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What Happened to Ella Marsh? “Ella, would you come in here, I’ve got the bath running.” a female voice called out from the bathroom in a flat monotone pitch. Wake up! Please wake up! Not this dream again, please! As if on cue, dream Ella lifted her head out of the bucket before wiping the vomit from the corner of her chin with the back of her hand. It was another rough night thanks to the chemotherapy. Her legs shook as she slowly stood, trying to resist the urge to vomit from the effort. She grasped the bedpost to steady herself and surveyed the damage. Regurgitated chicken covered her nightgown, as well as the bed covers. This had almost become a nightly ritual. “The bath is ready.” “Coming!” Ella yelled back in response. Don’t go in there! Wake up! Ella took one shaky step, then another, holding onto every surface she could along the way for support. She stopped for a moment, taking in her frail form in the mirror. Her eyes were sunken. Her skin gave off a ghostly white glow. Her cheekbones protruded from her face. And of course, her bald head. She slid her hand over the top, missing the black curls that had been there two months before. She turned her attention once again to the light coming from the end of the hall. Ella’s heart hammered as she inched forward. In her mind she wanted to stop and turn back. Her feet had other plans. They propelled her body forward despite the owners objection. She stood in the doorway to the bathroom as the feeling of dread washed over her, more intense with every passing second. She felt a hand tighten around her arm and she let out a yell of fright. ……………………………………………………………………………………. “Hey, you, it’s time to wake up.” Ten year old Ella jumped and let out a startled moan. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Rose said, with a slight smile. Ella turned to see the nurses hand still on her arm. She breathed a sigh of relief as she began to come to her senses. “Were you having a bad dream?” Rose asked. Ella nodded her head. “I’m sorry, sweetie, do you want to talk about it?” Ella shook her head. It had been almost a year since she had last spoken. She sat up in bed and looked around her hospital room for what she hoped would be the last time. She was going home with a new family today. As if reading her mind, Rose asked.” Are you excited?” Ella made a “so-so” motion with her hand by turning it side to side. “Nervous?” Ella pinched her fingers together leaving a small space in between. “It’s not going to be the same here without you.” Ella smiled slightly. It had taken nearly six months to find someone willing to take her in givin her medical history. Nobody wanted a child with cancer, even if she was officially in remission. Not to mention she came with more baggage than an airplane. Rose ran her fingers through the short stubble on Ella’s head as Ella leaned her head toward her. She loved the sensation of fingers on her scalp. “Heather and Danielle will be here in the next hour, so let’s start getting you ready. First I need to check your vitals.” The small girl held out her left arm as the Rose placed her middle and index fingers on the inside of Ellas wrist. “Pulse is good.” Rose said before writing the number 76 on the whiteboard next to the large letter “P” Next came her blood pressure. Ella stared at the words written on the board as the navy blue cuff began to fill with air. “Daily Goals” Eat at least half of every meal. Draw a picture. Take medication. Use the toilet at least once a day “Long Term Goals” Gain twenty pounds Talk with Words not gestures. Become famous artist Use bathroom unassisted Ella squirmed as the nurse finished with her vitals. “Looking good, kiddo.” Rose said as she wrote down the results of her blood pressure. “Breakfast will be here soon, but before that.” Ella gave her a pleading look, but Rose shook her head. “I know you don’t like it, but you need to start getting used to it. “ Ella could feel the tears starting to fill her eyes. She waved her head from side to side defiantly. Rose sighed and sat on the edge of Elle’s bed. “I wish you would tell me what’s going through your mind.” Ella shook her head again, letting the tears spill down her cheeks. “How can I help you if you don’t tell me what the problem is?” Chair, Ella signed with her hands. She was starting to fidget more. “I know you want the chair, but you need to start using the restroom.” Ella stuck her palm out facing forward to indicate NO! “Yes, look at me” Rose said. “You’re going home with your new family today. The chair isn’t going with you. What will you do when you have to go to the bathroom?” Hold it. “Forever?” Yes. “I think you’ll have an accident before forever comes. Do you like having accidents?” No, gross. “Those are your options now. Bathroom or accident.” Ella sniffled as she placed a hand in between her legs. “C’mon, take my hand. You can do it.” Ella cried silently as she placed her free hand inside Rose’s. “That’s a good girl. You’ll be in and out in less than a minute.” Rose pulled her to her feet and led her across the room to the closed bathroom door. She frowned as she felt the cold sweat in the young girls hand. Out of curiosity, she stopped and checked her pulse. 130 bmp and rising. “Honey, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Nothing’s going to hurt you in there.” Ella shook her head, nearly bawling. “What if I let you use the chair in the restroom. Would that help?” Ella shook her head no. She tried to turn and run, but Rose held her by the arm. “Don’t run away. We’ve been through this at least ten times now. The sooner you go in there and take care of business, the sooner you can leave.” No! Please no! Ella mouthed. “Then tell me what it is you’re so afraid of. Is it using the toilet? Does the toilet scare you?” Ella shook her head, still trying desperately to pull away. “Is it the flushing noise?” Ella shook her head again, closing her eyes tight as Rose opened the bathroom door. Rose sighed as Ella became dead weight. She looked in the small unit bathroom for some possible sign or clue as to what would cause her such fear. There were no shadows lurking in the corner, not a single sign of bugs. Just a sink, toilet, and bath surrounded by white linoleum tile on the floor with a cream color wallpaper. “Are you going to try to bite me again if I pick you up?” Rose asked. “Do I need to put your mouthguard in?” Ella didn't respond. “Honey, open your eyes. It’s okay.” Still no reply. “Will you walk to the toilet at least?” Rose sighed in defeat. This was as much progress as they had made in the last week. At least she wasn’t clawing and biting anymore. Rose bent down and picked her up with minor difficulty. At a mere 55 pounds, Ella was severely underweight and malnourished. The cancer treatment had delayed her growth, but as for her behaviour, Rose was at a loss. Did she somehow correlate bathrooms to being sick? Was her mind reliving the memories of chemo nausea when she stepped inside? No, that wasn’t it. She was fine using the portable commode, or what she referred to as the chair, but she had spent many nights with her face inside its pink bucket regurgitating her stomach’s contents. “I’m gonna set you down now, okay?” Rose lifted the girls hospital gown up and set her down. She tried to back away, but Ella still clung to her sobbing. “I need you to let go, I promise I won’t leave.” Ella shook her head, heaving and sputtering for air while clinging to the front of Roses scrubs. It broke Roses heart to do this to her, but it was what the Doctor wanted. Exposure therapy. “You’re fine. You’re fine. I’ve got you.” Rose whispered, rubbing the top of Ella’s head. The poor child was shaking now, and she doubted Ella would relax her body enough to pee anytime soon. She tried to distract her by talking about other things. She asked her what she was most looking forward to, but her question went unanswered. Her questions always went unanswered. She tried turning the faucet on, but it only seemed to heighten her anxiety. Five minutes went by, followed by ten. The hospitality staff had already come and gone, leaving Ella’s breakfast to grow cold on the table. “Anything?” Rose asked. Ella shook her head from in between the crook of Roses arm. “How about I get you back into bed then?” Ella nodded enthusiastically. “I think you gave it your best shot, but you’re just having a rough morning.” Rose grabbed her waist and lifted her back up. She peeked inside the toilet bowl, but it was as she expected, not a single drop. She set her back down on her feet outside the bathroom after closing the door, and Ella scampered off towards the bed, trying to put as much distance between her and the door as possible. Rose figured by the time she calmed down and finished her breakfast she’d have to go again. But then what? Repeat the process until something finally happened? And what if Heather and Danielle showed in the middle of one of her fits? They were aware of her issue, but what if it really hadn’t sunken in yet? “Go ahead and eat your breakfast. I’m going to go grab a few things.” Chair, Ella signed looking hopeful. “Dr. said no more chair, remember?” Rose said giving her a sympathetic smile. Ella let out a barely audible whimper. Rose took a quick glance behind her to make sure they were alone before leaning in close. “I’m not going to make you go back in there today, I promise.” The look of relief washed over Ella’s face, followed by confusion. Rose backed out of the room instructing Ella to eat. Ella looked down at the soggy looking toast and scrambled eggs. She poked at the eggs briefly with her plastic fork before taking a single bite of each. She pushed her plate aside resisting the urge to “ accidentally” dump it on the floor. The morning's events left her feeling a bit ornery. She reached by the side of the bed for her art supplies and pulled out the picture she had been working on. She wanted to have it done before her new foster mom, Heather, arrived. She had just finished putting the finishing touches on the horses mane when Rose came back pushing a cart of tubs and washcloths for her “bath”. “Is that all you’re going to eat?” Rose asked with a disappointed scowl. Ella just shrugged before placing her colored pencils and picture back in the shelf by her bed. Rose pulled the curtain around Ella’s bed giving them privacy. She helped Ella out of her dirty hospital gown, leaving her naked. “Go ahead and turn on your right side.” Ella frowned. This was not part of her routine. Was she about to get a shot in the butt? She tensed up expecting the worst, but instead of a needle she felt something hard and plastic cup her bottom half. Once instructed, Ella rolled back with the plastic pan resting under her. Once her brain registered what it was, she gave a slight push to get her bladder to start emptying. “He only said no commode,” Rose said with a wink. “Cheating I know, but I didn’t think you’d mind too much.” Ella grimaced slightly, feeling the urine run down the inside of her thighs and down her butt cheeks, before finally settling in the pan below. It was one of her least favorite methods, but her need to go outweighed her disgust. Rose nodded her approval at the sound of sloshing liquid. Ella didn’t mind the noise, in fact, she preferred it. She let the noises her body made speak for her. Rose didn’t have to ask if she’d gone pee yet when it trickled and drummed in the hollow basin. Even now she didn’t care that Rose watched her trying to squeeze out the last little bit before wiggling the droplets off her bottom . She had grown so accustomed to Rose’s presence when it came to her personal needs. Rose was the only one Ella trusted, and that trust had taken a long time to build. Ella gave the signal she was done. “Try and go number two.” Rose said. “You have a long drive ahead of you.” Ella scrunched up her face, and made a show of effort. She found they asked less embarrassing questions this way. Since nothing was going in, nothing was coming out so Ella signed she was ready again. “Let’s get you cleaned up before they get here.” Rose said. She rolled Ella off the bedpan before dumping the contents in the toilet. Ella listened to Rose talk about all the fun she would be having in her new home while she wiped her down with a warm, wet washcloth. It would be a six hour car ride from the hospitals’ children center she was staying at to her new family’s house, but Rose insisted it would be worth every minute. As Rose was helping her into a shirt, she commented on the picture Ella had been drawing. “You draw pretty well for your age.” Ella shrugged. She knew it was the only thing she did well for her age. She had missed the last two years of school, and the only way she could communicate was through baby sign language. She hadn’t always been like this. She used to talk, but something had changed. Was it from the cancer, or was it something else? Had something happened? She couldn’t quite remember. Ella looked down as Rose was putting socks on her feet. Pants. “We’re gonna hold off on that until I talk to Heather and see what she wants to do.” Rose explained. Ella gave her a puzzled look. “I’ll just cover you up with the blanket until then.” Ella passed the remaining time working on her picture. She was admiring her artwork when there was a knock on the door and in walked Heather. She beamed at Ella and Ella smiled back shyly. Danielle, Heather’s twelve year old daughter, came in after her giving a small wave. The group exchanged pleasantries and idle small talk until Rose suggested Ella show Danielle some of her pictures while herself and Heather talked. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………... , Rose led Heather down the hall and into the small conference room. “Are you all ready to take Ella home today?” Rose asked. “Oh yes, we’ve got half of Danielle’s room cleaned out and made a space for her. Danielle’s not too happy about having to share a room, but she’ll get over it. How’s she been doing? Have you been able to make any progress?” “We’ve been trying, but we haven’t gotten far. I wanted to bring up a few issues we’ve been having. You understand she’s non-verbal?” “Yes, and we’ve prepared for that. I know she’s only ten, but I decided to go ahead and get both her and Danielle cell phones. That way she can communicate through text if need be. So was she born non-verbal?” Rose shook her head. “Only for the last year. I was also working pediatrics when she was brought in during her chemo treatments. That girl could’ve talked your ear off, but then when she came back, she was completely different.” “Did something happen? Was it the cancer?” Rose shook her head again. “Her dr. thinks it’s all psychological. It’s some kind of post traumatic disorder.” She paused for a minute as she thought of the best way to explain. “You know her mother committed suicide, right?” “Oh no, I didn’t know that.” Heather said frowning. “I knew she had passed away but…” “Right in the middle of Ella’s treatments. She was never the same since, so I think a large chunk of her behavioral issues stem from that.” Rose said before letting out a sigh. “But for the life of me… the bathroom thing, I just can’t figure it out. She acts like going in a bathroom for anything is going to kill her. She’s terrified.” “I’ve never heard of a child being afraid of bathrooms, but hey, a mailbox closed on my fingers once when I was little. Wouldn’t go near one for two years.” “Ella was in the house when her mother shot herself.” Rose said grimly. Heather covered her mouth. “Did she see… anything?” “She must have, she hasn’t spoken ever since. You don’t walk away from something like that without a few screws loose. I’m really happy to see her going to a real home now. Maybe that’s what she needs, some stability.” Heather nodded. “Poor kid.” The two women sat in silence for a minute. “Any ideas how we should handle the bathroom situation?” “I’m not going to sugar coat it. It’s going to be rough at first. I’m hoping she’ll move past this if she’s put in a routine. She hasn’t been able to go alone yet; she’ll honestly cling to you the entire time and cry. I’d suggest start slow, give her time to adjust to her new surroundings. Maybe set up a camping toilet somewhere if you don’t want to deal with accidents.” Rose said with a shrug. “Or you could jump right into it, if she has to go she uses the bathroom.” Heather bit her lip. “It’ll be like potty training all over again.” “In a way.” Rose admitted. “To be honest, I’d stick with plan A. Give her time, and you can always encourage her to use the bathroom, but I don’t think it wise to force it. The dr. has been trying to force it, and she’s only taken a step back. She’s very young for her age.” Heather nodded again. “And what about the car ride? Six hours is a long drive. “Well that’s up to you. It’s your car. I wouldn’t trust her to speak up, and I’d be quite shocked if you actually got her to use a toilet on the drive back. Like you said, six hours is a long drive. I think we should diaper her.”

Recently there have been a lot of great discussions regarding the desire to wear diapers permanently and diaper dependency. Many of us share these desires and thoughts amongst our community which has led to the twelve month diaper program and mulitiple guides of how to unpotty train oneself. I will share with you my own personal experiences of wearing diapers permanently as I continue towards my desire of diaper dependany. To begin with I do not like the phrase "24/7". In this post I will use words such as "permanent" and "full-time" to describe being diapered. There are no right or wrong choices when it comes to YOUR decision to persue wearing diapers permanently. You are the only person that truly knows what diapers mean to you and how strong those desires are inside of you. Before you decide to wear diapers full-time I recommend you ask yourself some questions. "Why do I want to wear diapers for the rest of my life?" Your mind is telling you that you desire to wear diapers all the time but why do you have these thoughts. Maybe it is as simple as you are experiencing some physical control issues with your bladder or bowels and you want to save yourself from the embarrassment of having an accident in your pants. Are you running to the bathroom all day and you are just tired of the potty marathon? Is it the wetspot that forms in your pants with the untimely sneeze or laughing hysterically? Choosing to wear diapers permanently for a physical reason is why adult diapers were designed and this is a great reason to make the decision to do so. It releives the mental anguish and stress of the potty monster and provides comfort and security. Maybe the reasons are more in your mind. Where diapers provide security for those with control issues they also can provide a secuirty blanket for one's being. Does being padded relieve your anxiety or mental stress? Does being in a diaper all the time take away your worries and fears? Maybe they regress you back to a simplier time and help to relieve the stress of everday life. If wearing a diaper all the time makes you fell better on the inside then put a diaper on and be happy. Is this need fueled by sexual desires? Are you an exhibitionist and seek a constant form of sexual excitement from being in diapers permanently? Maybe the humiliation and degradation of being forced into a diaper drives you to want to wear them all the time. The sexual component of wearing diapers that many of us experience can and does fuel a lot of the desire to put a diaper on and never take it off. Do those desires remain after you have experienced sexual release or do you rip your diaper off and throw it away? For some of us the answer of "why" is complicated and complex. For me personally it is physical, mental, and sexual. Physically I have an over active bladder and sometimes experience anal leakage. Mentally wearing diapers full-time greatly reduces my stress and makes me happy. Sexually, diapers leave me with a constant since of humilaition and helps to actually control my sexual urges. "How will my life be effected with the decision to wear diapers permanently?" Your life WILL change once you decide to put diapers on and leave them on. Some changes will be positive and some will not be so fun. Your attitude towards those changes will be what determines if you stay in diapers or decide to take them off. You wanted to wear diapers full-time and now they are going to become a focal point of your day to day life. Here is an example. Before wearing diapers full-time I would wake up in the morning and simply go potty in the bathroom and be done. The biggest concern for me then was did I leave the seat up. Now you will wake up and make sure your diaper did not leak through the night. If so that becomes your first problem of the day before it has even began. If I feel the urge to pee pee I do so in my diaper of course which will be generally very full from overnight use. Your diaper may leak or it may not leak. Something I hope you do not worry about when going potty in a toilet. Before wearing diapers permanently I did not always shower in the morning but now it is an absolute necessity after spending the night in a used diaper. Next, you go to simply rip the tapes off of your sagging diaper and jump in the shower. But will my children hear that sound? Will your roommate or family member hear that sound? The sound of untaping your diaper is unmistakable unless you work at a packaging company. Now you are in the shower scrubbing your private parts, trying to rid yourself of the stale pee pee smell. I get out and grab a towel. I may be leaking pee pee onto the floor as I do so. Something else to think about and another mess to clean up. Now I am right back into a clean diaper and protective briefs. Is everything all cleaned up? Leaving the bathroom....oh wait a minute, I left my used diaper in the linen closet...but why is it in there? Well obviously so that if one of my children for some reason came into the bathroom they would not be greeted with a used pink Rearz Princess diaper on the bathroom floor. It definately is something that can not be thrown away in the bathroom trash. Getting dressed is now much more complicated since I started wearing diapers permanently. Once I am diapered I almost always wear a pair of GaryWear Active briefs which are essentially my plastic panties made of PUL material. Next comes a pair of Abena fixing pants. Once those are in place I reach inside my diaper and make sure everything is situated. Lastly, I put on my all black onesie with a snap crotch and then finally my work clothes. The days of throwing on a pair of jeans and running out the door are over. I now leave for work trying to focus on relaxing my bladder sphincters to help maintain a constant drip into my diaper. When I first get to work every morning I have a bowel movement. Luckily for me I am one of the first to arrive at work so I simply slip into the private restroom, shimmy my fairly fresh diaper down, and do my business. Because hardly anyone is at work yet I do not have to be so quiet pulling my diaper back up. If I have a bowel movement throughout the day I have to be much more cognizant of the sound I make. I hope this accurately shows you how much my life has changed in just the first fifteen minutes of my day because I chose to wear diapers permanently. Planning and logistics becomes an absolute necessity. The things you do, the people you visit, and even the clothes you wear now will revolve around your diapers. When can I change my diaper? Where will I change my diaper? How will being in a diaper effect what I am doing? How I will I date? How do I explain this to my significant other? These are questions that would you do not have to answer when you wear panties or boxers and this is why your life changes forever. "Am I going to use my diaper as a potty?" A lot of people think in order to be in diapers permanently then you have to use them for their intended purposes but that is not always the case. You can still wear diapers all the time and simply remove or pull them down to take care of business. You still have the comfort and security of the padding between your legs but not the mess. Some may have no choice but to make your diaper your potty because of control issues. For those that do you have a very big decision to make. Are you just going to pee pee in your diaper or poo poo too? This is a very big decision and one that MUST be given a lot of thought. When I first decided to wear diapers permanently I wanted to lose control of both my bladder and bowels. Physically I had less control of my bowels with anal leakage than I experienced with overactive bladder. Mentally I just felt it was something I wanted and needed. Sexually I new I would be excited from the humiliation of knowing I just messed my diaper uncontrollably. I communicated this with my wife and she was adamant that I do not loss full control of my bowels. She said, "What if we were out on a nice dinner date and in the middle of eating you uncontrollably shit your pants?" She said she would be horrified, disgusted, and embarrassed. She also felt that it would be impossible to hide a messy diaper from our children and we both agreed and accepted that I would only try and lose control of my bladder. That choice has made my life a lot easier and wearing diapers full-time much more manageable. What is my life like while unpotty training my bladder. First and foremost you will not start wetting uncontrollably overnight. It takes a lot of mental focus to constantly keep your bladder sphincters as relaxed as possible. Changes to your bladder occur slowly and for me started with a lot of post void dribbling. After a bowel movement I would drip a fair amount of pee pee without out even knowing. After that I began to experience bladder spasms which felt like butterflies swirling around inside of my bladder and at times would have pee pee leaking from my urethra. Urge incontinence sooned followed. At this point I have yet to wet uncontrollably at night. If you decide to use your diaper for all your potty needs it will be almost impossible to hide unless you remian isolated in your house. It does not mean that it is the wrong choice to make but it does mean that a lot more people are going to find out that you wear diapers. You can mitigate how much your mess smells by taking charcoal activated pills or a chlorophyll pill such as Nullo and regulating your diet. Despite taking these steps a messy diaper is still going to have an unmistakably aroma that will not be able to hidden at some point. If your bowel movements are fairly regular that may give you an opportunity to mess your diaper in some privacy. Just remember you may eventually reach a point when you have no control over your bowels and you will fill your diaper uncontrollably no matter who you are with and where you are at. "Who are you going to let know you wear diapers permanently?" Many people believe it is just inevitable that if you decide to wear diapers permanently that everyone will find out. I respectfully disagree with this based off my personal experiences. Work and your family does not need to know assuming you take the necessary steps to be discreet and are always diligent to keep things hidden. I have worn diapers and had diapers around my children now for over ten years. They do not know I wear them. Many people have told me that if they did find out they may not say anything about it. Trust me, that is just not the way my children are. Something would be said to my wife or I if my children found my diapers or if they thought I was wearing diapers. We are just a very open and comfortable family. Despite working a job that makes it hard to change my diaper at times I still have managed to keep the fact I am diapered to myself. Often times I feel as if I want to give in and just tell work as things would seem so much simplier but I have refrained from doing so. If anyone knows, I am unaware. My wife and best friend know everything. My wife and I work together as a team to keep my life in diapers hidden from the family and my best friend is a person I can talk with about anything, including my diapers. Some people may find it easier to let the world know as it does simplfy things as you do not have to be as discreet all the time. Only you can decide what is best in your own personal situation. Wearing diapers permanently is not something you should start on a sudden whim. It takes a lot of time, commitment, planning, and patience particularly when just starting out. The cost of diapers is the biggest reason people do not stay diapered. I am not familiar with cloth diapers but since they are reusable they would of course cut down on cost. Since I only wear disposables I will only speak here from a disposable diaper perspective. I can promise you I budget for about $300 a month for just premium disposable diapers. That cost provides me with at least four premium diapers a day and I rarely ever need more. Take advantage of memberships and holiday deals as much as possible as this will save you a lot of money. You can never have too many diapers since you are going to be wearing them the rest of your life assuming you have a safe place to store them. Aside from diapers you will also have cost with plastic panties and protective briefs. You will need diaper supplies which I buy in bulk to save money. If you are going to be diapered full-time you will use everything so do not be concerned about quantity. For those inexperienced wearing diapers you need to gain the experience so that you can determine what is the best diaper to use. Not all diapers are equal and not all diapers are good for permanent use. Things such as fit, capacity, discreetness, cost, and comfortability are all factors that have to be weighed when preparing to wear diapers the rest of your life. The best diaper for you can very easily not be the best diaper for me. You need to experiment with many diapers both in private and in public before you really truly know what works for you and which diaper is optimal for full-time use. For me, Rearz Princess, Inspire+Incontrol, and ABU Simples are my diapers of choice for daily use. I also love DC Amor and My Diaper Princess diapers but they are not my everyday padding. The best diaper exercise to test which diaper works for you is to get out and walk around in them. Go to the mall. Walk a nature trail. Some diapers will start chaffing you almost immediately and others may not irritate you all day. The ones you are both physically and mentally comfortable wearing are the diapers to wear day to day. You are going to get diaper rash. It is inevitable. What will you use when you do? If you can not answer that question I highly recommend you do not wear diapers full-time. For me I use both Calmoseptine cream and Balmex Multi care Healing ointment. I did not settle for these creams after wearing diapers only once. Remember, if you are going to be diapered permenently your diaper is going right back on after you apply the diaper rash cream. It is absolutely imperative that you find something that will work and work fast. If your diaper rash becomes too severe you are almost guaranteed to remove your diaper. Another thing to expect is fungal infections. Yes, I have been to the doctor wearing a diaper and had to pull the waistband down so she could look at the Ringworm I had. This is not such a big deal, a little jock itch cream and you are on your way. I do not even recommend going to the doctor unless the over the counter medicine does not work. I do not share this to scare anyone away from wearing diapers permanently. I still need to be in diapers and love being in them despite the occasional diaper rash or ringworm. Changing your diaper regulary and applying baby powder and barrier cream liberally almost completely mitigates these problems. After being in diapers so long sometimes you just get lazy and do not take the proper prevention measures and you end up paying for it. The same can be said for diaper leaks. Your diaper is going to leak at some point no matter the steps you take to prevent it. It could be that you were lazy and did not change your diaper when you should have. It could be that you were unable to change your diaper because you were in a meeting or at a family get together. Maybe your little guy was pointed off to the side and that is why. The bottom line is if you can not accept and deal with the potential embarrassment of a diaper leaking then you do not need to be in them all the time. You need to have a leak plan in place. For me I have Leakcon 1, 2, 3, and 4. Leakcon 4- No leaks at this time, my diaper is new or barely used. Leakcon 3- No leaks yet but my diaper is getting full and there is a potential for leaks especially from sitting down (press out leaks) Leakcon 2- I am experiencing an active leak but it is small and contained by my protective briefs or plastic panties. A trip to the restroom is required to determine further actions ie. diaper change, re-situate my wee wee etc. Leakcon 1- Emergency leak situation. Risk of exposure to co-workers or family is imminent and leak needs to be addressed immediately. This leak will almost always require a diaper change and will require a change of pants. In your diaper bag you should ALWAYS have at least one spare set of clothes should you experience Leakcon 1. This includes pants and a shirt or a onesie if you wear them. You should also have a roll of packing or duct tape to repair the occasional diaper failure like a faulty tape or a tear in your diaper. If you can not change your diaper in public then the decision to wear diapers full-time will be very challenging. This does not mean that you have to leave the stall door open and throw your used diaper down onto the floor however. It is actually quite easy to change your diaper when out and about particularly in today's world. More and more family restrooms are available at airports, malls, and amusement parks. Smaller, private restrooms are all over the place to include many gas stations and Starbucks. For the most part, unless you are in a Leakcon 1 emergency situation you have a lot of options that gives you plenty of privacy to change in public. What if you have to go into a multi-stalled bathroom? Can you rip the tapes off without being ashamed? Can you throw your diaper away without being embarrassed? The more you change in public the more confidence you gain. At one time I would have to wait for other people to leave the restroom and then stop and sit on the toilet and wait if someone new came in. Now nothing matters. I walk into the restroom with a spare diaper in hand, go in to any stall regardless of how full the restroom is and change my diaper. When I am finished changing I walk out with my dirty diaper in hand and simply throw it away. Everything is about planning and being prepared. At first it may seem overwhelming and insurmountable but it really is not. Eventually what was unknown becomes routine and what once seemed like a pain in the ass becomes tolerable. For majority of the day you live life normal, simply living it while diapered. Wearing diapers permanently for me was the best decision I have ever made. It has made me a much better person both inside and out. My need to be in diapers no longer controls me as I am in them all the time and my need is met. There are challenges to this lifestyle. To stay diapered you will need to be patient and have a positive attitude. You need to accept that uncomfortable and embarrassing situations will arise due to you being diapered permenently and you need to be prepared for them when they do. I do believe that this decision requires a lot of practice and planning before you become padded for life. The best part about making the choice to wear diapers permanently is that you do not become incontinent or diaper dependant overnight. It takes months or years before signiificant control is lost. This should give you an ample amount of time to help you decide if being diapered permenently is truly what you want. I hope this will help some understand what it is like to wear diapers permanently and please feel free to message me at anytime with individual questions you may have.

Yeah, the thing with me and my wife is we're best friends and we enjoy being around each other. The fact that she knows all of my fetish buttons to push is awesome, but it's more important that we're friends and lovers BESIDES the fact that we do ABDL stuff.

I feel you on BOTH of those points. I sometimes feel a bit awkward when meeting new people in this community (I've kinda appointed myself the "unofficial greeter" of DD) And they say they're "looking for friends with similar interests" Or they ask me how I became a DL. You are also VERY right about ABs being the lucky ones. Being a Daddy without a Little feels horrible. Like you're missing a part of yourself. And I can't just "go out" and "meet somebody" because life circumstances preclude me starting a relationship with anyone. And that's aside from the fact that I'm an introvert who sometimes borders on anti-social. I've never so much as dated a girl! And I'm expected to just find some random stranger online and offer to change their diapers?

If you seek anything to that extent you will find it whether it's true or not.

or..... you can just stay here and enjoy it way better.. just sayin

Why not try wrestling singlets, you can alter them but for many you wouldn't need to make access to your diapers.

I was 13, no one told me much about puberty, and I accidentally got the new pleasures of my growing body all tangled up with old childish memories of being desperate and wetting my pants. In that first rush of discovery, diapers — which had seemed equal parts irrelevant, embarrassing and nasty to me up to then — became Totally Fascinating. The fact that I used to wear them as a baby and pee my pants all day long. What did it feel like? Why couldn’t I remember? How long did I wear them? How could I possibly have not known any better? It was such a weird thing to think about, me in diapers. Not a usual-seeming subject for a new teenage boy, but somehow it sent tingles through my whole body and I wanted to do it. The first time I had privacy I held my pee in all morning, put on two snug pairs of underwear as my “diaper,” went and sat on the toilet with them still on and … let go and wet myself while imagining being a baby in diapers. It felt absolutely fantastic, the warmth streaming all through my undies in such nice places, the relief, the helpless innocence of being a baby mixed with the daring of doing this on purpose, for pleasure. After I’d thoroughly enjoyed every bit of the feeling of wetting myself like a very little boy, I pleasured myelf in my wet undies, twice, like a much bigger one...

They are great. I used to wear them regularly before I switched to Rearz tab style diapers during the day. I would wear two pair at once and simply rip the sides of the used one when it was time for a change. They also have the lilac fragrance which is fairly intoxicating as well. You and I are very similar. I also started out wearing Tena Overnight pads to work but I would wear them in a pair of panties. Sometimes I would wear as many as three at one time.

The chemical in diapers which absorbs water to become gel beads is sodium polyacrylate (or some close equivalent), which is a non-biodegradable (doesn't naturally break down into anything else) complex polymer, comparable to a plastic molecule. It doesn't react with anything else at body temperature, so it won't have any chemical effect inside your body, nor will it change into anything that will. The worst it might do is swell up to block something, which might be a major problem if you swallowed or inhaled a large amount of powder, but it's very unlikely to go far enough up your urethra to actually block it, much less get to your actual bladder and swell enough not to come out again. Obviously, if you did find yourself having trouble peeing, then maybe go to the doctor, but such a thing seems very unlikely to occur, if not near impossible (I've never heard of it happening, and with all the diaper wearers in all the world, the possibility must have been well tested by now. Anything that went up would almost certainly flush back out again with the next wee - the more expanded the beads are, the more jellylike, lubricated and easy to pass they would be). Anything in your rectum or vagina would have enough space to expand however it wanted, and just come out again by itself eventually. Here is a link to the 'Material Safety Data Sheet' from Wikipedia, which is a standard thing to show the risks of any chemical. It may set your mind at ease to see all the zeros! https://www.howtor.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/Sodium-Polyacrylate-MSDS-Material-Safety-Data-Sheet-issued-by-SGS.pdf TLDR: You don't have to worry about absorbent diaper gel any more than you would about expandable bits of soft plastic. I wouldn't stick it up there on purpose, but sitting in a little bit isn't going to have any likely effects.

Posts are probably going to slow down after this one, I might be able to squeeze out one more. I will still try and get updates out semi-regularly, but work is going to pick up next week. Glad that many of you are enjoying this! If you have any ideas on where you want this to go, feel free to comment them or message me. I may not take you advice but I could be inspired by what you say. 17. A Busy Day Annie announced she had to go run some errands after breakfast, and asked both of the girls if they wanted to go. In their padded state, neither girl really wanted to be out in public, so they both passed. Annie then announced she would be back in about 2 hours and reminded the girls to be good and follow the rules. Like every morning, both girls had a cup of coffee. If they did not caffeinate at this point they would probably get awful headaches. Before leaving, Annie checked both of her girls really quickly and then left. Only about 25 minutes after Annie left, Emily began to feel a rumbling in her stomach. In the roughly half a day she’s been diapered she had yet to mess herself. Oh the horror of it all! It dawned on her that she was about to make her first messy diaper since she was a baby. Peeing in the diaper was bad, but she dreaded this moment a lot more. She was determined to drag it out as long as she could because she knew that there would be no changes until her mom got back, in over an hour. The pressure mounted, minute on minute. Soon she felt physically warm and uncomfortable. She had managed to make it about an hour after Annie left before the cramps started to come in. She was in excrutiating pain. Alone, in the privacy of her room, she quietly resolved to surrender. She squatted off the edge of her bed and pushed. Since she had to go so bad the poo came out easily, and she could feel the squishy mass weighing down her diaper. Since her diaper was pink you could not tell anything was amiss from the outside except for the strong smell and the bulge. Emotionally, Emily broke and all she could do was cry. To avoid sitting or lying in it, she lay face down on her bed. All she could do was wait. Maybe going to the store with her mom was a better option. Danielle was struggling as well. Like her sister, the coffee as making need to go too. She knew that it was against the rules for her to go potty without her Mom’s approval and supervision, but her Mom would never find out. She went and carefully went potty making sure nothing landed in her waiting pullup. Inwardly, she thought that even if Annie found out, she would be proud of Danielle for making it. Just that moment at the store, a slightly different scene was playing out. Halfway down the aisle Annie got an alert on her phone. The alarm she set up in the bathroom was set off. Curious to see who the little rule breaker was, she opened her phone to watch the video. There she saw her youngest calmly using the potty. Annie was disappointed, she had rules in place and this was directly against the rules. She was not supposed to use the potty unattended, that’s what got her in this mess to start with. Frustrated, she decided she would use this as a test. 18. The Test The sound of Annie’s car coming up the drive broke both of the girl’s thoughts. Emily for one came basically running towards her mother in desperation for a change and check. She wanted nothing more than to be freed from this diaper, even if it meant trading it for another diaper. To try to win her mother’s best mood and feeling she greeted her mother with a big hug. It worked, Annie merely thought that her daughter was being a little extra loving. Taking advantage of having her so close she did a check. By cracking open the back waistband for the customary poo check, the smell told the story. “What a good girl using your didees like you’re supposed to!” Annie said to Emily. “As a reward for the rest of the day you can ask me for changes, this is for today only, but because you were so good and left me messies you deserve something.” Emily blushed a little bit, normally good girls were the ones who did not go potty in their pants. “Mommy can I get changed now?” Emily asked. “Of course honey.” The change took longer because it was messy, but Emily was free. 2 diapers down, 78 to go until she gets promoted to potty training. She could not wait for the day. These messy diapers were going to be a fact of life until at least then. On the positive though, since she could ask for changes today only, she could knock a lot of them out of the way today. “Danielle come downstairs, I need to talk to you.” Danielle entered the “diaper room”. “I am very disappointed in you young lady, I know you used the potty without my permission or supervision.” Annie said. Danielle was stunned, she had no idea how her mom could have ever known. “I saw you on the alarm system I had set up in the bathroom to make sure that you did not cheat your training. So now you have to et punished for breaking the rules, but I will let you choose. You can either take a 3 point penalty for this week. That would leave you with 3.5 points and its only Tuesday. Remember, diapers happen once you hit 6. Or you can take no pint penalty and take a real punishment” Danielle thought it over. If she took the point penalty she was guaranteeing another week in pullups. If she held out where she was for the rest of the week she would be free. Further, her mom’s punishments were not that bad. They were typically things like sitting in the corner for a while, or doing some chore around the house. Despite her obvious eccentricity and control issues, Annie never spanked her children and always handled disciplinary matter in private. The choice was obvious, “I’ll take the punishment.” Emily said. “That’s what I thought you’d say, come with me.” Annie then led Danielle to a table and chair, on the table was a small stack of paper and a pen. “Since you seem to have forgotten that you’re in training, I need you to fill every page, back and front with “As a potty trainee I need Mommy’s supervision to go potty” That way it sinks in.” There were about 5 pages of paper. “Do not write too big or messy or that page does not count and I give you 2 more to replace the one that you messed up. You cannot get up from the chair for any reason until I say you are finished. Do you understand.” Emily nodded. All she could think about was how this was going to be a piece of cake. She was going to be done in 10 minutes no problem. Sitting down, she began writing the humiliating phrase as quickly as she could. Even rushing it took longer than she though. She was done with her first half a page when Annie came over to check on her progress. Though her writing was normally flawless, the script being written by Annie was scrawled on there. In some places, it was even hard to read what she was writing. “Way too messy. I need you to write neatly babe” Annie said as she took away all of Emily’s progress and gave her two blank pieces of paper. Emily realized that her mom meant business and wanted neat writing. This would slow her down, but would be far preferable to another week of potty training. Carefully she formed each letter. Doing this neatly was going to take a lot longer than the 10 minutes she thought. The frontside of the first page took her 3 and a half minutes, so she figured she was going to be at it for about 35 minutes. Then, panic, she felt a pressure in her gut right as she was halfway through the backside of the first page, she had approximately 30 minutes left, and she really had to go. On top of that, she was not the most well renowned for holding it. Danielle’s situation was not too dire until she reached her 4th sheet of paper. That’s when the cramps hit. The pace of her writing slowed as her mind went elsewhere. There was a real chance that she would shit her pullups and get 5 points, that would put her perilously close to diapers! She clenched and kept going. She muscled out the whole 4th sheet and was fine. Grabbing the last sheet of paper must have triggered something in her mind though. The pressure grew so heavy that she could barely manage to write. Her gut hurt like crazy. Then, a fart that was not very trustworthy, but nothing more. Then another, and another. She could not stop farting. Luckily, none of them were bad. She made it onto the backside of the paper. Then, to make herself more comfortable she shifted in her seat ever so slightly. The simple shift of weight was enough to invite her sphincter to just let it go. Warm mushy poo filled the seat of her pullup. The pullup sagged under the weight. She sat up ever so slightly off of the chair so it would not smoosh around her butt. From across the room, Annie chided her, “Butt in the chair until you are done.” She sat, which pushed the bulge into her. “Mommy!! I made a messy!” she cried out hoping that this would end the punishment and she could get clean. Annie came over, and with a smirk said, “I said no getting out of the chair until you have finished, you still have a half a sheet of paper left. I will check and if I have to change you afterwards.” It was obvious that she had gone, but Annie liked to play dumb. She smiled knowing that Emily’s whole plan had backfired. Not only did she get punished, she actually got more points than if she just took the point penalty. After a couple excruciating minutes sitting in her own mess writing a piece of paper about being unable to use the bathroom alone, Danielle finished. “Mom, I’m done.” Annie checked over all the pages agreed, she did a good job. “Ok baby, check position.” “Oh my god, somebody made quite the messy in her pullup! This is a big bad accident and we are going to have to count it as 5 points. I thought you were bigger than this.” Annie said. Determined not to show weakness, a silent tear went down Danielle’s face. She knew that she had 5.5 points and was one accident of any kind from 80 diapers. She hated the mess and was determined to keep her pullups at all costs. With all the strength she could muster she managed to squeak out, “Can I get a new pullup, please.”

Hey there, my wonderful fans. We're getting down to the wire, so here's a little something to keep you satisfied until I finish chapter 20. Think of this as a little interlude before the main event. Enjoy! Chapter XIX(and a half) Black. Nothing but blackness as far as the eye could see. No, not black. It wasn't even like a color. Just… absence. No light. No darkness. Just… Nothingness. And I was floating in it. My body felt completely numb and I could hardly string two thoughts together. It was like I was drifting in space, millions of miles away from anything. Just an insignificant speck lost in a sea of nothingness. Was I dead? Had I died and gone to hell? No, this didn't feel like hell. Hell would be much hotter. And heaven would be much… brighter, I think. I knew I should be worried. I should question where in God's name I was and how I got here. I should be terrified. But... I just wasn’t. I didn’t feel any fear or pain. If anything I felt a calm serenity floating here, weightless in my blissful, silent sea. I don't know how long I drifted before my mind started to come back to me. At least I think it was my mind? It sounded like somebody was talking to me, but I knew that was impossible because I was alone. I didn't exactly hear it, per se. All my senses were completely dead to me. I wasn’t even sure if I had a body anymore. Or if I ever had one to begin with. A life before the void seemed like a distant memory; a fleeting dream that hides just beyond remembrance as soon as one wakes from it. Lucas. That's all it said. Or thought, or whatever. But as soon as it did I felt… something. At least I think I felt something. It's been so long; an eternity at least since I last felt something. That is, if I'd ever felt anything at all before. Which I guess I must've if I was feeling something now. Lucas. It said it again. And that's when it hit me: that was my name! I have a name! Why do I have a name? Because you are a human and humans have names. Right! I'm a human! And my name is Lucas… wasn't their something else? Something that comes after Lucas? Granger. That's right! Lucas Granger! That's my name! Why am I just now remembering all this? Because it is time to wake up, Lucas. Wake up? Am I asleep? I don't remember going to… what's the name of that place where people sleep? Bed! That's the one! Try to remember. What's the last thing that happened before you came here? Try to remember… Let's see… I was in my apartment? Correct. Right! I was… in my bedroom? Yes. Do you remember who you were with? I was with someone? Yes. You must remember her? Her………. Julia! I remember it all now! She's in trouble! I have to save her! How do I get out of here? How indeed… Please! You have to help me! I'll do anything! Anything? Yes! I swear! Would you forfeit your own life for a chance at saving her? In a heartbeat! “That’s all I needed to hear.” The nothingness exploded into vibrant white light and I felt a familiar sensation: pain. My senses erupted in excruciating agony as the light engulfed me like fire. I couldn’t hear my screams over the deafening din that now filled the void. What had been heavenly bliss only moments ago had now become my hellish torture. No, not hellish, actual hell. I had been cast into the fires of hell.

I always have this... I don't know if I want to call it fear of telling this story because someone might know who I am but what the hell. I was never a bed wetter but I found out my best friend was. He refused to stay over at my house because he was afraid my sister (who he had a crush on) or her friends found out he had to wear diapers. Thus I came up with a plan. My sister and I would make bets with each other from time to time, stupid things like I would have to wear lip stick or she had to lick the cat. Well I came up with an idea, with my allowance I went to the story with my friends and got a package of depends, which for a 12-13 year old was big. Since my parents were divorced and my father spent the weekends at the bar we had the house to ourselves. That night we made fun of my sisters friend calling her a baby and thus we made a bet if she lost she had to wear a diaper until the next morning and couldn't use the bathroom until then. She lost, which she instantly wanted revenge and my friend lost, by the end of the night all 4 of us were in diapers and my the morning everyone was wet and no one knew my friend was a bed wetter. To keep anyone from finding out my friend was the bet wetter every weekend became "diaper bets" and by the end everyone would be in a diaper. My father walked in drunk one night and saw me in nothing but a wet diaper and a t-shirt in the middle of the living room, he looked at me for a moment started laughing and went back to the bar. When he was sober we had a long talk and he did know my friend was a bed wetter so he thought it had been a smart trick. I never told him that I had wanted to wear diapers for as long as I could remember. All I can remember about that first night was just...Joy. To be in a room with 4 people my age all in diapers was something that has never happened since.

Well I'm glad for the child with SB. Miracles DO occur regardless of who or what you attribute them to The last line of Rosalie's post shows exactly what I meant about how you see what you are looking for when she says this person "suffered" from being ABDL, a clear indicator that they did not want or like this part of their life. It was a negative thing to them so of course they wanted it to be gone which eventually it was (at least so far). The subconscious mind is a very powerful force and it did the work here without any direct outside influence The role faith may have played is in allowing them to believe in the possibility, which is in itself a good thing, but that can also cause you to think that what you are seeing is something else because that is what you want it to be. Not wishing to derail this topic, let me tell you about a distant cousin who was Gay for much of his life and quite happy like that. He had a partner in a LTR who sadly passed away but my cousin was still the same. About 5 years later my cousin fell in love with a woman and married her and she bore his child so there was sex going on here. My cousin is happy with everything now and has no desires to have relations with men anymore according to his own words as he spoke them to me. He wasn't seeking to change his sexual orientation at all but it happened. See the difference? In the ABDL case the person wanted the change and thought only a miracle could bring it so it was a 'miracle' when they got it, while in my cousin's case he was not seeking a change and saw no miracle because there wasn't one happening. Both seem to be happy now which is a good thing Things like this are rare, but rarity alone does not make a miracle. That is where one's 'faith' can cause you to have a distorted picture of reality when you go seeking the things it claims to give. All organized religions are full of pressure to think this way and when you're deeply immersed in a group of like-minded people you adopt the consensual viewpoint without questioning it because that feels like the right thing to do. You seek to justify the positions rather than asking yourself if they are completely right and true in every detail as they all claim to be. And this is the exact reason I chose to shun all organized religions; I do not want any misleading to go on whether intentional or not, and whether it's done by a leader or a group Even as sucky as reality often is, that is my desire and goal in toto, and that keeps me from seeing something which is not there. Only the led can be misled, and as I am literate enough to read, comprehend, and fully understand the religious text of my choice I do not need anyone else telling me what it says or means- I can see it all clearly for myself. And after I began on this path I began to see and understand why things work like they do, with people seeing 'miracles' where there are none and worse because they have been misled. If you want the truth you have to go find it on your own; it isn't to be found in any of the organized religions I've come across which is many Bettypooh

Chapter XIX There were five demons at end of the hall guarding the door to apartment 214. Fighting them in battle would've been a tough enough fight by itself. Getting past them with the priest’s light still intact would be a real challenge. The Blue Angel charged his sword with flame and ran towards them with the priest just barely behind. Angel Hunter stayed as close to the priest as possible. The demons all unleashed a barrage of hellfire, but Blue unfurled his wings which filled the entire hallway and protected the priest and Angel Hunter from the flames. By the time he reached them, his armor and wings were red-hot from their fire. But he was more or less unharmed by it, though he would be more vulnerable to their blades now. He leapt towards the demon in the middle and drove is sword downward in a powerful overhead slash. The demon tried to block it, but the Angel had channeled more power into his sword than the demon anticipated and there was nothing he could do to stop the angel from cleaving the poor demon in half straight down the middle. But doing so left the angel open to retaliation from the other four who all went to strike at his wounded chest. On the left two demons were suddenly knock away when a Green Angel burst through the floor. On the right the Angel Hunter went to intercept the other 2 demon's blades. But she was only able to stop one of them. The Blue Angel had to block the last blade with his wing which the demon pierced straight through with his spear. But the angel could do without a wing for now. He flexed his skewered wing, pushing the demon back enough that the angel could rise to his feet and continue the onslaught with his twin. Angel Hunter was having a much harder time dealing with her foe. Had she been at the top of her game this Warrior would pose little challenge to her. But she was still recovering from her battle at St. Harmon’s and she had exhausted much of her strength on the Royal Guard. As such, it was all she could do to parry his blows. He was physically stronger than she was right now and he wielded a rapier-style sword that afforded him the same speed she had. He pushed her back and raised his sword to strike the priest as he was running past and she flew forward with all the speed her still-wounded wings would carry her to position herself between the the Father and the Demon. Her adversary had anticipated this, however, and instead of swinging at the priest he slashed at Angel Hunter, severing her right hand. Even if she hadn't been in shock there's no way she'd have time to summon her sword into her other hand and bring it up to guard against another strike, likely to the head or torso. She was a sitting duck. Luckily the Blue Angel shot the demon’s sword off-target with a bolt of flame before landing a powerful slash across his chest and shoulders that knocked him down the hall and away from Angel Hunter. “Keep your guard up, Demon!” He said to her before rushing back to his previous target. Even Angel Hunter couldn't help but smirk at the Warrior's jab as she summoned her sword into her left hand and turned her attention back to her opponent. The Green Angel was having a rough time as well. He was a bit more aggressive and reckless than his brother and it was beginning to take its toll. The two demons he was fighting had managed to sever both of his wings since they had already been damaged in the stairwell. And he was burning through his power faster than he could draw it from the priest. One of the demons had also managed to pierce his left shoulder, but had received a sword through the chest in retaliation. The two demons were on their last legs. One of them was literally on its last leg as Green had cut the demon’s left foot off. Now it had to keep its wings touching the floor for balance like a tripod from hell. The other demon wasn't doing much better with the hole in its chest as well as a gash in its side creating white ripples all over its torse. One more blow to the chest--even a glancing one--would likely spell the fallen angel’s doom. “Brother!” The Warrior shouted before lunging at the one-legged demon. As the other demon moved in to strike at the opening the Blue Angel leapt in to parry his blade. Since the demon was so heavily wounded he was on the defensive and quickly disengaged from his attack to guard. This gave Green the chance to press the advantage over his one-legged opponent. He locked swords with the demon and kicked at his stump-lug, damaging it even further and causing excruciating pain to the demon. He primed his foot for another kick and the demon jumped back through the wall to avoid it. This gave Green the chance to strike at the heavily-wounded demon while it was busy with his brother. Sure enough the demon was unable to defend on two fronts and Green’s sword cleaved diagonally through its body. While this was happening the spear wielding demon managed to land a hit on the priest, but it was worth it to even the odds. Now it was three against three. Father Lloyd reached the apartment and the two Warriors and Angel Hunter leapt to his side, ready to dash inside the door before he closed it again, leaving the demons in the hall. He turned the knob. Locked. “Not good!” Angel Hunter shouted as she brought her blade up to parry her foe’s rapier. The lock could be dealt with, but not while they were fighting off demons. “Pray!” The Angel commanded the priest. Even though his eyes and ears had been closed to the Hidden Reality for his own protection, he felt an urging in his spirit to pray for God to open the door. So he got down on his knees and started praying. The exact words he used were irrelevant. Prayer was not like the formulaic spells and incantations used by sorcerers. It was simply an outward expression of one's will for something to happen. It is the primary method angels use to draw power from humans. Which, right now, was exactly what the two Warriors needed. Each word out of the priest’s mouth charged them with power. Of course they wouldn't let Angel Hunter draw from the priest. They may be forced to fight alongside a demon, but they would NEVER share power with one! This put Angel Hunter in a difficult situation. She was missing an arm, her strength was waning, and she was facing off against a demon who knew both of those things. Luckily Angel Hunters thrive on difficult situations. Most angels would try to conceal and protect an injured body part for obvious reasons. But Angel Hunter decided to use her weakness to her advantage. She kept her broken right arm just barely within her foes reach knowing the glowing red partial-appendage would be too tempting a target to not focus on. And indeed, most of his lightning-fast thrusts were aimed at that arm. But she was still fast enough to avoid his blade and even managed to get a few hits on her opponent when he over-extended himself to hit her weak spot. At one point she managed to stab at the gash in his shoulder left by the Blue Angel. The demon screeched in pain and leapt back as white cracks radiated out from his bicep. Another good hit like that would sever that arm. He switched his blade to his left hand and dove back into the fray. By now he had caught on the Angel Hunter’s diversionary tactics and ignored her wounded arm. Angel Hunter tried her best to parry his thrusts but he still managed to nick her several times leaving hairline fractures on the sides of her legs, her shoulders, and one gash under her left eye. “Help!” She called out as much to put her opponent on guard as because she was actually in need of assistance. Instantly Green pushed back his demon (an easy feet since it was the single-legged one) and swung his sword at the demon attacking Angel Hunter. As it put up its rapier to block the unexpected attack Angel Hunter stabbed his bicep causing his entire arm to fall off. As an added misery the sudden agony caused the demon’s guard to falter and Green’s blade drove straight through his other arm and embedded itself in the demon’s quickly-crumbling chest. Angel Hunter repositioned herself to the spot Green had been standing just in time to block a bolt of hellfire aimed at the priest from the one-legged demon. “If I were you I'd flee while you still have wings.” just then Green jerked his sword free from the demon’s chest as its body shattered, returning its soul to hell. “You have one second to decide.” The one-legged demon was already out of the building by the time its second was up. Angel Hunter and Green turned to Blue just as he decapitated his opponent, shattering the spear-wielding demon’s body. They'd done it. They reached the apartment with the priest intact. Now comes the hard part: Taking down Wylton. Green puts his hand on the priests shoulder. “Try the door again.” Father Lloyd stopped praying, stood up and put his hand on the doorknob. The moment his hand touched the metal a jolt of electricity shot through his arm and the lock turned. His eyes went wide and he mouthed a silent “thank you” to the heavens before opening the door.

Chapter XVIII The Imps stationed in the lobby hardly even knew what hit them. Seeing angels walk by was a common occurrence. But even if they'd been expecting a fight there's little they could've done before the two Warriors flew in like a pair of fiery missiles, obliterating the first imps that were unfortunate enough to be closest to the front door with a single stroke of their flaming longswords. The lobby erupted with screeching demons as the helpless Imps called their brethren to arms. There had been six Imps guarding the lobby. And by the time demonic reinforcements showed up the Twins had already dispatched all six of them and Father Lloyd was halfway to the stairwell. The Twins. That was the nickname these two Warriors had earned themselves. Each was identical to the other; Six and a half feet tall, heavy metal armor, wings seemingly made of white light. The only way their appearances differed was in their preferred color: one being cobalt blue and the other emerald green. But even their visage aside, these two fought with a unity that went beyond simple war tactics. They possessed a quality that was as close to Brotherhood as angelicly possible. These two were inseparable. In less than a second the lobby was filled with demons and imps. The twins were surrounded, but thanks to their connection to the priest they were far stronger than these dark warriors. The balance of power in this world was a complex and ever-changing state. But put simply Light is stronger than Darkness, but Darkness is much more prevalent than Light. Such was the case in this fight: the Angels were two apex predators charging into a swarming nest of vermin. But that is not to say these vermin posed no threat. On the contrary; these demons were on their own turf. And in a skirmish the defender always has the advantage over the attacker. But these Angels weren't necessarily on the offensive. The demons stood their ground, trying to cut off the angels’ escape. But it took them several seconds to realize that the angels weren't trying to escape. They were trying to reach the the second floor where Wylton was. By the time they realized this the priest was already crashing through the door to the stairwell. And that's when the real fighting began. The Blue Angel flew ahead halfway up the stairwell to make sure the path was clear while his Green twin stayed close behind the priest to deal with any demons that pursued them from the lobby. Two demons came through the closed door. Green unleashed a burst of fire at the one on the left, knocking him back long enough to swing his powerful sword at the one on the right. The demon put up its sword to block, but he underestimated the force of the blow and could only slow the sword down before it connected with its target leaving a glowing gash on the side of its head. The angel swung his sword back toward the first demon who by now had recovered and tried to attack. Green parried the demon’s blade and used his momentum to knock the demon up against a wall with his wing. He shot a burst of flame at the second demon and went to stab the first, but he phased through the wall. A third demon wielding a spear came flying in through the doorway, but instead of attacking the angel he flew straight towards Father Lloyd. The spear stuck its mark and a bright flash emanated out of the priest. The demon’s blade could not hurt him physically, but it could drain his divine power and by extension weaken the Angels. By landing such a solid blow on the priest this demon had done even more damage than if It had pierced the Angel. But he would pay dearly for his mistake. Green impaled the demon through the back with an angelic roar of fury that nearly drowned out the demon’s screams of pain. The two other demons moved in to strike at the opening the angel had left in his flank. He quickly recoiled and the unfurled his wings in an attempt to knock them away. It worked, but not without them leaving broad slashes on both of his wings. “To hell with you, Demon!” He roared before unleashing a mighty burst of flame from his sword vaporizing the Demon. He turned back to the other two who were now joined by several Imps. “Alright, who's first?” Meanwhile, the Blue Angel was facing down a terrible beast of a demon standing in the doorway to the second floor. He was big. Even bigger than the two angels, who themselves were fairly sizable for their rank. This demon must be Wylton’s Royal Guard, the Warrior thought. He had long, bull-like horns sticking off of his head and in his hand he held, not a conventional weapon, but a shield with a spike in the center of it. The black beast stood rooted in the doorway and if the Warrior couldn't remove him the priest--and their plan--would be in big trouble. The Warrior shot forward like a bullet with his sword held out flat in front of him. Defeating this demon would take more than the few seconds he had before the priest climbed the stairs, but all the angel needed was to push the demon out of the way and keep him occupied long enough for Father Lloyd to reach apartment 214. At least that was the plan. When the Warrior collided with the demon he hardly budged an inch. The sudden momentum change caused the angel to slam into the shield spike, piercing his chest. Before the the Warrior could move away the demon swung him around and pinned him against the wall. Red fissures started to radiate out from the angel’s chest and no matter how hard he pushed the demon only pushed back harder. It would've been the end for the Blue Angel if it weren't for a smaller, but no-doubt more dangerous demon phasing through the ceiling and driving a white sword straight down through the top of the Royal Guard’s head. The Angel Hunter had entered the fight. The Blue Angel pushed the staggered demon off of himself and quickly ended him with a single stroke as the Angel Hunter’s sword had already nearly-fatally wounded the demon. “Keep your guard up, angel!” she said before diving into the hall beyond. By now the priest had reached the second floor landing and pushed his way into the hall followed by the Blue Angel. Green was still fighting the demons on the stairwell, amd from the sound of things he was winning. Apartment 214--Luc’s apartment--was at the other end of the hall and surrounded by an impenetrable barrier courtesy of the young warlock. No Angel or demon could pass through it. But a human could open the door and let them in. Hence why they needed Father Lloyd, although he will also come in handy when they reached Wylton. If they could get past the horde of demons standing between them and their goal. ----- Meanwhile... “Night night, Lucas.” I screamed in terror as that monster slammed Luc’s head against the wall and he fell to the floor, limp. Surely he isn't… no. He can't be dead! He wouldn't leave me here alone with this monster! The boy--no, not a boy. The Demon--turned his attention towards me. “Now it's just you and me, baby!” I backed into the corner. My legs still wouldn't let me stand, but even if they did I had nowhere to go. I felt my diaper warm up. But right now that was the least of my problems. “Please!” I begged, “Just let us go! We want nothing to do with all this! I promise we won't say anything to the cops!” “You think I'm afraid of the police? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is MY town! I OWN the cops!” He took a step closer to me. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t fight. I had no more tears left to cry. I was completely frozen. “W-w-what are you going to do with me? “Well now that is the million dollar question now isn't it?” He grabbed me by the throat and lifted me up with one hand. I couldn’t breath. I tried to struggle, but it was like all the strength in my body was gone. Just when I thought I was going to pass out he threw me on the bed. I couldn’t move. My body felt like it was filled with lead. “Seeing you lying there, totally helpless fills me with all sorts of ideas! But honestly the diaper is a bit of a turn off. So let's just get down to business, shall we?” With that he climbed on top of me and started choking me again

If your wife is pushing you to wear diapers on a regular basis, you should really accept that, a; you probably need them, and b; it will save you the embarrassment of a public pants wetting at some point and save her a lot of extra laundry. Having the experience of the second part my self, trust me, wearing a diaper when out in public away from the controlled environment of a close bathroom is far better than walking around in wet trousers!