FloridaKid

Be still my heart…TWO BabySofia stories going at the same time! <swoons> Between that and LittleFallenPrincess’ current story, I’m in heaven! ❤️?

I love the story you’ve written here. I care about the characters and I like that you’ve included some level-headed Amazons to offset the crazy ones (not totally, but at least a little). That said, I agree with @BabySofia regarding the length of the latest chapter. I also read pretty quickly, but found myself checking the scroll bar after awhile to gauge how much was left in the chapter. The unwritten rule for a performer is to always leave the audience begging for more, and BabySofia is the Queen (Princess?) when it comes to that. I second her advice. I am very much looking forward to more of this story. ?

Another great chapter! Can’t wait to learn what’s on Vic’s mind. If your pattern holds true, we only have about 8 chapters left…gotta find out soon (I hope).

What a delightfully unusual story! I love how you introduce the dragon facts. It’s reminiscent of the way Isaac Asimov preceded each chapter in the Foundation series with excerpts from the Encyclopedia Galactica.

@inconkit Your comments regarding martial arts are spot on. I studied taekwondo years ago and noticed the differing terms in the story, but honestly just chalked it up to a blended martial arts style. However, you are absolutely correct regarding the rivalry. Kudos to BabySofia for being open to your suggestions!

Love this short story! Not at all what I expected in a DD story…simply adorably different ddlb perspective. Thanks for the warm fuzzies!!

You just made my day!!! Can’t wait to get back into the story! thankyouthankyouthankyou…❤️?

Ava…there ya go…time for backstory! Woohoo I love this story! Sassy Nia…I love sassy Nia..?

Love it. I especially like how you’re dropping hints at the reality warp that’s occurring. Just familiar enough to Iz to seem right, but confusing at the same time. Not knowing how long this story will be, I don’t know how much of a slow burn you have planned. I love the pace so far. I do like the revised format for your characters’ thoughts and dialogue. There are a couple of places to clean up the closing quote marks, but IMHO it makes for a better reading experience. Thank you for being open to suggestions!

A few days ago I noticed comments from BabySofia and kerry pop up for this story and thought to myself, ‘If they’re reading and responding, must be worth my time…’ Definitely a good call. Character development and world building is something BabySofia is remarkably good at, and I can see why she likes your writing. I appreciate your attention to detail and your investment in each of the story’s characters. I also noticed the subtle changes in Iz’s mom in the last chapter and now I wonder if Wednesday’s performance will be something more like a preschool dance recital. And in my mind all sorts of red flags were waving when Iz considered having Avery go to her babysitting job. I do have a suggestion for you. Sometimes it is a little difficult to distinguish your characters’ thoughts from their dialogue. A technique that some writers use is single quote marks for thoughts and double quote marks for speech. Here’s an example of what I mean: “Do you…” I started to say and then felt the warning look from Hannah and the internal warning from Caireen. ‘This is what I’m talking about, Sofia,’ she said. I sighed, “Get it over with, please…?” I looked at Hannah. In this excerpt from Emerald Princess by BabySofia (yeah, I’m a fan), everything within quotes is spoken or thought by the main character. It is immediately obvious to the reader when non-spoken lines occur. There have been a couple of paragraphs in your story where I thought the use of single and double quotes would have helped clarify whether someone was thinking or speaking. I really like the way you’ve developed this story and I’m looking forward to more!

“Or something equally dark.” Hee hee. I knew we were having too much fun. This is such a great story. ?

Lines like this give me hope for Clark. Tracy definitely deserves better than Ambrose’s BS. I hope Beouf has indeed had her world view shattered and she squashes Ambrose like a bug. Maybe she could take pointers from Clark on how to do it. Nah, but that would be fun. ? I’ll admit to being an Unfair junkie…thank you for my fix today @Personalias!

Glad you got back to this story. It was one of the ones that inspired me to create an account here and you were the first person to welcome me to the community. Thank you, again. There is enough depth here to make it very interesting and even though Chloe’s story initially seemed to be the primary thread, I find myself being drawn more to Claire and her predicament. Nicely done. Hopefully, her greed won’t be her undoing, but I suspect it has doomed her already and it’s only a matter of time before she refers to Aisha as ‘Mommy’ more than just in passing. Daniel’s ‘small world’ comment would seem to point to Rosa. It’ll be interesting to see where you take that. From the sound of things, you already have a head start on that, so I’m looking forward to future posts!

Love that you’ve expanded Vic and Nia’s circle of friends! Can’t wait to see where it leads! Seems about time for Hell (or something equally dark) to poke its head up…

Knowing what is to come (no spoilers), I love this trip through the ‘way back’ machine to see how well you develop all of these characters and relationships. ?

Where you really had me was at the outset when Aya was presented as the main character for this academy. I thought Wendy was simply another perspective from which to view the situation. Crafty one, you are. ? ”Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I’ll be looking at your characters a little more carefully in future stories. I really do enjoy how you’ve built this world!

Thank you for posting chapters so quickly! Love this story…❤️?

Boy did I sign on at the right time today!! Well played. I never suspected that Wendy was an Academy A incarnation of Ai. I thought I clearly remembered the end of the previous chapter but actually scrolled up to check it because I wasn’t sure once Wendy found herself alone in the auditorium. You had me thinking I’d missed a chapter or something. Very sneaky. Now that Kione has finally found Ai, I can hardly wait to see where you take them next. Happy Spring Break! I hope the rest of your school year goes well!

Gyaaah! You keep teasing us with this mysterious “defining event.” It has to be tied to her disdain for humanity and I still think it’s part of how she met Bea. I know you don’t typically do flashbacks, but I’m dying to get some backstory on this and I hope Vic will either drift into one or share the story with Nia.

Quick correction to my own comment: I referred to Tracy as an Amazon when she’s a Tweener. Oops. Still love her character…and “Auntie” Jessica is growing on me.

It seems to me I started reading this story a long time ago and I guess at the time I didn’t get the whole DD universe or at least wasn’t reading that type of story. Fast forward a couple of years and some really great reading later, I picked this up again last week. Wow. I almost don’t know where to begin. This story is amazing for so many reasons, but I’ll try to be brief. I find it easy to relate to Clark and his work because I’m a career educator in PreK-5. Your clear understanding of everything that means is evident in your writing. I’d go further and say that I’m sure you are a truly exceptional educator yourself. I understand him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I like him. You have a gift for teasing emotions out of this reader and flipping them every which way, especially when it comes to Clark. His way-beyond-bratty stunts can only serve to ultimately isolate him from those who care about him in this new lunatic-infused reality. As a hopeless romantic, I tend to look for the characters who treat others with respect and base their actions on what they believe will bring others happiness and love. That said, I’ve really felt empathy for Janet. Sure, she’s made mistakes, but I believe her heart is in the right place and she’s shown restraint at key points in the story. I believe she really does love Clark and I hope he is able to see it before he totally trashes the relationship. The most recent events give me some degree of hope that he may finally open his eyes (and heart), but you’ve proven adept at turning the tables in a flash. I also love Tracy’s character, the lone Amazon who treats Clark with some degree of respect. The elephant in the room remains who spiked the coffee? I just have the feeling that making that connection will make or break our protagonist. On another note, and not beat a dead horse, but the pacing here is perfection. The slow burn of character development is worth every word on every page. The insight into otherwise minor characters is providing a plausible setting with great depths. I’m down to two burning questions: what happened to Cassie (I feel as though this will be a major turning point), and who spiked Clark’s coffee. A truly wonderful roller coaster of emotions!! As much as I’d love to support your Patreon, I can’t seem to find a good way to “fly under the radar” with recurring online purchases, even small ones. There is no doubt you deserve compensation for this tremendous work, but I am currently unable to comply. I hope I’ll be able to eventually find a way around it and support your work.

No real issue with it except…what? Seems like there’s a detail missing here. (Please don’t think ill of me. I LOVE your writing.) ❤️?

Definitely enjoying re-reading this story. Glad you revised and posted!

This line had me second guessing Nia’s every move in the last chapter. I kept waiting for her bratty side to say “just kidding.” But then maybe she simply decided to give it a try to see what would happen. In for a penny, in for a pound? I did laugh out loud at the “norks” line. ?

I love this story and honestly can’t believe I forgot how important Hannah’s character is. That’s okay, I get to enjoy your relationship building all over again. I’m not really looking for mistakes, I promise, but some things just jump out. Captain Jennings refers to Sofia as Emerald Princess, when her code name is Emerald Baby. And would he refer to her by code name to an “outsider” like the EPC twit?