Beginnings and Endings

[YourFNF]

2 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Yet another fun chapter. I llike the idea of "Marking." I think the coolest parts of stories like this is when they take something that we don't necessarily understand and give it a new meaning. I.e. When you meet someone and instantly feel a sense of unease maybe it's because they've been Marked by Higher beings?

Also It was a little hard to tell who was talking at the end there. That's probably the weakest point in your writing if I may say so. Here's what I recommend: Anytime you switch speakers start a new paragraph.

Example:

Instead of "Do you want to go over there?" "Yes, let's do that!"

You would say

"Do you want to go over there?"

"Yes! Let's do that!"

I think it will make your stories easier and a lot more pleasant to read.

Interesting could give that a shot I'm just worry that it'll make things choppy and break up the flow

[Wannatripbaby]

39 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Interesting could give that a shot I'm just worry that it'll make things choppy and break up the flow

It's possible. You just have to sorta feel it out. But in any case I think it will still be an improvement. We'll just have to try it and see how it comes out.

Also thank you for considering my advice without getting upset. There have been a few times in the past where I'd read the first chapter of a new story, give a few critiques, and never hear from the author again.  And while I can't say for sure that it was my criticism that broke their spirit or whatever, I still hate to think I might be responsible for killing someone's creative spark for good.

[YourFNF]

50 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

It's possible. You just have to sorta feel it out. But in any case I think it will still be an improvement. We'll just have to try it and see how it comes out.

Also thank you for considering my advice without getting upset. There have been a few times in the past where I'd read the first chapter of a new story, give a few critiques, and never hear from the author again.  And while I can't say for sure that it was my criticism that broke their spirit or whatever, I still hate to think I might be responsible for killing someone's creative spark for good.

I actually appreciate it when people give constructive feedback otherwise I don't know what I'm doing right/wrong

Also here's one more paragraph before I go for take out

After wrapping up my first mission as a reaper Samuel informed me that until the next emergency I’m off duty. We stop by a CVS where I grab a pack of always-discreets and change in the bathroom. I’m soaked and must have wet a good five to six times over the course of the day. I switch the rest of my clothes to ripped black jeans, pink long sleeve t, and white hoody with pink racing stripes down the arms and zip. With that out of the way it’s a quick stop at a local diner. Technically I don’t need to eat but this body still runs on chemicals and if I don’t eat, it continuously drains power to keep it operational, leaving me tired and sluggish. Plus from a psychological stand point I want something rich and fatty after the day I’ve had. Samuel and I catch a charter flight out of North Central West Virginia Airport back to Boston. All told it’s about 1:00 a.m. when I stagger back into my apartment for the first time in months and crash. Flopping onto the bed with my clothes still on.

[Wannatripbaby]

4 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

I actually appreciate it when people give constructive feedback otherwise I don't know what I'm doing right/wrong

THANK YOU! It really puts my mind at ease to hear you say that. Err, well, see you say that lol.

If there's ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to ask. I have several writer friends here whom I feel I've become close friends with and, well, I want you to be one of them. 

[YourFNF]

45 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

THANK YOU! It really puts my mind at ease to hear you say that. Err, well, see you say that lol.

If there's ever anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to ask. I have several writer friends here whom I feel I've become close friends with and, well, I want you to be one of them. 

Thanks I can always use friends

p.s what did you think of the last bit? I figured that would address your earlier concern

[Wannatripbaby]

Huh. How'd I miss that the first time?

I thought you said she couldn't remove the diaper? Or is it just that she's stuck wearing them so if she took it off without putting another one on another one would magically appear on her or something?

[YourFNF]

10 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Huh. How'd I miss that the first time?

I thought you said she couldn't remove the diaper? Or is it just that she's stuck wearing them so if she took it off without putting another one on another one would magically appear on her or something?

Oh yeah what I meant was she can't use her powers to fix this. So it wolln't regenerate and she can't just magic up a clean one. She has to deal with this as if she was still mortal.

[Wannatripbaby]

4 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Oh yeah what I meant was she can't use her powers to fix this. So it wolln't regenerate and she can't just magic up a clean one. She has to deal with this as if she was still mortal.

Ahh. I thought it might've been something like that. Thank you.

[Guilend]

I am truly enjoying this story, normally the shortness of each entry would ward me away, but as always, i read a few before casting to much judgment, and once and a while, i find a gem, and this one is a gem, I am really loving it all, keep up the good work

[YourFNF]

27 minutes ago, Aries said:

I am truly enjoying this story, normally the shortness of each entry would ward me away, but as always, i read a few before casting to much judgment, and once and a while, i find a gem, and this one is a gem, I am really loving it all, keep up the good work

Thank you for taking an interest

[YourFNF]

So after receiving feed back on it being hard to distinguish when different people are speaking I decided to borrow a page form @Sophie ♥ and @Pudding 's book and use colored text to highlight when our protagonist is speaking. We'll see how well this works out.

 

 

 

The next morning I woke up around nine to a saturated pullup. Groaning, I crawled out of bed and tried to magic my clothes out of the way but found I couldn’t. More angry noise followed as I striped down and walked into the bathroom. Tearing off the spent underwear I went to wipe myself clean when I had a thought. I looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of someone who had a rough night. My hair, dyed blue, was out of place so I quickly put it back into the asymmetric flip cut I normally keep it in. I’m not happy about my chunky gut, but at least it’s smooth. Laser was what I splurged and spent my signing bonus on and is one of the few decisions I don’t regret. Then there’s my bits I think to myself. My C-cups make an incongruous contrast to the small girl cock between my legs. Most days I don’t mind it, but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like having a “matching set”.

 

 

It’s at this point that I have a wonderful idea. I focus hard and there’s a brief burning sensation. When I look down, between my legs is the most beautiful vulva I’ve ever seen (admittedly I’m pretty biased). Grinning I check my self out in the mirror for several minutes. Looking up at the ceiling “Okay I’m decidedly less pissed off at you guys now!”

 

I change into a fresh pullup and a band t-shirt before walking out into the living hunting for coffee and breakfast. When I get out there I notice two things. One I can smell coffee and two, Meanaria’el is setting at my kitchen counter with takeout. “Uh…. Hey boss…” So yeah this has got be top of the list for awkward situations. Finding your new supervisor sitting in your living room and you wearing a pullup and old t-shirt. “Hi Ashley, just wanted to pop in and see how you’re holding up? Um… Kinda embarrassed and confused right now? Understandable; but there’s no need to be. I know all about your situation and I am the one dropping in unannounced.” Min has a faint smile on their face. “I got breakfast sandwiches from that deli you like, the one off Tremont. Thank you? Sorry don’t mean to be rude… Oh please I sometimes forget that most people aren’t used to friends just materializing next to them. Sorry if this is coming across as a bit... stalker’ish, is that the word?” I laugh a little. “It’s okay Min, breakfast sounds great.”

 

 

So yeah we sit down and go over my report and the mission. “So there’s one thing I wanted to ask, why I couldn’t I magic up a new set of clothes this morning but I was able to change my… equipment? In short, you over extended yourself. You can’t make something ex nihlo, that’s a rule even we can’t break. The matter and or energy must come from somewhere. Trying to do to much at once is going to drain you and leave you feeling burned out, especially since you had to repair your body as well. So I guess that explains why I feel like shit this morning. Min nods. Whereas changing from internal to external was just a matter of reversing what happened in utero. Put simply, yes. Min seems proud of how quickly I’m picking up on things, but their face is hard to read.

[YourFNF]

“As I’m sitting there after breakfast I feel a sudden pressure and my stomach makes an audible rumble. Fuck!” I knock over the chair in my haste to get up then freeze knowing I’m not going to make it. Min walks up to me and pulls me into a surprise hug. “Shhh… It’s okay just let it happen. This is part of the process, it sucks but you’ll get through it, just relax and let go.” It’s at this point that I lose the battle. I let out a bit of gas before I feel a warm soft mass filling my special undies. This is surprisingly different then when I have an IBS flair it’s more consistent and regular. I feel myself breathing heavily into Min’s shoulder as my bladder joins the party adding a warm wetness to the sensory mix. I shudder as I continue to push out several firm large ones. By the time I’m done the pullup looks like it’s about to blow out and is noticeably sagging.

 

 

“It’s okay, let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel a lot better afterwards.” My brain has pretty much blue screened from the shock of shitting my self in front of my new boss, so I don’t even question it as Min picks up a large bag and leads me into my room. Somehow there’s a changing mat on the bed and Min tells me to lie back. I flush pink as Min rips open the pullup exposing my messy girl bits. After tossing the spent one Min grabs a pack of wipes and begins cleaning me up. I go an even deeper shade of red as for the first time someone touches my sensitive new lips, before going lower and working through my crevice. I make several embarrassed yelps at sensations because… well… I got a bit turned on okay? Happy now? (huffs indignantly)

 

 

            Min has me fresh and clean in about five minutes and brings over a new thick tape-up that is a pleasant sky-blue color. More embarrassed squeaks as min works in a liberal amount of lotion, then powder, and I’m take up into layer of warm, dry, padding. “I’m sorry about that, that you had to deal with that” Min has instant changed into a pair of sweats and a tank. It’s a look I’m not used to on them. Min climbs onto the bed behind me and pulls me into spoon softly stroking my hair. “It’s okay, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I see your pain. I see how despite being lost and broken, you get back up and keep fighting. You are forgiven. You are loved.” Their voice is strangely calming, warm, and almost musical. I feel myself drifting off into a deep dreamless sleep.

[Wannatripbaby]

1st Chapter:

I don't think I've ever seen someone use the term ex nihilo before! (For those of you not privy, it means "something from nothing.) I only know it from the Andy Mineo song.

2nd Chapter: 

Awww, now wasn't that just precious? ♡♡♡

No! I think Min has some kind of weird ulterior motives going on. I've got my eye on you, you... Dammit I don't even know what to call that creature!

[YourFNF]

11 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

1st Chapter:

I don't think I've ever seen someone use the term ex nihilo before! (For those of you not privy, it means "something from nothing.) I only know it from the Andy Mineo song.

2nd Chapter: 

Awww, now wasn't that just precious? ♡♡♡

No! I think Min has some kind of weird ulterior motives going on. I've got my eye on you, you... Dammit I don't even know what to call that creature!

I love how paranoid you are Trip lol  

 

Min has their motives but I can assure you that they're  on the side of the Angels. (groans and facepalms) I did not mean to make that pun (head desks repeatedly)

[Wannatripbaby]

9 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Min has their motives but I can assure you that they're  on the side of the Angels. (groans and facepalms) I did not mean to make that pun (head desks repeatedly)

Would it help if I said I don't get it?

Also never apologize for puns!

[YourFNF]

16 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Would it help if I said I don't get it?

Also never apologize for puns!

Basically the suffix 'el designates the being as of "El". See also Michael.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theophoric_name

[Wannatripbaby]

Also in regards to using color to denote when the main character is speaking, I like it! It definitely helps... When used properly. Unlike the beginning of that last chapter:

17 hours ago, YourFNF said:

“As I’m sitting there after breakfast I feel a sudden pressure and my stomach makes an audible rumble. Fuck!” 

I'm assuming that wasn't supposed to be spoken out loud? Except for the expletive of course.

[YourFNF]

12 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Also in regards to using color to denote when the main character is speaking, I like it! It definitely helps... When used properly. Unlike the beginning of that last chapter:

I'm assuming that wasn't supposed to be spoken out loud? Except for the expletive of course.

Yep still getting use to lol

[Wannatripbaby]

32 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Yep still getting use to lol

It's cool.

[Sophie ♥]

A great way to differentiate dialogue from multiple people is to end a quote with quotation marks and start a new paragraph.  It might look weird at first, but it helps the flow of a story too!  And because your chapters are short, it makes them look longer.  Like for example... 

“Hi Ashley, just wanted to pop in and see how you’re holding up? Um… Kinda embarrassed and confused right now?Understandable; but there’s no need to be. I know all about your situation and I am the one dropping in unannounced.”

Can be...

~~

"Hi Ashley, I just wanted to pop in and see how you're holding up?"

"Um... kinda embarrassed and confused right now?"

"Understandable; but there's no need to be.  I know all about your situation and I am the one dropping in unannounced."

~~

And if you have a lot of people talking, you can do things like "Ashley said" after the quote, or after the first sentence.  Just make sure to leave that part out of the quotations.

~~

"Um..." Ashley muttered, "kinda embarrassed and confused right now?"

~~

Hope this helps!  I'm not caught up yet, but your creativity continues to impress me.   

[Wannatripbaby]

@Sophie ♥ That's basically what I said earlier. But it feels much more weighty coming from you. ♡

[Sophie ♥]

6 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

@Sophie ♥ That's basically what I said earlier. But it feels much more weighty coming from you. ♡

...I see that now.  

To YourFNF tho - don't worry about it feeling choppy or messing with the flow.  Because that's usually how books are written, our brain is trained to read it naturally anyway.  Even though it /is/ choppy, our experiences compensate for that.

[YourFNF]

7 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

...I see that now.  

To YourFNF tho - don't worry about it feeling choppy or messing with the flow.  Because that's usually how books are written, our brain is trained to read it naturally anyway.  Even though it /is/ choppy, our experiences compensate for that.

Okay I'll give a shot

[YourFNF]

I wake up feeling foggy but surprisingly dry, Min is there watching me sleep and stroking my hair. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, once I got over the initial shock, yeah. By the way how am I still dry?”

“I just changed you.”

“Ah…” I look and see that I’m now wearing a forest green, gold, white, and brown plaid diaper that goes surprisingly well with my shirt. “So these things are actually amazingly good, where did you get them?”

 

            “They’re prototypes that haven’t had commercial release yet. This isn’t just a simple punishment and I want to make sure you’re looked after. They can hold six to eight wettings and several messings before being at risk of failure. I got a variety pack case in several distinct kinds of patterns and took the liberty of placing it you closet.”

“Thank you, that’s actually super thoughtful.”

“Your Welcome.” Min is smiling “I also got you several packs of these from the same company, figured it might help on days where your craving some normalcy.” Min hands me a pack of white bikini cut briefs.

“GuardianTech™ performance briefs?”

“They’re designed for full incontinence protection as well as period wear and can handle three to four wettings/heavy flow. The best part is there designed so that you can rinse them out in a sink and re-wear them.”

 

“Holy shit! Thank you!” I jump up and hug Min. “This actually means a lot to me. So…..” I trail off “By the way how long was I out?”

“About twenty-two hours. Like I said you really over taxed your self both physically and mentally.”

“Damn…. You weren’t kidding” My stomach rumbles and Min’s smile has taken on a decidedly parental cast.

“Come on let’s get you dressed and fed.” My face is tomato colored as Min helps me into a pair of jeans they’ve laid and out and a canvas chore jacket before we head out the door do grab brunch at a diner up the street.

[Wannatripbaby]

Firstly, glad to see you're back with a new chapter!

Secondly, the new writing style looks SO much better than the old one! Much more akin to a normal book and a helluva lot easier to read! ♡