrote earlier.

Chris

[sarah_ab]

well lord knows the ab world can always use more honest hard working daddy's! so welcome aboard the daddy boat..... if you see my daddy there, tell him i want ice cream for dinner!

[superdiaperbaby]

I think the best thing with anything in your life is to do it when you want to do it. I know that sounds obvious, but I think there are far too many people in this scene taking a view that everyone should do it all the time like them. In other words, unless you do it several times a week, you're either not serious about it, or you actually want to do it several times a week......but can't!! I've met lots of AB's with this view and it's complete rubbish. To me it doesn't matter if you do it 7 days a week, 1 day a month, or 1 day a year.

I've got hobbies that I haven't done in a couple of years. It doesn't mean I've lost interest in that hobby, I will do it again. But I just don't have time right now. You mention that diapers are a sexual turn on for you? Well I've got lots of things I find a sexual turn on, but I don't feel the need to indulge in all of them all the time.

Just put your AB stuff away and bring it back out when you want to. Just don't dump it, as you probably will want it again at some point in the future.

Beth

Yes, I think what you are discovering is that you have experienced the entire AB/DL world and have picked what you like. It took me 10 years and I still may go back to AB stuff whenever I desire. The thing is you have found what you don't like. That is important. It takes a while, because you have learned the good and bad of our community(if we have one). I wouldn't stop trusting ABs though, because having discernment is a learned skill. You now know what you need to know to determine if the AB is the correct one behind the curtain. I wouldn't stop. I would use your skills to weed out the liars. Then you will find someone you can trust.

SDB

[curiositykilledthecat]

Okay, can I just say if you are a guy, i don't care what role you want to play, but you owe it to your fellow MAN to be upfront about it. As for the op, you experienced what is very common on dating sites. It comes with the territory, live and learn bro.

[BabyChris121675]

Oh I have confronted those who have lied to me, and tried to pass themselves off as real girls.

I also confront those who lie to me. You see, I was raised differently, and I know some people like to hide behind false identities online and well, I don't. I don't lie about who I am and what I am. I guess, as I've gotten older, I've gotten to the point where I can't take the lies, and the false identities. I work hard for what I have, and I am proud of that. I also have gotten disillusioned because of the fact people don't understand that there is a life outside diapers.

That's what set this in motion a year ago.

A year ago in March of 2007, an AB I know formed a website. Well, one night after a particularly bad night at work, he kept bugging me to join his chatroom when all I wanted to be was left ALONE. I wanted to be ALONE. Plus, this said AB accused me of being a drunk. Well, I am not a drunk. I like beer, but I know how to control my booze, cause I have too much to lose. This loser would not leave me alone until I went into his chatroom. Surprise, surprise, it was all DIAPER, and nothing else chat! I stayed a while, but got mad. I didn't want to be bothered that night.

Well, I have a life outside of diapers, and I got mad. I even told the dude so, but he was so into his diapers, and the AB world that he didn't see past his diapers.

I got mad... and went invisible from him. Even ended up blocking him from my Yahoo list.

Plus, another straw was a scammer earlier this year, who left me a message on ABY.com, and I was able to see through her little game. She wanted money or to send me a check.

I guess the way I am feeling has been building for some time. I am not going to leave the community and I am still a part of it. I am still trying to find out what I am looking for here. I don't know what it is I am looking for right now. I do know that something keeps me tied to the lifestyle... Plus I am not really bitter, just annoyed about some aspects of some ABs who think only of their diapers.

Chris

[sarah_ab]

all i can say was, when he first started bothering you or if you wantedto be left alone, why did yo log onto a messenger system at all?

seriously, the greatest thing about theinternet is YOU have the power to end any conversation you dont want to have simply by logging off. You also had all the power not to enter that chatroom, no one can just poof, make u go into a chatroom...

I'm not saying the experience wasn't annoying to you. but we all have choices on the internet, you made the choice to go into that chatroom, you made the choice to keep talking to that guy even though he was pissing you off. Yes you regret the choice you made it seems, yes it just made you more annoyed, but at the end of the day YOU pushed the button.

JUst accept that there are people in this world who suck, who dont think liek you do, and who's whole world does revolve around their fetish, not just people into diapers..

as for a scammer asking for money... hello i get like 15 nigerian scammer emails a day... do i get upset and take it personally? no... no one should. If you are going to use the internet, you need to accept the rrisks and annoyances that come with it, and know when to simply close the chat window, log off yahoo, or shut down the internet.

I'm sorry but it does sound like you are whining and saying ohh poor me ... we have all been scammed, harassed and annoyed by someone online. It happens, but to allow it to cloud how you view the entire ab/dl comunity, quite frankly, is very closed minded.

I was told by someone with blond hair once that i was a loser. DOes that mean i hate all people with blond hair?

Once someone who drove an SUV hit my car and then drove off, does that mean i hate allpeople who drive suv's?

Once i was engaged to a british guy who dumped me. Does that mean i hate all brits?

Lighten up.. its the INTERNET!!!! if you are expecting complete honesty you are sadly mistaken.

You will never get complete honestly ANYWHERE in life.

[spoonchicken]

Sounds like you are now in control of your AB side, instead of it being in control of you. Like the man said, "All things in moderation". Put the AB side into its "proper perspective". Only you can decide what exactly the proper perspective is for yourself at any given time period of your life. As we grow older, our priorities do indeed change. Don't fight with yourself over this. Just let things progress naturally for yourself, and see how things turn out. Things that are forced upon us lose their appeal very quickly, whether these things are imposed from within or without. Whatever "feels" comfortable is probably what's best. . "Be what you is, not what your are not. Folks that do this, is the happiest lot".

[Vic]

It happens to all of us, people lie, what else can you expect from the internet? I've been scammed, stung, and burned, but I'm still alive.

I'd listen to Spoon, be happy about what you do have, and don't worry so much about the rest.

You want honesty? It's like the song says "hey you, hey you, finally you get it, the world ain't fair, eat you if you let it".

Keep your chin up, and your eyes open, things always have a way of working out.

Peace,

Vic

[underwhere]

I can understand the original gripe/complaint/whatever about honesty. I can also understand the desire to interact with people who are honest and forthright. Here is the problem: most people aren't.

I come from a unique perspective. Check out my blog here on dailydiapers to read about some of that stuff. (My blog is private to DD members only. For personal reasons, I would prefer not to discuss that stuff in the forum where potential google searches might let on to people far more about me than I would like them to know if they randomly go searching for me.) Just from a personal safety concern for myself, I have always had to be exceptionally careful, and because I have been socially burned before, even more so. For my own safety and sanity, I tend to expect the worst in people and am often surprised when somebody shows me their best. Because of my circumstances, I am unwilling to interact with anybody offline (whom I've met online) if I can't be sure they will take my circumstances seriously.

Honestly, there are very few people, in my experience, who have the capacity to try to understand my challenges in life from my perspective. It's an even rarer person who genuinely does "get it", but I highly respect those people who try. For most people, I'm "too much work" or "too strange" or fill-in-the-blank. I've met a number of people in person from my other online endeavors, and those people, in general, have been really fantastic people. So far, I have not met in person with anybody from the AB/DL community (that I know of), but I am both willing and eager to do so if the right circumstances come along. Chief among those circumstances would be an understanding of me as a person with my specific challenges, of which me as a DL with ambitions to explore how much of an AB I really want to become quite secondary.

Am I looking for somebody? Yes, but I'm not out there looking for the first person who comes along who says they are interested in me. Trust and candor come before anything else to me, and that takes time to create and foster. In some ways, I've been lucky. Before finding dailydiapers, I was a member of another website with a focus more geared toward s&m and BDSM. It took quite some time, a bit of trial and error on my part, and some specific circumstances, but eventually, I found somebody who was willing to take me under her wing, as it were. I still haven't met her in person, but both my online and telephone discussions with her allowed me to be willing to trust her probably more than I have ever trusted any other single person in my whole life, and for me, that says something very special because for me, trust is not something I give to very many people.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is understandable that you might be disillusioned, but when a person becomes disillusioned, as I have in the past and in some aspects of my life still am, it takes a lot of personal work to get to the point where it is possible to move forward, and when it is possible to move forward, it takes even more work to make sure that the forward motion is successful. We are all a collection of our circumstances, and we all have the potential to effect our circumstances to a great degree, but I get the sense that perhaps you are not taking responsibility for the decisions and choices you have made to get to this point in your own explorations.

Part of my personal credo is that I will never lie to other people about myself. Another is that I expect people to lie to me in return. The two combined make it difficult for me to get upset at other people because I expect the worst from them. Sometimes, it sucks to live like that, but for me, doing anything else would probably not be good for my personal safety and sanity.

I'm not sure what advice to give you, if you are even asking for advice. All I can really say is that your disillusionment may be more guided by a combination of your high expectations and other peoples unwillingness or inability to meet those expectations. There are very few ways to solve that problem. One way is to lower your expectations, which is obviously not a good option. The other is to become more aware and alert to yourself and your approach toward getting to know people, and modifying that approach to limit the possibilities of you getting burned as much as possible.

I live a fairly isolative life which contributes, I'm sure, to my depression, but it is also a coping strategy for me. I can only handle so much "social stuff" without experiencing visual and cognitive overload. Anybody who might wish to get to know me will have to take their time doing it in a manner that makes ME feel safe. That is how I have compensated for myself. As a preteen and teen, I was so desiring of any positive social interactions with peers that I made all kinds of mistakes trying to force them, and inevitably, those attempts failed. Now that I know what I REALLY want and need, which is far different from what I THOUGHT I wanted and needed, I have become far better focused at seeking those type of relationships out, whether they are within the lifestyle or outside of it. As a general rule, I think I've also been far more successful to.

BabyChris, I wish you all of the best in success as far as trying to resolve these issues for yourself, and I also wish you success in finding some REAL people who will be able to help you along whatever paths you desire to explore. Don't lose sight of yourself in the process, but be prepared that many other people may have their own best interests at heart, and not the mutual interests which you seem to be looking for. I'm sure such a person is out there, but I will admit that such people are a lot harder to find. Don't give up, though. You only really lose when you stop trying.

[Guest dllightning]

wow, an inspiration. I posted on that here and gave credit to ur thread

[BabyChris121675]

I feel a bit better today. I think Square Duck had it right, I have learned to control my AB side, and I also have learned how to handle thins a bit better. I guess the reason I posted what I did was cause I have been kinda down, and as my birthday approaches, and I realize more and more that I am alone. I guess part of me wishes I wasn't alone or something.

I also guess as I get older; I start to feel a bit better about things and try not to take my life or life too seriously. After reading all the posts, I somehow don't feel so bad. Maybe I let my emotions get the best of me but now I do feel better.

I guess I need to learn to relax more.

Chris

[BabyChris121675]

lol.

Thanks for being there, I am starting to feel a lot better. I guess I was feeling down cause of my birthday coming up on the 16th and I am never fond of my birthday until I am drunk off my butt with my friends and family at my birthday celebration. I dunnknow... but I am feeling better.

I also think I also needed to vent about some things too, and it's hard to talk to my friends about being AB, or a daddy, they would NEVER understand and I guess I needed to vent. My thanks to everyone who posted. If you ever wanna talk to me in person, contact me on Yahoo. That's what I usually keep up more than anything else.

Anyway, I am going to try to participate more here too. I also feel I needed to get my feet wet here at DD, as I usually don't hang here. I thank you all.

Chris