Nervous About Ab/dl

[Nikki Jones]

I've already posted somewhat of a similar topic before, but I feel like theres more I want to say.

I'm still pretty new to the fetish AND to this site, I've only really been on it for a few days. And even though i've been able to talk to some people about ab/dl things, It hasn't changed how I feel about it sometimes. I still feel really awkward thinking or talking about it

I knew what I was getting into by joining this site, I knew that it would help with taking the first step to accept my fetish, but things haven't changed much. I still know that I'll never have enough courage to go get diapers or any AB things. I'll never feel comfortable enough to tell someone about it, and I'm worried I'll never meet anyone who likes it like I do. But I really want to, because I figure if I meet someone and I'm forced into that situation, it will help me get over my fear. You have no idea (actually... nevermind, you probably do) how much I want to meet someone or even just talk to someone who accepts this.

I know I have a diaper fetish, but I still cant fully accept it. I'm paranoid that people can automatically tell I'm into this. I'm nervous that I wont find someone that accepts me. I'm really scared of getting caught or having people I know find out about this. Any ideas, support, or advice would really help a lot.

[diapeygirluk]

I've already posted somewhat of a similar topic before, but I feel like theres more I want to say.

I'm still pretty new to the fetish AND to this site, I've only really been on it for a few days. And even though i've been able to talk to some people about ab/dl things, It hasn't changed how I feel about it sometimes. I still feel really awkward thinking or talking about it

I knew what I was getting into by joining this site, I knew that it would help with taking the first step to accept my fetish, but things haven't changed much. I still know that I'll never have enough courage to go get diapers or any AB things. I'll never feel comfortable enough to tell someone about it, and I'm worried I'll never meet anyone who likes it like I do. But I really want to, because I figure if I meet someone and I'm forced into that situation, it will help me get over my fear. You have no idea (actually... nevermind, you probably do) how much I want to meet someone or even just talk to someone who accepts this.

I know I have a diaper fetish, but I still cant fully accept it. I'm paranoid that people can automatically tell I'm into this. I'm nervous that I wont find someone that accepts me. I'm really scared of getting caught or having people I know find out about this. Any ideas, support, or advice would really help a lot.

Heya Nikki, I think like many things, being gay or even transgendered too you can feel just the same and not want anyone to know the secret, you have to accept yourself before you can learn to be more open about it with prospective partners or friends. In time you should find someone who will accept it, there are a lot of people out there who are looking too so chances are you have to come across somebody sometime.

When you feel comfortable enough with it you could look at one of the many sites apart from this that do dating, including diapermates which has its own link from daily diapers, and the many site like myspace too.

All I can say is there are many worse things in this world that being and ab or dl, it really isn't such a big deal and I really hope more people can acccept it over time. I wish you luck with your search for friends in your area you can share this with, I am sure there will be a few peeps here that arent too far or may know people close by too!

xxx

[Guest]

Hey nikki,

I recently, just a month or two ago, went through the same thing you are going through now. Until that point i had never bought diapers or ABDL stuff and i didn't feel right about my desires, i felt guilty for some reason, like i was doing something blameworthy. I had been into diapers (more of a DL than an AB, but i understand both points of view and i accept them) for my whole life, looking up websites and talking to people on chat and forums about the fetish/hobby. Even after i realized that i was into this, i couldn't accept it, it felt wrong to me. I had been trained my whole life to act a certain way and to behave 'normally'. I really am quite the average guy, i have friends, i go to school, i play music, i have a job, etc. Even though i knew this secret part of myself, i couldn't quite accept it, and i went through times where i tried to suppress it and take it out of my life. And sometimes i could go a long time without going to any sites or thinking about it, but eventually i would always get back into it, and i wished i had the guts to try it. In that sense i was just like you. I knew i had feelings, but i couldn't act on them. I wasn't sure if what i was doing was right or wrong, a virtue or a vice. I went 19 years without ever participating in really ABDL stuff, even though i knew i wanted to at least try it... I really was very confused, i was caught between wanting to make myself happy (and try something i was interested in trying) and doing what i thought was normal and acceptable...

One morning, as i was driving home from college, i decided that i was gonna try it. I had to. I couldn't live life hiding from difficult choices, and running away from things that scared me... My heart raced as i pulled into a rite-aid (drugstore) parking lot. I planned everything out before i went in... I made myself a little fake shopping list to make myself look busy, and i scouted around the store to see how many people were near before i approached the incontinence section. I found the incontinence section and went to the isle perpendicular to it, i bent down a bit like i was looking at something in my isle, but i was actually looking around the corner to see which type of diapers i would try to get. All the while, i looked at the back-of-the-store cashier, to see how many people were in line. When i saw nobody was inline i moved in to the target and grabbed to bags of Depends Maximum Protection, and retreated a bit into the isle that i was in before when i saw someone approaching the cashier. Unfortunately for me, the line started getting longer and people seemed to come out of nowhere, and i was holding two big bags of adult diapers in my hand, trying not to let passer by's see what i had. I pretended to look around the herbal suppliment isle until i saw one person in line, and the cost was clear, i immediately moved in behind them, and when they turned and left i put the bags on the counter and didnt say a word, i tried not to act nervous, and tried to keep my cool. The cashier was a young guy about my age and that made me even more nervous... I swiped my card and it didnt work... twice, cause i swiped it wrong... lol! i was probably shaking... He swiped it for me and all he said was, have a nice day, as he handed me my reciept! I nodded and walked out of that store, hugging the wall and going straight for the door without looking or stalling for anything. I did it. I got in my car and got home.

I just have to say that after my first time buying, i felt much better, and after my first time wearing, i knew that i really did enjoy it. But i was in my own room in my own house, and nobody else had to know about it at all. It wasn't hurting or effecting anyone else at all! It took a little while for me to realize that i could accept my fetish. I didn't fully understand it, and im still trying to understand it. But what really matters is that it makes me happy, and it doesn't hurt anyone at all. I was still embarassed about buying them at shops, and i still am, haha. But once i walk out of the shop and get home, it doesnt matter anymore. Im sure the people in shops didnt really care, and im sure they didnt remember it long. If you look at the date when i joined these forums, that is the date that i bought my first diapers, and that is the date that i really began to accept and love who i am.

Diapers dont control my life. The people at meet at school and at work and my friends and family have no idea that im even into it at all. (aside from one friend.) Everyone else just sees me as some boring "normal" guy, but really i have a fetish that is my own personal business. You know? Its not like i would want to know what my parents favorite sex position is, nor would i care, its their own personal business, and being a DL is mine. And im still running a seemingly average life. Anyway, if i had to choose between being normal in the eyes of society, or being happy and accepting who i am, i would choice happiness any day. After i began to accept what i like, it was easier for me to be more confident and love myself more. I may still keep my personal (fetish) life secret from people who don't need to know, but at least im not hiding from myself anymore. Because if you can't be honest with yourself, and if you can't be your own friend or person to confide in, who can?

Eventually, about a week into december, i did something stupid and gutsy... I told my best friend of six years, that i have a fetish that im embarassed about, but i feel like i need to tell someone about it. So i made him look through a list of fetishes and guess which one i had. (he guess about a million before he landed on diapers, hahaha, and i said, "would you think less of me if it were any of these?" and he said "no, of course not!".) He is and was someone that i trusted with everything, but since i hadn't even been able to accept the truth myself, it was hard for me to tell him about it. Eventually i told him that it was the diaper one, and i explained to him that it was NOTHING to do with pedophilia or anything like that, and i told him that it was actually quite common. I think it should be said that he used to work at a drugstore, and one time we had a convo about the fact that he sold a lot of adult diapers, and he said it wasnt a big deal to him, and i knew he was always a kind and compassionate person. He told me that he actually thought it was kinda cool that i was into something unique and that he wished he was too.

So anyway... Thats basically how it happened for me...

I went from feeling exactly like you do now, to actually trying it out, and realizing that i really do like it, and that it is OK and it doesnt hurt anyone. And i actually told my best friend, and we are just as good of friends today as we have ever been, and he has even opened up to me about a little bit of stuff that we hadn't talked much about before.

Before you worry about meeting ABDL friends, you should really try to learn to accept who you are more. Its alright to feel the way you do! you aren't hurting anyone, and how you make yourself happy is nobodies business but your own. I mean, you would never ask your teachers what type of porn they like, so why should they have to know what you are into.

Once you learn to accept that you are into this, and that its ok, and that you should feel proud that you are unique and not afraid to be yourself, then you can start branching out to others in real life. Someday you WILL be brave enough to buy diapers, and try them out, and it will take a while to get used to the fact that nobody cares, and that you are fully allowed to pursue whatever makes you happy. If you need tips of buying diapers, everyone on here knows ways to help, from P.O. Boxes, to UPS/FedEx mailboxes, to going into stores and pretending like you are on a cellphone or making a fake shopping list (which makes you look like you may be getting it for someone else), to just keeping your cool, walking in and walking out. =)

I guess my advice, and what im really trying to say is:

Take things one step at a time and start with yourself. You need to learn to accept who you are, and try things out. Because IF you never try this out, then you will never realize if it is right for you or not. You will always be upset and confused by what you feel. (After i tried it, i felt 99% better about myself, and happier in my daily life!). After you sort yourself out, and give it a shot, then you can move onto meeting others in RL. And realize that you DO know people, on these forums and elsewhere that are NOT perverts or wierdos, and can talk to you like decent people. Even people who are ABs or DLs can take a step back and discuss serious issues! We are all here to help eachother, because WE ALL go through the same thing. And i know exactly how you feel.

-edo

P.S.: never be too afraid to ask question or ask for help here! we will all do our best to help you through your confusion and when everything is cleared up, you will be much happier with yourself!

[enfant]

"I still know that I'll never have enough courage to go get diapers or any AB things. I'll never feel comfortable enough to tell someone about it, and I'm worried I'll never meet anyone who likes it like I do."

Nikki, I used to feel exactly the same way. I suspect a majority of the people in this forum did, to some extent. I had it bad: When I was 18 I thought being into diapers meant I was mentally ill, or would become mentally ill, that if I were found out I might be institutionalized, and that no normal person could ever know this about me and still love me. I was utterly dedicated to the proposition that I was going to spend the rest of my life keeping this secret from everyone I knew. I can actually remember making plans for how I'd kill myself if anyone found out.

The diapers I wore were mostly makeshift affairs that I could cobble together from towels and garbage bags, because I couldn't bring myself to walk into a drugstore and buy adult diapers--zomg, what would the cashier think of me?! Eventually--when I was 18, in fact--I finally decided I had to try it, just once. Making up phony excuses about a visiting great-aunt to explain myself if I were asked why I was buying such a thing. The cashier was a girl a little older than me and she barely even looked up. (Which is totally typical. I can count on one finger the times I've gotten a weird reaction from a cashier--and that one time, it was a gum-snapping 15-year-old girl who seemed to feel that having an after-school job was beneath her. I suspect she got over that attitude fairly soon, or else she didn't keep that job for long.)

Then that same year I met the woman that I eventually married. And of course I kept my secret from her. But we moved in together and one day, when I was 20, I found on her shelf a couple of books by Nancy Friday about women's sexual fantasies, and I discovered for the first time that other people had outre fantasies too, that it wasn't that big a deal, and critically, that my lover was comfortable enough about it to be interested in owning books about it. So, shaking and stammering, I told her about my fetish. Scariest thing I ever did, but the world didn't end. She doesn't love diapers the same way I do, but she loves me and she loves how happy they make me. As I type, I'm still wearing the diaper she taped onto me last night.

It's hard to believe it when you're still young and lacking in self-confidence, but honest, it's true: You will in fact have enough courage to buy diapers someday--probably someday pretty soon. And you'll feel comfortable enough to tell people, if you want to. And you'll meet someone who either likes it just as much as you do, or likes you enough to play along. It'll happen.

[dlsmd]

now i think that most of what has been sed is correct

i don't believe everyone would believe this is a sexual fetish for quite a few this would be more of a lifestyle choice (they make u feel good or they give u comfort)

the fact that u like diapers instead of regular underwear is just fine

some guys like boxers some like tighty whities some like skimpies

some gals like tight pantys some like granny pantys some like g-strings

and some like diapers (guys and gals)

so if u feel diapers are what ud like to ware thats quite alright

and if someone dosent like u for that reason they most definetly are not a friend ud like to hav eneyway

[Dill_Pickle]

now i think that most of what has been sed is correct

Me too....and my shrink and all of her predecessors....I see her for depression/anxiety type problems...as long as you are carrying on the rest of your life, too, and not hurting or endangering anyone, includign yourself, no problem. Homosexuality was what forced the professionals to figure out that that was the correct attitude, and it goes for most other things sexual. My shrink is curious, has reminded me to be discreet a few times, and we don't talk much about it -- I have much more important things to work on.

As for buying in person, its just something that takes time and repetition to make you relax. Clerks aren't paying close attention to what you buy. Just imagine your grandmother is visiting and has run out of supplies. This accounts for your unfamiliarity.

Also, as you get a little older, you will find yourself grocery shopping. I found, as a teenager, that I could buy beer as long as it was in the middle of a bunch of groceries I was buying for my mother. Same applies to that package of Depends. I've also bought diapers at rummage sales, and the clerks really don't think about what they are selling until you ask for a sack...then the gal said Yes, of course....

Dill_Pickle

[tris]

There's TONS of good words, here, hon.

Read 'em and take it seriously because IT'S YOUR LIFE! How many other people do you know that like this? Sure, all these nice folks behind keyboards (including myself) have kind words and encouragement, but how do you know that we're not all just made up? Maybe it's a conspiracy to make you THINK you're not alone, but what if YOU ARE??

I used to think that ALL the time --it's all some big elaborate scheme to make Tristan wig out. No one else likes or wears diapers, we just do it to fool him, hahaha!

In my life, I live by a pretty general statement: If you're thinking about it, you've already made up your mind.

When you're ready, you'll do what you need to do to make yourself satisfied, and you won't be ashamed. While this fetish makes you unique in your own way, don't think you're the only one --we've all been 'where' you are right now, and we're just fine. If there were a way to prove you've already seen/met/know an ABDL right now, I'd bet that you have.

Take some time to sit down and really examine how you feel about all this; Ignore the social ramifications, and attempt to understand yourself. Once you really KNOW what it is that makes you happy, the rest will fall into place. . .

Walk (or waddle cutely when you're finally diapered) straight and smile; your life is like nobody else's!

I've also got a forum, where I've published my guide to 'Coming Out' for ABDLs --see the link in my sig. Take a look and I'd be happy to help you out, as well.

Good luck!

[:gremlin]

Nikki.

stop take a deep breath, then relax.

take your time and surf the diaper sites. you will find there are thousands out there.

nobody can tell you like diapers unless. you start running around and sniffing them in front of ppl. being a girl you could spread baby powder all over you and not one person would say a thing. thay even make different scented powders along the lines of baby powder for girls.

just relax and enjoy life. if you find you really want to try a diaper well go for it. nobody is going to question if you buy, pull ups large or adult diapers. heck you could even find out you just like the thought of being in a diaper and hate diapers. you never know until you just look around for a bit and explore.

[smarti]

There are people and people..

There are colleagues, friends and associates, and there is the great general public.

The public are the least of your worries. I often ask myself when I'll ever see that shopkeeper, etc., ever again, and the answer is always probably never.

For those close to you, know you, see you regularly, it's different. I've let this out to a few of my very closest friends and relations, and none were fazed or hostile about it. Ultimately diapers are not illegal or harmful, except for diaper rash. OTOH, my work is a very conformist atmosphere with some people hostile to me anyway. I don't need the extra hassle of colleagues knowing.

So in conclusion, your fears are real, and I certainly share them, but they are maybe exaggerated or unrealistic in certain aspects.

There's a third group of people too, the 10,000 plus members of DD, and at least 100,000 abies in the wild. A huge number of us have faced your dilemmas and dealt with them in different ways. Moreover, the vast majority of us are guaranteed to accept you for who you are. This is a nice place where social norms are reversed and it's normal to want to wear didees.

cheers

smarti

I've already posted somewhat of a similar topic before, but I feel like theres more I want to say.

I'm still pretty new to the fetish AND to this site, I've only really been on it for a few days. And even though i've been able to talk to some people about ab/dl things, It hasn't changed how I feel about it sometimes. I still feel really awkward thinking or talking about it

I knew what I was getting into by joining this site, I knew that it would help with taking the first step to accept my fetish, but things haven't changed much. I still know that I'll never have enough courage to go get diapers or any AB things. I'll never feel comfortable enough to tell someone about it, and I'm worried I'll never meet anyone who likes it like I do. But I really want to, because I figure if I meet someone and I'm forced into that situation, it will help me get over my fear. You have no idea (actually... nevermind, you probably do) how much I want to meet someone or even just talk to someone who accepts this.

I know I have a diaper fetish, but I still cant fully accept it. I'm paranoid that people can automatically tell I'm into this. I'm nervous that I wont find someone that accepts me. I'm really scared of getting caught or having people I know find out about this. Any ideas, support, or advice would really help a lot.

[boy ricky]

Hi

I have been working with gay men for over 30 years. The men i meet tend to be in the 35 to 60 year range as i work in helping them come out. The one thing that seems to be the hardest for them is accepting themselves for who they are.

There are many reasons people want or need to have diapers. The desires to wear diapers is very individualised, sometimes its a sexual thing and sometimes its a "need" physically or emotionally.

Our society generally does not understand it. The important thing to know is that people are trained to conform. We grow up learning how to relate to others, to use a bathroom, how to eat, who too marry, to have a family, go too work and then retire with grandchildren. All this within the confines of a little house and white picket fence.

Still society itself is beginning to accept deviation from the order listed above. Gays are more widely accepted or tolerated, fetishes like BDSM can be mentioned in many circles, single mothers are not shamed as much in general today, polyamory relationships are not so strange anymore. Change is slow, too slow for many of us as we need the support today, not 10, 15 or 20 years into the future.

Too bring peace of mind for ourselves we need validation of who we are. Your fetish or who you are does not harm anyone else. It is not illegal to wear diapers. There is no law that says you have to have sex a certain way (See society does change). If wearing diapers is part of an association or orientation to being a baby or child that's okay too.

It is natural for people to want acceptance from those near us. That's not always going to be the case so ...

To make it work, we need to accept who we are. This is easier if we can meet others like us, are in a supportive environment where we are validated. This can be accomplished locally by making friends of others similar to us, on-line communities like this and then in a relationship if we desire it.

Joining this site and taking concrete steps to discovering and accepting who you are will make a big difference for you. Other people on this site are in the same situation as you. Many have never met anyone else into the fetish or having a baby/child orientation because they fear rejection or ridicule.

I would suggest that you meet someone on-line and talk about it more. Then you can meet someone locally, in a safe public place, remember you both share the fetish or orientation. The way forward is a lot easier with the knowledge there are others like you.

As to the practical aspects of wearing diapers - you can wear them discretely. I hope to hear more from you and how you are doing.

Best,

Ricky

I've already posted somewhat of a similar topic before, but I feel like theres more I want to say.

I'm still pretty new to the fetish AND to this site, I've only really been on it for a few days. And even though i've been able to talk to some people about ab/dl things, It hasn't changed how I feel about it sometimes. I still feel really awkward thinking or talking about it

I knew what I was getting into by joining this site, I knew that it would help with taking the first step to accept my fetish, but things haven't changed much. I still know that I'll never have enough courage to go get diapers or any AB things. I'll never feel comfortable enough to tell someone about it, and I'm worried I'll never meet anyone who likes it like I do. But I really want to, because I figure if I meet someone and I'm forced into that situation, it will help me get over my fear. You have no idea (actually... nevermind, you probably do) how much I want to meet someone or even just talk to someone who accepts this.

I know I have a diaper fetish, but I still cant fully accept it. I'm paranoid that people can automatically tell I'm into this. I'm nervous that I wont find someone that accepts me. I'm really scared of getting caught or having people I know find out about this. Any ideas, support, or advice would really help a lot.

[Angela Bauer]

Nikki Sweetie Darling,

If I did not post on one of your other messages, I am so sorry. This morning I saw this was flagged a short time ago. Quickly reading the suggestions, they are right, especially the new message from Smarti.

Except I know women my age with daughters your age, you and I have a lot in common. Perhaps you still have bladder control with is wonderful. I hope you always have the option of going places without a diaper when you want. On the other hand I was told as a small girl the chances were after puberty I would be incontinent, as was my Granny, Mom, so aunts and soon my oldest sister. Since my bladder is puny, for trips Mom would pin me in a diaper eventhough I was a dry girl day and night. Thus when I did start to lose control diapers did not terrorize me. Lucky for me I managed to have day control all through middle and high school and even through pre-law. By then I would sometimes wear a diaper under my skirt to class. Law school was a different city and I just wore 24/7 for the day convenience and for need at night. I had never dreamed there were sane adults who wanted to be incontinent or who wore diapers for fun until I was 26 and an attorney with a very conservative law firm. My youngest sister who also has no bladder control told me she read that adult baby games were a coping strategy for incontinent people. It sounded like fun, but then I had all the fears. What if someone finds out at work my diapers are more than a necessity?

Well, until I was 12 Mom or my big sister often changed my pinned cloth diaper in ladies rooms. We did not use discreet disposables in the 1960s and 1970s. Kids would spoy my diaper and sometimes they would point, stare and make jokes. I never let it bother me because I already knew it is not possible to wear diapers frequently and not be caught.

Nikki, the same holds for being an AB, DL or TB. If you are confident going into a store and buying a pacifier set, or some baby bottles while asking a clerk about nipple alternatives, almost certainly they will assume you are buying for a relative, are the mom or the nanny. Even when you buy adult diapers, the clerks only want your cash or credit card. From 1989 to 1993 my law firm needed me to travel by plane nearly every week. I wore disposables 24/7 and had to have fresh bags delivered to my hotel rooms. More than a few times I would forget I was using a pacifier when a client or colleague came to my hotel room, or I would see them in the hall while I was getting ice. If anyone asked, I would say I was quitting smoking. That was also an era when people who went to rave events used pacifiers and even wore disposables on the outside of their slacks.

Pay attention to Smarti and the others. Until you try wearing an adult diaper and wetting it, you will never know if it is your thing. Probably you will want to try several brands and styles because some work for one person and some for other folks. I assume you grew up in disposables. Today's adult diapers are sort of like toddler Pampers from 1980 inside, but many styles now have the cloth-like outer surface you probably have not worn as a kid. The good news is that many modern adult diapers have tabs that can be repositioned many times. As an entry tryout consider the Depend Adjustable. It is not the best diaper going, but it is a pull-up, with the benefit of 2 tabs per side to perfect the fit. Those are a super training diaper, because they stay in place while you fiddle with the fit. Later by instinct you will get the tapes in the best spot first try, but that does take practice.

Best wishes and happy AB diapering, Baby Angel

[Knuxie Fawks]

I was pretty nervous about it, too. So nervous, in fact, that I decided I'd rather mess my undies than buy diapers, but a friend pushed me, and I got them, and then was still nervous that people would hear the crinkle and find out, but I told my close friends, and they were fine with it. I had a huge amount of AB/DLs tellin' me that hearing the crinkle is like hearing your own breath. Other people don't notice you breathing, and they don't notice the crinkle. I took a chance, and wore a diaper at work for the first time, and even at point blank range, because I'm a Dental Assistant, and the rooms are kinda small when you have three people trying to move around each other, nobody noticed. I generally have patients follow me to the room, where they'd be following right behind me. They never noticed. So, yeah. You shouldn't be so nervous about it. I keep my diapers in a place nobody uses, and I make sure I take the dirty ones out to the public dumpster, everyday...more often if I poop. A poopie diaper is taken out, immediately upon change. If you be discreet, and responsible about it. You should be fine.

[phogendpf]

Ya, I know how you feel. It really just takes time to learn and accept this side of you. I first figured out this side of me when I was 13-14 and I was just as scared as you back then. Im 19 now and over the last 5-6 years. Ive really grown to accept this side of me and its basically just managing it and a regular life that is the real everyday struggle lol.

[himfan]

It is pretty hard finding someone to talk about your fetish with but hopfully we will all find someone to share are secrets with and not be judged.

[Saschadzg]

More than a few times I would forget I was using a pacifier when a client or colleague came to my hotel room, or I would see them in the hall while I was getting ice. If anyone asked, I would say I was quitting smoking. That was also an era when people who went to rave events used pacifiers and even wore disposables on the outside of their slacks.

Hello Angela,

Those were the times of the so called candykids. In the nineties I went to happy hardcore events with the singer Blümchen (Jasmin Wagner). I proudly used my pacifer in hospital and wore my girlish pink nighties with flower patterns.

Babygirl Kvetinka

[smarti]

Nikki, the same holds for being an AB, DL or TB. If you are confident going into a store and buying a pacifier set, or some baby bottles while asking a clerk about nipple alternatives, almost certainly they will assume you are buying for a relative, are the mom or the nanny. Even when you buy adult diapers, the clerks only want your cash or credit card.

It's all true.. this is the difference with people you don't know.

There's me being confident about other people. My workplace is hell. I work for a retailer and our store has great diapers and some cute fashion, but the store at the office is all but impassable. There I am looking at the diaper or paci aisle and some colleague, an accountant or a secretary, or the store manager appears out of nowhere to say hello, ask what I'm doing or talk about work. Luckily we are a huge chain and every store sells more or less the same stuff. Yesterday the temptation got too much and I went to a store where I was confident nobody knows me and hid my company badge. Oh the delight mingled with fear and trepidation of picking up the first item, a package of 10 disposable diapers, my fave brand that can take a good wetting when I'm lying on my side with no hint of a leak. No basket or cart, I'm just walking around with the package of diapers in my hand. Looking around and seeing that nobody cares, I'm emboldened to walk into ladieswear and kidswear, and seek out babyish-looking puff sleeve tops, pick up about 1/2 a dozen including a pink nightie. An unusual choice of garments for a 43yo male - still nobody cares, so I pick up some more. By now I need a shopping cart and claim an abandoned one. There I am with nothing in the cart except diapers and frilly tops. I check out the pacis and they have a Baby Minnie Mouse paci. Finally I get a bit of food. Then I head for the checkout. Neither the cashier nor customer behind me says anything. Both of them are more concerned with pumping my stuff past the till than what it is. There are hiccups as some items have no barcode, but this is a good cashier and she won't persuade me to leave stuff behind, she just hunts down the barcodes as we wait. Finally it's all done, an improbably round number of 2,600, I give the cash and I'm free. Then get home and try everything on. I'm in a diaper and nightie a 3yo would be proud of. In my house, upstairs is the playzone. Anyway, after all this expense and carrying stuff around, I think it was completely worth it. For me, it is not just the feeling of the diaper around my hips or having on a short little pink nightdress, great as those feelings are. No, it is the pleasure and relief of being ME. This is the true ME, the real ME. It's a bliss unutterable, if only I could be like this ALL THE TIME! I know tomorrow I'll be in my shirt and tie, the I even play up the male power style. But when I look at the aisles at work, I'll smile, because I've got a secret.

[Baby Kitten]

Nikki, I know exactly how you feel. I'm new to this site too and am here for pretty much the same reasons as you described.

I think mainly what it is, before you start worrying what others think about it, it's what you think about it. It's more self-acceptance first. Sort of like, homosexuality a little really. That's the way they are as people, and being AB/DL is the way we are. It's a little daunting at first to think it may not be "right" and I think at some point, it's made us feel a little guilty or even terrified. (I know I have) I just think that just because it's "different" doesn't mean it's wrong, nor does it mean there IS anything wrong.

I still live at home with my parents, and I still wouldn't dare tell a single soul around me that I enjoy being an AB. Then again, with the people I know, there's actually reasons for the fact I'd never tell them. Most of them are very judgemental, and some of them are even youth workers who I've been working with for a few years. Because of my parents mental illnesses, they're quick to jump the gun and place me in the "crazy" categorey. A few friends of mine are also in the entertainment business, and as much as I love them to death and trust them with my own life, there's not a chance in hell I'd breathe a word to them.

It's sort of like a silent enjoyable activity that you keep mainly to yourself. Like still collecting plush toys, or being almost 23 and still playing with Barbie dolls because it's fun. It's something YOU enjoy doing, but it doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to know until you, yourself are ready to say something to them. You might find some of them more accepting than you think, or, if they don't, there will come a time once you accept it within yourself where you won't care as much, if they can't accept you for something as small as a personal fetish, then it's their loss. I wouldn't push someone away just because I happen to like rap music and they like techno, so I should expect the same treatment from them.

But believe me, Nikki. You are certainly not alone in feeling what you are feeling. I'm going through it too, just maybe not in the exact same terms, I think in some way, I've accepted it to myself to a degree, it just might take a bit to finally make the decision whether you want to be yourself and enjoy being yourself, or not.

With that said though, we're here for you if, and when you need us. ((HUGS))

[Baby Kitten]

Very well explained and advised, stoyan. Some of that advice, I might even use myself.

Off-topic, but it's good to see I'm not the only Adelaidian here. LOL.

[Saschadzg]

It's sort of like a silent enjoyable activity that you keep mainly to yourself. Like still collecting plush toys, or being almost 23 and still playing with Barbie dolls because it's fun.

Hello Baby Kitten,

I collect Barbies and stuffed animals, too. Every night I slepp in my pink nightie although I am a 38 year old grown woman.

Babygirl Kvetinka

[Baby Kitten]

I don't have any of my Barbies left, but I know someone who still plays with them and collects them at an age older then me too.

However, I do still collect plush toys, but everyone knows that, I don't keep that part of me secret from anyone. Besides, I can't understand how anyone can resist them! LOL. They're so adorable.

I also sleep with a teddy still that some know about, and I rock myself to sleep to music or the radio most nights. Or days actually, I tend to be a night-owl, and it's 2AM here. It's easier to keep intouch with my friends overseas this way, plus I have their timezones memorized. LOL

[Saschadzg]

Hi,

I dress more like an teeange girl with lots of pink and flower patterns. I like wearing my jeans skirts or overalls. I hate business clothes for grown up women and reluctantly wear it (e.g. appointment with bank or insurance agent).

I am open about my baby girl side in internet fora.

Babygirl Kvetinka