Constructive Criticism is one thing, to blast someone hatefully, that's inexcusable. I think the story line was good, the construction and context could use improvement. Spelling checkers are just about everywhere.. Proof read it slowly and use the proper words for the sentence usage.
They are is not there, it's they're. There is not their, or they're. You are is not your, it's you're. Learning how to write, makes the journey for reader, that much more enjoyable. It also allows the reader to emerse themselves into the story line and feel what you're trying to convey.
...just my .02 cents