The Vanilla World Verses Diapers

[Guitar Lover]

Hi all!

I am a 46 yo divorced guy from CT USA and I was fairly active here before the change occured on the personals site a couple of years back. My mom passed away around that time period and my diaper activity layed dormant until recently but I still have been lurking consistantly, just not being active. I like many others go back and forth dating in the vanilla world and being active in the diaper community with the hopes of connecting with a quality woman who shares my love for diapers in either situation. Diapers are a part of my life but the love connection is way more important. I could not be satisfied if the mutual interest in diapers is all we had. I am a DL not an AB.

I am a part time wedding videographer and I worked yesterday afternoon for someone who I've known now for 7 years and she is realy cool. She also wanted me to relax and party with everyone during the reception. As I was working, a very attractive girl came up and started talking to me. It was obvious she was attracted to me during our conversation and I her. She asked me if I would do a shot with her and I said definately. She went and got them for us and we did about 3 more throughout the reception. The reception was at a hotel so the bridal party went to the bar afterwords. She was one of the bridesmaids.

Well, we talked more at the bar and I knew she was younger then me but she had no idea how old I was. I guessed right on that she was 27. She thought I was in my 30's but my age did not bother her. I am totally flattered that at 46 I can attract an attractive 27 year old girl and very sexual one at that. Well, as it turned out she was married and I won't go there but this really boosted my ego today and got me thinking that if I just stop separating meeting someone in the diaper world and the vanilla world I will eventually find someone who will have fun with this.

So, I've decided to be active in both instead of one or the other like I have done in the past. In the past I have restrained persuing girls that were attracted to me because I would always think" she won't be into diapers". But here's the thing, it seems they are always highly sexual and just might be open to some kink. I have no problem opening up a discussion about sex so I can feel a person out. If it seems they may be a bit kinky I will bring up a little hint to see the reaction. I just have not gone through the numbers and have stayed pretty much alone with this except for a couple of partners that were few and far between.

I am realizing that it is me that is holding back.

Now today I have a date with someone I got matched with through a vanilla dating service. If there is a connection and an attraction I will persue it further. It would be great to find someone who is into this scene and we also fall in love but I don't want to set myself up for being alone because I just stick to trying to date through this and other sites like it. But on the other hand, I never give it a fair shot. I will be active for a month and then stop. I prefer to meet people naturally and in person like at the wedding but I'm not able to get out much because of work.

So, that's why I thought that it's time to be active in both at the same time.

Can any of you relate to what I am saying? This is tough stuff isn't it?

[phogendpf]

Yes it is. Im struggling with the same thing myself. Its hard enough meeting a girl who already likes diapers so I may have to go the vanilla route and hope to find some kinky women.

[Vic]

Yeah, it's tough stuff. I married in the "vanilla" world, with women who assured me that diapers were okay with them, only to say that they were not after we became married. As you can expect I got divorced a few years after that. The diapers were a small part of the reasons for divorce I will admit, but really I left because I'd gotten so fed up with them.

I've had a few "vanilla" girls that I've lived with, but none of them could relate to the diapers even though I had been up front about it when we were getting serious. I just haven't found anyone open or receptive to my diaper side.

So I decided to look exclusively in the community. I took a couple years off to get back to being okay with being me, then started looking in the community. It's been a couple of years, and I sometimes think about looking in the "vanilla" world once again, but I wonder if it's worth it. I mean breaking up is a bitch, and I've gone through enough of them in my life time.

I hate breaking it off with a girl, because there is no such thing as a good break up or at least I've never experienced it. I do have 3 former girlfriends that I'm still friends with, but even those break ups went hard. We were just able to bury the hatchet afterwards.

So yeah, this is tough stuff you're talking about here, if you figure it out let me know, cause I'm still scratchin my head in wonder.

Peace,

Vic

[Huggie]

Hia everyone

Guitar Lover there are ppl who won't give you a passing thought about being diapered, of course it is an honesty thing as you know but if someone is into the "dating service" thing I would think that chances are better that you'll find someone there quicker then in the conventional way just because that person is current to the "new way" of thinking and thus likely will be more accepting of a diapered guy because of contemporary thought process. Keep us posted and I wish you well in your search.

Huggie

[Pipsqueak]

I think it's good to keep all your options open. In the diaper community there are girls interested iln the same thing as you, but they might not be compatible on other levels. In the vanilla area they might be compatible with all the other parts of you but know nothing about diapers. One (or more) from either category will eventually work out. A so-called vanilla woman who is sexually adventurous might be interested in trying something like diapers, that she's never considered before. You never know.

[Vic]

True, there may be some like that, but I've gotten involved with a lot of girls, and you become a part of their life. When that happens and things don't work out it's just another hard time. I'm starting to think that Square Duck may be right.

I mean I'm okay on my own, and some of the relationships I was in I stayed because they wanted me to, even though I got pretty miserable inside. It's hard to live a lie, and to deny the diaper side of me caused me great unhappiness. I developed resentments even though I cared for that person, and really that's no way to live.

Resentment is toxic, even if you try your best to put the best face on things that you can. You get so you really don't want to be with them anymore, because all you feel is resentment. It's not like you can talk about it when they've already stated that they don't want to hear anything about diapers again.

Yes, I too make a good hermit. I go to movies alone, I keep to myself these days, it's not bad. Hell I'm comfortable with being me, and the prospect of going through another unsatisfying relationship is really not worth it anymore. I've been looking in the community, and have pondered whether to date again outside the community, but I think not. I'll wait and see, if nothing happens then nothing happens not a big deal anymore.

I've had enough relationships that I'm okay with being with someone, but I've had enough relationships that I'm okay with being alone too. I don't want to go through another break up, the next time I fall for someone I want it to last. Maybe I want too much, but I don't think so, if I had the choice to be alone forever or be back in some of the relationships I've been in I would definately choose to be alone.

Maybe I'll find that special person, maybe not, but I'm okay with being with me.

Peace

Vic

[PampersPete]

My advice? Just be yourself and fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

[Mean Mommy]

I think it's good to be all-around horny. The more kinky things you're interested in, the more likely you'll find someone who will indulge at least one of them. And then it's just a matter of skill and coercion to gently push them into trying all your bizarre fetishes. Diapers is a really specific kink. It's a taboo subject to even kinky people. So the chances that you'll meet a vanilla girl who will just spring for diapers (god bless her soul) is low. I found that BDSM is a good gateway kink to diapers.

[Vic]

Mean Mommy why do you always crack me up? I always get the impression that you listen to Black Flag, or The Dead Kennedy's. Thanks for your post, it cheered up my day!

Peace,

Vic

[Sophie ♥]

God do i feel stupid for saying this aloud, but what is vanilla? *blushes*

Curse my lack of inside lingo...

-Embarassed Sophie

[Guitar Lover]

But Vanilla is the word that describes people when they are not into anything kinky. Just regular old boring sex. It is also used to describe the regular dating scene.

God do i feel stupid for saying this aloud, but what is vanilla? *blushes*

Curse my lack of inside lingo...

-Embarassed Sophie

[Guitar Lover]

There's a girl I work with that I fell madly in love with but she has a boyfriend. She approached me because she was having difficulties with him and we just started hanging oout a lot. Now this girl is highly sexual but I really don't think she would ever go for the diaper thing. I hinted to her about watersports and she was not keen on the subject.

Here's the thing, if we ever ended up together I wouldn't ever miss the diapers because there is so much sexuality coming from her it really turns me on. On top of that, she is an amazing person.

I think it's good to keep all your options open. In the diaper community there are girls interested iln the same thing as you, but they might not be compatible on other levels. In the vanilla area they might be compatible with all the other parts of you but know nothing about diapers. One (or more) from either category will eventually work out. A so-called vanilla woman who is sexually adventurous might be interested in trying something like diapers, that she's never considered before. You never know.

[Aleia]

You know, if you don't like it when people think less of you because of how you have sex, it's pretty ironic you'd go around labelling people "vanilla" because of the way they have sex. Just because a person doesn't use props in the bedroom doesn't mean they're boring people who can't touch your life--that is, unless diapers are more important to you than personality, character, experiences and emotions, in which case I wouldn't blame anyone for letting you stay single.

In case you haven't noticed, Aleia does not take very kindly to AB/DL elitism.

[PampersPete]

Just because a person doesn't use props in the bedroom doesn't mean they're boring people....

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah they are.

[Sophie ♥]

Thank you for the answer. I appreciate it.

Now i'm informed on all the lingo!

-Sophie

[Guest refridginator]

You know, if you don't like it when people think less of you because of how you have sex, it's pretty ironic you'd go around labelling people "vanilla" because of the way they have sex. Just because a person doesn't use props in the bedroom doesn't mean they're boring people who can't touch your life--that is, unless diapers are more important to you than personality, character, experiences and emotions, in which case I wouldn't blame anyone for letting you stay single.

In case you haven't noticed, Aleia does not take very kindly to AB/DL elitism.

what i think the thread starter meant by "vanilla" is any non-ab/dl people. i don't know about any elitism going on here... i actually have a hard time picturing anyone being an ab/dl elitist.

but if it looks like that because of the word "vanilla," we can substitute that with "normie(s)"... that's the best i can come up with.

[Guitar Lover]

Wow, that was pretty harsh. If you read a couple of my responses above you will see that I used the word vanilla only to describe the regular dating world. I never said I think less of anyone I am only describing the type of person I am attracted to which is a very sexual person. That to me is pretty hot and it doesn't involve props at all. I don't need the diapers or anything to be happy in a relationship.

I'm curious to how it is you think I came across as being shallow and I'm only asking because I'm not. I don't want to come across that way so your input is appreciated.

You know, if you don't like it when people think less of you because of how you have sex, it's pretty ironic you'd go around labelling people "vanilla" because of the way they have sex. Just because a person doesn't use props in the bedroom doesn't mean they're boring people who can't touch your life--that is, unless diapers are more important to you than personality, character, experiences and emotions, in which case I wouldn't blame anyone for letting you stay single.

In case you haven't noticed, Aleia does not take very kindly to AB/DL elitism.

[Mean Mommy]

You know, if you don't like it when people think less of you because of how you have sex, it's pretty ironic you'd go around labelling people "vanilla" because of the way they have sex. Just because a person doesn't use props in the bedroom doesn't mean they're boring people who can't touch your life--that is, unless diapers are more important to you than personality, character, experiences and emotions, in which case I wouldn't blame anyone for letting you stay single.

In case you haven't noticed, Aleia does not take very kindly to AB/DL elitism.

What does define vanilla?

It can't just be a lack of props. Because doing it in a graveyard isn't very vanilla. And sometimes me and my boy take turns making goat sounds (Just so you know: I'm not a goat fucker, although I find mimicking goats in bed hilarious/strangely gratifying) and that doesn't require any toys at all. I think it's more a frame of mind. It's all about how you approach sex.

To me the pinnacle of vanilla sex is two people lying on top of one another, on a bed in a room with the curtains closed, grunting. Can't get more vanilla than that.

Aleia does have a point tho, there is an undercurrent of hostility in the kink universe against vanilla lovers. Vanilla love is......uh.....nice. But it's just not fun. Sometimes I think "I'm such a dirty whore, surely god did not intend for me to have such crazy sex, or else he would have given me more sex organs. Perhaps a knee-dildo for example." But then I wonder whose puritanical propaganda am I spouting anyway? *cough cough Judeo-Christianpuritanicalpropaganda cough* I think sex should be colorful and fun. I think sex should be an arena of experimenting, exploration and discovery. And I can't see that in the vanilla lifestyle.

So if all you need is a vagina and a penis to get off, more power to you! I just want more, and I think it's alright to want more. And I'm a little angry to be living in a society that's telling me to expect less. I think that's where the "vanilla sucks" vibes come from.

[tris]

You're on point, ma!

[diaperwearntigger]

I have heard others into the ABDL scene use the word "vanilla" on many occassions... all have been refered to only those who are not into the ABDL scene.

I have used the word "vanilla" on many occassions... all have been refered to those who are not into the ABDL scene.

Its a term that people use... its just a term... its all in how you use it and how you interprut it. It's funny how you can start an arguement over such silly, simple things.

Guitar Lover, I did not take offense to anything you have said. It is your opinion, your likes, your kinks, who am I, or who is anyone to say that you are wrong. Just because it may not be something you are personally interested in doesn't mean it is wrong.

That's what cracks me up about the people into this scene, alot of them are hyprocrites. You get mad at the people on the outside of the ABDL world not accepting your diapers and saying you are wrong for liking them, yet you critize those who are into the scene because they like diaper play a little differently or they like ageplay, or they like making goat sounds in bed (lol...interesting by the way).... Some of you want the outside world to accept the ABDL community, how do you expect those people to accept us, when we can't even accept the people already into the ABDL scene because it's a little differently than what you like.

I'm sure I will get attacked on this post, but I guess I rest my case if I do. I'm sure a lot you will come back and say... I'm not like that or I don't do that.... I'm not naming any names, and I didn't say ALL, I said SOME...and if it doesn't apply to you, no need to defend yourself...lol