My journey to 24x7

[Sarah_Hillcrest]

Hey SparkezBear, interesting thread.  I was in the same place a few months ago trying to figure out how I could go full time including work.   When my normal work was disrupted by COVID I wore to a few work meetings, but never did a change at work.  Now I don't even want to wear at home most of the time.

I met a ABDL friend a month ago and he explained how he did 24x7 even when he worked before he started working from home.  He used pull ups and just tried to make it the bathroom as much as possible but always either intentionally or accidentally wet them.

For most of my "full time" diaper wearing I was using Molicare Ultra Plus that were really thin and silent, though I would have been much happier wearing a plastic backed and thicker diaper, the molicares were acceptable to my wife.  I was always worried about the cost, waste and the inconvenience of changing so I tried to make them last longer by using the toilet most of the time.  Eventually I got so used to them that I would forget I was wearing them and be surprised when I pulled down my pants and saw them.  

Good luck on the bedwetting, it seems impossible for most.  

[sparklezBear]

5 hours ago, Sarah_Hillcrest said:

Good luck on the bedwetting, it seems impossible for most.

Thanks ?. Quite a while ago I had a little success in bedwetting. While I was scared off at the time, it will be a much more welcomed occurrence this time. 

Something else that I haven't really discussed,  I am my best version when I'm wearing a nappy. All of my life I have struggled with social anxiety. Social situations with people I don't know, or even just talking to people in a group situation can send me spiraling. It's been crippling as I can start to stutter, I turn red, and it's unpleasant for me and the person or people I'm talking to. In my line of work where I'm talking to strangers frequently, it's a real problem. Pre covid-19, I'd built up some determination to get help, but since then, I've found it impossible to get in for appointments; "sorry, we're not accepting new clients right now". While the desire to wear and use nappies had been tugging at me for a couple of years on the latest bout, it wasn't until about two months ago that I started wearing again. Since then, aside from some minor worries in working out how to wear as much as possible, I've been better managing my social anxiety. I've felt less anxious prior to conversations, and there's been a marked improvement during conversations with less hiccups to communication. While the specific reasons why are a little hazey, nappies make me feel safe, calm and protected. Also, nappies are helping me more than anything else I've tried in living memory. I do not want to give this up. I also suspect that this could improve further if I can achieve 24x7 wearing.

[oznl]

On 7/19/2020 at 12:16 PM, sparklezBear said:

Over this last week, I've started to feel a little down with respect to my initial 24/7 plans. It's seeming further and further away.

Sadly, my urge incontinence has all but vanished except for the single near-miss last week. Similarly, there's been no sign of stress incontinence when not wearing a nappy. I was really hoping that these problems were going to worsen with the introduction of regular nappy use, and it initially appeared they might with increasing urges to pee when not wearing. I aimed to exploit this, using the sought after accidents as a form of medical-esque rationale to wear nappies while working, something that could be professionally acceptable.

The delusion of rapid change early on was certainly something I experienced and comparing notes, it seems so did many others.  It’s like we’re so awe-struck at the magnitude of the doorway we have stepped through then only to realise that we’ve entered not so much another room but a very long corridor that may or may not lead to another room.

I’m too sure about being able to induce reduced daytime continence with episodic wearing though.  My hunch is that it takes a LONG time of habitual practiced incontinence before your body starts to truly get with the program and establish new learned behaviours sufficiently autonomic so as to let things rust up.

If that's what you really want, my experience is that you might have to fake it until you make it.  I still only "make it" kind of a bit during the day but I don't mind.

11 hours ago, Sarah_Hillcrest said:

 Good luck on the bedwetting, it seems impossible for most.  

I’m about a 40% bedwetter now but I honestly suspect that my experience is not what you might think it is.

I often read about people sculling a litre of water before waddling off to bed and hoping for “dam busters” to play sometime under the covers before dawn.  Almost invariably they will either fail to get to sleep because they need to pee or be awoken by a monumentally full bladder some hours later.  It would certainly never work for me.

What happened with me was that I went to bed every night (usually a bit wet before I got under the covers) and made a point of emptying whatever was in my bladder into my nappy every time I stirred into wakefulness.  I was never one of those people who could just stay out cold for 8 hours. 

After I got used to things, very slowly, over the course of more than 6 months, the amount of wakefulness I needed to achieve before voiding this way just got less and less.  I started to fall back asleep peeing.  Eventually I started to realise that I could sometimes no longer correlate how wet my nappy in the morning with my recollections of using it.  These kind of nights became more common but seem to have plateaued around 2 – 3 times per week, sometimes more if I am drinking.

 

It was a very slow, gradual thing that only really became obvious after it had become a pattern.

At NO time did I ever try to sleep through the need to pee.  I just let go as quietly and with as little disturbance as I could before drifting back to sleep until eventually, I forgot to wake up.

[sparklezBear]

An update following a really lovely week.

I've had the whole week off work. This has been great, allowing me a week of 24/7 wearing except for about 12 hours. I've still a couple of more days to look forward to as well. Although my poor garbage bin may not very happy. Last time it was almost half full of nappies, and I was going through less of them than I am this week.

For a short stint of 24/7, this last week being padded has been truly wonderful. I've been trying out a number of different nappies to see what might be practical down the line at work. I'm reasonably impressed with Nateen nappies, and the Abena M3s have been pretty good too for discreet wear, at least while dry. Although when wet, the Abenas are about puffy as an ABU Preschool. Of course, any of these medium duty nappies will need a change half way through my work day. Regardless of what nappy I choose, it's nice to have options.

My night time wear has continued uninteruped and I'm getting closer to bedwetting slowly. I'm currently at the point of slightly rousing to my bladder asking to empty, which is granted without moving a muscle or even opening my eyes. That following feeling of warmth spreading between my legs while in bed has got to be one of the most beautiful and comforting sensations I've ever known. There's even something ever so slighlty familiar about it, as if there's an uncovered memory of it. And waking to a warm and swollen nappy in the morning is something special, particularly with the female anatomy where the nappy usually hugs right up against my skin. In all seriousness, I want to wake up just like this every single day for the rest of my life. 

So, onto the thinking and thoughts, particularly about achieving 24/7. As discussed previously, I've felt frustrated that my prior stress and urge incontinence has more or less resolved. I was going to use this to medically justify using nappies at work. There are also more factors involved, making now a less than ideal time to introduce nappy wearing to work. This will be a totally different situation 6 months from now or so, or even less. With that said, incontinence is not convenient. I'm having a good think about not fighting any future occurances of urge IC and just letting it happen. I want to wear 24/7, and I'd like to be incontinent of urine, so why not let it happen? This might result in an accident at work or elsewhere, but so can a leak or nappy failure. Best I face that eventuality sooner than later. Going forward, I'm going to pack another pair of pants in my regular work bag. On the chance that there are no real accidents, then I will wait until it's a more convenient time at work before having the odd "accident", if you catch my meaning. I already have a great explaination for IC (surgery), and have experienced it on and off for many years. Just a minor embellishment :).

[iluvmydiapers]

From someone who has gone from wanting to wear diapers 24/7 to needing to wear diapers 24/7 all I can tell you is it is a long drawn out thing to accomplish.

Backstory of me, age 6 or 7 I wanted to wear diapers again, teenage years, wore as often as I could, young married (2nd time)  22 year old I decided to go full time diapers, by 30 I achieved my goal.

Now,, if your going to go 24/7 you will need a air tight reason to be in a diaper while at work, and wetting or messing your diaper on the job. Any of a dozen medical conditions can provide this.

Next thing is your choice of diaper, which ever it is, get well stocked and keep well stocked.

You will be outcasted, goes along with the need to wear a diaper as an adult with no physical handicap.

Just remember this is what you want and desire, and the more you wear your diaper the easier it will become, soon enough you will find that you get the feeling of needing to go pee and there is no stopping it from happening to , I got to go , nope I’m going pee, to damn I just wet my diaper again.

The more you wear and the longer your wear a diaper the sooner you will need to wear a diaper if that is truly your hearts desire.

[oznl]

18 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

 I'm currently at the point of slightly rousing to my bladder asking to empty, which is granted without moving a muscle or even opening my eyes. That following feeling of warmth spreading between my legs while in bed has got to be one of the most beautiful and comforting sensations I've ever known. There's even something ever so slighlty familiar about it, as if there's an uncovered memory of it.

I totally agree.  I woke up this morning to the sound of rain on our metal roof.  I was warm under the covers, my bladder was comfortably empty, my plastic-pant-clad Rearz Omutsu cloth diaper was heavy, warm and leak-free under my pyjamas.  Perhaps thanks to a suitable quantity of Di Bortoli's finest cabernet merlot the night before,  I had no recollection of using it.

There is something so decadently comfortable in this that I suspect a lot of vanilla folk would also find something in it if only they could put aside their psychological roadblocks for long enough to try.  Additionally, with advancing middle age, the sheer luxury of NOT having a night's sleep disturbed by fading bladder capacity (as it was pre-24/7) is territory I simply cannot see myself EVER wanting to give up.  Ineffable circumstance may drive me out of 24/7 some day but come hell or high water, my intent would be to at least remain a member of the bed-wetting club.

[sparklezBear]

I wanted to post this earlier but have been so busy this morning.

Last night for the first time, I woke up to an empty bladder and soaked nappy with no recollection of filling it! ? I scoured my mind this morning in disbelief, finding nothing. I did however slightly rouse later during the night to discover a leak that had already spread through my pyjamas bottoms and bedsheets. It wasn't a huge leak and was now at that point of being damp rather than wet, so I simply went back to sleep at whatever time that was. Assessing the nappy in the morning, it seems that I wet while laying tummy down and on one side. The front and back were both wet only on one side while the crotch was soaked through. Typically when I sleep like that, one leg is bent up, which explains the leak and pattern of absortion. This is also not a position I would voluntarily wet in considering how disposables aren't great to wet laying on the side, almost guarenteeing a leak.

So aside from having to do the laundry, I've been positively beaming all morning. Just amazing. I should probably also get some plastic pants for bed pronto if I'm going to be wetting on my side like this.

[oznl]

Congratulations on your "success" (as strange as it may seem to the vanilla world).

I can recommend the terry-lined waterproofs as a night time insurance policy.  Sleep wetting does mean that wetting is less, er, "managed" so leaking can be a thing.  The lining will deal with incidental leaks fairly effortlessly.  Most nights they survive and can go another round.  Some nights they are write-offs for the washing machine but it's less work than wet bedding.  Plastic pants will certainly help but they won't "mop up" like the lined ones will.

Littles downunder have them, so does Independence Australia amazingly enough.

[sparklezBear]

1 hour ago, oznl said:

so does Independence Australia amazingly enough.

Do you happen to know how to find them on Independence Australia? I've been looking without success.

[oznl]

7 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Do you happen to know how to find them on Independence Australia? I've been looking without success.

Yes, but they are well hidden courtesy of the flawed search engine on that site.

https://store.independenceaustralia.com/continence-aids/washable-products/ladies-sweet-dreams-22-24-hip-115-120cm-female-800ml-waterproof-white-16150140

https://store.independenceaustralia.com/continence-aids/washable-products/mens-sleep-well-26-28-waist-115-120cm-male-800ml-waterproof-white-16150300#

(random sizes sorry).  You can also go to staydry.com.au

 

[sparklezBear]

Seems 3am or so is as good as any other time to start writing an update.

Being able to spend the whole of last week (more or less) 24/7 was nothing short of perfect. Everything about it felt so normal and right on such a deep and fundamental level, and it's fair to say that being a nappy wearer is an unshakable part of my identity. Sure, it was something I tried to rid of through my earlier years, but that wasn't successful and doesn't really diminish the complete acceptance in recent times. I am, and always will be a nappy wearer and user, a diaper lover in familiar terms, even when I'm not wearing. It's also true that I want to be incontinent of urine, something that I'm certain will come in time with continued nappy wearing. Otherwise, having entirely accepted this truth without reservation, I've started to share this part of myself with my closest friends. So far I've not found any rejection, not that I would expect any as I tend to choose my friends carefully. While they are actually few, they're all non-judgemental, introspective and open minded souls who are worth their weight in gold!. Even still, being vulnerable and revealing something so socially taboo is still nerve-racking, and I will be sharing this with another such friend tonight (perhaps that's why I'm awake a 3am).

Last Sunday, the realisation and prospect of being unpadded for work started to cause a significant degree of anxiety and reduction in my mood. Being unpadded feels wrong. Recently I've read posts by others here that speak about the same feelings of anxiety and or depression associated with the temporary removal of nappies (regardless of reason it seems). I also spoke to a friend about it, and she recommended finding a thinner nappy, or a nappy substitute purely for wearing. I rebuted strongly on the grounds that if I wear a nappy, even an innappropriately thin one for the task, I'm going to use it. That knowing is already in my mind, and I don't want to conflate my minds understanding that nappies are always appropriate for use. Having started the work week, I've now found myself feeling a bit lower in mood during the day while also counting the hours and minutes until I can return to the safety and comfort of a nappy.

Citing those changes to mood and anxiety, I'm unsure how well I'm going to be able to manage another 5 or so months this. Further, I would say that it's even worse after my week of 24/7 which served to reinforce how natural wearing 24/7 feels. Certainly I will manage one way or another, it's just a question of what and how effective my coping strategies will be. There are also some unknowns and a potential for interuption to the 5 month wait by way of any genuine accidents. To this end, my regular work bag now contains a change of pants and a low-capacity pullup. I'm tipping that these will remain unused, although I certainly won't complain if that's not the case.

On the bedwetting front, it seems I partially wet in my sleep again last night. As is normal now days, I drank enough for a full bladder before going to sleep. I woke just before 3am (~6hours sleep) to only a half full bladder, and the front of my nappy had been moderately wet. Again, I have not recollection of stirring or doing this. I'm curious if partial wettings are a thing at night. Do bedwetters always go from full to empty? Or do they tend to just release enough to resolve the urge? Whichever way, I'm still over the moon about my progress in terms of bedwetting. I also wonder if the hypnosis tracks I've been using contributed at all. The first is the baby-pants one, the second is from youtube, titled "ABDL Hypnosis Bedwetting 18+" by Sleep Tight. I try to listen to one or both each evening before bed. 

Otherwise, everything else to support 24/7 is coming along well. On the wardrobe side of things, I've a good supply of basic compression pants, snap-crotch cami's, and a growing selection of longer tops/blouses/jumpers. I've also found some thicker denim jeans in a dark indigo and black with a slim fit that conceals medium duty nappies reasonably well. Having said that, as with any pair of pants that loosely hugs the body, I've noticed there's the lack of 'bumcrack', particularly when the nappy is wet. To me it seems to be a 'tell' of sorts, although probably not something that ABDL-unaware people would link to the wearing of a nappy (I hope). With respect to waterproof and lined pants, now that I've worked out my sizing for different brands and products, I'm waiting order delivery. I've still some road testing to do with medical nappies for daytime use, but there are options. More or less, I'm able to go 24/7 at any point from here on.

 

[oznl]

5 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Last Sunday, the realisation and prospect of being unpadded for work started to cause a significant degree of anxiety and reduction in my mood. Being unpadded feels wrong. Recently I've read posts by others here that speak about the same feelings of anxiety and or depression associated with the temporary removal of nappies (regardless of reason it seems).

Yes.  That's a thing for some of us.  I thought it might have been just me but as you've probably seen, my commentary around this resonated with a range of others.  If you're in this head-space, anything less than 24/7 comes with disadvantages that largely defeat the advantages.

5 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

she recommended finding a thinner nappy, or a nappy substitute purely for wearing.

Well intentioned I am sure but for me this would be a total miss.  I want to be a nappy user, not simply a nappy wearer let alone a feux-nappy wearer.  This simply would not scratch that itch for me.  This scenario would come with most of the side effects but none of the therapy.

Congratulation on being able to share this within your social circle.  I envy you.  I have a small “in real life” social circle and there isn’t one of them that I’d feel that I could or should share this part of myself with.  Perhaps this is why my sharing is focused on the virtual world.  Having said that, I’ve corresponded with a few people in this place that I now regard as friends.  I’d like to integrate them into my “in real life” world but geography and spousal mistrust inevitably get in the way.

  I'm not sure that I necessarily need my friends to discuss this but it would be nice to be less concerned about nappy logistics getting in the way of social activities (or even attracting attention by seemingly never having bathroom breaks).

5 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

On the bedwetting front, it seems I partially wet in my sleep again last night. As is normal now days, I drank enough for a full bladder before going to sleep. I woke just before 3am (~6hours sleep) to only a half full bladder, and the front of my nappy had been moderately wet. Again, I have not recollection of stirring or doing this. I'm curious if partial wettings are a thing at night. Do bedwetters always go from full to empty? Or do they tend to just release enough to resolve the urge?

Every morning now when I wake for the last time before arising, I'm empty or extremely close to it.  Sometimes I can remember using my nappy.  Sometimes I can't.  Sometimes I can remember using my nappy a small amount and yet I'm thoroughly wet.  I haven't awoken with any kind of urge for many, many months though.  It's a bit of a paradox that something that we might strive to achieve may prove so invisible once we have it.  It's still not an "every night" thing.  Last night I can clearly remember waking and using my nappy twice.  Of course, there could always have been a THIRD time that I didn't.

5 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Otherwise, everything else to support 24/7 is coming along well. On the wardrobe side of things, I've a good supply of basic compression pants, snap-crotch cami's, and a growing selection of longer tops/blouses/jumpers. I've also found some thicker denim jeans in a dark indigo and black with a slim fit that conceals medium duty nappies reasonably well. Having said that, as with any pair of pants that loosely hugs the body, I've noticed there's the lack of 'bumcrack', particularly when the nappy is wet. To me it seems to be a 'tell' of sorts, although probably not something that ABDL-unaware people would link to the wearing of a nappy (I hope).

I think you might be over-thinking it ?  It takes another DL to spot a DL in the wild and even then, it’s not a sure-fire thing. 

On a related note, I saw the other day that Littles Downunder are bringing in the new “Rearz Incontrol Elite”.  These are supposed to be a high capacity (all day) nappy but thin enough to be low profile.  I’m a bit wary that the dreaded “Australia Tax” will render them unfeasibly expensive for 24/7 users but something that had the capacity to last all day, thus navigating AROUND the logistics of office-based-nappy-changes was for me, an important enabler for 24/7 wearing including work.

I’m a bit wary of attempting to confer “advice” (since it implies a position of greater insight that I’m not convinced I have) but in your case with respect to a bout of 24/7, I’m very tempted to invoke the Nike scenario:  “Just do it”.

 

[sparklezBear]

On 7/29/2020 at 10:49 AM, oznl said:

I’m a bit wary of attempting to confer “advice” (since it implies a position of greater insight that I’m not convinced I have) but in your case with respect to a bout of 24/7, I’m very tempted to invoke the Nike scenario:  “Just do it”.

I really, really want to, so so much, but the risks at work are just too high, particularly in my field and the current job climate. I'll have to wait until I get the rubber stamp on my medical record. To achieve that, I'll likely just go the route of having daytime "accidents" when the time is right. While the prospect of waiting is not appealing at all, I need my job. The other possibility is that my urge IC might return, although I think that's unlikly.

 

On 7/29/2020 at 10:49 AM, oznl said:

On a related note, I saw the other day that Littles Downunder are bringing in the new “Rearz Incontrol Elite”.  These are supposed to be a high capacity (all day) nappy but thin enough to be low profile. 

I read somewhere that those nappies are the same as the princess pink or barnyards, just without the print. They are certainly high capacity, but they tend to swell up when wet. Apparently Rearz are also working on some kind of Ultra nappy, and that one is supposed to be higher capacity. Even then, I'm still not convinced that you can have both capacity and discretion in the same (wet) nappy.

[sparklezBear]

Please forgive me this short digression from my main topic of achieving 24/7 for a moment.

Over the last week, I've been hit squarely between my little eyes by a realisation... ?  For the last month or so, I've been sleeping in a variety of cute onesies, and now usually sleeping while sucking on a paci with a teddy bear right next to me. I've also been using a paci during the day now and then, and I definitely prefer printed plastic pants and nappies.

It's finally properly dawned on me, I might not just be a diaper lover. ?

 

[sparklezBear]

I've been meaning to post an update as there's a bit to talk about. Before that, and with respect to my progress with 24x7, there haven't really been any major developments. Wearing at work remains an impossible option for now, although I did learn that continence related health concerns are not a part of employment health checks, which should mean there won't be any impediments or recompense from HR down the line if I start a discussion with my manager. So that's positive. Also, I wet my nappy last night without any recollection, so that's positive too.

What I do need to talk about is the elephant in the room, which may or may not be a stuffie or plushie style of elephant. The last couple of weeks have been uneasy in this aspect. Somehow along the way I've drawn a line in the playdoh, deciding that DL stuff is fine while more AB stuff was more taboo. Perhaps this came about due to an almost polar view I had of ABDL space where one was either a DL or an AB, and I didn't fit the criteria for an AB (which I had assumed was a 0-1 age). Reflecting now, that understanding was wrong. Now recalling the countless times I had indulged in various little things such as bottles, pacis, stuffies and more which were always the first to be purged when that cycle came about, I feel a bit slow. How could I even be in that space and accept nappies yet reject little things? Perhaps it's a reflection of the internal turmoil and trouble that I had accepting myself? I'm literally shaking my head in bewilderment as I sit here an write this.

That brings me to now where the only real path I choose is acceptance. Whether I like it or not (and I very much do like it), I'm a little and a diaper lover. So far, I've only shared that I like nappies with my real life friends. I've not shared the little side of me at all, perhaps still out of fear. Regardless, I don't think my friends can remain in the dark about this. Now that I have the space, I'm going to make a little-room. This will take the place of my guest-room, why which is why it's not very compatible with friends who occasionally wish to stay over. I've some pretty colourful, cute and comfortable ideas about how this will look, and it should serve as a safe place for other littles or DLs that may wish to visit. If it looks anything like what I see in my head, I might end up abandoning my vanilla bedroom ?. I want to have this space to spend time in and unwind as I please.

Having discussed that, it does worry me that my ABDL side and space is growing, becoming a larger feature of my life, but I cannot ignore the desire or benefits. My anxiety has continued to reduce little by little (pun very much intended), and I'm comfortable now to even start selectively socialising. This being the case, I only direction I see is forward. It's also important to acknowledge that I'm quite happy being a part-time little, and I don't feel any desire to expand that side of me. Nappies on the other hand, yes, I still want to be in them 24/7.

[BlakeJordan]

I've been meaning to post an update as there's a bit to talk about. Before that, and with respect to my progress with 24x7, there haven't really been any major developments. Wearing at work remains an impossible option for now, although I did learn that continence related health concerns are not a part of employment health checks, which should mean there won't be any impediments or recompense from HR down the line if I start a discussion with my manager. So that's positive. Also, I wet my nappy last night without any recollection, so that's positive too.
What I do need to talk about is the elephant in the room, which may or may not be a stuffie or plushie style of elephant. The last couple of weeks have been uneasy in this aspect. Somehow along the way I've drawn a line in the playdoh, deciding that DL stuff is fine while more AB stuff was more taboo. Perhaps this came about due to an almost polar view I had of ABDL space where one was either a DL or an AB, and I didn't fit the criteria for an AB (which I had assumed was a 0-1 age). Reflecting now, that understanding was wrong. Now recalling the countless times I had indulged in various little things such as bottles, pacis, stuffies and more which were always the first to be purged when that cycle came about, I feel a bit slow. How could I even be in that space and accept nappies yet reject little things? Perhaps it's a reflection of the internal turmoil and trouble that I had accepting myself? I'm literally shaking my head in bewilderment as I sit here an write this.
That brings me to now where the only real path I choose is acceptance. Whether I like it or not (and I very much do like it), I'm a little and a diaper lover. So far, I've only shared that I like nappies with my real life friends. I've not shared the little side of me at all, perhaps still out of fear. Regardless, I don't think my friends can remain in the dark about this. Now that I have the space, I'm going to make a little-room. This will take the place of my guest-room, why which is why it's not very compatible with friends who occasionally wish to stay over. I've some pretty colourful, cute and comfortable ideas about how this will look, and it should serve as a safe place for other littles or DLs that may wish to visit. If it looks anything like what I see in my head, I might end up abandoning my vanilla bedroom [emoji6]. I want to have this space to spend time in and unwind as I please.
Having discussed that, it does worry me that my ABDL side and space is growing, becoming a larger feature of my life, but I cannot ignore the desire or benefits. My anxiety has continued to reduce little by little (pun very much intended), and I'm comfortable now to even start selectively socialising. This being the case, I only direction I see is forward. It's also important to acknowledge that I'm quite happy being a part-time little, and I don't feel any desire to expand that side of me. Nappies on the other hand, yes, I still want to be in them 24/7.

I can relate to much of this. I’ve come to accept that ABDL is a spectrum, rather than rigid categories. To make things more complex I have found I can have multiple associations to various aspects of abdl. There is the emotional, the tactile, the self care, love and acceptance, the rejection of adulthood and all the promises of “once I grow up I’ll know everything and be able to get and do exactly what I want...by age 25!”, there is a wistful nostalgia, some visual and olfactory memory triggers. The externalization and objectification (no negative connotation here) of something intangible.

ABDL allows me to, in the only way I know how be able to manifest needs, wants, love languages, self care and love, in a physical form. Instead of trying to grasp at these needs with the results closer to sand slipping through my fingers rather than a fully formed sand castle; I’m able to get outside myself and go to something , that is real, outside myself for this comfort that would be all but impossible to explain... language failing us completely here.

The only alternative is also not an option given my pre-order for the new “Point of View Gun” got delayed until April second of 2042... one would think that their predictive models would be able to foresee such delays in production. I guess not though...

So, I’ll make do with the physical objects that I can project my needs, wants, and desires into and onto. I believe it’s a coping tool, using external attachment objects just like in infancy to manifest into reality safety, love, nurturing, absolute acceptance and more. Perhaps something happened before I can even remember that necessitated the externalization of such big complex things. Certainly it’s more healthy and less damaging than looking for that validation and needs through more destructive vices, if one should even label this a vice I would argue strongly against.

For me though, I’ve come to accept a compromise. It’s not the toolkit I would have chosen if it were up to me. Heck if it were up to me the toolkit when be inside my brain, if it was needed at all. Alas, this is what I was given to work with and as it seems to have relatively few side effects and drawbacks in comparison to its therapeutic efficacy, I’ll take it and use it, and live a better life because I have access to it.

To the point of much of this is for me it is a toolkit. Some tools get used for multiple things, can be remedies for a wide array of issues. Other tools are specialized and although not used as often, are priceless and I could likely benefit from using those specialty tools more often. What I have found is a general trend of needing that toolkit for my whole spectrum of needs more and more. I’ve also noticed that my go to’s occasionally change. Heck occasionally the toolkit sits unused. Though those periods have all but diminished in more recent times.

On the less Metaphorical front, just like abdl is a spectrum for me in it’s availability of tools, I too find my needs to be on the abdl spectrum. I lean heavily towards DL, but have determined that is because of the ease in which I can incorporate plain white diapers into my life without too much scrutiny (along with now ironic medical needs).

When it comes to the AB side of the spectrum I found I veered away from that not only because of its taboo associations in our society and some very traumatic early consequences of trying to express those needs to my parents when I was around 10. For me I have to work on my little side/part these days. I have lots of baggage when it comes to trust, vulnerability, and relying on others to help and care for me. These days I wish I could use the ab/little space more often without existential freak outs, anxiety attacks, and the like. I’m settling for slow exposure therapy type approach, with some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, meditation, and making sure that each visit to that space is at the very least neutral at worst.

I am thankful I get so much utility out of the DL side of things, but am starting to realize how much higher quality of life, at a baseline I could have if I were able to access little space at will, and all the sorrow that comes out of working through the why I can’t access that space at will right now.

It’s funny, life is about growth, self actualization, learning to love, and heal and build something so much greater than what one can on their own. It’s also about finding and pushing those limits and knowing which limits can be pushed and which ones push back. I’m trying my damndest to not have regrets when death comes to visit me as an old friend..

in order to do all that I have to take care of myself first. Who would have thought so much of that requirement would come in embracing and working on loving the unchosen in life?


I keep thinking back to that scene with Thor and his mother in endgame

“Everyone fails at who they’re supposed to be...The measure of a person is how well they succeed at being who they are”

[sparklezBear]

On 8/10/2020 at 5:48 AM, BlakeJordan said:

I can relate to much of this. I’ve come to accept that ABDL is a spectrum, rather than rigid categories. To make things more complex I have found I can have multiple associations to various aspects of abdl. There is the emotional, the tactile, the self care, love and acceptance, the rejection of adulthood and all the promises of “once I grow up I’ll know everything and be able to get and do exactly what I want...by age 25!”, there is a wistful nostalgia, some visual and olfactory memory triggers. The externalization and objectification (no negative connotation here) of something intangible.

ABDL allows me to, in the only way I know how be able to manifest needs, wants, love languages, self care and love, in a physical form. Instead of trying to grasp at these needs with the results closer to sand slipping through my fingers rather than a fully formed sand castle; I’m able to get outside myself and go to something , that is real, outside myself for this comfort that would be all but impossible to explain... language failing us completely here.

The only alternative is also not an option given my pre-order for the new “Point of View Gun” got delayed until April second of 2042... one would think that their predictive models would be able to foresee such delays in production. I guess not though...

So, I’ll make do with the physical objects that I can project my needs, wants, and desires into and onto. I believe it’s a coping tool, using external attachment objects just like in infancy to manifest into reality safety, love, nurturing, absolute acceptance and more. Perhaps something happened before I can even remember that necessitated the externalization of such big complex things. Certainly it’s more healthy and less damaging than looking for that validation and needs through more destructive vices, if one should even label this a vice I would argue strongly against.

For me though, I’ve come to accept a compromise. It’s not the toolkit I would have chosen if it were up to me. Heck if it were up to me the toolkit when be inside my brain, if it was needed at all. Alas, this is what I was given to work with and as it seems to have relatively few side effects and drawbacks in comparison to its therapeutic efficacy, I’ll take it and use it, and live a better life because I have access to it.

To the point of much of this is for me it is a toolkit. Some tools get used for multiple things, can be remedies for a wide array of issues. Other tools are specialized and although not used as often, are priceless and I could likely benefit from using those specialty tools more often. What I have found is a general trend of needing that toolkit for my whole spectrum of needs more and more. I’ve also noticed that my go to’s occasionally change. Heck occasionally the toolkit sits unused. Though those periods have all but diminished in more recent times.

I love your point of view and insight, it's remarkably true for me. And I wish I had a similar skill with words. 

[sparklezBear]

During this last week, I'm very happy to report that I've woken on three mornings to find a wet (or more wet) nappy with no recollection of waking. I don't even recall stirring during the night. Perhaps my goal of achieving bedwetting is or has perhaps come to pass, with certain caveats at least. The main caveat would be, I doubt there would be any bedwetting if I did not drink enough liquid before bed to require my bladder to fill. However, were I fall asleep after drinking a couple of alcoholic drinks with friends for example, I'm no longer certain that I would wake to use a bathroom. Rather I suspect that I'm now quite accident prone at night if I do not take steps to dry out before sleeping. So yay! I'm very happy about this and hope it continues. Not to mention, and I think I've said this before, waking to a warm and wet nappy is one of the most amazing feelings.

Also in this last week, on a couple of occasions I've felt a few drops leak unexpectantly while at work. This is something I also experienced years ago and at the time resolved through kegel exercises for several weeks. As such, this seems to be a warning that my sphincter muscle is no longer 100%. I do wear basic pads during the day, and it is literally just a few drops currently, so I don't think this is anything to go diapering-up about just yet. Still, considering my aim to be IC of urine, it's a good sign, even if it has taken longer than I'd hoped. Otherwise, I've continued to observe a smaller range between bathroom visits while at work assuming I remember to actually stay hydrated. One 600ml bottle and a couple of cuppas in a normal shift is enough to see my bladder asking to be emptied every 1-2 hours tops, often more frequently. All in all, with an aim to go 24/7 next year, this is coming along well.

I've continued to explore my little side too. It is certainly something that comes and goes unlike the need to wear nappies. I've found it to be stronger in the evening and early morning, and almost absent during the day. Or at least I don't find myself really missing any little things during the day. When the desire strikes, I've been able to indulge in some more activities, colouring in, and watching some of my favourite shows and movies while having some blankie and binkie time. It's been very nice, although I'm still lacking a proper environment for now, although this will change down the line too.

Little steps seems to be the name of the game currently, although I'm definitely going in the right direction.

[oznl]

Wow.  Things do seem to be progressing very rapidly with you.  Perhaps this is in recognition of your "prior learning".  Whilst I had wondered a few times if I'd dreamed my way through a midnight pee in bed, it was about 6 - 7 months before I caught an example clearly enough to be comfortable calling it.

You'd imagine it would be pretty clear what was happening but in fact, when you're warm and wet down there anyway, what happened and when can be a bit vague.

I remain quite episodic on this score.  I've had runs of nearly a week where I can distinctly remember waking to use my nappies and then I'll get the "just wakes up drenched" morning.  Alcohol definitely makes this more likely.  I woke up warm, wet and leak-free this morning and yes, it is an amazingly decadently comfortable sensation.

I'd echo what @BlakeJordan said about ABDL being a spectrum rather than an either/or thing.  I'm mostly DL but even I can see that there's something AB lurking there, just a tiny bit.  I'm far too fond of my Cookie Monster t-shirts and let's face it, nappies are an infantile thing to be fixated on.  I've also noticed that I like my nappies to LOOK like larger versions of the baby nappies I would have been in during the late 1960s.  Pins, folded terry toweling and milky-white plastic pants are ideal for me although I'll compromise down to almost anything that's available.

[sparklezBear]

One week on, another update.

Aside from one quite rare situation this week, it's been more of the same. This rare situation I refer to is a flare up of my supposed IBS. I still don't quite agree with the diagnosis (IBS isn't a once-in-a-while type thing is it?). Regardless, once whatever it is that happens that irritates my insides, I get a sudden warning with only minutes to make it to a loo. This particular time, I was just tending to laundry. Familiar with the routine and having done the same many times before, I figured I had a couple of minutes to finish what I was doing. I had only just finished what I was doing when the hallmark gut-wrenching began. I ran to the loo, but before I could rip my nappy off, I started to mess myself . While I was in a nappy, I don't particularly like messing, not least of which due to the proximity of all other bits. I do not need mess getting into any other body areas. This isn't the first time I misjudged the amount of time I had, but it was the first time while wearing. Later I thought about it, and wondered if my dedication to ignoring my perlvic floor when able is weaking my ability to hold an IBS flare-up. Either way, just another reason I should be in nappies 24/7.

As far as bedwetting goes, I've had another 3 mornings with a wet(er) nappy than when I went to bed, perhaps more?. Last night for example (not counted in the 3), I remember stirring, but I don't remember wetting. It was quite brief and I was back to sleep almost straight away. I might have stirred to a bladder and released, or maybe it happened before or after that. Regardless, I don't think I'll ever get tired of waking up in a wet nappy. I'm also pretty happy to call myself a budding bedwetter now, which gives me a huge sense of joy and comfort. The knowledge and the effect both feel perfect, exactly as it should be.

I also wanted to share what I've been doing psychologically, which I suspect has helped progress my bedwetting quickly. While I was listening to a couple of hypnosis MP3s (noted above), I've since stopped, although I've kept using the style of suggestions they contain. That is, while I'm drifting off to sleep, I repeat simple messages over and over in my mind, including:

• I'm a bedwetter, so I have to wear nappies.
• I wear nappies because I'm a bedwetter.
• Wetting the bed is normal, something everyone does sometimes.
• I don't need to wake up at night, I can stay asleep and use my nappy.

You get the idea. I'm curious though, does anyone else do this?

In other news, I'm waiting to receive some overnight prefold cloth nappies from babykins. I'd really like to save some dollars (and the environment) and get to the point where I'm in cloth all the time, saving more expensive disposables for work where changing and management is trickier. At least that is my current thinking. If the prefold cloth ones work well (or even if they don't), I'm going to find some daytime cloth nappies too, perhaps even contoured or studded. There's so much choice out there! As with all things, I'll figure it out as I go .

[Rob110]

 IBS unfortunately is not an once in a while issue and can grow worse over time,  Keep your doctor informed of any changes in frequency of unexpected bowel movements.   Ive been wearing 24/7 for almost 6 years for a bladder issue but over the last year unexpected bowel movements have started to happen and in more and more frequency.  both my doctor and urologist were not surprised or worried as Im guessing its a normal progression of Ic and bowel issues.   I would recommend staying with disposable diapers while out and about as dealing with cloth diaper changes in public (especially if you have a unexpected bowel movement would be harder to deal with in a cloth diaper) with a disposable you can simply clean up and change and go about your day with out having to carry a soiled cloth diaper. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sparklezBear]

Another Sunday, another update while procrastinating on other tasks . 

I've spoken about this a few times. As the days flow past, I've been grappling with the unshakable desire to be nappy dependent and wear 24/7. It's unwavering, and I accept that it's not going to go away. For the point of my professional life, I am keen on keeping nappies away from the workplace, at least in the short term. The most reasonable plan I've come up with was to gradually go full time next year. It seems my body was inspired and has other ideas though.

Yesterday, like many other mornings before, I waddled into the bathroom to relieve the straining and creaking from the tapes on my drenched overnight nappy. This particular night I head developed leak which also barraged past my plastic pants. In such cases, I disrobe in the shower without the water running, since I'm about to wash the floor in the shower anyway. The leak was significant, and I had clearly asked too much from my nappy. This meant that my plastic pants were pretty wet too, which I hung in the shower ready for rinsing. With the nappy removed and rolled into a soggy burrito, I went to wash my hands before touching my towel or other things. As I start washing, I hear a few drops hit the tiles. Puzzled, I look down and realise that those drops came from me, while a modest secondary stream goes running down my leg. Without any knowledge or sensation, whatever was left in my bladder was in the process emptying on the floor. I issued a stop command, but it wasn't very effective, and the small stream continued. I found myself a little shocked. Very pleased, but shocked. With all previous urinary accidents (except small dribbles), I always feel the need to go before any form of involuntary wetting happens, and I generally get an opportunity to try to reach a bathroom. This was entirely without a request for permission, although that is not unusual while wearing.

This happened not a couple of days after I had started to cave under the unshakable desire I speak about above. I had decided that I was going to try and accelerate my incontinence through wearing larger incontinence-focused pads to work. While wearing those, the idea is that I would learn to allow small permitted wettings suitable for those incontinence pads. The aim is as hinted, to accelerate incontinence. Since my accident yesterday, I get the feeling that these pads are potentially now a requirement, and I may not have to try so much.

I had also already booked an appointment to see my doctor about bowel incontinence spoken about last week. Now I'm debating discussing my urinary incontinence. The conversation seems simple, except I would feel like a fraud providing only half the story. That is, while the incontinence may be real, I've been doing all I can to encourage it. Keeping the false pretense with my doctor that I don't want to be incontinent presents me with an ethical dilemma. Has anyone any advice with respect this?

[sparklezBear]

Over the last week I've upgraded my account information to now state "Bedwetter". Of the last 5 nights, 4 of them I've woken to very wet nappy without memory of how that occured, so I think that I'm now qualified to use that title. I've also been learning that I'm quite squirmy while in bed with a swollen nappy, something I have a very vague recollection of when I was little the first time. It's just hard to keep still, although that may also just reflect my elated mood. Either way, there's something about it that I love so much, and I can't imagine not waking up this way ever again. Over the last few weeks, my pacifier use has increased too. I usually sleep and wake up with one, and if home, it's usually in my mouth or not far away. One of the biggest problems so far is remembering to take it out of my mouth before I walk out the door for something. Sooner or later, I'm going to get caught ?.

I've also started wearing pads and lite pullups to work, although I'm still using the toilet for almost everything. So far, after I visit the bathroom, I leave the taps open for a bit, resulting in a little leakage. In doing so, I've learned a few things early in the peace. First, those Tena discrete pullups are terrible. An hour after they're wet, they get this horrid smell about them. I don't know if anyone else noticed, but I sure do. Given I'm usually well hydrated, they shouldn't smell at all. The Tena pads smell a little too, although much less. I've also got some Depend RealFit to test which will go through their paces this coming week. Based on previous experiences with others using them, they should be good during this initial leakage phase. Otherwise I've had no real accidents that I've know about this last week, although spending most days and nights in a nappy, I'm not sure I could tell.

This week will be a big one too as I'm due to see my GP. During that appointment I will be discussing all things incontinence, the involuntary messing from two weeks ago, the involuntary wetting last week, and my bedwetting. I still feel conflicted about only providing half the story, but it will have to do. During the appointment I will probably wear just a poise pad, although I will mention the Depend pullups for day time, and all-in-ones for night. I've no idea how the conversation is going to go, but I will try to express that I'm happy to manage this with incontinence briefs over medication. Given my medical history, I'm sure this won't be a problem. Coming out from this appointment, I'll be keeping my GP updated with my inevitable decline and move toward more absorbant products.

I've also a couple of weeks off work coming up. That will be a little over two full weeks of 24/7! I cannot wait. I can't imagine this will do anything good for my continence either. Fingers crossed I will receive some cloth nappies in the post before then, as I would like to reduce my use of disposables, both for the environment and cost. That is of course ignoring the cost for purchasing these cloth nappies in the first place ?. I've gone the route of prefold nappies for durability and performance, with a few thicker overnight ones, and a bunch of daytime ones. They're all Babykins ones and have various prints which look adorable. 

[sparklezBear]

This last week has been a busy one, just with normal life stuff. Aside from my GP appointment, I'm padded 24/7 more or less now, and wetting some of the time at work. 

Speaking of my GP, the appointment happened. I told them about my genuine accidents, and they were quite concerned, checking me over for and nervous problems. They have also asked me to undergo a number of tests. Some have been completed, some not. In contrast, the bedwetting and resulting nappy use however was accepted with only empathy. Afterwards I thought considerably about coming clean to my GP given the high degree of concern and tests for something that I basically want to happen. I guess there is an expectation that I would be quite concerned too. This may yet be something I'll consider depending on the next appointment after these tests are out of the way. I would expect that such a conversation would be nothing more than admitting that I find nappies comforting and reassuring, and don't mind using them. I would say the chances of this conversation are low, but possible. 

I've been testing out the depend realfit and am reasonable impressed. They're comfortable, discreet, and have okay odour control. Since they're not particularly capacious, I try to only use near the end of my day. As yet, no leaks, although reason suggests that this day is probably coming. For now, baby steps. Wearing at work is still risky. 

I've received my babykins cloth nappies, but have yet to get the opportunity to use them. Sometime in the coming week for sure. I've also been taking advantage of sales and buying my own fabrics to make my own prefolds nappies. I should be able to make a night time prefold for about $25 in fabric, including a cute print on one side. At the very least, I'll be learning a bit about them and the materials. I'll have a feel-dry layer, absorbent layers and the print, aiming for a 4-10-4 layout with terry and flannel for absorbency. I will probably also make a could of daytime nappies too. Exciting times!

My bedwetting has continued unabated and each night this week I have wet in my sleep. I still tend to wake with a partial bladder full though. It's like only full bladders are released, the last partial one waits till morning. Perhaps in time these will give way too. Either way, very happy with my bedwetting, and it's now part of my medical notes to boot. Here's to never waking dry!

That's all for this week. 

[oznl]

2 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

Speaking of my GP, the appointment happened. I told them about my genuine accidents, and they were quite concerned, checking me over for and nervous problems. They have also asked me to undergo a number of tests. Some have been completed, some not. In contrast, the bedwetting and resulting nappy use however was accepted with only empathy. Afterwards I thought considerably about coming clean to my GP given the high degree of concern and tests for something that I basically want to happen. I guess there is an expectation that I would be quite concerned too. This may yet be something I'll consider depending on the next appointment after these tests are out of the way. I would expect that such a conversation would be nothing more than admitting that I find nappies comforting and reassuring, and don't mind using them. I would say the chances of this conversation are low, but possible.

I have an annual medical examination tomorrow for which it would be impossible to be in nappies undetected.  At this stage I plan NOT to wear although this will most likely mean being unpadded for nearly two hours which previous experience is suggesting might be the upper range of my endurance now.  I still don't quite know what to do about informing my medical carers.

2 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

I've received my babykins cloth nappies, but have yet to get the opportunity to use them. Sometime in the coming week for sure. I've also been taking advantage of sales and buying my own fabrics to make my own prefolds nappies. I should be able to make a night time prefold for about $25 in fabric, including a cute print on one side. At the very least, I'll be learning a bit about them and the materials. I'll have a feel-dry layer, absorbent layers and the print, aiming for a 4-10-4 layout with terry and flannel for absorbency. I will probably also make a could of daytime nappies too. Exciting times!

I own one babykins prefold but to be honest, I've found it a bit wanting.  Perhaps it will work better with female anatomy.  Another option is that Littles Downunder have the Rearz Omutsu cloth velcro nappies available at a price which is a reasonable analog of their Canadian price.  They are bulky but at night are fairly effective, especially if I use a 24" x 24" baby's terry nappy (cheaply available from Big W) folded as a booster.  Like any thickly layered cloth diaper product, they can be a pain to get dry.  Still, if it was up to me, I'd permanently wear cloth at night but my partner objects.

2 hours ago, sparklezBear said:

My bedwetting has continued unabated and each night this week I have wet in my sleep. I still tend to wake with a partial bladder full though. It's like only full bladders are released, the last partial one waits till morning. Perhaps in time these will give way too. Either way, very happy with my bedwetting, and it's now part of my medical notes to boot. Here's to never waking dry!

That's all for this week. 

One of the strange things I'm noticing as I get toward the end of month 18 of my current 24/7 sojourn is that I can't really remember the last time I woke with anything substantive left in my bladder.  It seems to be a mix of memorable and unmemorable nocturnal wetting events but I can't recall ANY pee urges in bed in recent history.

I still savor waking up in wet nappies with an empty bladder every morning: I've never grown bored with it.