i haven't told this to very many people at all.
when i was really little (less than 1 year old) my mom took me to a baby sitter that pinched me every time i wet my diaper. this resulted in me being potty trained by the age of 1. not a good start. i did have occasional accidents but from what i have been told, not very many. my father left before i was born. i don't think my mother really wanted me, and probably blamed me for her new husbands exit. anyway, 5 years later my mother re-married. and a few years after that my mother gave birth to her second. he was barn sick and almost died. i guess i saw all the attention that he was getting, and the kindness he received during diaper changes got me experimenting with makeshift diapers at night in my room while everyone else was sleeping. this became my coping mechinism as once my adopted father now had a biological son, i was forgotton about. by him and his parents (my grandparents). i was starving for attention. diapers were my way of taking care of myself. into my teens diapers became a way of sexual release. it was the only thing that i knew.
diapers aren't sexual for me anymore. but i have gone through long stents (as much as 5 years) of 24/7. an i, like every other person that started wearing diapers before the internet, went through many, many, many binge and purge periods! i thought i was the weirdest person on the planet!
for the most part i have accepted myself. but still struggle with balance. the quest goes on....