Switching Teams?

[KittyMerriweather]

I have only ever dated men. But the older I get the more disgusted I become by them. I am so sick & tired of them perving up my inbox, both here & on fetlife. Seeing dick pics, or constantly listening to men talk about their erections, & what arouses them,  literally makes me gag. 

I recently deleted a vanilla dating app. I was there for 6 months, and didn't click like on any guy. The muscles, and fake tans, and fancy cars, and gym selfies, and saying sex is the most important thing in a relationship, all just seemed so superficial to me.

There has to be more. I want more. I wonder if part of the reason I never clicked like, or never felt safe enough to meet anyone lately, is because I am on the wrong team?

I see pics of women & can appreciate their beauty, i have always been able to do that. I see a nice female and imagine how nice it would be to have them in my life. If someone mentions their lesbian co-worker, I want to say give them my number, I would like to meet them. I think that when I see a big giant teddy bear of a guy too though.

Is it possible to just want a companion, regardless of what their gentials look like? Is it possible to just want someone? Anyone that you have things in common with , who wants to build something other than on a sexual basis?

I'm so confused & changed my orientation on fetlife to unsure to reflect that confusion.

I don't want to offend anyone. I don't even know if this is the right forum, because I don't know my label.

Edited July 23, 2021 by KittyMerriweather
To fix punctuation

[smarti]

It's OK to like what you like. It's also OK to dislike "perving up my inbox", "dick pics" and "talk about erections".

I'm also not keen on labels. But I find this place is a good for my self-expression, even if it isn't always AB or DL.

 

 

 

[lionheart33]

no matter what team you swing for getting perved on gets old i would rather ask about your week and such then what gets the engine going big hugs i hope you can find someone to complete you one day

 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

I agree with the OP I guess it's either email flashing or guys who think with their ziippers trying to show how "straight" they are and coming on like satyrs. Even respectable men despise them They have all the couth of a rabid tomato worm and about as much brains, too. Or they could be kinksters trying ot show how kinky they are, whichis why I avoid the self-conscious "kinkster" places like Fetlife. None of these are real people

[Little Sherri]

It's an interesting topic. First of all, my apologies on behalf of decent men everywhere, that you've been subjected to that crap by the cretons among us. 

As far as switching teams, I'm beginning to wonder if the idea of being on a team in an antiquated notion. I have two daughters, and while neither of them have suggested that they have leanings toward same-gender attractions, both of them have a few (female) friends that have said that they are either bisexual, or, have admitted to having a crush on someone of the same sex, and one of them is actively dating a girl. The daughter of a friend of mine changed schools to be closer to a girl that she was in a relationship with. But then they parted ways, and now she's interested in a boy. 

It seems to me that the future of gender relations may not be as polarized as the past has been. There have always been bisexual and LBGTQ folks among us, but I think that more people, or at least young people, have an open mind about having more than one "spirit", and embrace the concept that "gender" exists on a spectrum, defined by many attributes, rather than one of two boxes that are assigned at birth. As a result, sexual orientation can have a lot more latitude, first of all, and second, doesn't even really need to be defined - a person doesn't have to "choose a team", unless that requirement is imposed upon them by their own perception, or fears about societal backlash. 

I, for one, embrace this evolution - while I'm a heteronormative (if being an ABDL falls within "normative"...) male, married to a female, and I don't have any compulsion to sample the fruits of other platters at the moment, I think that too many people have denied who they are, and lived lonely, painful existences, because of outdated concepts about what "damage" society might sustain if people didn't have to define their gender and/or sexuality so rigidly. To heck with that, I say. Be who you are. Go on a date with a woman, and see where it goes. Be upfront about being unsure, so you don't inadvertently hurt someone, but, what's the harm? 

[KittyMerriweather]

@smartii really appreciate this site. It has brought wonderful people into my life and allowed me to feel comfortable enough to ask these questions

@lionheart33 thank you for the encouragement

@Little Christine  flashing is a good way to describe it, and it has never impressed me.  Peacocks are look pretty, but probably taste like chicken the same as every other bird . I feel the same about people. I don't care what they have, or how pleased their past partners were. The boasting and bragging is annoying af, and just turns me off completely. If someone truly wants to impress me, all they need to do is speak to me as an intellectual being. Flashing is boring.

@Little Sherri its nice to see someone get it.  I too think its all old fashioned now.  I'm like those kids you mentioned. At this point in life, i just want a companion,  I don't think I even care about sexual orientation anymore.  I like your suggestion of being up front about where my headspace is at. I don't want to offend anyone.

Some people have read my post, and listened to me grumble about guys who see me as nothing but a sex worker here for their fantasy, and my constantly telling those guys no, I want more.   And have thought mayhaps what I am describing is demisexual.  

[Rachael-Little]

Kitty I get it, while sure my biology is male I’ve always wondered how I can find the right women who could appreciate someone like myself, who enjoys women but most definitely has that softer side to them and really enjoy my fem side.

There just are not many women out there who want that, there looking for that macho mans man.

Being who we are as a bit different doesn’t mean we are bad it’s just we are different 

Hope you can find the right person 

[DiaperboyEddie12]

@KittyMerriweather I am glad you wrote this post.

For one I may be a man though I would never disrespect anyone neither on this website nor other websites with images of my private parts nor other stuff in that manner.

One thing I would do is contact a person of course with their permission.  Then strike up a conversation about different things of life.  Not even diapers.  That topic can come at a later date if the other person wishes to talk about them.  There are more fun things to talk about. Like the weather hobbies animals pets and so forth.

I also think that people need to give it a break about perving.  It seems now a days it is all about sex and more sex or something related to sex. 

I think it is wrong of people to do so.  Men are gross and they need to cool it down. 

[oznl]

On 7/23/2021 at 3:00 PM, KittyMerriweather said:

I have only ever dated men. But the older I get the more disgusted I become by them. I am so sick & tired of them perving up my inbox, both here & on fetlife. Seeing dick pics, or constantly listening to men talk about their erections, & what arouses them,  literally makes me gag.

Not normally a poster on this sub-forum but your post came up on my feed and caught my attention.

I feel like I need to fly a flag for (what I suspect is a significant chunk) of the male hetero-normative population who do NOT behave in this way.  I suspect part of the problem is that those kind of places are happy hunting grounds for testosterone-fueled apes looking for a woman to club and drag off to their caves.

I think @Little Christine is on the money here.  There are a WHOLE bunch of men who don't think much of this modus operandi.

I suspect the last laugh will be yours there.  The kind of woman who would be attractive to, and attracted by such entreaties may be pretty and young but most likely a bit dumb.  “Pretty” and “young” are transient things.  Dumb is forever.  On the other hand, the male operating in this mode may not have a brain either (or at best, isn't using it), doesn't bode well for their progeny...

As a parent to kid-ults, I strongly agree with @Little Sherri's point.  The needle has seriously moved with the next generation and the whole gender/orientation thing.  It doesn't matter much to them (my kid-ults couldn't care less) and it's probably for the best.

Happily married (mostly…), my beloved is my companion, not a sex toy.  We drink too much wine, eat too much cheese and talk too much sh1t together and have done for many decades.  Let’s face it, late 50s, sex isn’t really a thing for us anyway anymore.  My choice of underwear there is probably a part of that problem but that’s a whole other story.

Oh, and you're right about the baking soda by the way...  That trick worked thank you!

 

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

8 hours ago, oznl said:

Not normally a poster on this sub-forum but your post came up on my feed and caught my attention.

I feel like I need to fly a flag for (what I suspect is a significant chunk) of the male hetero-normative population who do NOT behave in this way.  I suspect part of the problem is that those kind of places are happy hunting grounds for testosterone-fueled apes looking for a woman to club and drag off to their caves.

I think @Little Christine is on the money here.  There are a WHOLE bunch of men who don't think much of this modus operandi.

I suspect the last laugh will be yours there.  The kind of woman who would be attractive to, and attracted by such entreaties may be pretty and young but most likely a bit dumb.  “Pretty” and “young” are transient things.  Dumb is forever.  On the other hand, the male operating in this mode may not have a brain either (or at best, isn't using it), doesn't bode well for their progeny...

As a parent to kid-ults, I strongly agree with @Little Sherri's point.  The needle has seriously moved with the next generation and the whole gender/orientation thing.  It doesn't matter much to them (my kid-ults couldn't care less) and it's probably for the best.

Happily married (mostly…), my beloved is my companion, not a sex toy.  We drink too much wine, eat too much cheese and talk too much sh1t together and have done for many decades.  Let’s face it, late 50s, sex isn’t really a thing for us anyway anymore.  My choice of underwear there is probably a part of that problem but that’s a whole other story.

Oh, and you're right about the baking soda by the way...  That trick worked thank you!

 

The "considerable chank" of hetero ales you speak of is the overwhelming majority. The fetish community attracts a stron oversize group of the pervs

As to "testosterone fuelled", it is more like teststerone poisoned.: No doubt mainlining 399 ml of Andro 400 a day. This is a gender (in the exact meaning of the word). Most of us are a mix of masculine and feminine properties that varies from person to person. This enables some level of empathy for the opposite sex. These clowns either do not have that, mostly from being self-absorbed Narcissists or consider it a form of weakness and do not want to be caught dead showing it if they do. At any rate, the result is a shallow creature that is viewed by the overwhelming bulk of the species as astupid retrograde brute in need of either a lobotomy or a good dose of sissification (and there IS a difference between feminine and effeminate) as a proper comeuppance

[KittyMerriweather]

The comments on this thread have really bouyed my spirits.

I sometimes feel very much like a teenager trying to explain my no to someone.  That is not something I expected to be doing at my age. I had hoped by now,  that guys would understand that no means no, without behaving pentulant. That certainly is not the case.  

Last year I asked a guy on Diapermates to imagine his daughter just got a message similiar to the one he sent me. 

I approach getting to know someone, the same way @DiaperboyEddie12 does.  They already know I like diapers, now find out what else we have in common please.   They can not do it.  I think I might change my orientation to Demisexual.  Maybe if sex was taken off the table, they would behave better?

[KittyMerriweather]

On 7/24/2021 at 1:36 AM, oznl said:

 

Oh, and you're right about the baking soda by the way...  That trick worked thank you!

 

Baking powder i hope it was what you used

[abrera]

On 7/23/2021 at 6:00 AM, KittyMerriweather said:

Is it possible to just want a companion, regardless of what their gentials look like? Is it possible to just want someone? Anyone that you have things in common with , who wants to build something other than on a sexual basis?

Gender blindness is absolutely a thing, as is sexual fluidity and they're both heckin' valid.

To relate, I was very much bisexual leaning on pansexual when I met my current partner. I am very much Asexual now with more of a lean to females.