Butterflies (Complete!)

[diaperpt]

Marnie really is pushing things, but wow! It's working! I kind of doubt that this will be the end of the challenges, I hope she has a good sense of how far to go and when to stop. I worry a little bit about what might happen if she goes past a certain point.

[ABAlex]

"Nuh uh. There's no princess! It's gotta have a princess to be a princess movie."

"Kuzco is a princess," I argued.

I stared blankly at her, like she was crazy, and crossed my arms. Then I turned to Mommy and pulled on her sleeve."

LOL well he's right.

 

Not sure if I've commented on this one before, if not, congrats on your 50th story! Lots of hard work and service to the padded community.

Also, this is a very cute and funny story so far. Very 'bouncy' feeling. Love it

[Little Lamb]

So, coming back from the proverbial dead, and late to the party, to say that I'm loving every bit of this one.

As a clinically anxious Trans woman I'd like to point out that even the little details align with my experiences in some form, so, kudos for the realism!?

I love the wholesomeness in this story, I love the many perspectives of littleness, given by both the girls and the diferent stages in their littleness, and how Marnie is an experienced yet insecure Caregiver, 

And you can feel just how much they love each other but struggle to love themselves, with the probable exception of Marnie, but something tell me there's more to her than a really awesome and experient mommy. Maybe her past will haunt the story a little?

Anyway, really hope these 3 girls form an stable and wholesome family

[Sophie ♥]

22 hours ago, ABAlex said:

Not sure if I've commented on this one before, if not, congrats on your 50th story! Lots of hard work and service to the padded community.

Also, this is a very cute and funny story so far. Very 'bouncy' feeling. Love it

THANK YOU   Always a huge compliment from you, Alex, and I'm glad you're loving the story. ❤️ 

13 minutes ago, Little Lamb said:

As a clinically anxious Trans woman I'd like to point out that even the little details align with my experiences in some form, so, kudos for the realism!?

What can I say?  Pudding is a genius.  

13 minutes ago, Little Lamb said:

and how Marnie is an experienced yet insecure Caregiver, 

TBH I think stories do caregivers a huge disservice.  CGs have a lot of emotions and anxieties about things, just like Littles do, but stories tend to write them off as "getting what they want all the time and always happy and bubbly or sometimes strict and spanky" but that's so... dehumanizing.  I think even experienced CGs are often insecure, and I love writing Marnie as a relatable and realistic caregiver.  It means a lot to me to have a character like her.

THANKS FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS EVERYONE! ;__; It really helped brighten up my day, I can't even tell you!  Thank you for reading and making this whole thing worth something. ❤️  I hope you like the rest of the story! (we're only about 2/3rds through it!)

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Sixty-Six

I wondered how much longer this would take. I was feeling a bit queasy. When Mommy and I were in the bathroom, she unsnapped my onesie and slid a finger into my diaper. A blush filled my cheeks.

"Dry. Unexpected."

"Shush..."

"Relax for me, baby girl. You know that holding your bladder is bad for girls your age. I'm going to be giving you a shower in just a little bit, but you need to wet your diaper for me first, okay?"

"I really don't have to go," I muttered under my breath. Mommy went over to the shower and turned it on, adjusting the water temperature. The sound of running water seemed to help a bit, and I tried to relax. But I felt tense. Uncomfortable. And honestly, I didn't have to go! I hadn't had anything to drink since Mommy's...

"Try for Mommy, okay, sweetie?" If she wasn't wet before she showered, she'd wet herself pretty soon after her baba she was going to get during her hair curling; Marnie was trying to mitigate her fussiness before it happened.

This was the problem with diapers; you take them off and then they're trash. Which meant if I didn't wet this one, it was wasted. Honestly, I didn't know how expensive these diapers were. A dollar? Ten dollars? Maybe Mommy should let me buy some myself one of these days. And it wouldn't hurt to have a few more at home...

"Kylie?" Mommy asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I shook my head shyly.

"Sorry, I just don't gotta..."

"No worries, honey. Mommy's gonna get you into the shower, okay?" Usually, it would be a bath, which was easy. Showering was required though, for the hair dye to rinse out. Marnie had purchased a clear vinyl raincoat she could wear over her clothes, so she could literally stand next to the shower and help Kylie get clean without getting too wet herself.

It was awkward. I mean, Mommy had seen me naked a hundred times. She had even bathed me before! But this was different. I had to stand in the shower, fully naked, as she scrubbed the color from my hair. It looked sort of brown, from what I could see from the tips. I swear, if she made me go through all this just to dye my hair back to the normal color!

When all was said and done, she wrapped the towel around me and pulled me out of the shower. I looked to the mirror, but Marnie had it covered up with a towel. Was she trying to keep me in suspense? It was working.

"Let's get your hair dried really quick." Marnie had a blow dryer for that. Then she finished toweling her off enough to get her back into a diaper, because accidents happened, right? Kylie would love that line.

My hair was definitely not that awful bright blonde anymore; I could see the bits that fell over my shoulders. But it was still a little damp and I Mommy kept pulling it behind my head so I couldn't see. Then she kissed me on the top of the head and said something about accidents. I blushed.

"Wait. Um."

"Um? What is it, sweetheart?" Marnie tilted her head, curiously, as Kylie wriggled fussily in her place, seated on the stool.

I glanced at Mommy in the doorway, then at the toilet again. If I could escape my mild Littlespace for even a moment, I might even be able to make a compelling argument! But I'd have to try my best anyway.

"Could I use the bathroom really quick? That way I'm fine until bedtime, and you don't have to change me again?"

"The potty is for big girls, and not girls who make a fuss. We’ve got plenty of diapers for you and it's going to be a long road ahead with working on your hair so you're going to need them."

"Please...?" I looked at Marnie a moment too long and she gave me a strange look. I looked down at my feet and blushed.

"Be right back, sweetheart."

Marnie left me alone in the bathroom. I could close the door. Lock it. Use the toilet. Get spanked again. Cause a fight, probably. But I trusted Marnie, didn't I? I did. I definitely did. So I took a deep breath and waited patiently on the stool. Mommy is always right.

Marnie didn't consciously consider herself to be testing Kylie, but there was a certain thrill she got as Mommy knowing that her little girl was trained enough to not betray her trust. The next stage was diapering, lots of powder because she'd be in this one a while, and... what else did she need? Hair mousse, curling iron, scissors... and she had to get the cookies out of the oven. Marnie took a few more moments in her room before heading back to the bathroom.

I didn't ask to use the bathroom again. Marnie took me to her bed and dressed me: a fresh diaper, thicker than usual. Maybe a booster? But instead of a onesie, she pulled a purple party dress over my head. I hated dresses. But if we weren't going anywhere... I checked the bedside clock as I was lying on my back, the room smelling of baby powder. 7:25.

"Oh my stars, your hair already looks so cute. I can't wait to see what it's going to look like when I'm done. Sit on the chair here, sweetheart," She'd brought a dining room chair into the bedroom. "This is going to take a little while, but if you look out your door, I put the chair so you can see the TV. Isn't that sweet?"

"Uh huh..." I wasn't out of Littlespace, not completely. But something was on my mind. It was a lot like the time Ellie was over and I kept getting nervous around her. But before long the TV distracted me. I finished my episode, then started another one. Every now and again I'd whine or say 'ow' when Mommy pulled on my hair too tightly, but it didn't really matter what she was doing. I trusted her.

"Something wrong, sweetheart? Mommy can tell because it's making your hair all tense." That was notably not how it worked at all, but it was little girl logic.

"Huh? Uh. No, I'm okay." I should maybe have come up with a lie or something, so it sounded more believable. But I wasn't thinking clearly. Thankfully, Mommy was just about done with my hair and she didn't push the topic any further.

Marnie stood back and looked at Kylie's hair, dripping down her shoulders in tight ringlets, strawberry blonde as strawberry blonde could be. She hadn't needed to cut it, which was good, because Kylie was tense over something and that might have pushed her over the edge. But gosh did she look cute... It was time to show her.

Mommy took the controller from my hands and paused the show. I pouted up at her, unbeknownst to me exactly how cute I looked when I did it.

"I was watching that!"

Marnie almost fainted from adorability overload, and it took all her best potions to keep her composure so as not to spoil the game.

"Stand up, sweetie," Marnie put her hands over Kylie's eyes, and began to guide her toward the wall to wall mirror in her own bedroom. This deserved a grand reveal!

Honestly, this seemed sort of stupid. I never cared about my hair before, and I wasn't going to start caring about it now just because she put some color in it. Then again, I never thought about Ellie as a girl until she put some makeup on her. So what did I know? Mommy moved her hands off my eyes and I looked in the mirror.

Me. Definitely me. But in a fluffy party dress, the kind Mommy always liked to put me in. And my hair was blonde, but like... a normal blonde. Almost a nice blonde. Actually, it was close to Ellie's color, if not for the reddish hints. And my hair was pulled up in tight curls, fluffing out at the bottom. And it was me. Definitely the same Kylie. But also very... different.

"I look like a kid," I said with annoyance, but my voice was a little too quiet and my cheeks were a little too red.

"You look like the beautiful little Mommy's girl that you are, sweetheart." Marnie would have complained that she'd spent three hours on this, and got such a lukewarm response, but she knew Kylie well enough to know that she fact she didn't freak out was praise enough. "You look beautiful."

Mommy went to start dinner. I sat on the sofa with my phone, looking at myself in the camera. Wow, she did a good job. I mean, I looked like a toddler, but other than that... maybe without the ringlets I'd look older? But the color was pretty. It changed my whole look. The skater style sure went out the window. I bet I'd look awful in my band tees. I pulled on one of the curls and watched it bounce back into place. Well, Ellie and I sure looked like sisters now.

"Cookies." Marnie smiled, sliding a plate of three cookies onto the coffee table. Cookies before dinner were the kind of reward that Kylie got for being such a good girl. There were, of course, more cookies for after, but not until she'd put some real food in the tummy of her little girl.

The cookies smelled delicious. I took a bite of the first one and held the camera at a different angle. I was in a weird mood. Not Littlespace, but not Big Kylie either. Like, an excitable teen? Was that a thing? Can you be Little, but as a teenager?

"I think it's the dress, actually," I called into the kitchen so Mommy could hear me. "I think maybe with normal clothes it won't look so babyish." I sure hoped so, anyway. I couldn't walk around outside looking like this without having a panic attack, I was sure of it.

"I definitely picked the dress out to match; you're absolutely right, sweetheart. And I had that same hairstyle when I was like.. fourteen, and it works well with a lot of teen fashion stuff from back then. So it's probably fine now, too. You won't look adult, but I think as long as you don't look like you're in diapers, it's only going to boost your self esteem." Real talk.

"I better look older than fourteen," I shot back, a touch of annoyance in my voice. Then I thought about Mommy's hair. Shorter, curly, sort of ginger. "Wait, is your hair dyed?"

"No, this is my natural color. But I dyed it a lot when I was younger."

That made sense. I heard a timer go off in the kitchen and some plates shifting around. I'd finished all three of the cookies in front of me. I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

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[YourFNF]

Yep they're called Middles Kylie ?

Also I so wish I had someone to help with my hair! I've tried and failed to dye it several times....

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Sixty-Seven

"Kylie, dinner!"

Dinner was a baked mac and cheese with broccoli, and the type of crunchy panko top mixed with Cheez-Its that Kylie adored. Marnie knew she'd just eat around the broccoli - she always did - despite asking for it. Marnie hypothesized that it just made Kylie feel like she was asking for a healthy dinner. Though, this time would be different.

I got up from the couch and put my phone on the coffee table. I took one step and froze in place. The crinkling of the diaper. The thickness between my legs. A wave of Littleness washed over me. I exhaled and took another step forward until I was at the dining table. Mommy was ready with a bib in hand.

"I dun need that," I said with a sigh, knowing it didn't matter. Sure enough, Mommy answered in kind.

"What Mommy says goes."

I let her tie the bib around my neck. I didn't complain, even though I wanted to. This was an exercise in trust, right? I could deal with this part. Then Mommy put our plates on the table, but she didn't put either of them in front of me. I reached for my purple plastic plate - the kind with little dividers - and she slapped the top of my hand. I stared at her in confusion.

"Girls your age are new to solids sweetie, so Mommy is going to feed you. Now be a good girl, or you won't get any maccy cheesies." Marnie scooped up a small spoonful of the mac and cheese, broccoli and all, and held it up. "Here comes the airplane, sweetie~"

My cheeks went scarlet and I puffed out my cheeks. "I can do this—" Mommy pushed the spoon toward my mouth and a few noodles passed between my lips. Half the spoonful, though, wound up falling onto my bib. I stared at her incredulously.

"Oh, looks like someone made a mess, don't worry sweetie, that's why Mommy has to do it." And as she spoke, she loaded up the spoon again.

I was shocked. Honestly, I didn't think she would do that! And the way she talked to me. My cheeks turned red with frustration and I opened my mouth to say something else. Mommy put the spoon in my mouth again with surprising precision, and seemed to spill some of it on my bib all the same. Maybe even on purpose.

"I... I'm not..."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, sweetie."

I quickly swallowed the mac and cheese, but she had another spoonful ready to go. This time, it was full of broccoli. I stared nervously and kept my mouth closed, shaking my head.

"Oh honey, don't be fussy now, you got this sweetheart, the airplane is so full of people!" She made airplane noises, and weaved the spoon back and forth, drawing out the experience. "Sweetie, open up, or the airplane will crash!"

I kept my lips shut tight, more so out of spite than anything else. I didn't need to be fed like a baby! Even if I was a Little, I was like... four years old or something, right? This was so unnecessary!

"Well, if you want to be naughty, you know what that means," Marnie said in a sing-song tone. "No cookies after."

My resolve softened.

"Come on now, open up and fill your tummy so you can have cookies. Or Mommy might decide that you need to take all your meals from her bosom, mm?" Threat of no cookies. Threat of breastfeeding. Marnie knew what she was doing and to whom she was talking.

I looked at Mommy nervously, then at the spoon in front of her. I could see the green of the broccoli, even through the cheese. It made my stomach turn. But I didn't think she was joking, either; I wouldn't get cookies tonight. She might even start doing more breastfeeding stuff, which made me blush as red as a fire hydrant. So, after weighing my options, I reluctantly opened my mouth and let Mommy feed me.

"There we go! Such a good girl! You're such a good girl, sweetheart." Marnie opportunistically fed her little girl another spoonful.

Mommy feeding me was bad enough, but all her little teasing was more than I could take. All the kind words. All the praise. I felt warm and happy. I even started enjoying the broccoli a bit, because she would get so excited after I ate some. Then, before Mommy could put another bite in my mouth, I closed my eyes and winced, breathing just a bit too heavily. It only lasted a moment, a second or two, but I didn't hide it very well. Mommy watched me for a second, and when I seemed okay again, gave me another bite of mac and cheese without saying a word about it.

"There's a good girl, look at how well you're doing sweetie, look at how well you're doing!" Marnie showed the half empty bowl to her little one, and began to finalize her piecing things together. The stronger than usual desire to use the bathroom. The slight unusualness to her demeanor. And then what was clearly a stomach cramp? It wasn't something Marnie had ever had Kylie do, but it was about number one on her wishlist of helpless babyness.

Mommy finished feeding me the mac and cheese, taking bites of her own every now and again. Then she went to the kitchen to get a rag. I sat uncomfortably in my chair and closed my eyes. I couldn't keep this up...

When Mommy came back, she handed me a cookie and held a baby bottle in her hand. She didn't give me one with dinner. I took bites of the cookie between her washing me up and taking off the bib.

"You ate all your brocllytrees," Marnie used the word that Kylie had uttered once before when she was feeling as Little as could be, and smiled. "Keep that up and you'll have lots and lots of energy for playtime, my little honey princess."

Mommy helped me up by the hand and ushered me into the living room. She sat down on the sofa and I froze in place. A sharp sigh of exhaustion escaped my lips and I closed my eyes tight. When the ache passed, Mommy was waiting on the sofa with the bottle in hand. She had to know. There was no way she didn't know.

"Can I... um. Can I please use the bathroom, Mommy? Please?" My voice was small. Weak. Desperate.

Marnie smiled, a mixture of sympathy and anticipation, framed in innocence, as she motioned for Kylie to lay down in her lap for her bottle feeding. This couldn't be it, could it? This wonderful, enticing, beautifully helpless moment, to end what was a perfect day? Gosh.

"No, sweetie. You're a baby and babies use their diapers. Come on now, c'mere to Mommy."

"...but..."

"What Mommy says goes," she said simply. A reminder of the rules.

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[YourFNF]

*subby squirming and stammering, wondering if we'll get to see Kylie make pushies*

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Sixty-Eight

We both thought I would fight her. I had a safe word. But today had been so draining, and yet so validating. I'd put all my trust in Marnie and she never failed, never faltered. I went out in public. I nursed under the warm August sun. I let her dye my hair. She diapered me not once, not twice, but three times already. Why was I so scared? I didn't want to be scared anymore. I wanted to reach out and grab her hand.

So I let go of the hem of my dress - which I had been clutching in my fists - and reached out to her. She took my hand in hers and guided me to the sofa, where I rested my head on her lap. Mommy urged me to move a little bit toward the end of he couch, even though my feet hung over the arm a little, and she shuffled down with me. Then she slid the bottle between my lips and I winced as another ache filled my stomach.

Kylie was such a good girl, Marnie knew. She always had been. She just had a habit of getting in her own way. Today was going to be a turning point for her; new rules, new hair, new outlook. Marnie held the bottle, and played with Kylie's hair, humming softly to her as she suckled on the milk inside.

"Mommy loves you, sweetie."

The milk made me feel queasy, but the sucking motion was calming. Relaxing. I looked up at Mommy through bleary eyes and she played gently with my curls. I could feel the vibrations of her humming. Her words rang in my ears. Love.

Halfway through the bottle, another ache made me scrunch up my face. But I didn't fight it. I didn't want to fight anymore. I pulled my ankles back and propped my feet on the arm of the sofa. It was a nice position. Easy. I had spent the past few months getting over my toilet training. Wetting while standing up, wetting while lying down. I didn't think it would translate. But as I sucked harder on the nipple and pushed, it came naturally. Just like sitting on a toilet, but filling the seat of my diaper.

The second push was less pleasant. The hot mess stuck to my bottom and I felt tears form in my eyes. Shame. Humiliation. Hate. She would be disgusted. She would leave me. But Mommy's words brought me back from that darkness.

"Shh, shh, no tears sweetie, Mommy is so proud of you, so proud of you, you're doing so good honey. Push for Mommy, okay? Let's get it all out, and you're so beautiful, you're doing so great." Marnie had to fight to keep her composure, to stay calm and not lose herself to giddiness. Everything about this was just so much more intense and wonderful than she could ever have predicted.

The third push was the worst. The seat of my diaper was already full and it squished against my skin. A faint, familiar scent filled the air. The smell of a baby and a dirty diaper. I was that baby. I had that dirty diaper. And just as I was about to cry again, Mommy wiped little beats of sweat from my forehead.

"I love you, Kylie. You're my baby girl, and this is fine. You did everything right. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

Not going anywhere. I felt my head nod and my feet slip off the arm of the sofa. I squished down into the messy diaper, causing the smell to thicken. But I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I didn't have a panic attack. Because after all that, I still had everything I started with. Mommy's words, a bottle between my lips, and love. Actually, I had one less thing. Discomfort. And I was glad to see it go.

Marnie had never changed a messy diaper before, and to some degree she expected it was going to be a matter of the reality of something being somewhat of a damper on the fantasy of the thing. But she didn't really care right now; she'd change Kylie in a moment, she'd take good care of her. Right now, she wanted to reassure her.

"It's okay for Mommy to change you now, if you’d like. You did do good."

I nodded my head. I knew I did. The bottle was gone. How long had it been? At least a few minutes. Mommy got up and she helped me to my feet. The mess shift around and weighed down between my legs, causing the diaper to sag. The smell wasn't nice. Fear easily found its way inside me. I was too vulnerable. I grabbed for Mommy's hand and pulled her close.

"Shh, it's okay, it's okay. Let's get you changed."

Mommy led the way to my room. My bed. My glow in the dark stars and my stuffed elephant. If I had to make a room all stinky, I was glad it wasn't Mommy's room. But when she went to grab a diaper from the dresser, I pulled on her hand. She looked back at me curiously.

"Not yet..."

"Not yet? Do you wanna sit with Mommy then? Maybe on your bed, for just a few minutes?" Marnie wasn't sure what was on Kylie's mind, but maybe she was just trying to get used to all of this. She had crossed a threshold most adults never do; a one-way street that she'd charged into headlong.

I nodded. It felt so automatic. Like I was on auto-pilot. It reminded me of those times, with that boy. But totally different. Back then, I didn't want to pay attention. I wanted to make it all disappear. I ignored so much that I ignored my body too.

But this time, I wanted to remember everything. I wanted to remember the way Mommy's eyebrows would pull together in confusion. I wanted to remember the light in her eyes and the edges of her smile. I wanted to remember the heaviness in my diaper and the smell that followed me around. I wanted to remember her hands in my hair and that bottle between my lips. I wanted to remember how to trust someone. I didn't want it to feel like running; I wanted it to feel like staying.

So I took Mommy's hand and led her to my bed. I laid down beside her and draped my leg over her, just like I had after our afternoon nap. I pushed my face into her neck and my forehead against her cheek. I let that moment last forever. That stupid, humiliating, disgusting moment; a moment with someone I loved.

They didn’t share words, but Marnie inferred a lot about Kylie's intent, enough at last to follow along: to lay with her baby girl, to embrace her, to make it clear that she knew her sweetheart had messed her diaper, and that it was normal. A normal part of her life. A normal part of their relationship. A normal thing for a girl like her. A normal thing for her. A shared moment, photographed in memory, immortal forever and ever for just the two of them. This was love, one version of it.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes Mommy wasn't under me. I looked at the spot where she was, trying to process it. She left? She left...

Then a clamor on the other side of the room made my head turn. The late evening sun had cast the bedroom in shadows and I didn't see her at first. Mommy, with a fresh diaper in one hand and a stack of wipes in the other. She must have knocked something over. When she returned to the bed, I sounded astonished.

"You're still here..."

"And I'll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that - for as long as you'll have me, Kylie. I'm your Mommy, and I love you. I'll make my mistakes, I'll say the wrong things, I'll be foolish and selfish sometimes. But I'll always love you, and I'll always be here. I promise. I'm not going anywhere." Marnie held up the diaper with a little smile.

"Now let’s get you changed."

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[sparky_dude]

Really enjoying this adventure.

[diaperpt]

I've been worried that Marnie was asking too much of Kylie. This has been a very long day filled with experiences new to Kylie. You've set the tension well.

I really miss Ellie, though, and wonder how her presence in this picture will change the dynamic. More, I am interested in the dynamic between adult Ellie and adult Kylie.

[Little Lamb]

20 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

"Mommy loves you, sweetie."

Oh My fracking darn golly gosh, so much feels!!! Where do I find a Marnie for my life? 

20 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

"And I'll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that - for as long as you'll have me, Kylie. I'm your Mommy, and I love you. I'll make my mistakes, I'll say the wrong things, I'll be foolish and selfish sometimes. But I'll always love you, and I'll always be here. I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

No kidding, this one got me right in the heart. I wanna write just like you two when I grow up.

I'm really looking forward the next developments on their relationships, How's Ellie gonna react, How she'll interact with Marnie, solo and in trio. What's gonna be their big sides interactions now... So much stuff to happen

Waiting eagerly for the next chapters.

[Sophie ♥]

21 hours ago, sparky_dude said:

Really enjoying this adventure.

Good!  Thank you for the comment!

19 hours ago, diaperpt said:

I've been worried that Marnie was asking too much of Kylie. This has been a very long day filled with experiences new to Kylie. You've set the tension well.

Thanks!   We really wanted the day to feel full of suspense, because it's a very anxiety-provoking experience, surrendering control for the first time.

4 hours ago, Little Lamb said:

No kidding, this one got me right in the heart. I wanna write just like you two when I grow up.

You can do anything you set your mind to, Little Lamb!  

[YourFNF]

*jelly excited subby squealing noises*

 

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Sixty-Nine

"You spent another night with that Marnie girl?" Noland asked, leaning over the counter to look at his roommate. Ellie was playing on her laptop, looking a bit more intense than usual. It was strange how so much could change, and yet nothing really change at all. Even though Ellie was a girl, she still acted the same as before. Noland treated her the same too. Gender was bullshit anyway.

"Yeah," I nodded, a little distractedly.

"Marnie's a nice girl." That was definitely a distracted answer, but I also didn't know much else in the way of descriptors for her. I called her Mommy, but that kind of felt like it was more Kylie's thing; that left me feeling a bit like a tagalong. An inevitable sibling, maybe.

"So you stay at her house. Sometimes. With Kylie? And like, once without Kylie..." Noland was still wrapping his head around the whole thing. Honestly, he just wanted to show support and understanding was the first step.

"And you're all friends. And Kylie and her aren't dating, even though you thought they were. Is all that right?" Noland flipped a pancake with a spatula and turned down the heat on the skillet. Ellie was clicking through links on her computer.

"Right. I mean. Right. No, I..." I was definitely distracted. "I guess? I think they're probably going to wind up dating, or something? And I don't know if that means me and Kylie are going to continue kissing or not, and..." I puffed out my cheeks. "Why does this website look like something from 1999? I just wanna sign up..."

"Woah, wait, what?" The pancake slipped off Noland's spatula and it fell straight to the floor. He groaned and turned off the skillet, hurrying through the kitchen and into the dining room. "What do you mean kissing? You kissed? Like, you and Kylie? Or you and Marnie?"

"Uh, me and Kylie. Kissing Marnie would be weird. She's like my—" Mom? Hmm. Nope. "She's just, our dynamic, we don't kiss, and—" I puffed and pouted and took a deep, almost dramatic breath. "I'm using your phone number for this, because apparently websites want to know everything about me and my genetics."

"Uh... sure." Noland was still stuck on 'kissing Kylie'. He shook his head and sat down at the table, across from Ellie. Then he looked at the laptop between them, which was facing away. "What website are you talking about, anyway? Is it a porn thing?"

"A porn thing? What? No, don't be gross," I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head. "I was on Tumblr, looking for something because it's payday at midnight, and I wanted to get something cute. Not like just-cute, but real-cute. Super-cute. And I had this post I bookmarked and it linked me to this site ran by this woman who makes the kind of cute stuff I want, or... I guess I shouldn't assume gender, but this person. And they live like an hour away. So I want to message them and ask if I can pick up if I order, but the only way to contact them is through this other site, and this other site is heck on the deck to navigate."

Noland nodded along, but he had no idea what Ellie was talking about. Her fashion stuff always went over his head, and this wasn't any different. But Noland was determined to be supportive.

"So what are you buying? Can you show me?"

"Uh..." Sure. Sure, why not. "Okay. Yeah. You can see part of it." I flicked through the tabs open - and for me to have even five tabs open was rare - and I found him the original post I'd bookmarked.

"I want these ones, in maybe like pastel orange or something?" They were shoes; hand-made mary-janes to be precise about it: single buckle, and they were glossy like freshly painted fingernails. I loved them. There was a whole ensemble to go with them; a skirtall, and a cute tee, but I didn't let him see those. "Orange always feels summery to me."

"Orange shoes?" Noland tilted his head to the side, maybe trying to see whatever it was that Ellie saw. But he didn't get it. "Well, they are summery, sure. Is it okay to wear summery stuff in the fall?" Summer was just about over, after all.

"I think so. I'll get some cute woolen tights or something. Do you have any idea how nice it is that girls stuff just assumes layering, by the way? It's so nice, Nole, you don't even know. So much potential. I need to get a new wardrobe, I'm going to run out of space..." Notably, after sending my message to the seamstr— the clothes maker, I was feeling a bit calmer.

"Oh yeah. Are you keeping all your other stuff, or like... donating it?" Ellie's wardrobe had probably cost her thousands and thousands of dollars, and it had taken much of her young adulthood to cultivate. Replacing all of those clothes seemed daunting to Noland, and donating them wouldn't help. Hmm...

"Maybe we could sell them online. Like, open up an eBay shop or something. I could help out?"

"Sure, if you want. I don't know if there's a lot of call for people wanting the kind of clothing I buy, but it would be nice to make something back because girls’ clothes are somehow more expensive." I had an orderly category of receipts in my inbox that I kept of everything fashion-wise that I'd ever bought too, which would make listing stuff easier at least.

"So..." Noland leaned forward with his head on his hands, smiling up at Ellie. "About that 'kissing Kylie' thing. Wanna say a bit more about that?" Noland wasn't really a gossip, but this was news beyond news. This was a bigger deal than Ellie being a girl!

"We kissed, it was pretty nice. It was a while ago. We kissed again more recently, and she likes it, and I like it, but it doesn't mean anything. She doesn't kiss Marnie, just me." I looked at the notification popup from a reply to my message and hurried to open it.

> We are open until 5. Ask for Val at the desk and she can get you sorted out. Bring ID to verify purchases. Thanks again for your business.

"You've been best friends since middle school. Then you start living as a girl. Then you and Kylie kiss. And that doesn't mean anything?" Noland's math must have been off, because that didn't make any sense. Was he missing a puzzle piece?

"Well, I'm a girl now. She likes kissing girls. She doesn't like kissing boys, and that's fine because I'm not a boy anymore." Well, when I was naked I definitely felt more like one, but I tried to avoid that happening as best I could - another reason clothes were awesome!

"I guess that makes sense..." Noland paused and leaned backwards in his chair. Hm... "So she doesn't kiss Marnie. But she kisses you. Right? So obviously your gender isn't the only factor here. Maybe there's something there?" Noland had watched Ellie pine for Kylie for the better part of their friendship, and he never thought the two would get together. Now, things were changing. He wasn't going to let Ellie turn a blind eye to this one.

"I mean, I'm still into her; that hasn't changed or anything." I smirked, feeling a little bittersweet about it all. "But she's been a real soldier about this whole Ellie-Gender-Heck thing, and I feel like 'by the way, can we date now?' isn't the right move at the moment, you know?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Noland sighed in resignation. Maybe somewhere down the line, but Ellie was going through a lot. It wasn't the right time. "Is your shoe lady letting you pick up the package?"

"Uh, yeah, she is." Shoes. Tights. A skirtall. Two frilly tops. Hair accessories. The whole package, apart from underwear. She had such good taste in stitch work, and she sourced her fabrics, and it was wonderful! "I should get going."

"Uh huh, have fun." Ellie closed her laptop and left Noland alone to finish making breakfast.

----------------------

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[diaperpt]

I'm so happy this was an Ellie chapter! Noland is trying to understand but he's getting such tiny bits and pieces! Ellie is so focused - on this new outfit and I have so many questions! I don't think I want answers now but Is Marnie going to appreciate her getting her own outfits (my guess is no, getting outfits is Mommy's job). Is Ellie getting the outfit to please herself? Marnie? Little Kylie? Adult Kylie? Does Ellie differentiate Little vs Adult Kylie?(I don't think she does... but I think she wants an adult relationship but for now is only getting kisses in Little space... So much to sort out! And while Ellie's questions aren't quite the same as mine, I think she has a lot of questions herself right now!

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Seventy

This felt weird. Like, it was one thing to go out in public dressed like a girl. But now I was buying something I could probably never wear in public. Was it shameful? No. But neither was it at all practical. And the very act of buying this stuff was basically admitting to a total stranger that I was a diaper-wearing baby girl. Good job, Ellie. You took a perfectly good trip and you gave it anxiety.

The storefront was basic at best, with a small window and a block-letter sign. It looked like a lolita fashion store, though the website had more speciality products. It was the only place I could find nearby that sold something like this without having to wait six weeks for shipping.

Getting there was easy. Home to Kylie's Car to Parking Lot. But that walk from the parking lot across the street to the front of this store? My chest felt like I had a whole drummers’ section of a marching band in there, and my breaths felt shallow. Why was I so anxious about this?

Oh. Because I felt like without my clothes, I was still a boy. Because anyone who looked at me would see boy. Anybody who got close enough to hear me would hear boy. Gosh darn it. I looked over my shoulder, back toward the car. And then at the small block-litter sign and the door beneath. In or out. Forward or backward. I chose forward.

"Um... looking for Val..."

Ellie's voice was only a whisper, and the older woman behind the counter could hardly hear her speak. But she caught the name, and her face perked up in recognition.

"Well, you found her! Nice of you to come in and pick up your package. Honestly, shipping costs these days." She rolled her eyes and disappeared behind a wall. When she came back a moment later, she had a box in her arms. She set it down on the counter and pushed it toward Ellie. "You paid online, so you're good to go."

"Oh..." Well, that was easy, right? Of course it was easy, because none of this was hard, nor did it ever need to be hard, and everything I was afraid of was all in my own damn head. I knew that, logically. Just like I knew I wanted to ask about some other stuff when I got here, and I'd thought long and hard about it on the drive over. But here, now, in front of an actual human being? It suddenly felt insurmountable.

"Um..." Okay, that's a start, that's a word! Or.... part of one. "I was-" Voice, behave! "I saw you had um..." Cute adult diaper covers? Pacifiers? The stuff they only listed privately, and not on the main website; the same listing that we both knew I'd picked these out from.

Val tilted her head curiously. Was there something wrong with the package? The girl barely looked at it. Maybe she had a question about something.

"Yes? Anything else I can do for you?"

Now I was making her worry! Get it together, Ellie! Do that thing with the two cheek hand slap thing, but in your head, and stop annoying this poor seamstress! Deep breath. In. Out. In.

"I was wondering if you had a diaper cover that might match?" I felt like I was going to die, or maybe kill this poor lady with my awkwardness.

"Oh, sure." She didn't skip a beat. After all, this was part of her job. But then she said something a little strange. "Other than the one you ordered?"

"Oh, I..." Did I order that? Did I add it? I was distracted by Noland, I guess, but... "Oh, did I order one..? Shoot, gosh, I'm so dumb, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to waste your time."

The woman tilted her head curiously as Ellie took the box and hurried out of the store. That was odd.

*     *     *     *     *

Wow. I was just about to have a heart attack. My arm was numb, too! Right arm? Left arm? One of them! Although I was holding the box in a vice grip that was maybe cutting off my own bloodflow. Gosh darn it, Ellie, what is wrong with you?

I rested in the car, trying to catch my breath. The box sat beside me in the passenger's seat. Every time I glanced over at it, my mind would wander. What cover did I buy?

I wanted to open the box. But here, in the front seat? No no, too visible. Kylie had tinted rear windows though, so I tossed the box onto the back seat. Then I climbed over, awkwardly, to peel back the ribbon and take stock of my purchase. Why did this all feel so damn forbidden?

The first piece of clothing, I didn't recognize. A onesie with flower prints. The second one was a suspender skirt. And the final one was a flower-printed diaper cover. Actually, none of the clothes I ordered were in there. I rummaged through the box until I found the receipt. At the top was a name: Primrose Heathrow.

"Fricking fricketty frick onna stick..." She gave me the wrong package! She... I... this wasn't... I stuffed the lid back on the box and felt the panic tense up in my chest. I had to go back! I had to return to the scene of the crime. The police were going to come, and I was going to get arrested. I looked awful in stripes! Gosh. DARN IT.

I slinked out of the car and took a deep breath, scampering back over to the storefront. Please don't like Printemp Marshmallow or whatever their name was be there, please please please...

"Oh, hi again." Val smiled behind the counter, looking up from her phone. The store was empty, which wasn't surprising for a Sunday afternoon. They barely got any business today, so they closed early at 5. "Did you think of something else you needed?"

"Oh, um... you-gave-me-the-wrong-box," I gingerly set it down on the counter, and looked over my shoulder at the door, then back at Val. "This is for uh... Primruth... someone? I'm Ellie Ranze."

"Oh... oh! Oh my gosh! Oh, I'm so sorry! Oh my gosh, the card on file was Eliot, so I thought..." She paused mid-sentence, looking at Ellie with embarrassment. "S-sorry... sorry, lemme just..." She took the package and hurried into the back room.

I took a deep breath as she disappeared behind the red curtain, and then let it out slowly as I leaned myself over the counter and put my head down on my arm. This was exhausting. And it couldn't get any worse!

It got worse. The little bell above the door chimed and a young woman walked in wearing a nice floral dress. Her hair was pulled to the side in a pony tail, draping over her shoulder. She went straight to the counter and waited in line behind Ellie.

I stood up and turned slightly to face her, doing my best to smile, as I waved, and then nodded, before turning back around. Please let that be enough…

Val came out again and saw the new customer.

"Be right with you." She put a new box onto the counter and slid it toward Ellie with an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry about the mix-up. I know I should be checking IDs, but it always slips my mind. I added something extra, on me."

"Oh, I..." I wanted to thank her, truly.  I wanted to show all the gratitude in the world, but now, especially with someone else here? Gosh, I wanted to shrink down to pocket-size and disappear. "Thank you, um, thank you."

I clutched the box to my chest with both arms, and turned way too fast, bumping into the woman behind me.  She caught me by the elbows to keep me from falling over.

"Hey, careful now.  Don’t hurt yourself."

I apologized unintelligibly and stumbled out the door.

*     *     *     *     *

A few minutes later, the girl came outside with a familiar box: the same box Ellie had accidentally taken as her own. She walked across the parking lot, past Kylie's car, toward a mini coup at the back.

I was sitting in my car, staring at her through the side-view mirror. I should talk to her, I thought. Oh, yeah, would I say? ‘You have great taste in onesies’? But she seemed nice, and she was someone else who was into this stuff. Kylie and Marnie might want to know that, right? Right? So really, this wasn't even for me! It's for Kylie. Or Marnie! Or for rationalization.

I got out of the car and didn't even close the door, hurrying to catch up with the woman. Oh god, she was going to think I was stalking her or something! The woman had just made it to her car and fit the medium-sized box into her trunk. So I stopped and shouted just above a whisper.

"Um! Thank you. For in there..."

"Huh? Thanks for what? I didn't do anything." Her voice had an air of innocence to it, an intrinsic kindness. She didn't seem put off at all by Ellie's advance.

"Um. Being like... kind, when I ran into you in there? After the package mixup, and everything, you had a lot of reason to be annoyed, and you were really nice, so um... thank you."

"Mix up?" Val had said a few words about her pickup. Something about it being opened, and there was a miscommunication. She didn't really get it at the time, but now... realization dawned on her and her cheeks went red. "Oh! Um. Yeah. I... uh... it's... just for this... friend..." Great lie. Stellar. What about a costume party or something?

"Oh, no no no, it's okay! I got the same stuff... I mean not the same stuff cause if it was the same then I wouldn't have known about the mix-up, but like the same-same... same... you know, um... same?" I was such a mess..

"Oh..." The woman paused and nodded her head. She looked at Ellie up and down, like she was analyzing her or something, and then nodded again. "Well, um. This is awkward then, huh?" Maybe it would be less awkward if she introduced herself. "I'm Prim."

"I'm Ellie. I don't know how Val confused our names, they're not even near each other in the alphabet, or..." Try to make sense Ellie, please just try! "You have good taste in stuff, or your friend does, or whatever. I have a friend, too. Her name's Ky. But my stuff I got is for me."

"Yeah, uh. My stuff is for me, too. I was just covering." Prim paused a moment and bit her lip. "So you're... I mean. I haven't seen you before. I know most... people. Who buy that stuff. Around here."

"I'm um..." I thought about the minutiae, all the complications of getting to know someone, and the fact we were doing it in the parking lot. Ugh. "I live about a half hour away, so like um... close, but not close? I'm sorry about..." Deep breath. "My voice, I know it's bad, I'm working on it…"

"Oh." Prim nodded her head again. She had been a little side-tracked by the whole "random person walking up to her and talking about diaper covers in code" that she hadn't been paying enough attention to Ellie's voice. Or her clothes. Or her makeup. Or her hair. "No worries, presh. It's hard at first. You'll get there." For some reason, Prim seemed a lot less anxious all of a sudden. "Hey, do you want my number?"

"Um... sure, yeah, that would be great! I'm not being like... a creeper, right? I'm not really the ‘approach people randomly’ kind of…" Saying girl felt weird, I didn't know why. "Person. But yeah, texting would be nice."

"Texting sounds great." Prim reached into her purse and took out her phone. She added a new contact and passed the phone to her new friend. When she got it back, she opened up a new message. "Ellie, huh? Cute name." A few button presses later, and... "I sent you a text, so you should have my number."

"Oh! My phone is in the car... um..." I rubbed my hair, and smiled as cutely as I could manage. "I'll text you when I get home? And I won't take up any more of your time now, thanks for being um... cool, and junk."

"Yeah, it was nice to meet you." Prim returned to her car and Ellie to hers. Prim pulled out of the parking lot first and her mini coup disappeared into the traffic.

Well. I just did that. I took a few deep breaths, put the car in drive, and I went home. I didn't even check my box this time; I couldn't stand the anxiety of it being wrong again.

----------------------

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[YourFNF]

Eeeehh new playmate? ??

[diaperpt]

OK... who here has never felt like that before? ...all nervous, feeling like people are staring at you, ready to judge?

Anyone? Hands? Hmmm... Oh! You in back! You had your hand up? ...no? You were just stretching?

 

Yeah, but fun reading how Ellie felt! She was being very, very brave. And than double, triple brave +++ to approach this other person!! 

Can't wait to see how this will ultimately fit in with Mommy and Kylie!

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Seventy-One

There was a note on the fridge when I got back to the apartment:

Pasta bake in the fridge. Your fav noodles, low sugar. Put it in the oven for 35 minutes at 350. Eat what you can. Call if you need anything.

Noland was a sweet boy, he really was. I still poked my head into his room all the same, just to make sure he wasn't here. And then I locked the front door and draw the blinds. And only then did I open the box and start to take stock of what I purchased. I took a picture and sent it to the number that I'd gotten the message from. Prim, right? Prim. P. R. I. M. Contact added. Nailed it.

> Look! It's the right package this time.

> Oh shoot, cute skirt.
> The whole outfit is spot on. You've got good taste.
> Aww, I like the cover!

Sure enough, Val's extra gift was a plaid diaper cover, similar in color to the orange skirtall I had bought.

> Thanks. I like orange. I say it's because it's summerly, but actually it's because Fall is my favorite season but it sounds cliche to say so
> Did all your stuff fit ok? this is my first time getting anything like that.

> Haven't tried it on but I've ordered from them a dozen times I'm not worried
> So you're new to the whole ageplay thing?

> New, I guess, yeah. My friend, or crush, or whatever, she's into this stuff, and her and her Mommy invited me to play with them
> Despite appearances, I'm usually pretty chill and relaxed so I go along with everything
> Today had me so frazzled tho @_@

> Nah you were fine! You were cute.
> Pardon if I'm being an ass btw but you said something about your voice. Are you trans?

> I think so
> I mean I guess so
> I mean I'm new at it
> And I guess I did the whole coming out thing
> And I live as a girl now
> But I'm bad at it
> And my parents don't know

> Haha telling parents is like the last step anyway.
> Did you start hormones?

> I don't know what that means

> What
> Like estrogen and stuff?
> You're kidding right?

> I didn't know that was a thing actually
> I'm new at this >_<

> You're living as a girl and you don't even know what estrogen is
> You're fucking wild
> Okay lemme send you some links
> https://transcare.ucsf.edu/article/information-estrogen-hormone-therapy 

> This seems complicated
> And like I'd have to see a doctor
> I hate doctors
> You know the last time they took blood they ruined a shirt that cost me half a months pay?

> Well its your call hun
> But hormones help a lot with looking more girly around your face and stuff
> Plus boobs if you want those
> And I know a doctor who actually knows what he's doing if you need help

> Boobs sounds nice
> I like wearing a bra. I've done that like twice now. Feels fancy. Like a princess.
> How do you know all this stuff anyway?

> Wow you're super new huh?
> I'm trans too
> You learn a lot along the way

> Oh
> Wow
> Okay. If I can look as good as you do, sign me the heck up

> It's called hormones hun

> Ok that sounds fine. Is it dangerous?
> I'm not exactly the rebel leader type
> I'm more Marco Diaz than Star Butterfly
> Altho to be fair, Marco is a badass
> I'm not a badass

> The fact that you identify with Marco Diaz should have tipped you off ages ago XD
> It's not really dangerous but that page I sent you has a risks section you can check that out if you want

> Huh. Okay. I'm gonna try my skirtalls on.
> That's such an awkward name for a garment btw
> I'll send you a pic in a sec

> Looking forward to it ^_^

> image0.png
> I think I look cute.
> The diaper cover is kinda uncomfortable without a diaper though, but I don't own any of those
> I'll have to ask Marnie

>Marnie?
>Bastet?

> I don't know
> And given I've let her convince me to wet myself
> I probably should know

> Sounds like Marnie
> Is she your cg?

> Uh, idk what that means. She's my best friend’s Mommy, and I guess I call her that too, but only when I'm there, and then I guess it's also a role in a relationship that she's in, and she asked me if I wanted that with her, and idk
> My life is confusing enough as it is

> Wow ok
> Sorry just processing
> Cg is caregiver btw like mommy or daddy or whatever else

> Oh okay. Like a gender neutral term? That's pretty rad
> Why processing? Did I say something bad?

> No not at all
> Wait you don’t have diapers??
> Why did you buy a diaper cover??

> It looked cute!
> And I own like a thousand pairs of panties
> But this is my first skirtly thing I've owned
> So I figured be prepared?
> Altho technically
> She gave it to me for free

> Yeah Val is sweet like that
> Do you want like
> Some links to diaper sites??

>Like to buy them? I don't think there's any point, I really only do that stuff with Marnie and Ky and Marnie has a whole wall of diapers

>Ky?
>Your friend?
>Or maybe crush?

> Idk
> I had a crush on her for literally years
> She's only into girls tho
> And now I feel like if I tell her I still have feels for her
> She'll think I'm only a girl to get in her panties
> Or diapers
> Or whatever
> I'm not btw, my panties are way nicer than hers

> Wow your life is complicated
> I guess transitioning gets a bit that way

> You don’t say
> BTW how do you know Marnie?
> If your Marnie is my Marnie anyway

> I'm pretty sure it is
> We used to date

> Oh wow
> Small world!
> I think she's into Ky tbh

> Don't count on that XD

> What do you mean?

> She's ace
> And her romantic feelings are pretty tied up with maternal stuff
> Which makes her a great cg and a shit all girlfriend

> Oh
> Huh
> That makes sense
> But if you're into a maternal girlfriend, that's good right?
> Like I think Ky is idk

> No not really
> I mean sometimes its great because you wanna be taken care of and feel special and she's great at that
> But she handles big kid feels with bab stuff
> Like your econ professor fails you on a midterm because you forgot your works cited page and she just wants to put you in a diaper
> Like cant we just talk about stuff??
> What about candlelight dinners or weekend vacations??
> Maybe I just wanna drink wine in a hot tub instead of going to Disney you know??
> I mean she cares a lot and its great but idk
> If she wants to be a mom maybe like just have a real kid??
> Ugh
> Sorry >_<

> Huh. Yeah I guess that makes sense.
> I wondered what she got out of it, honestly
> Maybe its just a surrogate thing like that
> I'm sorry things didn't work out for you two, relationships ending is a drag
> Not that I'd know
> But Ky pretty much ran off when I told her I was a girl and the thought of even losing a friend was pretty hard

> It's fine
> I'm glad she found someone new
> Or two people or whatever??
> And if Ky cant like you for you then fuck her
> There are better girls

> Haha, if relationships were venn diagrams, one side would be 'girls who're cute and nerdy' and the other 'boys who became girls who don't eat food and waste all their money on clothes, while being too afraid to do anything'
> And when I say venn diagram I mean just two circles that aren't touching

> You'd be surprised
> Hey quick question

> Shoot

> Why do you doubt everything?

> What do you mean?

> I mean like
> Today you apologized for your voice cause you didn't think it sounded girly enough
> And you think Marnie and your crush are going to shack up even though you have no reason to think that
> Actually you have her ex here telling you it wont happen and you still don’t believe me
> You don't think you'll find anyone else like this Ky girl even though you've never tried
> Which I know because you said you never broke up with anyone which means you never dated anyone
> You wont buy diapers because you think its just this thing at Marnie’s place that you do but you could just like go buy some and find out
> And you say maybe and I guess every other text
> Its like you don’t even want to be sure of stuff

> Wow
> Idk
> I didn’t really think of myself that way
> Idk..
> I think if I just don’t commit to anything I can't be disappointed?
> Apathy is easier than sadness

> When did you figure out you were a girl??

> Not long ago
> I was with Marnie and she dressed me up
> And I saw myself in the mirror and totally freaked out and had like this weird anxiety episode
> And we played a few more times
> With me as Ky's baby sister
> And eventually Marnie was like "hey are you a girl?"
> And I was like "idk"
> And she was like "well maybe know"
> So I thought about it for a while
> And decided I am

> Ok so since then have you been sad at all?

> I mean
> I was sad when Ky freaked out about it?

> So yes you have been sad
> And since you figured out you were a girl do you think things have been better or worse or the same as before??

> Probably better
> Although selling all my boy clothes sounds like a nightmare

> So committing to being a girl made your life better even tho you were sad
> I guess you get to decide if you want things to be easier or things to be better

> You're pretty pushy for a girl in a flower onesie and suspender skirt

> You're pretty whiny for a girl who doesn’t have any diapers

> Touche
> You're fun to to talk to, Primrose.

> Thanks
> You're pretty cool too
> I can't wait to find out what you stand for

> Or crawl for
> Little bit of little girl humor there  
> Idk tho
> I've always just gone with the flow on stuff
> It feels weird to rock the boat
> Even tho I know it's kind of what I want
> Marnie and Ky are having this big date day thing
> I shouldn't be jealous, but I am
> I just don't know of what
> Anyway I look super cute right now so I'm gonna go take some photos and maybe take a long bath after
> And hey um
> I came and talked to you. That was a decisive move. I'm pretty proud of that

> Yeah...
> You did
> I'm proud of you too
> Send pix ^_~

> If you're a good girl
>
> Ttyl!

> I'm an angel! ?
> Ttyl

----------------------

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[diaperpt]

I just love this chapter! Great dialogue - of course! And it even gave me some things to think about.

I do wonder if this fun new friend and the fall-out will damage the K-M-E dynamic and if that lasts... or if this all will help Ellie and improve her relationship w Ky... or... just so many possibilities!

[Sophie ♥]

Fixed the hyperlink.  It was dragging the color hex code into the URL.  But I really wanted to make sure the link worked for people who might want it.

New chapter soon.

[YourFNF]

Woot! new friend ? Also I want this outfit!

[Little Lamb]

On 2/23/2021 at 6:53 PM, Sophie ♥ said:

You can do anything you set your mind to, Little Lamb!  

I'll certainly do my best!!! 
I'm in love with this emoji and will use it whenever I do or don't see fit... damned be the concequences 

I'm also in love with your story, and could probably whine and pout for any more chapters but momma taught me better, or so I tell myself until the cookies end. But enough of this gay banter... The progression of Ellie's new chapters is wonderful and cute and wholesome, therefore I love it even more. And giving us just little bits of Marnie's past is so very enticing! I wanna know why and how they broke up, Was the fancy dress from a few chapters ago meant for Prim? Or was it for another lucky cutie? Is Marnie a plain wholesome realist CG or is there a 4th dimension to her character which will only be revealed at some critical and terribly emotional point from now? We still have ~30% of story left and I don't know if I want to get to the end of it or for it to go on and on as a paramount example of wholesome abdl gayness....

Point being, I want MOAR!!!!

Please?

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter Seventy-Two

I regretted that the outfit I bought was literally only meant for wearing during the day and that I could only wear it at night. But I hung it up on a silk padded hanger and displayed it on the back of my bedroom door as a small concession to myself.

The next day, I woke up to the sounds and smells of Noland in the kitchen, and I pulled my satin robe on over my pajamas and peered out from my bedroom. What do you call the kind of conflict where you both want and don't want someone to ask about something? Hmm..

"Hey El," Noland said, rolling sausage links across the pan. Ellie paused outside the bathroom door, but it was closed. "Stupid question, but I don't suppose you want some breakfast?"

"Uh..." I thought for a second, second guessing my own instinctive refusal, and then nodded very slowly. "Something with just egg-whites, maybe some turkey sausage? Not much, please, like you're cooking for a three year old." Wow. I was really proud of myself!

"Coming right up!" Noland went to the fridge to grab a few more eggs and went back the stove. Ellie pointed to the closed bathroom door and Noland followed her line of thought. "Jen's here. She's probably going to shower or something."

"We really need a place with two bathrooms when we finish the lease," I pouted, glumly, and laid myself awkwardly like a cat along the top of the sofa cushions. "Hey do you know any doctors?"

"Know any?" Noland asked, tilting his head. "I wouldn't get a beer with her, but I have a primary care doctor. And I have a physical therapy contact for my knee. No one that could help with hormones though."

"With what?" I mumbled, in the least believable display of faux-naivety I could muster. Had he gone through my phone? Or was I just like the most ignorant person in the whole dang world?

"Well, you've never asked about a doctor before," Noland explained. "Even when you had that 103 degree fever. And now you want one, a week after coming out. So I put two and two together. Jen might know someone - she volunteers at the university's Queer Center."

"Is this just a thing people do? Have I just had my head in the sand, or? First Prim, now you. Does everybody know more about me than I know about me?" I sat up on the back of the sofa from my laying position during that talk, and then lost my balance and tumbled back onto the seat cushions.

"I mean, sure. It's pretty common stuff these days. I think everyone in the country is probably just one or two degrees removed from a trans person." Noland cracked two eggs into a fresh pan, careful to keep the yolks in the shells. "Who is Prim?"

"Girl I met on a super secret shopping mission last night. She's pretty nice. She used to date Marnie I guess, and it's surreal that everyone just knows everyone, but I guess the world is a small place." I changed the subject back though, before I forgot. "So you think I should go get some hormones today?"

"You just happened to bump into a girl that used to date... the girl that you think is dating the girl you want to date." Noland tried to wrap his head around that one. "Yeah, that's awfully coincidental. Anyway, maybe see a doctor and see how it goes?"

"Do I need to know like a brand name, or something? Are there better hormones than others? I don't wanna end up with the hormone equivalent of Walmart panties or something." Was that a thing? I hated doctors…

"Hm... this is a bit outside my knowledge base." Noland got a plate ready and took a bite of one of the sausages. "This sounds like a question a doctor could answer."

"Right, but! But. If I know what to ask for first, then I can spend less time at the doctors. You know how it always goes. Oh, El, you gotta eat more. You're way underweight, blah blah blah. Hey look, doctor, I'm gonna be eating breakfast today. Who does that, huh? Yeah that's right, normal people."

"I don't know." Noland plated up the eggs and turkey sausage - an extra sausage link just in case - and walked around to the living room and handed Ellie the plate. "I can go with you, if you want. Or get Kylie to go?"

"Oh, maybe. But if I want her to come I have to have it seem like it’s her idea or she'll be big pouts about it." I looked at the food, at the white omelet with a tiny amount of ketchup the way that Noland knew I liked. Without hesitating, I took a little bite with a thoughtful look on my face.

"I dunno, El. She seems pretty invested in this whole 'Ellie is a girl' thing. If you needed her to come to the doctor to get you hormones, I don't think she would pout at all." But what did Noland know? Kylie was Ellie's best friend, not his.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just stop lollygagging about it and just talk to her, huh?" I ate a bite of egg with ketchup, and then a bite of sausage. "You know if I took that advice earlier in my life, I'd probably be happier."

"You're on the path to happiness, El. That's something to be proud of."

After Jen's shower, she made a few calls. She found a doctor that wouldn't bounce Ellie to a specialist, then gave her the number. The rest was up to Ellie.

*     *     *     *     *

"Did you bring my car back?" I asked, before Ellie got two feet into my house.

"No way, I sold it to a Canadian Drug Cartel so I could get magic pills that make me get boobs. But then it turned out that they were just sugar pills and you know I go into like a sugar rush coma because I rarely have sugar. So it was a whole thing and of course I brought you car back, you ditz." I rolled my eyes with a smirk. And then did a quick double-take, because I wasn't sure I was seeing what I was seeing.

"Oh my gosh, your hair looks amazing! Kylie, what the actual heck, you look fricking beautiful. Extra beautiful!"

"Shut up," I muttered, patting my hair. To be honest, I'd forgotten all about it. Though every time I passed a mirror, I did a double take. It was weird, knowing what you're supposed to look like and not looking that way at all. I wondered if that was how Ellie felt her whole life.

"It looks like you're in a good mood." I was just finishing something up on my laptop. Then I closed the lid and leaned back on the sofa. The memories of the day before were fresh in my head, but I wasn't that ashamed. If anything, I felt... lighter.

"I'm in an okay mood, I had a really good day yesterday. Well, day and night. It was nice! What did you get up to?" I flopped back on the sofa next to her, no elegance accounted for with my skirt.

"Little day with Marnie," I said with a small smile. I hoped I wasn't blushing. "It was like... intense stuff. But also talking about some of my problems and feelings. Which sounds bad, but it wasn't bad." Nothing with Marnie was ever really that bad. Why did it take me so long to learn that?

“Problems? You gotta tell me, because I got some stories to tell you too!" I looked at my painted nails and frowned that one of them had chipped. Well, I'd have to do those all over again.

"Uh." I paused for a moment, thinking to myself. Any time I thought about this kind of thing, I felt nauseous. Anxious. Broken. But if Marnie could stay, then... "I'd rather not bring down your mood."

"Bring down my mood? Oh come on, I'm unflappable. You wan to hear about the illicit baby clothing store I went to last night, right? And that I received someone else's package? Pony up with your story, Kylie~"

"Wait, what?" Okay, suddenly my story was a lot less interesting, and it wasn't just the 'not wanting to talk about it' either! "Baby clothing store? Someone else's package? Did you get a package?"

"Tut tut tut, I asked first. So you gotta tell me your story, or you're not hearing mine. Now c'mon, give me all those problems, I'm," I shuffled forward to the edge of the sofa, "on the edge of my seat!"

"Jeeze, you're bubbly today." I sighed and pulled my knees up onto the sofa, so I could sit with my legs crossed. Maybe I shouldn't have brought this up. I bet I could still say no and she would listen. But I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to understand...

"So, uh. You remember Tessa Dresdon, from middle school?"

"Uh, yeah, name's familiar - was she the way that accidentally waxed her entire eyebrow off once, and she looked perpetually surprised for like three weeks?"

"No, that's Patty. Tessa was the blonde girl she hung out with in high school." Already, I was feeling uncomfortable. I sunk into the sofa a little bit and pulled a pillow over my lap. "So this was maybe a year before you moved to Palm Hill, and I didn't really have any friends. Tessa wasn't my friend, but our moms knew each other or something, so I got an invite to her twelfth birthday party."

"Okay…" I settled back into the sofa.

I hated the past. I was a shitty, useless trash child. But now, I had my own place. I had new clothes. Okay, maybe not new, but they didn't have holes in them. I played with real dolls at Marnie's place, not the kind your mom had when she was a kid. I even had a house for them. Why did we have to talk about this? Why did I bring this up? The quiet was dragging on. I had to say something. Do something. Why was my chest hurting so much? This was so stupid! Why was I acting stupid?

I put my arm around her shoulder, and gestured to pull her head to rest on mine. I didn't know that she'd allowed the vulnerability, but it felt like the right thing to do. "Take your time finding the words, it's alright."

I pushed my face into Ellie's shoulder. It reminded me of Marnie. It reminded me of the past two days, with her and Ellie. I never thought I'd be here. I never though I'd live through middle school. It's not normal to want to die at twelve years old. Then Ellie came along... I nodded my head and sat back up, forcing a smile. I was close to crying. Or I was close to a panic attack. I couldn't tell which.

"Sorry..."

"You don't have to apologize, Kylie. This sounds like it's gonna be a hard story for you to tell - well, guess what? I'm your devoted audience, and you can take all the time you need."

I faked a smile and nodded my head. This was so stupid. It happened 10 years ago! I could do this. So I took a deep breath and looked confidently at Ellie. Fuck, she was cute in her makeup. And she hadn't slipped up on her voice even once since she got here. I was sort of proud.

"Tessa's party sucked, because no one wanted me there, right? I didn't even want to be there. But my Mom made me go. So Tessa's brother finds me sitting alone and starts talking to me. And he was really nice, so like... that was cool."

"Uhhuh, go on." So this story was heading down a path I already didn't like. Socially isolated girl, brother finds her, toxic atmosphere at a party and I knew full well how cruel kids could be. But right now, it was best just to listen.

"He said a lot of shit that probably wasn't true. But I bought into it. About how cute I was and sweet and how much he liked my hair and whatever..." I shrugged my shoulders and looked away from Ellie. It was easier just to stare out the window. "And he was in high school. Maybe I was star-struck or something. High schoolers always seem so cool at that age, you know?"

"Uhhuh," I definitely didn't like where this was going, but my own indignation wasn't going to help her. "So then what happened?"

"Well, we didn't go to the same school, but we wanted to spend time together. So I just had him come to my place. My mom was always working or getting high with Gloria, so she was never home. And I guess we were dating or something at this point? He called me his girlfriend, anyway." Ugh, this was exhausting to talk about...

"So this high-school boy was coming over, calling you his girlfriend, Tessa's brother, right?" Just so we were on the same page, when I had to hit this boy with a car.

"Yeah..." I sighed and pulled my knees tighter to my chest. "It was all consensual shit, so like... I just wanted him to like me, you know? I know it was wrong, because I was eleven. I know he shouldn't have. But can I just skip this part?" I didn't want to get into all the things I let him do to me.

"Sure…" I was so deeply concerned.

"Long story short, he stopped coming around. When I finally confronted him about it, he said he never really liked me. I found out a little later that he had a new girlfriend his own age, and I was back to being alone." I sunk a little further into the sofa.

"Then I told my mom. She didn't believe me, of course. She said if anyone heard me lying like that, I would get thrown in jail. And even if I was telling the truth, it was my fault because I let him do it. So I never told anyone else. Until Marnie. And until you."

"Well your Mom's an idiot, and I hope that boy steps on a lot of Legos in his life. And more than both of those, I'm sorry you had to go through that, Kylie. That really stinks." I pulled her in closer, tighter, firmer.

"Yeah..." I closed my eyes and put my head on Ellie's shoulder. It was over now, but sometimes it still got to me. I was so afraid that if Ellie or Marnie found someone else, they would leave me behind. Or that if I spoke up about my feelings, I'd get in trouble. I knew it was all bullshit. I knew, with absolute certainty! But I couldn't stop the feelings. And at least, for now, I had them both.

"Well, I've laid in bed next to you and wet my pants, so I'm pretty sure that means you're stuck with me, huh?" I kissed the part of her hair, softly.

I rolled my eyes and sat up again, throwing the pillow at her that I had on my lap. At least she knew how to distract me from my thoughts.

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