Looking Back

[Baby D]

Ya know, earlier today I was looking at pictures of myself as I was growing up and I realized that I have been an infantilist my entire life. I saw pictures of me at 6 & 7 in a crib. And I saw pictures of me with pacifiers in my mouth even older than that. It kinda makes me wonder why neither of my parents ever responded negatively to it. But, does anyone else have pictures like that beyond their infancy?

[baby-dandan]

As a matter of fact, I do. I was very sick with cancer at a young age. I had developed a tumor on my brain stem. The doctors were able to remove it, but not without some side effects. I feel like it has regressed me back a few years and as a result I wasn't potty trained until I was four. I act more childish than most people my age. I've seen pictures of myself in diapers at the age of five. In grade school I would often wet my pants and sometimes even poop my pants. My grandma has pictures of me sleeping in a crib at the age of six. I was often treated quite childish and very rarely taken seriously. I was often diapered for bed as I wet very frequently and it didn't stop until I was a teenager. I often wonder if I act like an adult baby to regain some of my childhood lost due to illness.

[pottypants]

About the only pic I;ve ever seen was of me wearing a little girl dress standing with a group of other kids from my extended family. It was because of a poop accident, so I guess it is related. You can't see in the picture, but my mom at one time said I was wearing a cloth diaper under the dress, and on another occasion said girl's undies, so I don't know which was true.

[rusty pins]

My parents have old family movies that show me at age 3 1/2 on Christmas morning and I'm wearing those fleece footed sleepers and it is so obvious I'm heavily diapered! Man, what a huge bulge those wet diapers made! I'm running around the tree and playing with my toys in front of all the relatives and my friend who lived next door. He was a year older than me and he was dressed in regular clothes because he and his parents were over Christmas morning. I recall being in those sleepers and diapers until around noon when mom changed me into regular clothes. I didn't wear in the day, I just bedwet but it was obvious to everyone visiting that I was in huge diapers and plastic pants! This would have been about 1961.

[rickibrat2]

My parents have old family movies that show me at age 3 1/2 on Christmas morning and I'm wearing those fleece footed sleepers and it is so obvious I'm heavily diapered! Man, what a huge bulge those wet diapers made! I'm running around the tree and playing with my toys in front of all the relatives and my friend who lived next door. He was a year older than me and he was dressed in regular clothes because he and his parents were over Christmas morning. I recall being in those sleepers and diapers until around noon when mom changed me into regular clothes. I didn't wear in the day, I just bedwet but it was obvious to everyone visiting that I was in huge diapers and plastic pants! This would have been about 1961.

use to have a old santa picture like that excpe you could see the big wet spot in my pants and the wet spot on his leg and even with a fake beard youcould tell he was not really happy with me

other then taht i wore diapees most of the time i did not use paci i sucked the collar of my shirts for some reason

[Pipsqueak]

Strangely enough, I went the exact opposite way. I did everything I could to appear mature and grown-up for my age - possibly to cover up my secret desires to be babied.

[enfant]

That was me too, always trying to seem older than I was, using studiously correct grammar and pronunciation, always preferring long words, etc. I don't know why I did that--trying to keep up with older siblings, maybe. But it was a big deal for me to try and pass as a smarter, older, more mature kid, from the time I was about 2-3.

(Really, I think that might be why I ended up an infantilist. Because the "maturity" was all an act. I don't know whether anyone else could tell at the time, but I never felt natural--I always felt like I was faking everything. At some point I think I just got tired of that--and I realized, somewhere inside, that the last time I'd really been myself and felt comfortable in my skin was when I was a baby... and I missed it, and wanted to get that feeling back. But I still had the same drive to appear mature to others, so I had to do the baby stuff furtively and on the sly. And from that seed it grew into an obsession.)

[Baby D]

That was me too, always trying to seem older than I was, using studiously correct grammar and pronunciation, always preferring long words, etc. I don't know why I did that--trying to keep up with older siblings, maybe. But it was a big deal for me to try and pass as a smarter, older, more mature kid, from the time I was about 2-3.

(Really, I think that might be why I ended up an infantilist. Because the "maturity" was all an act. I don't know whether anyone else could tell at the time, but I never felt natural--I always felt like I was faking everything. At some point I think I just got tired of that--and I realized, somewhere inside, that the last time I'd really been myself and felt comfortable in my skin was when I was a baby... and I missed it, and wanted to get that feeling back. But I still had the same drive to appear mature to others, so I had to do the baby stuff furtively and on the sly. And from that seed it grew into an obsession.)

Despite those pictures of me doing babyish things, it's kinda weird cuz I've always been extremely mature for my age... or I always tried to appear that way. And I also realized that I wasn't comfortable being so mature, but I continued to act as such because that was what people had come to expect from me and I was afraid of them to think I was a freak or something for acting immature after having acted so mature for so long. It's kinda weird.. but then again, my whole life has been kinda weird.. this just makes it weirder..lol.

[I wear diapers]

I went the paradox way too. I read books well beyond my years, big words etc. And secretly peed in my underpants to satisfy the needs at the time.

[rusty pins]

Same for me! I always was "beyond my years" with the exception of bedwetting and I hated it as a kid if anyone found out I wore diapers to bed or saw me in them. The summer of 1962 we went out west to visit relatives and one morning I woke up thirsty and wanted a drink of water. I was almost 4 and I took my pajama bottoms off and asked mom to take off my diaper so I could get dressed and get a drink of water. Mom refused and made me put my pajama bottoms back on even though I protesed that I didn't want to go to the kitchen in front of everyone with my diapers still on! That didn't matter, mom picked me up and carried me to the kitchen so I could get my drink! Everyone was looking at me and saying how precious I looked, etc. etc. enough to make you barf! I was so embaressed I couldn't say anything! I'm sure mom just wanted to show off her youngest as if I was still a baby but it really sucked! The funny thing is, after all those years I'm to the point now where I don't mind if strangers I'll never see again happen to notice my diaper showing out the back of my pants a little!