those in therapy, have you disclosed your abdl to your mental health worker?

[lil_stinkie]

sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this, but i feel it is the most relavent thread.

i have been in longtime therapy, initially for depression and anxiety as a young teen, with an underlying diagnosis of aspergers . more recently the focus has been on the anxiety as the depression seems to be under control.

i have had many moments where i had the chance to disclose my abdl to my therapist, but decided against it. i'm not sure how she would react, would she be supportive? maybe i can bounce ideas off her to utilize my abdl time more beneficially for my mental health. on the other hand, she could write me off as some freaky fetish weirdo and try and psychoanalyses it, something i don't want.

i really look forward to reading about others experiences

sorry if i don't respond in time, i'm about to go to sleep, but wanted to ask this now, in case i forget tomorrow. i look forward to reading the replies when i wake up.

[Rachael-Little]

Years ago in therapy yes I did mention regression and even regressed while in a few sessions and even wore diapers a few times.

No the person did not diaper me or any such thing . I really didn’t gain anything by these sessions except that I don’t know why I like being a baby and regressing 

[Snugglebear_69]

Nope, I focused on things that were stressing me out or causing me issues and being a little is something I'm fine being.

[~Brian~]

5 hours ago, babymenow said:

I have nearly told my mental health nurses so many times over the years but haven't, I dont want it on my notes as it will be visible for them, my gp and possible other places, plus if I go into hospital I'm worried the other patients would find out, nurses and care assistants have big mouths, trust me I know from experience 

 

I once was being given emdr light therapy and I had to think of the things I wanted to change about myself as it went on, I didnt say anything but I constantly tried to get rid of my ab side, well I'm glad it didnt work as I'm very happy now 

@babymenow

I disclose it to my counselor once and only once I think it was because of the things that were happening in my life, being that it's something that I was holding back for many years, I think I was like 30 years old or so, And I think what happened was that I kept on thinking of my brother who is disabled, and all the things that went through my mind, then all of the bad things that were going through my mind after my parents divorced and whole bunch of other things that just a big mash:  I didn't know what was going to come out of my head, and I didn't know what was going on, so I just started telling my counselor about some of the things that happened in my life, and I briefly touched on the fact the fact that or diapers because it was disability common for some reason I like them, and I'm not sure why, she told me it was common for people to feel that way common to Lake diapers, So it wasn't like I was alone in the world! for my counselor to say that to me it made me feel really good, knowing that there wasn't something that was wrong with me per se come because there's more people in the world than I realized that are in my same position, and that vindicated me and made me feel like all of those things all of those things I thought of for many years were not things that were crazy stupid or immoral or impractical, because I am what I am, it just took me 20 more years to be able to understand what the heck was going on or why I felt that way.

As far as EMDR light therapy goes, I've never had it, and I'm not sure that would even help me to deal with stress the stress level that I deal with. I know that I have had a lot of stress in my life, and I've gone to a couple of counselors multiple times, And every time they've helped me to understand what's going on, they also help me to understand that my feelings are not something that are crazy stupid or something that is ridiculous. we all have our feelings and we all have our our lives, and we all have stresses and things that cause us pain or cause us worry or anguish or whatever, if we didn't have feelings we wouldn't be the people we are, and sometimes feelings are the most important thing because you can tell when you're in a situation what is going on, And the best thing that you can feel is something you can feel, not just something that you touch that doesn't have any form or any substance, having your senses is the most important part of your life, and I wouldn't change that for anything.

As far as you "Getting rid of your ab side":  in my experience there is no way to get rid of this. If you are wired that you lake diapers, or you like baby stuff, are you like pacifiers or blankets or things that babies use such as play pens high chairs or cribs, those are things that are part of that side. the feelings you get are there, whether they be there because you are exposed to something that is long-lasting in your long term memory banks, or if it's something that is brought forward because of a sound or a smell or a situation. if you have those feelings or those desires, they will still be there especially you find that the desire is comforting some or somehow helps you. in my mind there is no way to get rid of your ab side, or maybe your DL side, because once you have those feelings or you have those types of emotions or those type of experiences that change you, as far as I'm concerned you have them for life. maybe it's because your wired differently, because you like certain things, or because of your feelings and your senses: if your diapers feel good to you, by all means use them, wear them and enjoy them, don't be afraid of it, but also you should realize that there are many people who have to repress those emotions those desires and those feelings because they have to live their adult wives and move through life and do adult things, And when you do adult things, you have to repress those emotions and feelings because you would find yourself at a disadvantage if you were an adult mode trying to do something, in your feelings were going haywire.

Additionally, you don't just turn on or off these feelings like a light switch. I've learned from experience that those feelings are there, I don't care if you're 5, I don't care if you're 8 when it happened to me, or if you're 58: those feelings will be there, Will always be within your your head, And if the right stimuli is applied, bang: you and you have those feelings and emotions crop up, And sometimes they are so strong you have to act on them, because if you don't you will go crazy. I had to learn for example if I walked into somebody's room and they had diapers on the table, not to let my feelings go crazy. sure you can sit there and smell baby powder or look at a diaper, but you probably wouldn't wanna have a caregiver see a guy with an erection because of that, even though young kids will have that happen to them as well, and that's part of growing up, and part of the life cycle, because we all have that happen. it's just that those feelings and those stimuli would be in would be inappropriate at certain times and you have to be able to control it And be able to manage it appropriately so that you are not acting on these feelings that are inappropriate at inappropriate times: the best thing to do is to make sure that you are able to manage the feelings and the stimuli, because you will find yourself and a situation where you may have to deal with it in times when it is not convenient.

@lil_stinkie

If you think that anxiety and depression are causing you issues, then it is appropriate for you to disclose that to your counselor. It also may be appropriate for you to disclose other things to her if you think that would help you deal with deal with your situation. Being that your counselor has probably helped many individuals, he or she is probably ran into a few situations where there might have been somebody that deals with depression and anxiety by going into little space. I have heard of several counselors who have dealt with this themselves come but not on a high level because there is not very many people that would probably disclose that, and even if they did, there's no real way for us to know how many are counselors see, because due to the HIPAA law, this information remains confidential, and is not released unless there is a reason to believe that there is some belief that harm would come to an individual if something wasn't disclosed.

If you think that disclosure of your AB&DL sides is appropriate, because it helps you or would help you in your treatment, then that is a decision that you will have to make. it will depend on what you think is appropriate, And if the subject broaches itself, Then it could be a proper time to disclose it. the way I would handle it if I was going to disclose would be to determine by asking questions of the provider to see what their reaction is, and engage that reaction before disclosing the information. remember that anything that is disclosed to your counselor is supposed to be kept in confidentiality unless until something bad happens where releasing that information or disclosing that information is required by law, because of the mandated reporter law, which basically means that if something is happening, and you disclose it to a mandated reporter, Not enough, they can report it to the state The county or whatever agency that deals with that situation. most of what you say however is kept confidential, and I believe if I'm not mistaken, I had to sign documents that told me about this before I went in. That way Disclosure of what they expect from me is on the file, and disclosure of what I say to them is kept in confidence.

Talking to a counselor sometimes is effective: even if it may be for a small amount of time, or a very few sessions, it can make you feel better that is taken off your mind. I remember when I had problems a long time ago, and I had to deal with all of this jumble of garbage in my head. I told my counselor about all the stuff that was rolling around in my head, and told her that I needed to get it out of my head and into the open so that I could feel better. I told her things that would help me because I couldn't hold it back anymore, there was not really a person that I could trust to disclose it to. When you want to disclose information to someone, you would assume that that person is going to keep it between themselves, and very few things that I can disclose to certain members of my family are kept in confidence, and that's based on the person I speak to. i've never really had a person that I could say something too without it being revealed to other people in the family. I'm glad that counselors like that don't do that, and I'm glad my case manager doesn't do that, because I know about those particular things, and when I told her that I was outed by an support agency, she said that was totally wrong, and she was right! One thing that I know is that I am what I am and who I am. I also know that I'm not gonna change who I am or what I am, because if I change what I am then I wouldn't be the same person I am right now, and even though there are things that I can do to make my life better for my off, some things are harder to do than others, but I try. I'm i'm glad that I'm in a position that I am in now, because now I don't have to worry about why I feel the way I do, and the dreams that I have make sense, and the feelings I have make sense, and that's because I was able to analyze them and be able to discuss them with somebody, and then realize that hey I'm wired that way, and it can't change: And even if it could why the heck would I want to: I feel better than I have been in 30 years.  the only thing is it took me 20 more years after that to be able to understand why and accept it and then make it happen, sometimes things happen in a way that you don't expect, But I'm glad that I'm finally here, and I'm finally able to accept and be able to integrate that into my life, because it makes my life a heck of a lot easier, because stress is something that is so high sometimes in my life that it's ridiculous!

So, if you feel that it's necessary to disclose that type of information to your counselor, if you think it would help you. As I said gage the Counselors response to see if you think that they Accepting of it and, And then you make a decision what you disclosed and how much you disclose to this counselor. if you are dealing with anxiety and depression, the worst thing you can do is keep holding it back, because eventually it will drive you crazy, or it will make you really really sad, and you won't be able to handle it. when you have so much stress on your head, it's hard to be able to deal with everything coming at you at once, but it's not impossible. It feels like sometimes that I have 100 arrows coming at my head and I have to keep ducking and then try to run away from them, but if I end up catching them and throwing them down dealing with each situation, then it doesn't seem to overwhelm me as bad, because I know that somehow I will get to the end of that road and be able to complete a project for example.

Good luck and keep up and keep us advised!

Brian

[lil_stinkie]

thanks guys/fluids, i find your responses really insightful.

babymenow

i'm really glad things seem to be working out for you, i've never thought about what notes they would keep, i know they think it's beneficial, to have all of the support team informed about where we are at in life, but it's a tough pill to swallow, when i would just like to get my little side out there to a specific professional, instead of all the people that help me.

i'm also really glad i've never been asked the question "what would i change about myself?" in my mind i would be thinking "for one thing, I'd like to take these big boy undies off my bum, and put on a nice soft pamper" XD but I'd probably come up with a boring adult answer like wanting to know how to sew.

 

~Brian~

thanks for your response, i find your analysis and advice really encouraging. There was a time where i did, very much, want to "get rid" of my AB side. fortunately as i mature, these thoughts are fading, and i'm now in a place where i'm content with being little. I was just thinking of disclosing my abdl, as it's a coping mechanism for me, and there are stages in our sessions, where i ponder if this is relevant to my treatment, especially when asked "what do i think is helping me manage my mental health". after reading your response, i may test the waters and see how she reacts, although I'm completely fine if i don't get the opportunity to discuss this with her, simply having a place like DD, with people of similar interests, is enough to keep me going.

 

[~Brian~]

On 1/18/2023 at 7:31 AM, babymenow said:

On a broader note, whenever I meet with a health care provider I ask to see what notes they are putting on my file as you will  not believe the amount of incorrect and dam right lies that have been put in my file, things like, they discharged me which I didnt want and when I tried to have a referral back I was told they couldn't as I had discharged myself, that's what they put in my notes 

@babymenow

I am lucky in one regard. We haven't automated record keeping system that anyone can access so long as they have their own username password and then they can actually see everything that has to do with your appointment, notes, discharge notes, visit notes, Specialist visits, and everything else. all of the doctors that have anything to do with me are listed on the right hand side of my profile. I can also see every single drug that I'm on, everything that has been ordered for me, all of the particular test results and everything else. I can even see every one of the notes that has been put into my profile or into my medical records.

I remember last year, I had talked to the doctor regarding me doing a Colononoscopy.  This is something that is done when you first turn 50 and then I think five years after for the remainder of your life. When I first told them about this comp told them that there was number way that I was going to be able to do a colonoscopy, So I basically told them that I wasn't gonna do it. The doctor told me that I should do it, And I told him the reason why I wasn't going to do it is because half the time when you go into the hospital, they won't hold you in the hospital to help you take care of things, they just want to bring you in do the surgery, send you home And have you sit at home and suffer. i've gone through so many things that are in my life where I've had to have operations. i've had to spend weeks in the hospital, and then weeks in rehab, and then have to make up school and whole bunch of different stuff, but I'd never been able to fathom why they'd want to have you come in do same day surgery, dope you up with drugs, and then send you home to be able to deal with it yourself.

That would be one thing that would be appropriate if I wasn't dealing with my disability. I've been able to deal with a lot of different things because of the way I have my medical team organized. Each one of my doctors has the reason for being on that list, and each one has a particular function. general practitioner, Orthopedic surgeon, pulmonologist, PTOT, and a lot of counseling services, which are listed in my records. I told them that I wanted them to actually admit me into the hospital for my colonoscopy. I cited my fact that I am having trouble with with with mobility, so I cannot be doing the prep work for this particular procedure, stay up all night, going back and forth between the bathroom and my chair, or sitting on the toilet only, not getting any sleep and then expecting to go to the hospital, and then do 2 1/2 hours on the operating table being ventilated, just to be able to come out of it and sit there for two more hours. Basically the doctor agreed with me, telling me that my concerns were valid that they could help me with that, because I'd have to take mirrolex and high doses, and I'm not going to mess around with having to poop all afternoon and half the night, and not being able to to make it to the bathroom and making a mess all over everywhere. so therefore I have my diapers and I'll be ready to go this June or July.

Like @babymenow how stated, you have to be extra careful as to what they put in your medical records. it's one thing if you tell your doctor something and he puts it in your medical records. it's quite another However, if you tell the doctor something one way, expecting him to put it in that way, and there's something else in there that makes everything sound 20 times worse than it actually is. on many occasions you have to make it sound like you're actually worse off than you are, in order to get something similar. I told the doctor that from now on, if they want me to have some sort of a procedures such as a colonoscopy and endoscopy, or anything else where they need me to be doing prep work, the best place for me would be in the hospital itself. the reason for this is because I would be able to go in the night before, the nurse should be able to help me, and if I have an accident or two, they would be able to help me change, which they can do, and my home health plan doesn't have that particular setup so that they can't do that, and I can't get someone to come in for one night just to monitor me, just so that I can have the bus drive me up there the next morning. basically I would end up having the prep work done, Then I would get on a bus drive up to the hospital, get off, go in and have the procedure done, wait three hours and come back home. if I'm already at the hospital the night before, and the prep work is already done, the first thing in the morning they just roll me downstairs, and then they'd roll me into the procedure room, they hit me with the anesthetic and they do the procedure. several hours later I can come out of it and come home. I might be out of it for a couple hours to a day or so, but at least I wouldn't I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to do it, and then telling them I don't want to have them do it. I want to make sure that I'm happy and that I'm healthy, so I can't just not do procedures simply because it's not appropriate or convenient for them at certain points.

After I had made this particular plea To the doctor, he would tell me that my insurance won't cover this as an inpatient procedure. I asked him to order me admitted for these type of procedures, because of my advancing age, and because I don't wanna fall on my head trying to do what they want me to do, and I don't think it's fair that I have to be up all night and not get halfway decent night sleep. it's one thing if I have to go in for a procedure, it's quite another if I can't even sleep and I'm up all night anyway, 'cause I'm just running back and forth. when I got the notes back, I noticed that it sounded like like something out of our science fiction movie common It sounded like my request was from a guy that was half crazy, And I actually called the doctor and confronted them: asking them why in the world would they put that type of stuff in my medical records, because I'm not showing extreme anxiety or anything like that, but when I talk to the medical professionals on staff, they said that they needed to have something on record that told the doctor that was going to be doing the colonoscopy The reason why the hospital was going to be giving me the night before, because normally that's something that is done as an outpatient procedure And you do the work before the procedure the night before. after I found out about that, I kind of calm down but I told them that it sounded like somebody had written,, or it sounded like somebody was alluding to the fact that I was crazy!  I was therefore told that that was not the reason for the way it was written, but it was the place the doctor that's doing the colonoscopy on notice that there is a reason for my request, and therefore if someone from the hospital comes in and looks at my wreckers, which they can do from any, they will see why I am requesting it,, and why I'm requesting it the way it is. my general practitioner is the one that is going to be responsible for admitting me for the procedure Carmissa I must let him know at least a couple months before the procedure, so the hospital can be prepared to receive me. when I go in there I'm going to be prepared for bear, and I'm going to just do my very best. I can't ask anymore than that, but I don't wanna be thought of as a crazy old fool either.

So is baby me now says, you have to be careful- And the reason you have to be careful is because anyone can write some into your medical records. The good thing about me being able to look at my medical records is I can go in and look at everything that is on my medical records, and my brother James can do the same, because in the event that I am ill and unable to function and make decisions, James will have the ability to do things medically on my behalf. i've been thinking about this for many years, and this is the way I want it. If there's one person that I would trust more than anything in the world it would be my youngest brother, who works at a level one trauma center, and he does the stuff that is amazing with MRIS and things like that! he is experienced, he is common cool and collected, and he's no nonsense. he's the kind of guy that makes me proud, so why shouldn't I have him doing that. my parents are in their high 70s, and I don't want them to have to worry about me. I'm 20 years younger than them, but I still worry about it, because of a lot of things.

But as he says, I certainly wouldn't want somebody to write something into my medical records that sounded like it made a person crazy on when they were not! I still have all of my faculties and all my senses, and I know exactly what the heck is going on, I just don't want somebody to think I'm some crazy old fool! that's exactly what I told the doctor's office, And when they told me why it was written that way I kinda thought: oh really?

So why did you say my friend, it's always a good idea to check to see what the heck is being written in your medical records. it's also a good idea to make sure you understand what is there. if you don't understand what is in your medical records, it is up to the you as the patient to be questioning why something is in your medical records, why you're taking a particular medicine, wise attest has been ordered or why particular services have been requested or recommended..... I like the ability to be able to see all of my medical records in one shot! it makes it so much easier, because 35 to 45 years ago, everything was either paper only, or a mixture of paper and electronic stuff. Because I'm disabled, I have records that go all the way back to probably May May have 72 all the way till today, and most of those records that are in paper form, I don't know if they're still storage somewhere, I don't know if they're in the archive somewhere in the state health department, but somewhere if I needed to have someone prove that I was disabled, I probably could have my general practitioner prove that in two minutes. However, because of the way things have changed in the last 40 years or so, most of the records you see today aren't even written down on paper for very long, And then the minute that they're written on paper then, then you give it to a secretary at a desk and they scan it into your medical records. if I wanted to see my medical records right now I could log in and see the next thing that scheduled, And that reminds me I better check that in the next couple of days.

i'm also glad that you were able to talk to a professional about your current situation between you and your husband and your medical situation and your mental status. But that because of that, the counselor was able to talk to your husband and let him know the reason why you were acting this way, and also to let him know that there is a reason for the way you have been acting. because of him asking for help and you being willing to accept it, you were able to allow the professional to help  your husband understand your situation,  and because you were able to prove, or explain your reasoning to the counselor, she was able to help him understand your issues, and therefore you no longer have to worry about having that humongous chopping block, or a guillotine next to your neck! well done! I am proud of you I'm proud of both of you! It takes a lot of guts to be able to go to a professional such as that and be able to ask for help, And I'm so glad you're able to get it. Your mental stability is the most important thing, And then you need to have the love and affection and support of your family and your loved ones as well.

@lil_stinkie

On 1/16/2023 at 8:53 PM, lil_stinkie said:

~Brian~

thanks for your response, i find your analysis and advice really encouraging. There was a time where i did, very much, want to "get rid" of my AB side. fortunately as i mature, these thoughts are fading, and i'm now in a place where i'm content with being little. I was just thinking of disclosing my abdl, as it's a coping mechanism for me, and there are stages in our sessions, where i ponder if this is relevant to my treatment, especially when asked "what do i think is helping me manage my mental health". after reading your response, i may test the waters and see how she reacts, although I'm completely fine if i don't get the opportunity to discuss this with her, simply having a place like DD, with people of similar interests, is enough to keep me going

it was my pleasure sir! i'm not sure why people think that they have to "Get rid of" their baby side or their adult kid's side or their adult baby side.  Many many years ago, probably I'd say in the late 60s or 70s or maybe earlier than that, having a situation like this would probably be frowned upon, And then people would think that were sick and we need treatment, and then they'd send us away and maybe using this feeling because it's the wrong thing. thank God we don't live in barbaric times like that anymore where people were getting frontal lobotomies, or they were doing things to disabled individuals because they wanted to figure out figure out if something worked or didn't. Thank God we're out of that part of the lifestyle, where adults would be able to tell kids what to do, and we had to do it, and if we didn't, they would lock us up or throw away the keys. that's so arcane and so outdated it's not even funny, but it probably still happens in other places.

The thing is you don't have to get rid of anything. Someone tells you that you're special in your own ways. By that I mean that a person is supposed to be able to decide what they're going to do with their life once they're finished with school, or they find a path and they go for it. the path that some people take is that they need to get through life, but life is really really really hard for them. When life gets hard, there are times when you just wanna give in and give up and back step and go back to a time when you are so comfortable, or you didn't have to worry about a thing, or you could play all day and not worry about it, or you could use the bathroom in your and your diapers, and someone would take care of you. Those are days where you are care free and you don't have to worry about it anymore. someone will always help you and be there for you and support you and nurture you. those are the days that we all learn a lot of things, we learn to love and we learn to trust and we learn to believe to believe common we learn about imaginations and sharing and everything else. those are basic skills everyone learns. Sometimes adults forget those skills, and that is something that can harm people in the long run if they don't know how to get along. the basic skills that we learn as kids are learn and we build upon as we grow older and we go on with our lives.

But as we are all aware, there are people who live the adult the adult lifestyle, and for some reason they are unable to function fully in the adult world without some fall back position. By this I mean that there are people who are adults in the adult world, but they might but they might decide that in order for them to function better, they might decide to adopt part of the lifestyle whether  AB or DL or AK's.  by doing this, they are able to integrate adult life into their persona, be able to function as an adult, and then be able to go to space and B the little kid they wanna be or the little baby they wanna be, and they live it to the extreme, and that's not bad, by extreme I mean they go all the way. they adopt an adult baby persona, and in their minds they are in a baby, but they are an adult baby, There's, So there are diaper lover, or they might be disabled, and because of situations they decide to do that. whatever they do, they do because they feel it is the most important thing they can do and they feel it is the right thing to do. You can't just turn on or turn off a light switch to activate AB&DL tendencies, nor can you turn on and off a light switch so that you don't feel track into diapers or other equipment. once you're wired in that way, and you have those feelings are those desires, they're not going anywhere. I can't say this enough and I can't make this point any stronger: Once you are an AB or a DL, you are that for life: you just don't get rid of it, you have those tendencies You have those feelings and you have those qualities for the remainder of your life.

Regardless of what happens, you are who you are, you are what you are, and nothing people can do will change that. there may be people that think they can " fix you" - but there's nothing to fix, except for the person's outlook and their to towards the entire situation. don't let anyone change who you are or what you are what you think or what you believe, if you are who you say you are, be proud of it Embrace it Let it go Let it happen.

I Remember @zombieg When she said if you want to wear a diaper, wear a diaper and don't procrastinate. The problem is is that people worry about what people think what people say or what people believe, and they worry about what will happen, or they think that it would be a better idea to wait, but the longer you put it off, and you put off what you know to be right, the longer it takes you to understand what that means. don't worry about it: if you want to do something: don't procrastinate: she said she said put the diaper on, and she's right. don't hold back on who you are or what you are, and don't change who you are or what you are because someone tells you that it's the wrong thing! the only way it's wrong is if you are forcing your beliefs and your lifestyle on somebody else. It's also wrong if you bring someone into the lifestyle that has nothing to do with it or does not want anything to do with it, and you have to make sure that you're doing it as an adult, because then you would end up in trouble if you were doing it with minors under age. Those are things you have to be careful of, but other than that you are in control of your destiny, and no one can tell you that you aren't what you are! the thing the thing is you have to be proud of who you are and what you are, what you stand for, and be prepared to let people know'cause you want to, not because someone's making you do it. the thing the thing is when you realize that you have all of things, and you know that it's right, putting off the inevitable only makes it more and more and more difficult when you finally give in. it's like that chocolate cake example I keep using.

If I make you a very succulent and rich chocolate cake, and I know that you like it, and I make it with all your favorites, and it smells really good. And we talk about it. I take it out of the oven and I frost it and I put it in a glass cover you would see in a bakery. The cake is awesome, it looks fresh, it tastes fresh, it smells fresh, your favorite frosting, whole 9 yards. I then tell you that you cannot have that cake! I tell you under no circumstances are you to touch that cake, you're not to eat that cake, you can look at it You can dream about it but you can't touch it. Eventually you're gonna find a way to get that cake, you're gonna find a way to eat that cake because it's so damn good you can't resist it. Same thing with wearing diapers or being an AB or a DL. once you're like that, there's no getting rid of anything. You want that diaper so bad and you know you want it, but then something stops you when you procrastinate cold: you want that lifestyle you can't say no cause you think it's the best thing, But then you procrastinate and put it off. However, the minute you put the diaper on, and you begin but the lifestyle, is something that you can't resist, it feels so good and everything is so awesome!

That is what being what we are is! There are so many bad things in our world and there are bad things that happen in our countries in all over the world. with all the bad things that happen, wars and people getting hurt and killed, and all of the discord and strife and things that are bad, it's no wonder that everybody is worried about our world as it stands, and it's because people have forgotten how to get along and how to make things happen. That's half of the reason why life makes sense! life makes sense because you live it, life makes sense because you push yourself to the extreme because you wanna be the best you can be and be the best that you know you can be! I don't care if you're $100/hr computer technician, or you're making $15.00 an hour at the local supermarket bag and groceries. whatever job you have in the world you give it your all You give it your best, because if you give it your best and you always try your best, even if you fall flat on your face, at least you've given it your best shot, and you know it because you know how hard it is to do the work it is. you know what your limitations are, you know what your best is and what your worst is, you are the gage of your own self.

Sometimes I wish we could go back 20 or 30 years to a world that we didn't even have to worry about any of this! because we can't do that because we can't backstep in the world itself, we have to backstep as far as what we are doing as far as our chronological ages versus our age Play age- we have to regress back to a time when we didn't feel all the pressure and all of the bad things that make life suck. life is not easy, and me being disabled individual I know that to be true, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you just throw the towel in and give up! you don't do that, but as long as you are willing to put the time in, and you know that something makes you feel good, And you can come back to it at anytime because you can regress, because it's a safety zone for you, that makes it easier!

As I've always said: a diaper is your best friend: with a diaper you don't have to worry anymore! the diaper will be there with you, and it will take everything you can give it, sometimes it won't allow you to fill it up all the way, because it's not the best quality, but in diaper will never let you down as long as you're wearing it. you can use it and you can fill it up, then you can change it. a diaper is like a shield from the world And @Kawaharu knows that very well: she knows that the adult world sucks: and she has to be able to function within it, but she also knows that she can always return back home to the safety of her abode, and be able to do what she does best: be an adult baby, because she decided to adopt that philosophy and that lifestyle because of her medical incontinence conditions and other things. everybody makes the decisions they make because of things that happen in their lives, everybody makes the decisions they make because of reasoning that makes sense to them, and it and it makes perfect sense to me that both her and I are incontinent, and we live the lifestyles we live, because of the feelings that are elicited, because of the situations we're in, or because of a medical condition. one of the things that's the most important thing is all of us have potential And we can do a lot of things. I don't care if you are and adult during the day and a baby all night, I don't care if you are a physicist I don't care if you are a taxi driver, whatever it is that you do for a living, you do it because that is the way you make you make things happen in the adult world, then you come home. then you then you become like Peter Parker at home, and then Spiderman when necessary in the city. we have to be able to live the best life we can, and sometimes life sucks, but there's always a positive in every situation, even if you have to find it After 47 years in my case.

I don't know why I waited so long and I don't know why it happened to me the way it did. the thing is I'm glad it happened the way it did, because it gives me the perspective to say and to understand that there's nothing wrong with what I've been doing, and there's nothing wrong with the way I've been feeling. many people don't understand why we do what we do or why we feel the way we feel, but that is because they might not understand why we are wired the way we are. I can't help feeling the way I do, and I'm not going to psychoanalyze my feelings, I just know that they're there, and I know that regardless of how hard it is to resist the temptation to touch that chocolate cake, I want that cake, I want those feelings and I want those particular situations, and there's nothing that would force me off of it, Have to remember that in certain situations I have to be in full adult mode, even, even when I'm wearing a diaper, I have to be strong sometimes when I don't feel strong, or sometimes I'm showing weakness, which makes me stronger, but regardless of what happens there are reasons why we are the way we are, and we should always remember that we should not throw away what makes us unique. every single person on daily diapers has their own qualities, their own skill sets, their own jobs, and their own likes and dislikes. I'm not tell one person on daily diapers that they don't like something that they do, because that's none of my concern, but I will say this: we're all here because of one thing diapers: and that's nothing to sneeze at!  Because of the people here and because of close friends that I have made over the almost four years I've been here, I now have a better understanding of my situation, and because of that, I can understand other situations and others and others choices, and I know they're not wrong, most of the time if I see something that's not right, I know it's not right from the start, But most times my instincts are correct, and if they're not I would easily apologize for that oversight, because there's things that even I don't understand even today, but I have a better understanding for my own body and why I make it feel the way it feels, or why I like something that I like. too many times people overlook the small things, the things that make people happy or the things that make sense. they end up using everybody else's beliefs beliefs and every else's standards, and because people set morals and standards, there are people around here that will sit around and pick on people that don't match that standard. For example if your youtuber, they have a particular place in the Bible belt that makes decisions on what is morally and ethically correct on youtube, and there's a board of some sort that makes those types of decisions and helps youtube to make those decisions. most of the time they're right on the money, but sometimes it can be really hard. Life is not easy, but as my parents used to tell me life may not be easy, and it might take you 100 times longer to do something, but once you get there and you will get there, you will have the best feeling in the world because you know that you have succeeded where you thought you would fail, and it doesn't matter how many times you fail, but eventually you will determine whether you will succeed or you will fail. failure is not bad karma It just means that you might not be able to do something somebody else does. However, when you succeed, and you can stand at the top of the mountain and say I whip this thing and I know what I'm doing, you know what you've got in your hands You have the power, you have the prestige, you have all of those feelings like 100 volts of electricity running through you at 100 times the speed of sound or something: almost like Superman flying so fast the speed of light or the speed of sound! imagine how this feels when you are exhilarated!

so what I'm saying is don't ever give up on your dreams, don't ever stop being who you are, and don't let anyone else tell you that you're not who you are! if you do that and you bow down to somebody else's beliefs that you aren't who you are, then you are second guessing yourself, and 2nd by second guessing yourself you put yourself at a disadvantage, because in your heart you know what's right and wrong, and you know what you need and what you don't. Sometimes what the heart knows the head forgets sometimes, but you know in your heart and you know in your brain what you what you think you need, and the best thing that you can do is To stop procrastinating, and let your body in your brain be the guide: most people would agree with me. Procrastination only puts off what the inevitable should be: if you like diapers or if you are a cover of the lifestyle, and you know it, and you can do it, don't put it off any longer than you have to, because the longer you do, the more that you'd want a piece of that chocolate cake, and then you'll end up taking that piece of cake and you'll out, and you won't care what anybody else says because you have that piece of cake.

Sorry about the length: but as I said when I get this way, and I get passionate about something, then I happened to sometimes overdo it. However, the most important thing is that you are true to yourself, because if you were lying to yourself, you can't see your own forest from the trees: my parents used to say do your best, And once you've known you've done your best, and you can't do anymore, as long as you've tried your best and you've done what you think is right, That's enough.

Brian

Edited January 20, 2023 by ~Brian~
Editing because in the middle of posting, mentions went haywire again, and I could not type anything below the last response paragraph: edited and corrected now

[lil_stinkie]

~Brian~

Thanks again, your response is really encouraging. A lot of what you say echo's thoughts I've had on the matter but have never been able to put it so eliquantly, at some points in your response, it moved me, almost to the point where tears were forming (happy tears). it took me a long time to realize that this part of me is most likely never going to go away, and even if it did, i wouldn't be as happy as i am now :). my only regret in life is that i allowed my sense of whats normal, make me feel ashamed of what makes me happy, i'm really glad that that's over now. i can be little when i want to be, and big when i have to be, and that feeling makes me happier than the man who won a million bucks.

seeing these comforting words, words that took me the better part of my adolescence to realize, right there on the screen,makes me very happy, the kind of happy that makes the little in me want to jump around tehehe.

6 hours ago, ~Brian~ said:

@babymenow

I am lucky in one regard. We haven't automated record keeping system that anyone can access so long as they have their own username password and then they can actually see everything that has to do with your appointment, notes, discharge notes, visit notes, Specialist visits, and everything else. all of the doctors that have anything to do with me are listed on the right hand side of my profile. I can also see every single drug that I'm on, everything that has been ordered for me, all of the particular test results and everything else. I can even see every one of the notes that has been put into my profile or into my medical records.

I remember last year, I had talked to the doctor regarding me doing a Colononoscopy.  This is something that is done when you first turn 50 and then I think five years after for the remainder of your life. When I first told them about this comp told them that there was number way that I was going to be able to do a colonoscopy, So I basically told them that I wasn't gonna do it. The doctor told me that I should do it, And I told him the reason why I wasn't going to do it is because half the time when you go into the hospital, they won't hold you in the hospital to help you take care of things, they just want to bring you in do the surgery, send you home And have you sit at home and suffer. i've gone through so many things that are in my life where I've had to have operations. i've had to spend weeks in the hospital, and then weeks in rehab, and then have to make up school and whole bunch of different stuff, but I'd never been able to fathom why they'd want to have you come in do same day surgery, dope you up with drugs, and then send you home to be able to deal with it yourself.

That would be one thing that would be appropriate if I wasn't dealing with my disability. I've been able to deal with a lot of different things because of the way I have my medical team organized. Each one of my doctors has the reason for being on that list, and each one has a particular function. general practitioner, Orthopedic surgeon, pulmonologist, PTOT, and a lot of counseling services, which are listed in my records. I told them that I wanted them to actually admit me into the hospital for my colonoscopy. I cited my fact that I am having trouble with with with mobility, so I cannot be doing the prep work for this particular procedure, stay up all night, going back and forth between the bathroom and my chair, or sitting on the toilet only, not getting any sleep and then expecting to go to the hospital, and then do 2 1/2 hours on the operating table being ventilated, just to be able to come out of it and sit there for two more hours. Basically the doctor agreed with me, telling me that my concerns were valid that they could help me with that, because I'd have to take mirrolex and high doses, and I'm not going to mess around with having to poop all afternoon and half the night, and not being able to to make it to the bathroom and making a mess all over everywhere. so therefore I have my diapers and I'll be ready to go this June or July.

Like @babymenow how stated, you have to be extra careful as to what they put in your medical records. it's one thing if you tell your doctor something and he puts it in your medical records. it's quite another However, if you tell the doctor something one way, expecting him to put it in that way, and there's something else in there that makes everything sound 20 times worse than it actually is. on many occasions you have to make it sound like you're actually worse off than you are, in order to get something similar. I told the doctor that from now on, if they want me to have some sort of a procedures such as a colonoscopy and endoscopy, or anything else where they need me to be doing prep work, the best place for me would be in the hospital itself. the reason for this is because I would be able to go in the night before, the nurse should be able to help me, and if I have an accident or two, they would be able to help me change, which they can do, and my home health plan doesn't have that particular setup so that they can't do that, and I can't get someone to come in for one night just to monitor me, just so that I can have the bus drive me up there the next morning. basically I would end up having the prep work done, Then I would get on a bus drive up to the hospital, get off, go in and have the procedure done, wait three hours and come back home. if I'm already at the hospital the night before, and the prep work is already done, the first thing in the morning they just roll me downstairs, and then they'd roll me into the procedure room, they hit me with the anesthetic and they do the procedure. several hours later I can come out of it and come home. I might be out of it for a couple hours to a day or so, but at least I wouldn't I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to do it, and then telling them I don't want to have them do it. I want to make sure that I'm happy and that I'm healthy, so I can't just not do procedures simply because it's not appropriate or convenient for them at certain points.

After I had made this particular plea To the doctor, he would tell me that my insurance won't cover this as an inpatient procedure. I asked him to order me admitted for these type of procedures, because of my advancing age, and because I don't wanna fall on my head trying to do what they want me to do, and I don't think it's fair that I have to be up all night and not get halfway decent night sleep. it's one thing if I have to go in for a procedure, it's quite another if I can't even sleep and I'm up all night anyway, 'cause I'm just running back and forth. when I got the notes back, I noticed that it sounded like like something out of our science fiction movie common It sounded like my request was from a guy that was half crazy, And I actually called the doctor and confronted them: asking them why in the world would they put that type of stuff in my medical records, because I'm not showing extreme anxiety or anything like that, but when I talk to the medical professionals on staff, they said that they needed to have something on record that told the doctor that was going to be doing the colonoscopy The reason why the hospital was going to be giving me the night before, because normally that's something that is done as an outpatient procedure And you do the work before the procedure the night before. after I found out about that, I kind of calm down but I told them that it sounded like somebody had written,, or it sounded like somebody was alluding to the fact that I was crazy!  I was therefore told that that was not the reason for the way it was written, but it was the place the doctor that's doing the colonoscopy on notice that there is a reason for my request, and therefore if someone from the hospital comes in and looks at my wreckers, which they can do from any, they will see why I am requesting it,, and why I'm requesting it the way it is. my general practitioner is the one that is going to be responsible for admitting me for the procedure Carmissa I must let him know at least a couple months before the procedure, so the hospital can be prepared to receive me. when I go in there I'm going to be prepared for bear, and I'm going to just do my very best. I can't ask anymore than that, but I don't wanna be thought of as a crazy old fool either.

So is baby me now says, you have to be careful- And the reason you have to be careful is because anyone can write some into your medical records. The good thing about me being able to look at my medical records is I can go in and look at everything that is on my medical records, and my brother James can do the same, because in the event that I am ill and unable to function and make decisions, James will have the ability to do things medically on my behalf. i've been thinking about this for many years, and this is the way I want it. If there's one person that I would trust more than anything in the world it would be my youngest brother, who works at a level one trauma center, and he does the stuff that is amazing with MRIS and things like that! he is experienced, he is common cool and collected, and he's no nonsense. he's the kind of guy that makes me proud, so why shouldn't I have him doing that. my parents are in their high 70s, and I don't want them to have to worry about me. I'm 20 years younger than them, but I still worry about it, because of a lot of things.

But as he says, I certainly wouldn't want somebody to write something into my medical records that sounded like it made a person crazy on when they were not! I still have all of my faculties and all my senses, and I know exactly what the heck is going on, I just don't want somebody to think I'm some crazy old fool! that's exactly what I told the doctor's office, And when they told me why it was written that way I kinda thought: oh really?

So why did you say my friend, it's always a good idea to check to see what the heck is being written in your medical records. it's also a good idea to make sure you understand what is there. if you don't understand what is in your medical records, it is up to the you as the patient to be questioning why something is in your medical records, why you're taking a particular medicine, wise attest has been ordered or why particular services have been requested or recommended..... I like the ability to be able to see all of my medical records in one shot! it makes it so much easier, because 35 to 45 years ago, everything was either paper only, or a mixture of paper and electronic stuff. Because I'm disabled, I have records that go all the way back to probably May May have 72 all the way till today, and most of those records that are in paper form, I don't know if they're still storage somewhere, I don't know if they're in the archive somewhere in the state health department, but somewhere if I needed to have someone prove that I was disabled, I probably could have my general practitioner prove that in two minutes. However, because of the way things have changed in the last 40 years or so, most of the records you see today aren't even written down on paper for very long, And then the minute that they're written on paper then, then you give it to a secretary at a desk and they scan it into your medical records. if I wanted to see my medical records right now I could log in and see the next thing that scheduled, And that reminds me I better check that in the next couple of days.

i'm also glad that you were able to talk to a professional about your current situation between you and your husband and your medical situation and your mental status. But that because of that, the counselor was able to talk to your husband and let him know the reason why you were acting this way, and also to let him know that there is a reason for the way you have been acting. because of him asking for help and you being willing to accept it, you were able to allow the professional to help  your husband understand your situation,  and because you were able to prove, or explain your reasoning to the counselor, she was able to help him understand your issues, and therefore you no longer have to worry about having that humongous chopping block, or a guillotine next to your neck! well done! I am proud of you I'm proud of both of you! It takes a lot of guts to be able to go to a professional such as that and be able to ask for help, And I'm so glad you're able to get it. Your mental stability is the most important thing, And then you need to have the love and affection and support of your family and your loved ones as well.

@lil_stinkie

it was my pleasure sir! i'm not sure why people think that they have to "Get rid of" their baby side or their adult kid's side or their adult baby side.  Many many years ago, probably I'd say in the late 60s or 70s or maybe earlier than that, having a situation like this would probably be frowned upon, And then people would think that were sick and we need treatment, and then they'd send us away and maybe using this feeling because it's the wrong thing. thank God we don't live in barbaric times like that anymore where people were getting frontal lobotomies, or they were doing things to disabled individuals because they wanted to figure out figure out if something worked or didn't. Thank God we're out of that part of the lifestyle, where adults would be able to tell kids what to do, and we had to do it, and if we didn't, they would lock us up or throw away the keys. that's so arcane and so outdated it's not even funny, but it probably still happens in other places.

The thing is you don't have to get rid of anything. Someone tells you that you're special in your own ways. By that I mean that a person is supposed to be able to decide what they're going to do with their life once they're finished with school, or they find a path and they go for it. the path that some people take is that they need to get through life, but life is really really really hard for them. When life gets hard, there are times when you just wanna give in and give up and back step and go back to a time when you are so comfortable, or you didn't have to worry about a thing, or you could play all day and not worry about it, or you could use the bathroom in your and your diapers, and someone would take care of you. Those are days where you are care free and you don't have to worry about it anymore. someone will always help you and be there for you and support you and nurture you. those are the days that we all learn a lot of things, we learn to love and we learn to trust and we learn to believe to believe common we learn about imaginations and sharing and everything else. those are basic skills everyone learns. Sometimes adults forget those skills, and that is something that can harm people in the long run if they don't know how to get along. the basic skills that we learn as kids are learn and we build upon as we grow older and we go on with our lives.

But as we are all aware, there are people who live the adult the adult lifestyle, and for some reason they are unable to function fully in the adult world without some fall back position. By this I mean that there are people who are adults in the adult world, but they might but they might decide that in order for them to function better, they might decide to adopt part of the lifestyle whether  AB or DL or AK's.  by doing this, they are able to integrate adult life into their persona, be able to function as an adult, and then be able to go to space and B the little kid they wanna be or the little baby they wanna be, and they live it to the extreme, and that's not bad, by extreme I mean they go all the way. they adopt an adult baby persona, and in their minds they are in a baby, but they are an adult baby, There's, So there are diaper lover, or they might be disabled, and because of situations they decide to do that. whatever they do, they do because they feel it is the most important thing they can do and they feel it is the right thing to do. You can't just turn on or turn off a light switch to activate AB&DL tendencies, nor can you turn on and off a light switch so that you don't feel track into diapers or other equipment. once you're wired in that way, and you have those feelings are those desires, they're not going anywhere. I can't say this enough and I can't make this point any stronger: Once you are an AB or a DL, you are that for life: you just don't get rid of it, you have those tendencies You have those feelings and you have those qualities for the remainder of your life.

Regardless of what happens, you are who you are, you are what you are, and nothing people can do will change that. there may be people that think they can " fix you" - but there's nothing to fix, except for the person's outlook and their to towards the entire situation. don't let anyone change who you are or what you are what you think or what you believe, if you are who you say you are, be proud of it Embrace it Let it go Let it happen.

I Remember @zombieg When she said if you want to wear a diaper, wear a diaper and don't procrastinate. The problem is is that people worry about what people think what people say or what people believe, and they worry about what will happen, or they think that it would be a better idea to wait, but the longer you put it off, and you put off what you know to be right, the longer it takes you to understand what that means. don't worry about it: if you want to do something: don't procrastinate: she said she said put the diaper on, and she's right. don't hold back on who you are or what you are, and don't change who you are or what you are because someone tells you that it's the wrong thing! the only way it's wrong is if you are forcing your beliefs and your lifestyle on somebody else. It's also wrong if you bring someone into the lifestyle that has nothing to do with it or does not want anything to do with it, and you have to make sure that you're doing it as an adult, because then you would end up in trouble if you were doing it with minors under age. Those are things you have to be careful of, but other than that you are in control of your destiny, and no one can tell you that you aren't what you are! the thing the thing is you have to be proud of who you are and what you are, what you stand for, and be prepared to let people know'cause you want to, not because someone's making you do it. the thing the thing is when you realize that you have all of things, and you know that it's right, putting off the inevitable only makes it more and more and more difficult when you finally give in. it's like that chocolate cake example I keep using.

If I make you a very succulent and rich chocolate cake, and I know that you like it, and I make it with all your favorites, and it smells really good. And we talk about it. I take it out of the oven and I frost it and I put it in a glass cover you would see in a bakery. The cake is awesome, it looks fresh, it tastes fresh, it smells fresh, your favorite frosting, whole 9 yards. I then tell you that you cannot have that cake! I tell you under no circumstances are you to touch that cake, you're not to eat that cake, you can look at it You can dream about it but you can't touch it. Eventually you're gonna find a way to get that cake, you're gonna find a way to eat that cake because it's so damn good you can't resist it. Same thing with wearing diapers or being an AB or a DL. once you're like that, there's no getting rid of anything. You want that diaper so bad and you know you want it, but then something stops you when you procrastinate cold: you want that lifestyle you can't say no cause you think it's the best thing, But then you procrastinate and put it off. However, the minute you put the diaper on, and you begin but the lifestyle, is something that you can't resist, it feels so good and everything is so awesome!

That is what being what we are is! There are so many bad things in our world and there are bad things that happen in our countries in all over the world. with all the bad things that happen, wars and people getting hurt and killed, and all of the discord and strife and things that are bad, it's no wonder that everybody is worried about our world as it stands, and it's because people have forgotten how to get along and how to make things happen. That's half of the reason why life makes sense! life makes sense because you live it, life makes sense because you push yourself to the extreme because you wanna be the best you can be and be the best that you know you can be! I don't care if you're $100/hr computer technician, or you're making $15.00 an hour at the local supermarket bag and groceries. whatever job you have in the world you give it your all You give it your best, because if you give it your best and you always try your best, even if you fall flat on your face, at least you've given it your best shot, and you know it because you know how hard it is to do the work it is. you know what your limitations are, you know what your best is and what your worst is, you are the gage of your own self.

Sometimes I wish we could go back 20 or 30 years to a world that we didn't even have to worry about any of this! because we can't do that because we can't backstep in the world itself, we have to backstep as far as what we are doing as far as our chronological ages versus our age Play age- we have to regress back to a time when we didn't feel all the pressure and all of the bad things that make life suck. life is not easy, and me being disabled individual I know that to be true, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you just throw the towel in and give up! you don't do that, but as long as you are willing to put the time in, and you know that something makes you feel good, And you can come back to it at anytime because you can regress, because it's a safety zone for you, that makes it easier!

As I've always said: a diaper is your best friend: with a diaper you don't have to worry anymore! the diaper will be there with you, and it will take everything you can give it, sometimes it won't allow you to fill it up all the way, because it's not the best quality, but in diaper will never let you down as long as you're wearing it. you can use it and you can fill it up, then you can change it. a diaper is like a shield from the world And @Kawaharu knows that very well: she knows that the adult world sucks: and she has to be able to function within it, but she also knows that she can always return back home to the safety of her abode, and be able to do what she does best: be an adult baby, because she decided to adopt that philosophy and that lifestyle because of her medical incontinence conditions and other things. everybody makes the decisions they make because of things that happen in their lives, everybody makes the decisions they make because of reasoning that makes sense to them, and it and it makes perfect sense to me that both her and I are incontinent, and we live the lifestyles we live, because of the feelings that are elicited, because of the situations we're in, or because of a medical condition. one of the things that's the most important thing is all of us have potential And we can do a lot of things. I don't care if you are and adult during the day and a baby all night, I don't care if you are a physicist I don't care if you are a taxi driver, whatever it is that you do for a living, you do it because that is the way you make you make things happen in the adult world, then you come home. then you then you become like Peter Parker at home, and then Spiderman when necessary in the city. we have to be able to live the best life we can, and sometimes life sucks, but there's always a positive in every situation, even if you have to find it After 47 years in my case.

I don't know why I waited so long and I don't know why it happened to me the way it did. the thing is I'm glad it happened the way it did, because it gives me the perspective to say and to understand that there's nothing wrong with what I've been doing, and there's nothing wrong with the way I've been feeling. many people don't understand why we do what we do or why we feel the way we feel, but that is because they might not understand why we are wired the way we are. I can't help feeling the way I do, and I'm not going to psychoanalyze my feelings, I just know that they're there, and I know that regardless of how hard it is to resist the temptation to touch that chocolate cake, I want that cake, I want those feelings and I want those particular situations, and there's nothing that would force me off of it, Have to remember that in certain situations I have to be in full adult mode, even, even when I'm wearing a diaper, I have to be strong sometimes when I don't feel strong, or sometimes I'm showing weakness, which makes me stronger, but regardless of what happens there are reasons why we are the way we are, and we should always remember that we should not throw away what makes us unique. every single person on daily diapers has their own qualities, their own skill sets, their own jobs, and their own likes and dislikes. I'm not tell one person on daily diapers that they don't like something that they do, because that's none of my concern, but I will say this: we're all here because of one thing diapers: and that's nothing to sneeze at!  Because of the people here and because of close friends that I have made over the almost four years I've been here, I now have a better understanding of my situation, and because of that, I can understand other situations and others and others choices, and I know they're not wrong, most of the time if I see something that's not right, I know it's not right from the start, But most times my instincts are correct, and if they're not I would easily apologize for that oversight, because there's things that even I don't understand even today, but I have a better understanding for my own body and why I make it feel the way it feels, or why I like something that I like. too many times people overlook the small things, the things that make people happy or the things that make sense. they end up using everybody else's beliefs beliefs and every else's standards, and because people set morals and standards, there are people around here that will sit around and pick on people that don't match that standard. For example if your youtuber, they have a particular place in the Bible belt that makes decisions on what is morally and ethically correct on youtube, and there's a board of some sort that makes those types of decisions and helps youtube to make those decisions. most of the time they're right on the money, but sometimes it can be really hard. Life is not easy, but as my parents used to tell me life may not be easy, and it might take you 100 times longer to do something, but once you get there and you will get there, you will have the best feeling in the world because you know that you have succeeded where you thought you would fail, and it doesn't matter how many times you fail, but eventually you will determine whether you will succeed or you will fail. failure is not bad karma It just means that you might not be able to do something somebody else does. However, when you succeed, and you can stand at the top of the mountain and say I whip this thing and I know what I'm doing, you know what you've got in your hands You have the power, you have the prestige, you have all of those feelings like 100 volts of electricity running through you at 100 times the speed of sound or something: almost like Superman flying so fast the speed of light or the speed of sound! imagine how this feels when you are exhilarated!

so what I'm saying is don't ever give up on your dreams, don't ever stop being who you are, and don't let anyone else tell you that you're not who you are! if you do that and you bow down to somebody else's beliefs that you aren't who you are, then you are second guessing yourself, and 2nd by second guessing yourself you put yourself at a disadvantage, because in your heart you know what's right and wrong, and you know what you need and what you don't. Sometimes what the heart knows the head forgets sometimes, but you know in your heart and you know in your brain what you what you think you need, and the best thing that you can do is To stop procrastinating, and let your body in your brain be the guide: most people would agree with me. Procrastination only puts off what the inevitable should be: if you like diapers or if you are a cover of the lifestyle, and you know it, and you can do it, don't put it off any longer than you have to, because the longer you do, the more that you'd want a piece of that chocolate cake, and then you'll end up taking that piece of cake and you'll out, and you won't care what anybody else says because you have that piece of cake.

Sorry about the length: but as I said when I get this way, and I get passionate about something, then I happened to sometimes overdo it. However, the most important thing is that you are true to yourself, because if you were lying to yourself, you can't see your own forest from the trees: my parents used to say do your best, And once you've known you've done your best, and you can't do anymore, as long as you've tried your best and you've done what you think is right, That's enough.

Brian