My Stepmom Taught Me How To Tie A Tie!

[BabyDustin]

I am a transgender man. My birthgiver, she was hardly a mom, kicked me out of her life because of transphobia. My dad has a girlfriend who accepts me that I see as my stepmother. And last night we were getting some of my dad's clothes hung up, since we just moved, and she taught me how to tie a tie with my father's ties. For me it was just very affirming and a great bonding moment.

[Elfy]

That's very sweet

I'm glad you found some people you can be the true you around

[FretaBWet]

Sometimes the family we choose is far healthier than the family we were born into. I'm so glad you have her in your life.

Hugs,

Freta

[~Brian~]

16 minutes ago, FretaBWet said:

Sometimes the family we choose is far healthier than the family we were born into. I'm so glad you have her in your life.

Hugs,

Freta

@FretaBWet

I remember one thing that my stepmother did teach me. when I was a young guy, I used to wear these very clunky and very uncomfortable leg braces, which they normal would call type 2 braces. this means that they were not full braces all the way up to your hips, and they only covered your legs all the way up to approximately below your knees.

For the longest time, I always had problems with my eye hand coordination, and also with my hands. for some reason I just could not put my shoes on myself, and I could not tie them very well either, so therefore someone would have to put my shoes on, and then they would have to help me tie my shoes because I did not have the ability.

after a while, someone had the the patients to sit there and help me To understand how to put my shoes on. I tried doing this, and after a while I was able to master putting my shoes on and being able to strap up my braces, and be able to make sure that everything was OK, but I still could not tie my shoes. At the first opportunity, people would ask me why I don't know how to tie my own shoes, and the reason that I tell them that I could not do it is because I couldn't even put my shoes on say nothing about tying them.  It was just too difficult because of the way the shoes were designed. in order for me to be able to just put the shoes on i'd have to detach my braces from the In order to just have the shoes to deal with and then have to go and put my braces back on. after a while I got to the point where I could stick my foot through my braces and be able to stick my foot into the shoe. Once that happened comet was real easy for me to put my shoes on.

However I could never tie my shoes, because I didn't have the dexterity to do it Physically. this was not because of laziness or any of that type of stuff, but I just couldn't do it myself. I was always asking people the time I shoes, and then my shoes would come untied, and always ask them to double knot them so they wouldn't come loose. people would do that when I asked them to comment that was no problem period one day however, my mom's friend decided that I should learn how to tie my shoes I would try to do it and I couldn't do it. it got to the point where my parents would just say OK you can't do it.

Then my stepmother, (my dad's ex wife) Ask me why I couldn't time my own shoes. I told her that I just didn't have the dexterity to do it. they kept trying to teach me how to do it, but I did not have the dexterity because my fingers didn't work the way they should. well, this lady Decided that it was time for me to learn how to tie my shoes. she wasn't gonna take any guff about it, and she wasn't going to take any excuses: she was determined bound and determined that I was going to be able to tie my shoes by the time that weekend ended. She made me sit there for hours on end trying to tie my shoes and I got so mad, that I took my shoes off and flung across the room come and she said that I wasn't gonna do anything all weekend until I learned how to tie my shoes! when I got mad she would just say OK you're gonna sit here until you tie your shoes. almost like when you have a young 2 year old that is having a meltdown, you tell them that they're just gonna sit in the corner until they Calm down.

So after a lot of yelling screaming hollering swearing, and biting my own tongue: I succeeded in tying my own shoes. Did Carmichael showed my step mom that I knew how to do it. She said: why didn't you just do that in the 1st place? And I told her that the reason is is because I did not have the dexterity in my fingers to be able to do it. I showed her that I was able to cross the laces and be able to make the loops, but I was unable to go underneath them to make the loop to pull it through. you have to have a certain finger that that can push the Lace through the back of the loop in order to make it so that it is tight so that it doesn't come undone. this is one thing that I could not do because of my dexterity.

Because I was also taking PT and OT: I was able to show an OT specialist and my PT that I was able to actually tie my own shoes! they were ecstatic, and I told them that I wish I could have learned how to do it a long time ago, but I didn't have the ability to do'cause of my dexterity, and I didn't think that I could explain why 'cause it sounded like an excuse. I was wondering why for some reason I could not perform this simple task, and my PT and my OT assured me that the reason why I could not perform the task was because I did not have the strength or the ability to do the last piece which I was able to then show them that I was able to shove the whole shoot and match through the loop so that I could pull them together.

Now, everybody on this server probably can tie their own shoes: to them comments probably very easy, something they can do without even batting an eyelash: but for me, it was something that was very very difficult, and people would laugh when I would cry because I couldn't get it! people would ask me what is so hard about tying your shoes and I was trying to tell my friends that I have dexterity issues which makes it so I cannot do certain things as my hands, even if I want them to do certain things they might not be able to do that. after showing them that I was able to tie my shoes I felt like I had most important things that most guys are girls need to learn, but I learned it at age 11, rather than age 5 or age 6 when a kid usually learns how to tie their own shoes. Now I can tie shoes, even when the person wearing the shoes is somebody I'm looking at and I'm able to reach down and tie their shoes.

Just like someone's step mom taught them how to tie a tie, my stepmom bless her heart, I still respect her a lot today even though she is my dad's ex wife, and I still call her my step mom, taught me how to tie my own shoes! people may end up thinking that that's the silliest accomplishment, but for me, being able to do that step differentiated me from someone who needed someone to help them do One less thing period at one point I couldn't even put my own shoes on my own feet: I mastered that. at one point I could not tie my own shoes: I mastered that: at one point I couldn't even walk across the room without my crutches or my Walker: I mastered that. No one ever thought that I would be able to do each of these things, say nothing about the fact that when I was 12 years old I was finally able to retire those big clunky things and get rid of them after I had major surgery to correct my foot problem on the right side. ever since that day i've been wearing regular st shoes and I never regretted it.

So this might sound sappy: but I owe my step mom a debt of gratitude that I could never repay in a million years! even though I was disabled, she treated me just like my other brothers, and expected to have me do the same things within reason that my brothers can do. If it wasn't for my stepmother, I don't think I would have ever learned how to tie  my shoes, and I might have had to have some one put my shoes on for many years:  I never would take for granted things that you can do for yourself! things that you take for granted that you can do for yourself maybe things that you may not be able to do as you get older, so enjoy what you can do for yourself now, because one day you might not be able to do it any more, or you may not be able to enjoy the company of people who have helped you in the past because they may not be around any more. cherish all them time that you have with those that you love!

Brian