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I feel like absolute crap tonight

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I spent most of the day filling out the ESA50 that I've been putting off for weeks. I still have to finish it tomorrow, but I had to stop for the day because I'd had about all I could manage of describing in intimate detail, absolutely everything that's wrong with me, and all of the interesting and fun ways that I can't cope with day-to-day life.



Gods, if I wasn't such a coward.

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1 hour ago, DailyDi said:


I need to start the disability fight, but I dread dealing with it.

Yeah, it's not fun, and it's so hard trying to advocate for myself when I hate myself most of the time.

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2 minutes ago, Little Sam said:

Yeah, it's not fun, and it's so hard trying to advocate for myself when I hate myself most of the time.

I know that feeling all too well. Currently struggling just to force myself to see my primary doc for med refills, let alone specialist s and government types for disability. 

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Well I finished the damn form, but my old inkjet is well and truly dead. It would need a new head and a full set of cartridges just to get it going again, and it's so old it doesn't even have drivers for Windows 11. (Possibly you could make the win10 drivers work, if you turned off signature enforcement, but I booted into linux, and it still refused to cooperate.)

The only place I know of (that hasn't closed down) to get documents printed, is the library, and I don't know where my library card is, or where my ID is to get a new one. Anyway, I wasn't going to make it there before it closed today, and frankly I'm too gods damned tired to go traipsing into town, and way too anxious to deal with all that. So Amazon will be dropping off a shiny new Laserjet on my doorstep sometime tomorrow. Kinda overkill, but I've wanted one for ages, I print so infrequently now (seriously it's ridiculous that I can't send it digitally, I even have a digitiser pen, so I could sign it), that ink cartridges either dry out, or the heads get all gunky and the printer has to execute an initial charge, every time you try to print something, so they end up lasting like 10 pages. Toner will last almost indefinitely. And no more, "you must have magenta ink to print this black document" crap.

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  • 3 weeks later...


I feel your pain:  I've only had to do ONE "Continuing Disability Review" in my life, since 2007, when I went on SSDI, and Medicare:  As @Little Sam says, They ask you SOOO many questions, that you feel like you have to write a BOOK to explain fully what you are dealing with, what your physical health is, your mental health, and basically have to tell them everything:  It was about a 21 page document when I last did mine.  I think that since then, that they have pruned down some of this, because of the need to make it EASIER for people to file for the benefits.  The only thing is, you are not guaranteed to get benefits the first time out, and it can be hellatious.  I didn't have to do anything when my parents retired, they just saw that i was a dependent child, and that qualifies me for SSD, because I am disabled.  They simply sent me a letter telling me that I had SSD when my parents retired, then they sent me another to tell me that my Dad made more during his working life, so I am under him.  

Since that time, I have not had to do another, and my student loans were deepsixed about 2-3 years ago, because the SSA said I was disabled, so they were discharged - That was the happiest day of my life.

@Little Sam

I also feel YOUR pain.  I have been dealing with Neck, shoulder, and head pain for the last 6 months or so, and I've been in the ER 7 times since July of 2023:  They don't really do much for you, unless conventional drugs fail, and I've had severe headaches:  One Day this week, I could NOT even lift my head off the pillow it hurt so bad, and the steroid injections only lasted a week this time.  They want to try "Trigger point injections" this time, so that they can target where the pain is, and inject me with something to help with the pain.  This will happen December 8th.  The Nerve Block and abasion will happen in January, February and March, and I have been referred to the "headache clinic" so we shall see what happens.

I am bound and determined that I WILL find out what is causing this debilitating pain.  I have CP, and have dealt with pain all my life, but this one is something I need help with.  I am worried that i will have to take Tylenol and Advil in such high amounts that eventually it will hurt my stomach, so I hope they find out what the hell is up, cause this is REALLY hard for me:  I told my brother yesterday, that I want them to figure out why I am experiencing these headaches, so they can help me deal with them, so I am not taking THOUSANDS of Milligrams of meds just to get a break from the pain.  I thought having my legs broken and reset and my groin muscles released was hell, but THIS is almost as bad as my appendicitis in 2002.  

I wish you both the best, and I also cant wait to get some relief:  Gonna be a while before I can get into the headache clinic, and for that, i have to go to Burlington (UVM Medical Center Neurology)



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