Update: Something has changed inside of me and I can’t figure it out.

[Enthusi]

So I’ve hinted at this here and elsewhere but there seems to be a subtle and yet profound psychological change going on inside of me.  It’s a good change and I’m happy about it but I wish I knew what happened to spur this change inside of me. 

Like I said, it’s a good thing. Though it’s frustrating that I can’t fully comprehend or verbalize what’s going on .  Here are some examples where I’ve noticed a change in my psyche: 

1. I don’t feel like I’m in charge of wetting my diaper anymore. At least not like I used to be.  I usually can tell when I’m wetting and it’s my body and therefore me producing the urine that’s going in my diaper, but I didn’t make the urine go in the diaper, my body did.  

2. I am less excited when I find that my diaper is wetter than I realized, and less upset when I’m dryer than I realized.  

3. I’ve been wearing thicker diapers because it’s just easier that way.  The thicker it is the less I have to worry about what’s going on inside my diaper between changes.  

4. Although I’m not flaunting it or trying to be reckless, I don’t care as much if someone accidentally gets a peak of my diaper or if I leak.  

5.  I have zero reliance on my external sphincter muscle to do it’s part.  It’s totally useless.  I expect it to give out the minute the bladder pressure raises. 

6. I’ve become more amenable to wearing plastic pants and onesies for the extra support and protection they provide. 

7. I haven’t been checking my diaper nearly as often between changes. But in the plus side I haven’t leaked any more than usual.  

8. In the past I felt like I had to be incontinent enough to justify wearing diapers full time. But these days I feel like diapers offer the appropriate level of protection to meet my needs.   I live an active live and I need to be able to urinate instantaneously, without any warning all day every day.  Only diapers provide that level of protection.    I don’t require the validation that I need to wear diapers like I used to. 

This is going to sound nutty but psychologically, it feels like I’ve somehow regressed in my understanding of bladder control and continence.  My mentality has shifted from an older toddler who is late to potty train to a younger toddler who isn’t ready to potty train.  I know that diapers keep me dry and that they need to be changed when they get too soiled, and that’s all there is too it.  I don’t even know if that’s possible but that’s what it feels like. 

So yeah, even though I’m even though I’ve been at endgame for a while, my journey continues! ? 

 

 

[Kawaharu]

40 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

So I’ve hinted at this here and elsewhere but there seems to be a subtle and yet profound psychological change going on inside of me.  It’s a good change and I’m happy about it but I wish I knew what happened to spur this change inside of me. 

Like I said, it’s a good thing. Though it’s frustrating that I can’t fully comprehend or verbalize what’s going on .  Here are some examples where I’ve noticed a change in my psyche: 

1. I don’t feel like I’m in charge of wetting my diaper anymore. At least not like I used to be.  I usually can tell when I’m wetting and it’s my body and therefore me producing the urine that’s going in my diaper, but I didn’t make the urine go in the diaper, my body did.  

2. I am less excited when I find that my diaper is wetter than I realized, and less upset when I’m dryer than I realized.  

3. I’ve been wearing thicker diapers because it’s just easier that way.  The thicker it is the less I have to worry about what’s going on inside my diaper between changes.  

4. Although I’m not flaunting it or trying to be reckless, I don’t care as much if someone accidentally gets a peak of my diaper or if I leak.  

5.  I have zero reliance on my external sphincter muscle to do it’s part.  It’s totally useless.  I expect it to give out the minute the bladder pressure raises. 

6. I’ve become more amenable to wearing plastic pants and onesies for the extra support and protection they provide. 

7. I haven’t been checking my diaper nearly as often between changes. But in the plus side I haven’t leaked any more than usual.  

8. In the past I felt like I had to be incontinent enough to justify wearing diapers full time. But these days I feel like diapers offer the appropriate level of protection to meet my needs.   I live an active live and I need to be able to urinate instantaneously, without any warning all day every day.  Only diapers provide that level of protection.    I don’t require the validation that I need to wear diapers like I used to. 

This is going to sound nutty but psychologically, it feels like I’ve somehow regressed in my understanding of bladder control and continence.  My mentality has shifted from an older toddler who is late to potty train to a younger toddler who isn’t ready to potty train.  I know that diapers keep me dry and that they need to be changed when they get too soiled, and that’s all there is too it.  I don’t even know if that’s possible but that’s what it feels like. 

So yeah, even though I’m even though I’ve been at endgame for a while, my journey continues! ? 

 

 

Being an adult baby and Incontinent, over time I have noticed those changes as well. Those changes happen over time and in my experience, they happened as I was thrown back into diapers and since then my psyche changed a whole lot better for me. It also helped that being an adult baby made my whole outlook on life being diapered and incontinent a whole lot better and even enhanced my adulthood which grew into adult babyhood. Which now I don't have an adulthood that normal adults, big kids and grown ups have. Instead I have an adult babyhood than an adulthood.

Being incontinent, I know I am no longer in charge of my body when it comes to pooping and peeing. It just goes whenever it wants to and I have to make sure I am diapered. Many times I don't know if I went in my diaper unless they leaked or I pooped really badly and I can feel it when I sit down.

Since being an adult baby and Incontinent, I've been in nothing but thicker diapers because it's easier on me, less changes and I have more time to do things without worrying about when I need to change my diaper.

Me, I come to a point in my life where I don't even care anymore if someone ever notices me being diapered or sees my diaper peaking out of my pants. Even as an adult baby, It's normal for me to be in just a diaper and a t-shirt or onesie on and if they notice, I don't even bother at all.

Being an adult baby, Diapers, onesie have become standard for me and that's what I wear all the time. It's also why as an adult baby, I hate wearing pants because they hide my diaper and I was always taught that babies don't hide their diaper.

Mentally for me, I'm more like an adult baby who doesn't want to be potty trained. Who prefers to be kept in diapers and knows that diaper changes are a fact of life. In fact mentally, I have nothing in common with adults, grown ups or even big kids. I feel more akin to adult babies than I do to adults, big kids and grown ups.

[Enthusi]

1 hour ago, Kawaharu said:

In fact mentally, I have nothing in common with adults, grown ups or even big kids. I feel more akin to adult babies than I do to adults, big kids and grown ups.

Omg this resonates with me deeply. Sometimes I feel I’m a toddler trapped in a grownup’s body. It’s almost like I’m pretending to be grownup because I have to. 

[Kawaharu]

1 hour ago, Enthusi said:

Omg this resonates with me deeply. Sometimes I feel I’m a toddler trapped in a grownup’s body. It’s almost like I’m pretending to be grownup because I have to. 

It’s why being an adult baby, I feel like I don’t have anything in common with normal adults, grown ups and big kids. It feels like I’m little to them and feels like I’m not an adult, big kid or grown up. Whenever I’m around adults, big kids and grown ups, I don’t feel like them because I’m an adult baby. 

[Wet Knight]

Rather than regressing, you have induced senile incontinence.

Just my two penny-worth.

 

[roo]

I relate. I have always felt apart from the adult world and managed it by skirting around adult responsibilities. I expect it is undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. 

 

[Kawaharu]

8 hours ago, roo said:

I relate. I have always felt apart from the adult world and managed it by skirting around adult responsibilities.

Being an adult baby, I feel like I am not connected to adults, grown ups or even big kids. I feel like I am a baby/toddler trapped in an adult body in an adult world. Since I am kept in diapers permanently due to my incontinence, I have no connection or relation to adults, grown ups or big kids in the world. It's why for me, I see the world largely through the eyes, lens and view of an adult baby than a grown up, adult or big kid. I don't see myself as an adult when I am around adults, big kids or grown ups and that's because as an adult baby, I'm not a grown up, adult or big kid to them. To me, to be an adult, grown up or big kid is to master potty training and since I didn't master potty training, I am kept like an adult baby and kept in diapers. It's why for me, I can never be an adult, big kid or grown up because I am not potty trained and I am in diapers.

[Enthusi]

9 minutes ago, Kawaharu said:

me, to be an adult, grown up or big kid is to master potty training and since I didn't master potty training, I am kept like an adult baby and kept in diapers.

Agree! 

In fact I would go one step further and say part of potty training is a desire to stay dry.  Even if someone mastered the ability to stay dry, if they aren’t happy about being potty trained and want to go back to wearing diapers, then they were not successfully potty trained.   That’s just my opinion, but it’s a powerful and effective reframe and helps make the case for those of us who were able to control their bladder but feel they belong in diapers… we weren’t fully potty trained! 

[Kawaharu]

4 minutes ago, Enthusi said:

Agree! 

In fact I would go one step further and say part of potty training is a desire to stay dry.  Even if someone mastered the ability to stay dry, if they aren’t happy about being potty trained and want to go back to wearing diapers, then they were not successfully potty trained.   That’s just my opinion, but it’s a powerful and effective reframe and helps make the case for those of us who were able to control their bladder but feel they belong in diapers… we weren’t fully potty trained! 

I feel the same way too and totally agree with you. Since I am not potty trained, I am kept in diapers and that's a sign that I haven't mastered potty training and I wasn't successful in being potty trained. It's also why I am kept as an adult baby because to be an adult, big kid or grown up is to successfully master potty training. Since I am an adult baby, I have not mastered potty training and I can never call myself an adult, big kid or grown up. That's why as an adult baby, I am not ashamed that I failed potty training and I am kept in diapers.

[Enthusi]

4 hours ago, Kawaharu said:

I feel the same way too and totally agree with you. Since I am not potty trained, I am kept in diapers and that's a sign that I haven't mastered potty training and I wasn't successful in being potty trained. It's also why I am kept as an adult baby because to be an adult, big kid or grown up is to successfully master potty training. Since I am an adult baby, I have not mastered potty training and I can never call myself an adult, big kid or grown up. That's why as an adult baby, I am not ashamed that I failed potty training and I am kept in diapers.

I love it!  

Do you ever get in a headspace where bladder control just seems impossibly difficult?   For me, more and more bladder control is an elusive skill. I don’t know how to read Japanese, or shoot a 3 point basket, or control when and where I go to the bathroom.  Things that other humans do that are beyond me.   Even as I typed this reply, I felt a few squirts of pee hit my diaper, and I just think it is what it is! 

[oznl]

4 hours ago, Enthusi said:

Do you ever get in a headspace where bladder control just seems impossibly difficult?  

This happens but only sometimes.  It’s like a kind of zone I can fall into.  It's as you say, a headspace.  It's often concomitant with that curious feeling of pelvic lightness.

When I do, I’m usually dripping and dribbling near-constantly and find myself contemplating dealing with a nappy change or a shower or something like that.

The thought of NOT just “letting it go” even for a minute or two just seems impossibly hard to the point where I’ll take a chance that I won’t drip (much).  I peed a little on bathroom floor the other day by miscalculating that.  For some reason, not leaking just seems like such a monumental effort.

It’s just that it doesn’t seem to last and I find myself back in terrain where I can pee every few minutes a little bit but it’s deliberate.

I don’t know if this will change over time where those drip and dribble zones start to run into each other as a new default (You might know?  you're further down the day road than I am!). 

[Kawaharu]

5 hours ago, Enthusi said:

I love it!  

Do you ever get in a headspace where bladder control just seems impossibly difficult?   For me, more and more bladder control is an elusive skill. I don’t know how to read Japanese, or shoot a 3 point basket, or control when and where I go to the bathroom.  Things that other humans do that are beyond me.   Even as I typed this reply, I felt a few squirts of pee hit my diaper, and I just think it is what it is! 

For me, I don't have any control of my bladder and whatever bladder control I have left is slowly going away as I get older and older. That's due to my incontinence medical condition and my Incontinence is getting worse as I get older and older. It's why headspace for me is knowing I am always an adult baby and knowing I am always gona be kept in diapers and even knowing that I will never master potty training no matter how hard I try. It's why for me I know I am an adult baby and whenever I am around adults, big kids and grown ups. I don't ever act, behave or dress like a grown up, big kid or adult. I act, dress, behave more like an adult baby because to adults, big kids and grown ups, I'm not potty trained and I haven't mastered potty training. As a result, I can't even call myself an adult, big kid or grown up anymore because I failed potty training. Failing potty training means I am not allowed to be an adult, big kid or grown up anymore. Instead I am kept as an adult baby and kept in diapers. 

It's also why being an adult baby, I know I am never gona be potty trained ever again and know that I am always gona be kept in diapers and be treated more like an adult baby than a grown up, big kid or even an adult. It's also why as an adult baby, I am not ashamed of being an adult baby and being kept in diapers. Even knowing that I am not ashamed that I failed miserably to be potty trained.

[Enthusi]

18 hours ago, oznl said:

I don’t know if this will change over time where those drip and dribble zones start to run into each other as a new default (You might know?  you're further down the day road than I am!). 

This is the great unknown for me!  Currently I’d say 80% of time I wet/ soak my diaper, 10% of the it’s little tiny squirts of pee (I feel my sphincter muscle clamp down automatically which causes a small jet if pee to hit my diaper), and the rest is dribbling.  Though it’s highly variable. 

Here are some related questions that keep me up at night:

1. Does dribbling increase with time? Is it the natural progression for unpotty training?

2. If so is it possible to get to a point where you dribble so much that you stop soaking your diaper? 

3. Precisely why is it that dribbling would increase with time? Is it dysfunctional voiding? Sphincter not closing? Reflexive voiding to the extreme degree? Or is it just the result of a weak bladder causing a sluggish pee stream?

4. How is the “pee squirting” related,  If at all?  Is it a transition state? Or just a sign of dysfunctional voiding and or small spasms? 

5. My newfound lack of surprise at being wet or dry is almost certainly  related, but what’s the directionality? Am I dribbling more because I’m not paying attention to my bladder? Or is it that because I’m dribbling more I don’t have the ability or desire to track my incontinence? Or maybe it’s a reciprocal interaction?

As you can tell I like to think about these sorts of things!

 

 

[Craig]

I’ll add to the confusion.

To set things up, I wet the bed (actually eventually diapers or “bedwetting pants”) most all of my life. It started when I was a kid — or I guess it just sort of continued after I was out of diapers during the day — so my parents said, much to their frustration. Meds were not available at that time as far as I know, so we went through the usual ritual of restricting liquids after supper, and waking me up two or three times a night to use the restroom in the hopes I could be trained not to wet in my sleep. I think it helped, but was a real strain on my father’s nerves, stressful for me, and wrecked everybody’s sleep for many nights in a row each time this was tried. And it was only marginally successful. Of course, the snag is that if you can get bedwetting episodes down to one per night on most nights, you’ve accomplished nothing for all your work and ruined sleep. I was still going to wake up wet most mornings, either the bed itself which was miserable, or some kind of diaper with waterproof cover, which allowed me a full night’s sleep, and made mornings just a matter of wiping myself down with baby wipes, putting on regular underwear and clothes, and heading off to school. My father was convinced diapers would make me lazy and make it permanent, but it already seemed to be anyway since repeated efforts to end the bedwetting didn’t work fully. So at least by the time I was in middle school, they just decided to give up and see if I eventually grew out of it — which I didn’t.

Given the fact that I follow and sometimes post in “Incontinent Desires,” you can safely make certain assumptions about me. So, what am I up to now?

Question one is whether this chronic sleep wetting that resulted in my wearing some form of diapers at night encouraged a fascination with diapers, especially during the day? I’ve had such fascinations since middle school.  I’ve read stories about that, and the opinions, not surprisingly, are mixed. So, I don’t know. One mother posted somewhere warning parents not to put their kids in Goodnites or other absorbent products at night as they might become “diaper lovers” as a result — maybe that view was colored by her experience with one of her kids? Don’t know. Proves nothing, but there you are.

I’m a diabetic and have been for some time. It’s well-controlled with meds and diet. I also have slightly elevated blood pressure which is also well-controlled. However, diabetes and the meds taken for hypertension can promote urinary incontinence. So, depending on how you look at it, this can be a plus that can feed into diaper desires.

Again, since I’m here you can conclude I have a fascination with daytime incontinence, ways to cause it, as well as a willingness to give it a go with my old friend, the disposable diaper. I recognize that confidentiality prohibits it, but if there were a way to have watched the untraining presentation at Capcon on line, I would have eagerly paid to do so.

There’s theory on the net that it takes 21 days to form a habit and 90 days to create a lifestyle. Obviously, that’s just a guide and different goals require different time frames and levels of commitment.

I’ve switched from getting up, getting changed including wiping myself down with wipes, and putting on regular underwear to putting on a Northshore Premium brief and proceeding to behave as though I have no bladder control while awake including needed changes even in a in a restroom somewhere.

I’m 70 consistent, consecutive days into this project. It’s fun, and I’m eager to see what happens. It just feels normal now to put on a diaper in the morning rather than underwear. Sort of one of those things you just “do” rather than think much about. Same thing with wetting it wherever. I think I’m wetting a bit more often and a bit less in volume each time than when I started, but I can’t be sure. There also seem to be some mild sensations down there that are new.

I’ve done this briefly before, but never for as long of a period of time. So maybe I’m a bit ahead of the game from previous experiences?

Then there’s the questions of how much the lifetime bedwetting has impacted my interest in this, the feelings I have that wearing and wetting a diaper are normal, and the ease of tossing my “big boy underwear” and going 24/7 diapers? I don’t know.

I’ll give it a think at 90 days which is now 20 days away, and will most likely commit myself to another 90 days.

So there’s a lot of personal information here and more questions than answers.

If you’ve read this, thanks! I hope it helps or at least gives you something to think about.

Fun, huh? 

 

[oznl]

1 hour ago, Craig said:

Question one is whether this chronic sleep wetting that resulted in my wearing some form of diapers at night encouraged a fascination with diapers, especially during the day? I’ve had such fascinations since middle school.  I’ve read stories about that, and the opinions, not surprisingly, are mixed. So, I don’t know. One mother posted somewhere warning parents not to put their kids in Goodnites or other absorbent products at night as they might become “diaper lovers” as a result — maybe that view was colored by her experience with one of her kids? Don’t know. Proves nothing, but there you are.

 

I myself was trained out of diapers by 20 months of age during the day and dry at night by two and a half years.

I stayed that way until I retrained myself as a bedwetter through prolonged 24/7 usage at around 55.

It seems there is more than one road that leads to the destination in which we find ourselves but all of those roads have something in common.   Diaper usage has become iconic, emblematic and/or conflated with something we wanted but either didn’t get or lost deep in our childhood.  In using our diaper-therapy (because that’s what it is), we are re-visualising ourselves in some sense to make that wrong right.

Or, we’re just plain weird…

Or both…

 

[Craig]

Great stuff there!  Agreed.

36 minutes ago, oznl said:

I myself was trained out of diapers by 20 months of age during the day and dry at night by two and a half years.

I stayed that way until I retrained myself as a bedwetter through prolonged 24/7 usage at around 55.

It seems there is more than one road that leads to the destination in which we find ourselves but all of those roads have something in common.   Diaper usage has become iconic, emblematic and/or conflated with something we wanted but either didn’t get or lost deep in our childhood.  In using our diaper-therapy (because that’s what it is), we are re-visualising ourselves in some sense to make that wrong right.

Or, we’re just plain weird…

Or both…

 

Great stuff there. Agreed!

[Kif]

12 hours ago, oznl said:

I myself was trained out of diapers by 20 months of age during the day and dry at night by two and a half years.

I stayed that way until I retrained myself as a bedwetter through prolonged 24/7 usage at around 55.

It seems there is more than one road that leads to the destination in which we find ourselves but all of those roads have something in common.   Diaper usage has become iconic, emblematic and/or conflated with something we wanted but either didn’t get or lost deep in our childhood.  In using our diaper-therapy (because that’s what it is), we are re-visualising ourselves in some sense to make that wrong right.

Or, we’re just plain weird…

Or both…

 

Will second a similar experience...

Was toilet trained by 2.5 years old, and never was given diapers for any kind of bedwetting (had bedwetting issues briefly maybe when I was 5, here and there, but no more than that). So for me it definitely wouldn't simply have been being exposed to Goodnights or whatever that did it...I think that mother claiming that is reaching a bit.

And would echo the 're-visualizing ourselves in some sense to make that wrong right'. My best guess in my case? Jealousy of the attention my baby sibling got around the time I was becoming self-aware / have my earliest memories (3-4 years old). There was trauma after those points that reinforced coping in that way and bam, here were are.

[diapereddaddy1922]

I've been this way for about 4 years now. It only gets better with time

[Hannah YMS]

I've been at this game going on 2 years now this November. SLOW changes, sometimes not even enough to notice til you think about them.