help and advise

[nappy-conundrum]

Hi All

I know this has most likely been asked before but I'm hoping I could please ask for some advise on talking to my wife about this side of me, I just don't want to hurt or upset her, she is the love of my life and I would and have tried to give it up but it hasn't worked, sorry if this is long.

I spoke to her about 12 years ago before we got married as I thought it was unfair to her to not tell her before we got married.

However it was already a number of years after we had been together as I never knew how to hell her (again because I didn't want hurt upset her especially as I didn't know how to handle it myself). Unfortunately that meant to try and calm my nerves I was drunk (yes I know stupid) and I only told her as she knew something was wrong as my heart was racing, shockingly it didn't go well, I broke her heart and mine as I had felt I had failed her and it destroyed her trust me me as I hadn't told her before.

We kind of came to an agreement not that she was very keen but I could wear if she was out or if I was stressed I could wear under clothes as long as I keep it hidden, I did wear when she was out on a number times mostly when she was at work when i had the odd day off during the week but every time I did I always felt like I was being unfair to her although this couldn't stop me and I could never bring myself to wear with her around no mater how stressed I was as I didn't think I could do that to her.

After a while I kind of agreed that I would chuck out my adult nappies and I left this page to try and cut the desire although I never chucked out the nappies I just put them away and still wore them when she was out at work, everything I tried to stop it wouldn't work.

This now leads me to the current covid pandemic and I'm back here, she is working from hope which means I haven't worn in well over 12 months and I'm struggling to handle it on its own without all the other stresses at the moment so I just don't know what to do.

I think I need to talk to her but I'm scared of breaking her heart again and she means so much to me and more than this quirk can ever do but I just can't handle it, this time I won't make the stupid mistake i made last time however much I'm scared.

Thank you for any help and advise.

[dyperbole]

The first thing I'd advise is that you should accept yourself.  You are an ABDL.  Nothing wrong with that. It's not illegal, and there are literally thousands and thousands of people just like you around the world.  Guilt is a useless emotion here.  Is it weird?  Sure, but there are a lot of weird things in this world.  Embrace your weirdness.

As for wearing while your partner is home, that's going to take some negotiating at this point.  You can point out to her your past agreement was fine when there were often occasions where she would be out of the house, but for the pandemic she's been home which means you haven't been able to partake in your activities.  Ask her for a small compromise where you can wear your diapers in a portion of the house where she won't come that often, and for your part you will ensure that the diapers are completely covered up. 

And then when you are wearing diapers, enjoy them.  Don't feel guilty about it.  Then when you are done, go back to being the adult that you are -- completely clean up, throw away any diaper(s) you use, and join your wife for your regular lives together.   

[Forced2wet]

Hi,

Sorry to hear of your problem, I think it’s something that many of us go through.

I myself was in the same position as you, I hated not being honest with my wife who like you, was my one and only,  and I asked for online advice from other people.

I eventually had the conversation with my because certain circumstances meant that I had to. I was honest about this thing and it’s history and as hard as I had tried it unfortunately wasn’t going away.

Once I told her the information she took time to process it and eventually because of the young children in the house she asked me to restrict my wearing to the privacy of our bedroom.

I think that she could see that the occasional wearing of a nappy actually helped me as a person and my mental health and as a result the relationship really improved. Originally she didn’t want to get involved but soon actually began to enjoy the intimacy and closeness we had when she gave it a go joining in as a caretaker.
It also gave me the opportunity to ask my wife if there was anything she secretly  desired so that I might be able to join in with.

I’m sure she loves you as much as you love her and I hope she will see that allowing you to wear is no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

If it helps and your wife needs to ‘talk’ to someone who’s been in the same position please get her to PM  and I will give her my OHs DD account so she can speak to her and ask any questions she may have.

Good luck 

[nappy-conundrum]

On 10/14/2020 at 1:34 AM, dyperbole said:

The first thing I'd advise is that you should accept yourself.  You are an ABDL.  Nothing wrong with that. It's not illegal, and there are literally thousands and thousands of people just like you around the world.  Guilt is a useless emotion here.  Is it weird?  Sure, but there are a lot of weird things in this world.  Embrace your weirdness.

As for wearing while your partner is home, that's going to take some negotiating at this point.  You can point out to her your past agreement was fine when there were often occasions where she would be out of the house, but for the pandemic she's been home which means you haven't been able to partake in your activities.  Ask her for a small compromise where you can wear your diapers in a portion of the house where she won't come that often, and for your part you will ensure that the diapers are completely covered up. 

And then when you are wearing diapers, enjoy them.  Don't feel guilty about it.  Then when you are done, go back to being the adult that you are -- completely clean up, throw away any diaper(s) you use, and join your wife for your regular lives together.   

Thank you dyeable

I have slowly to accept this side of me but it has been a difficult process, yeah agreed its a weird quirk but as you say there are a lot stranger things out there.

I'm hoping to have a chat soon, I just hope it goes well and she can understand.

[nappy-conundrum]

On 10/14/2020 at 6:42 PM, Forced2wet said:

Hi,

Sorry to hear of your problem, I think it’s something that many of us go through.

I myself was in the same position as you, I hated not being honest with my wife who like you, was my one and only,  and I asked for online advice from other people.

I eventually had the conversation with my because certain circumstances meant that I had to. I was honest about this thing and it’s history and as hard as I had tried it unfortunately wasn’t going away.

Once I told her the information she took time to process it and eventually because of the young children in the house she asked me to restrict my wearing to the privacy of our bedroom.

I think that she could see that the occasional wearing of a nappy actually helped me as a person and my mental health and as a result the relationship really improved. Originally she didn’t want to get involved but soon actually began to enjoy the intimacy and closeness we had when she gave it a go joining in as a caretaker.
It also gave me the opportunity to ask my wife if there was anything she secretly  desired so that I might be able to join in with.

I’m sure she loves you as much as you love her and I hope she will see that allowing you to wear is no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

If it helps and your wife needs to ‘talk’ to someone who’s been in the same position please get her to PM  and I will give her my OHs DD account so she can speak to her and ask any questions she may have.

Good luck 

Thank you forced2wet

Its never easy but knowing others have been through it and can offer advise.

I think that is the key, have as much information to had as possible to answer any questions their might be and try to explain things as best as possible, I also totally get how privacy is important.

I agree its important to work together and accept each others wants and needs, I've always said I will try anything once.

Thank you very much for the offer speaking to your other half as I do think that night help for her to talk to someone else that has been through a similar scenario.

[Forced2wet]

On 10/16/2020 at 11:50 PM, nappy-conundrum said:

Thank you forced2wet

Its never easy but knowing others have been through it and can offer advise.

I think that is the key, have as much information to had as possible to answer any questions their might be and try to explain things as best as possible, I also totally get how privacy is important.

I agree its important to work together and accept each others wants and needs, I've always said I will try anything once.

Thank you very much for the offer speaking to your other half as I do think that night help for her to talk to someone else that has been through a similar scenario.

No worries. I’m sure there are many wise heads here who have been through the same thing who will also be able to give you some good advice.

Good luck

[Cute_Kitten]

You could try having some practice conversations before jumping into talking to your wife.  It could help to have clear goals in mind- what would you like? (Being allowed to wear discretely/ only when you're alone/ wear in the house underclothes when she's around, etc) Maybe explain to her what diapers mean to you/ how they help you. Sometimes explaining that to a vanilla/ normie can help them understand even if they don't fully get it.  It's also important to respect her wants and wishes, too. Talk openly, with care and respect, and listen to each other's side/ point of view until a compromise or solution can be reached.  If you are really nervous/ emotional/ afraid this won't go well at all, it might be helpful to consider going to a therapist who can serve as a third party neutral mediator and help keep emotions in check. Wishing you the best. 

[Sarah_Hillcrest]

On 10/13/2020 at 4:59 PM, nappy-conundrum said:

Hi All

I know this has most likely been asked before but I'm hoping I could please ask for some advise on talking to my wife about this side of me, I just don't want to hurt or upset her, she is the love of my life and I would and have tried to give it up but it hasn't worked, sorry if this is long.

I spoke to her about 12 years ago before we got married as I thought it was unfair to her to not tell her before we got married.

However it was already a number of years after we had been together as I never knew how to hell her (again because I didn't want hurt upset her especially as I didn't know how to handle it myself). Unfortunately that meant to try and calm my nerves I was drunk (yes I know stupid) and I only told her as she knew something was wrong as my heart was racing, shockingly it didn't go well, I broke her heart and mine as I had felt I had failed her and it destroyed her trust me me as I hadn't told her before.

We kind of came to an agreement not that she was very keen but I could wear if she was out or if I was stressed I could wear under clothes as long as I keep it hidden, I did wear when she was out on a number times mostly when she was at work when i had the odd day off during the week but every time I did I always felt like I was being unfair to her although this couldn't stop me and I could never bring myself to wear with her around no mater how stressed I was as I didn't think I could do that to her.

After a while I kind of agreed that I would chuck out my adult nappies and I left this page to try and cut the desire although I never chucked out the nappies I just put them away and still wore them when she was out at work, everything I tried to stop it wouldn't work.

This now leads me to the current covid pandemic and I'm back here, she is working from hope which means I haven't worn in well over 12 months and I'm struggling to handle it on its own without all the other stresses at the moment so I just don't know what to do.

I think I need to talk to her but I'm scared of breaking her heart again and she means so much to me and more than this quirk can ever do but I just can't handle it, this time I won't make the stupid mistake i made last time however much I'm scared.

Thank you for any help and advise.

Even before Covid I started experimenting with wearing around my wife after nearly 20 years of NEVER wearing around my wife.  She didn't notice for weeks.  When she finally caught me she got upset, but instead of reacting as I had in the past I showed no shame.  Essentially I called her bluff, I said, "You realize I've been wearing for weeks and this is the first time you've noticed, how can it be that big of a deal."  Still she was mad, and I just told her I was sorry that she was mad.  

When covid started I spent months at home and just decided to wear full time.  She was watching for it more carefully and noticed, but often ignored it.  One day when she told me it was aggravating her I said, "Let me tell you what it's like to grow up a freak, let me tell what it's like to grow up thinking you are insane.  Let me tell you what it's like to be 7 years old and completely obsessed with diapers and having no understanding of why or where it came from.   Let me tall you what it's like to want something so bad, that is so harmless, and yet knowing that the people I love will think I'm a freak."  And I told her, for 30 minutes I spoke plainly and openly about wanting diapers.  I told her about purging, trying so hard to quit, about years without diapers.  I told her about dreams that I can't control, and by the end I was crying.  I've only cried once in front of her.  

Essentially I had to make her understand that being ABDL is part of me, it's not like smoking, or a hobby I can quit.  IT lead to a change in our relationship, she didn't suddenly become a supportive partner in my ABDL identity, but she understood that it was a part of who I was and that if she loved me then she had to at least tolerate me wearing diapers sometime.

At the same time I have to understand her issues,  I have to make sure it's hidden, and that she can't accept or treat me as a baby.  She also prefers not to see in me in diapers, but has accidentally seen it several times now.  As long as I'm not purposely trying to expose it she doesn't mind.  She even decided to try babysitting me a few times just to try that out.  

Long story short, be honest, be vulnerable, be assertive, be yourself.  

[nappy-conundrum]

On 10/19/2020 at 9:40 PM, Cute_Kitten said:

You could try having some practice conversations before jumping into talking to your wife.  It could help to have clear goals in mind- what would you like? (Being allowed to wear discretely/ only when you're alone/ wear in the house underclothes when she's around, etc) Maybe explain to her what diapers mean to you/ how they help you. Sometimes explaining that to a vanilla/ normie can help them understand even if they don't fully get it.  It's also important to respect her wants and wishes, too. Talk openly, with care and respect, and listen to each other's side/ point of view until a compromise or solution can be reached.  If you are really nervous/ emotional/ afraid this won't go well at all, it might be helpful to consider going to a therapist who can serve as a third party neutral mediator and help keep emotions in check. Wishing you the best. 

Thank you Cute Kitten

I've been having a few practice conversations with myself and I've been try to think of every question that might come up but also I know there will be some that I cant think off but I hope I can explain myself sensibly.

I totally agree on respecting her wants and wishes are, she means so much to me and more to me than my abdl side which is why I've tried to give up before but never been able too.

I get what your saying about a therapist and I'm not sure about that I think it's best to talk it out ourselves, I have however considered talking to a therapist about this side of me but never been too sure of how it would go.

[nappy-conundrum]

On 10/24/2020 at 12:34 AM, Sarah_Hillcrest said:

Even before Covid I started experimenting with wearing around my wife after nearly 20 years of NEVER wearing around my wife.  She didn't notice for weeks.  When she finally caught me she got upset, but instead of reacting as I had in the past I showed no shame.  Essentially I called her bluff, I said, "You realize I've been wearing for weeks and this is the first time you've noticed, how can it be that big of a deal."  Still she was mad, and I just told her I was sorry that she was mad.  

When covid started I spent months at home and just decided to wear full time.  She was watching for it more carefully and noticed, but often ignored it.  One day when she told me it was aggravating her I said, "Let me tell you what it's like to grow up a freak, let me tell what it's like to grow up thinking you are insane.  Let me tell you what it's like to be 7 years old and completely obsessed with diapers and having no understanding of why or where it came from.   Let me tall you what it's like to want something so bad, that is so harmless, and yet knowing that the people I love will think I'm a freak."  And I told her, for 30 minutes I spoke plainly and openly about wanting diapers.  I told her about purging, trying so hard to quit, about years without diapers.  I told her about dreams that I can't control, and by the end I was crying.  I've only cried once in front of her.  

Essentially I had to make her understand that being ABDL is part of me, it's not like smoking, or a hobby I can quit.  IT lead to a change in our relationship, she didn't suddenly become a supportive partner in my ABDL identity, but she understood that it was a part of who I was and that if she loved me then she had to at least tolerate me wearing diapers sometime.

At the same time I have to understand her issues,  I have to make sure it's hidden, and that she can't accept or treat me as a baby.  She also prefers not to see in me in diapers, but has accidentally seen it several times now.  As long as I'm not purposely trying to expose it she doesn't mind.  She even decided to try babysitting me a few times just to try that out.  

Long story short, be honest, be vulnerable, be assertive, be yourself.  

Thank you Sarah Hillcrest

Wow that cant have been easy and I totally agree with what your saying, I think most of us here have same thoughts thinking that why us and why do do we have this side but as you say its doesnt appear that any of us can quit no matter how much we try.

For obvious reasons like you said its really not easy for other people to understand this part of us but like you said it doesn't harm people and it could be drugs or other things.

I totally agree with accepting her thoughts and understand her issues with it as its why I've tried as best I can to find a solution but never have, I just want to be able to explain things and go from there.

Sounds like you've had a good outcome in the end and although it was tough it was worth it.

Its been really great to read this and so helpful.