Are Diapers Ruining My Life?

[Paperboy]

Hello everyone, I'm not new here, but I am new to posting. I have some thoughts and questions. Hopefully I can make this potentially long post brief. I've been a DL since my early teen years with my interest in diapers stretching as far back as the age of 7. As I began to sexually mature, I began associating diapers with sexual pleasure. Years of this sexual conditioning has left me utterly turned on by something as silly as diapers. The tragedy is, my "normal" heterosexual desires seemed to be stunted as a result of this whole process. All things being equal, I find myself MUCH more turned on by Diapers than by girls (to be clear, I am heterosexual).

In my 21 years, I have had one serious relationship that lasted two years ending when I was 19. While we never had sex (for different reasons), our physical relationship was quite healthy, at least in the beginning. After seven or eight months, I found myself becoming less easily turned on by her. It became a problem towards the end of our relationship when I was rarely in the mood. For me even now, once I am already turned on, I can easily "finish" by the image of a girl. However, it is virtually impossible for me to masturbate to the image of a girl when starting from nothing. I have to first fantasize about diapers. Here's my theory: when I was with my girlfriend, the excitement of being with someone and sharing intimate space with them replaced my need for that initial sexual boost (in fact, for a good year I had forgotten about diapers altogether). However, once I became overly comfortable and used to sharing that space with someone, it was no longer as exciting and I could not get turned on very easily.

This has destroyed my confidence and left me wondering if I'll ever find a happy relationship and be married one day. I would love to one day have children and a family, but my sexual desires have become a very large hurdle. I've read about masturbatory reconditioning and it seems logical that it could work. I don't want to cast away my diaper turn ons, but I'd like to share equal attraction to the opposite sex. Can anyone relate to this? How have things turned out for you? What lessons have you learned?

Thanks, from a new poster.

[babybeowulf]

I've experienced something very similar. I was having trouble being intimate with a girl without telling her about my being an AB. Not having that openness made participating in "normal" sexual activities really hard, to the point where I was worried about it effecting my adult life. The good news is that when I told my current girlfriend, the mental barrier was removed, and my sex life improved significantly.

[krinklypants]

I've experienced something very similar. I was having trouble being intimate with a girl without telling her about my being an AB. Not having that openness made participating in "normal" sexual activities really hard, to the point where I was worried about it effecting my adult life. The good news is that when I told my current girlfriend, the mental barrier was removed, and my sex life improved significantly.

Your story sounds pretty much just like mine, except now I am almost 30, and this has really been eating at me. I am successful in every other facet of my life, but now I would really like to find the right person.

[Toddler Sissy]

The problem is one that many of us experience, and I will offer what little advice I can based on my experiences and the ones I've heard about. You see, you're trying to separate your sexual desires as though they aren't connected, but they are. You're not just a heterosexual, or a diaper fetishist (regardless of whether you're a DL or AB), you're both. Both parts are part of who you are. Firstly, you'll need to accept that without shame (if you haven't already). Not being ashamed doesn't mean you have to tell everyone who knows you, it just means not feeling like you're doing something wrong, or you're sick, or things like that about your diaper side. You must embrace it as you have your heterosexual fantasies: normal and healthy.

The next step, sadly, is bringing it into your relationship. This is never easy, but it IS necessary. Your girlfriend/spouse is your sex partner, and we're talking about sexual satisfaction here. They are the ones who should provide your sexual release, otherwise you would be cheating on them. The thing is, most partners enjoy sex more when the person they're with enjoys it more. You tend to perform better sexually when you yourself are enjoying it; especially with men, whose anatomy can be greatly affected by level of arousal, which therefore affects performance. Another thing you need to keep in mind is that just as you are both a diaper fetishist and a heterosexual male, your sex will begin to blur those as well. Diaper play will arouse you, your partner will (since she has agreed to engage in said play ideally) notice said arousal, and desire heterosexual activity. The activities will intermingle, because one leads to the other naturally, sometimes in surprising order (I can testify that some sexual sessions, originally vanilla sex, ended with a pacifier and a "bedtime" being enforced). As always, when breaking the news to a girlfriend or spouse, spend a great deal of time examining yourself. The person will have MANY questions, and you should be ready to give answers besides "I don't know"...people have a bad habit of filling in "I don't know"'s with their own, much worse assumptions. You'll have greater success if you prevent that. Take things slow if they are willing, and as trust is built and successes occur, build on them and it will blossom.

If they are not willing to try, then you have to ask yourself if this is really a good idea to marry them (if you're already married, or even more committed by having children, divorce may not be an option, but it should still be a discussion, and here's why): a relationship is a partnership, and that means sometimes making sacrifices and accommodations for your partner. Ask yourself this: If she had a strange fetish, would you be willing to try it to satisfy her? If yes, then it's not unreasonable to expect her to do likewise (especially if you already have proven your flexibility). If no, then it might be hypocritical to expect her to do things you wouldn't. Ask yourself: is it selfish of them to say no? How does it make you feel? Do they understand how important this is to you? This sexual desire is a part of you, and you cannot change that. It's important you address this issue, not just for your sake, but theirs. If they continue to ignore that side of you, you may begin to resent your partner, or worse, look for an alternate method of sating yourself, either by cheating with a pro-mommy or hiding it. Is that really fair to them, to be resented by one they love and are married? Think about it, and remember that once you are together, you cease to be one and one, and are now a couple, a union...you both are important, and what affects one affects the other.

Now, you (the OP) said you're not having sex, or weren't when you were with her. That's fine, but sexual turn-ons and fantasies should be a part of your discussion when you're still dating. As hard as it may be to say this, if you feel you cannot be happy with an otherwise wonderful woman because she won't accept your diaper fantasies, you should break it off and look elsewhere. It's not fair to yourself or to her to enter into a marriage doomed to either end badly, or be filled with sadness and unfulfilled feelings. It is hard, but you must look for the one you feel you are going to be happy with. People today take marriage too lightly, which is why it ends so frequently. Trust me, and the many who have been through it: better to not marry, than marry and have it end badly because of hiding things and fighting over this.

Ugh, sorry for how long this post was. I do hope it helped somehow, and did more than take up a ton of space.

[jrnyfire]

I have encountered the same phenomenon, i have found it easier to wear a diaper and use it towards sexual satisfatiction with computer images, solo, versus an actual intimate encounter with my girlfriend. I might be different in the fact that my first girlfriend actually was turned off by it but was not sure how to tell me her problems. She ended up cheating on me and it degraded to the point of her and her new boyfriend laughing in my face about my desires. I find there are no negative consequences when nobody else has that much power over me. I do fantasize about trusting someone else with that part of my life, but have also found that it is hard to do. I have a wife who wants to be a part of it and seems to not mind, but my own fears have made it hard to be that open and vulnerable, which ended up destroying our intimacy, and ultimately ended in a separation. I feel for you, and at the same time feel the same way. If I knew the answer I would gladly share it. I can say with confidence that at least I have found an outlet, "Solo" activity is satisfying, if only temporarily, but it is enjoyable. I can fantasize about what I like and pretend in my mind during an actual "physical" encounter. The biggest obstacle is in my own mind due to the humiliation factor that I have to deal with myself. Good luck with it, sorry i couldn't give you an answer to your dilemna, just wanted to let you know your not alone.

Keith

[Heven]

I just wanted to thank you for your fantastic and honest post. I'm in a similar situation, and while things actually seem to be going rather well, it's good to be reminded of what's at stake. I'll heed your advice carefully. Thanks!

[Paperboy]

Thank you, Toddler Sissy, for such a thoughtful post.

It does seem like because diapers are such a powerful sexual force in my life, I will have to learn to incorporate it into my relationships in the future. That seems to be the consensus. I think this may be easier for me than for others in that I am strictly turned on by diapers. I feel very little need to engage in additional "baby play". This might make it easier for a partner to swallow, so to speak.

Side thought. I often wonder how much simpler all this would be if I met the perfect girl who just happens to have some kind of incontinence problem, even just a night time wetter. They would probably be so much more understanding (or maybe it would have the opposite effect, who knows). Seems like it would be a good match though... a win, win. Too bad they don't have dating sites for incontinent people.

BTW, I have accepted this side of me without shame, but it still doesn't eliminate the sexual quandry. Thanks again for all the responses!