Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place

[collegekid]

So the other night my Gf tells me that there are some issues that will have to be resloved before a marriage or engagement is in place, she is talking about me being a Dl and the diapers. Now when we first started dating I told her everything and I thought she was cool with it. It wasn't untill I moved out the House I was renting and got my apartment and could have diapers agian that she ever saw them. And thats where it got different. At first she was like there not my thing just dont do it around me. Wear em when I'm gone and what ever. I joke with her about it and stuff, but now she is like giving me a ultimatum it seems like. Now to her credit she is a respiratory therapists and only relates the diapers to the infirm and the old. To her its too weird for her, and as of late it has bothered her. Apart of me wants to give it up, but another part does not, Part of me says it's not fair that I should have to give something that I like, but I see where she is coming from what can I do..... I love this girl and we have be togeather for almost a year now

[DailyDi]

Wow, that is a tough spot to be in. I hate to sound like an ass, but if she can't handle a relatively small thing like a diaper fetish, it kinda makes me wonder how there could possibly be true compromise later in the relationship. Sounds like it's her way or no way... not the best attitude.

[Manchesterlad]

If you realy love her you'll give them up for her thats the way i see it. Love of good women is much better than being a DL. While it would be nice to have a lady who enjoys it too. There hard find and wouldnt give up on a person just cos they dont like a small part of you. I would give up a hell of a lot for the love of good women.

[collegekid]

she acts like is a big thing.... thats what gets me

[Manchesterlad]

My bigger concern is that fact youve only been togther for less than an year are your planning on geting marrid.

[lynniehyde]

Wow, that is a tough spot to be in. I hate to sound like an ass, but if she can't handle a relatively small thing like a diaper fetish, it kinda makes me wonder how there could possibly be true compromise later in the relationship. Sounds like it's her way or no way... not the best attitude.

Gotta agree with ya there, Daily Di. I don't know the depth of their relationship here, but if you're talking long term?

"Houston, we have a problem!"

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[collegekid]

we are not getting married any time soon, marriage would be at least a year 1/2 to 2 or three years down the road, I just graduated college she will be out in May, and we wanted to get our careers started before we tied the knot

[Pipsqueak]

I'm afraid I have to agree with DD, on this one. While you might want to give it up for her sake, as most of us here have discovered, it's almost impossible to do in reality. I'm not saying that no one can, just that it's a lot more difficult than, say, giving up eating a donut every day at coffee break. I've probably said this a million times on here but sit down and have a good long talk with her. Ask what it is that bothers her and explain that this is part of your hard-wiring and not so much a hobby you've taken up for the fun of it. When people ask you to give up something that is important to you simply because they don't want to deal with it, resentment usually follows close behind. And resentment has a way of building and spilling over into other things. Don't rush into marriage until this has all been hashed out.

[BriGuy]

I have to agree with DailyDia too. Marriage is about compromise and if something as trivial as a diaper fetish puts the relationship on hiatus then what is a big difference of opinion going to cause? Say, a difference on how the children should be raised, go to school, religion, etc. Now don't go out and haul off and dump her for it, just sit down and discuss it. Not jokingly, in a very serious manner. If this is part of who you are and your not willing to give it up, or can't give it up then you have to portray that it is a part of you. It isn't something that is going to disappear. Once the knot is tied then things get very complicated and backing out becomes a financial hooplah. My best wishes, I hope things turn out well for you.

~Brian

[boy ricky]

So the other night my Gf tells me that there are some issues that will have to be resloved before a marriage or engagement is in place, she is talking about me being a Dl and the diapers. Now when we first started dating I told her everything and I thought she was cool with it. It wasn't untill I moved out the House I was renting and got my apartment and could have diapers agian that she ever saw them. And thats where it got different. At first she was like there not my thing just dont do it around me. Wear em when I'm gone and what ever. I joke with her about it and stuff, but now she is like giving me a ultimatum it seems like. Now to her credit she is a respiratory therapists and only relates the diapers to the infirm and the old. To her its too weird for her, and as of late it has bothered her. Apart of me wants to give it up, but another part does not, Part of me says it's not fair that I should have to give something that I like, but I see where she is coming from what can I do..... I love this girl and we have be togeather for almost a year now

I think DD said it well. It seems you have attempted to make it with her already. Give them up if you want too, but remember, love is not about giving up.

[diaperwearntigger]

So the other night my Gf tells me that there are some issues that will have to be resloved before a marriage or engagement is in place, she is talking about me being a Dl and the diapers. Now when we first started dating I told her everything and I thought she was cool with it. It wasn't untill I moved out the House I was renting and got my apartment and could have diapers agian that she ever saw them. And thats where it got different. At first she was like there not my thing just dont do it around me. Wear em when I'm gone and what ever. I joke with her about it and stuff, but now she is like giving me a ultimatum it seems like. Now to her credit she is a respiratory therapists and only relates the diapers to the infirm and the old. To her its too weird for her, and as of late it has bothered her. Apart of me wants to give it up, but another part does not, Part of me says it's not fair that I should have to give something that I like, but I see where she is coming from what can I do..... I love this girl and we have be togeather for almost a year now

I recently got married this past October, luckily it was to someone who is also into the scene, so its not like I have to worry about giving up my love of diapers, or even being asked to, however, if marriage has taught me anything its all about compromise and communication....if your gf is asking you now to give up something that is important to you and there is no ring on her finger or yours, chances are when there is, you'll be asked to give up a lot more in your life that she doesn't like or agree with. That to me is not a good relationship. Is there something that she does that you don't like or agree with? Would you ever ask her to give it up, and if you did, would she? I don't think anyone should ask anyone to give up something that is important to them, unless of course its causing harm to that person or the other ie, drugs, alcohol.... You should accept that person no matter what, whether you agree with it or not, thats part of what love is, its a compromise and its accepting the whole of someone and not picking and weeding out the parts you don't like and asking them to change for you....

With that said.... I don't think she has the right to ask you to do that, nor do I think you should have to. If she can't accept you now for who you are, is she going to be able to accept you if you go fat, went bald, or God forbid be in an accident and have to wear diapers for need...

And as for what that other guy said about giving up diapers cause you found love... please... love comes and goes... just like friends do.... and no matter who you are, no matter how hard you try, you will NEVER be able to give up diapers, I don't care who you are in love with... diapers are a part of you and you can't give up something that is part of you...and please don't take what i say about your age defensively, but you are still young, you have plenty of time to find someone who will accept you for you...and trust me, you will....

I think before you make your decision, I think you should talk to her, and I think you should explain to her that you love her and you would like to have a relationship with her, however, diapers are a part of you and you can't give them up... if she leaves you, then you are better off... you shouldn't be with someone who is like that...if she stays, then make the relationship work....you could also ask her to give up something she loves... I'll give up diapers, if you give up??? she what she says...

Good luck in your decision, but just remember whatever your decision it has to be yours and what you feel is right for you....we can only give you advice, but its up to you to decide what to do with it

[PampersPete]

Dump the bitch and do it fast. RUN FORREST! RUN!!!!!!!

[collegekid]

hey hey now don't go start calling her names, she is a lovely girl.

[DailyDi]

Yeah, no need for name-calling.

[DailyDi]

she acts like is a big thing.... thats what gets me

That's what bothers me. You don't seem to be on the extreme end of wanting poopy diapers changed and being spoon-fed (nothing wrong with that either, just requires a completely understanding partner) you just like wearing diapers. It's an underwear choice. How would she feel if you decided she could never wear anything but thongs? Or just granny panties?

[boy ricky]

Yeah, no need for name-calling.

Daddy would spank me for calling people names, thats not nice. I bet it was mistake, Right!

[collegekid]

I have asked her what would you do if I was ever to become incontinent and had to use them for a medical reason, not a fetish.

She jokes about what she would do, but she said she would accept me and still love me. What gets me is I know alot of people relate to adult diapers as something that is weird or out of the norm. But what is the norm, the norm to me is different than the nect person.

She is a very very conservative girl, and I think that is what has alot to do with, Iam a very liberal conservative type person

[DailyDi]

Have you discussed compromise at all? Or is it simply a deal-breaker to her?

I can - I guess - understand her being uncomfortable with it, but she could let it be "your thing." You know, not wear around her or flaunt it in her face, make sure she never sees a wet diaper laying around. But sometimes, when you're alone, you might put one on for a while. Maybe have a box in the closet that she knows is there, but doesn't go in.

I'm no relationship expert to be sure - and wouldn't want you to do anything on my say, just tossing out ideas. If it's a simple "no" for her, you - at some point - will have to decide of this is a part of you that you really can walk away from. Obviously you care about her or we wouldn't be having this conversation, so I hope you find some middle ground you can both be happy with.

[collegekid]

well we havent talked yet, she brought this up yesterday. She is away at her clinicals and won't be back till tommorrow. But I don't know how she is gonna be up for talking at length, she doesn't like to talk about stuff like that

[lynniehyde]

well we havent talked yet, she brought this up yesterday. She is away at her clinicals and won't be back till tommorrow. But I don't know how she is gonna be up for talking at length, she doesn't like to talk about stuff like that

Communication and trust is what it's all about, in any serious relationship. I think you have some real issues to discuss here with your SO. Take that with a grain of the proverbial salt. I don't know either of you. But, from what you're presenting in this forum, I would have to say, it looks like a looming disaster. Poop, or get off the pot.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[PampersPete]

Iam a very liberal conservative type person

Allrighty then Continuing on.......

[Mean Mommy]

Hmmph.

I'm a little put off. It doesn't seem like she's trying very hard to work through this problem. Yes, this is not a mainstream fetish, and not a problem many couples encounter (or do they?) but demanding that you give your diapers up without throughly discussing it or working out a compromise (and there's a lot of room for compromise) isn't very considerate of you or your feelings. Perhaps this girl is as nice as you say, perhaps forest animals emerge from the foliage to eat from her palm, but she seems dismissive and self-centered when it comes to your sexual inclinations. She should at least acknowledge that her demands will make you unhappy, and that should bother her. The fact that it doesn't is a red flag.

By the way, is this your first heavy/real relationship? If it is, you should really consider slowing down. Marriage after two years is still going pretty damn fast at your age (not that I'm that far off, but I've seen many a friend get married young and it doesn't end well).

Anyway, imagine marriage as a magnifying glass. Any misgivings you have in the beginning expand into regrets and then finally balloon into misery coupled with seething resentment. So in short, if you're not fine now, you will definitely not be fine in the long haul.

And trust me and everyone else on this board: you do not have so much control over your sexual urges as you think. It is very unlikely that your innocent love of diapers will go away just because you(r girlfriend) wants it to. You may succeed in repressing your desire to be diapered for a while, but soon it will eat at you, torment you. And you will look for a way to get it out. And that could be anything ranging from a private stash hidden from your beloved's knowledge to being with someone who accepts this side of you.

The solution is simple: is she loves you, and this fetish isn't hurting you or anybody else, she should try her hardest to accept/tolerate your diaper fetish. She should do this because she respects and loves you, and wants the best for you. And that means stepping out of her comfort zone for your sake.

If you love this girl and want to protect you relationship with her, you must fight for your right to diapers in a calm, reasonable fashion. You must be persistent - you won't let her sweep this issue under the rug. This is important, dammit! And if you don't face it now you will only face it later, and under more painful circumstances. You must be reasonable - do not fly into a rage even if it is completely justified, it will only scare her off or infuriate her, and neither will help her open up to you. And you must be loving - you say your girl is conservative, and it doesn't sound like she's very comfortable discussing things of s sexual nature. So you must be kind and show her there's nothing to be afraid of. Be gentle and understanding when she needs it and she will return the favor.

I don't know you and I don't know her, so I can't guarantee my advice will work, but it should. Good luck!

[tris]

Way back when, people got married when they were 17, 18, and 19 because they were going to die just past 50, so it was time to make the family or hang out at the saloon til the end of your days.

You're most likely going to live until you're 80, or maybe even 90 or see triple digits. Would you like to look back and see that you made the right choices CONSISTENTLY and you didn't lie to yourself or anyone else about what makes you happy? I doubt you want to be old and realize that you wasted 20 or more years with someone who was stifling your very being.

If she's uncomfortable even talking about diapers and stuff (and why, if she's already in the med field) I think you need to start looking for an out.

As fun as a bossy/demanding gf can be, they will drag you into the ground, and it's no more prudent for women (collectively) to produce these types of girls as it is for us guys to follow our dicks like dousing rods drooling after them.

I don't know you, but I'm actually angry with you for even thinking you would deny yourself for any period of time just to please a stupid girl.

Grab a bag and prepare to do some serious mindwalking, you just might figure out what you want.

Or maybe stay in college, collegekid? I think you have ALOT more to learn about the real world, because it isn't just all about getting married, snagging a career and putting out papooches in a housing development somewhere in America's middle class.

[collegekid]

I graduated in Dec with my B.S.

[CDLover]

Here's my $.05 as I was in a situation similar...

My diaper desire/fetish or whatever you want to call it, resurfaced during my marriage. My wife did not like it - underwear choice or not. She did not complain much and seemingly went along with it as I wore them to bed at night.

But what did happen was more damaging than her being angry... every time I wore, she began to lose affection to the point of resentment. At first, what was a tiny chink in our relationship, grew to the point where a solid wall was built. We are no longer married. Granted, diapers are not the only reason, but they compounded other things that were going on.

In spite of all you read here about underwear choices etc., remember that your girlfriend is entitled to her opinion as well. It may not be one with which you agree. You have time to resolve this. I hope that it works out for the both of you, but make sure that this is resolved prior to getting married. Marriage has a way of taking little things and making them big.

As an aside, you should pick up a copy of A Passionate Marriage, by Dr. David Schnarch. He talks about the crucible (heat and pressure) of the marriage relationship.

Best wishes,

CDL