I'm unsure of myself

[id0ntknow]

I'm noticing the Tena Supers I am using now get very clumpy when worn for a while, even while dry. I'm planning to order another type sometime soon, but am unsure of what to go for. I was thinking maybe Molicares or Bambino Biancos, but would appreciate a more experienced perspective as well.

[Jilly Poo]

I've just read all your entries and I am so happy that you have come through this okay.

[id0ntknow]

I've just read all your entries and I am so happy that you have come through this okay.

[Jilly Poo]

The bambinos (especially the Bellisimo) run a bit bigger than any of the other diapers I have tried but if you are in doubt, I suggest buying the sample packs.

[id0ntknow]

The bambinos (especially the Bellisimo) run a bit bigger than any of the other diapers I have tried but if you are in doubt, I suggest buying the sample packs.

[id0ntknow]

I got my sample pack of Bambino Bianco in the mail the other day. I can't wait to try these out, but I will probably have to wait until next weekend to have time, so that they're not wasted, and are used properly.

[id0ntknow]

i just got my variety case from Bambino last friday. I've been wearing the Teddys around the house before bed and to sleep, and they feel amazing. So much better than the Tenas.

[Baby Brian]

Will you be going diapered?

If you're more comfortable with life in general with being diapered then you may enjoy the pig roast more this year if you're wearing one. Since your family already knows and is supportive then I say go enjoy it with one on.

[Rani]

Have the previous years at the pig roast been fun? What was it about last years that wasn't so good? (other than being the time you started to have bad dreams)

Would it be worth focussing on the good years and how much you've enjoyed them?

Your family sound fantastic and very supportive. You haven't let them down in the least by revealing your fetish. If anything you've created a stronger bond with them for showing them how much you trust them and for letting them help you. If you were my son, I'd be so proud of you for coming to me with this and I'd want to help you in every way I possibly could.

As for yourself. Take a look at where you were last year and then take a look at where you are now. Ok, you're not 100% happy and bouncing off the walls, but I think from reading this that you've come a long way. It's an uphill climb (isn't everything?) and with the right help you will get there.

I think there are two ways of looking at the diaper wearing for this weekend:

1. Will you be too scared of anyone possibly noticing to fully enjoy yourself? If so, don't wear one this time and get a little more experience and confidence in wearing them around other people and leave it until next year.

2. Do you need to wear them to help you cope with the day and the bad things associated with it? If that's the case then wear them. Everyone will be too busy looking at your smiley face and wondering what your secret is (I mean in general terms not fetish) and they'll never guess unless you tell them. And let's face it, they don't need to know anyway.

You need to do what you feel most comfortable doing.

Incidentally, I just looked up the meaning of suicidal dreams (I don't know if you believe in all that) and it's actually nothing to do with suicide. Yes it can mean that you're depressed, but it can also mean that you're ending one chapter of your life and possibly having trouble moving on. Or even that you did something that you regret. Not so bad after all eh?

I honestly believe that you need to speak to someone that knows all the right questions to ask you. That's what the professionals do. They ask and help you to figure out what the problem is that's holding you back and making you feel this way. They are there to help you and although they may seem like the enemy at times, really they're not. Give that number your pastor gave you a call and then give yourself a big pat on the back for taking such a big step.

Other than all of that, you've got all of us backing you up and wishing you a lovely weekend and future xx

[id0ntknow]

I'm back from the pig roast. I didn't wear while there, since I generally only wear around the house anyway. It was fun to an extent. I liked being able to help out in setting it up by helping get the pig on the spit, and wrapped in wire, but I don't really feel like I did that much, and kind of felt like I was just standing around more than anything. The main thing I don't like about going anymore is all the drunks and the country music (not my thing on both counts). I feel out of place while there, since I don't enjoy drinking just to drink and get drunk. I drink very occasionally, and haven't had any alcohol for weeks now. I did sleep better this time, even though the bunk I was on in the camper was really uncomfortable. I told my sister that I really don't know if I'm going next year, since I no longer have much fun there. I've stopped caring about going to the Nascar races in Talladega anymore for the same reasons, and would rather stay home doing what I like to do, which is gaming and bowling mainly.

[tyrantblade3500]

In the past ive struggled with enjoying wearing and using diapers (mom would try to shame me into stopping, I would try to stop several times, always came back to it and now im not trying to stop), and cutting myself, for very different reasons. What got me into cutting myself was a lot of different things, but mostly senior year of high school when I was so messed up mentally. Never again should you let enjoying diapers and the fear of being found out make you feel bad.

[id0ntknow]

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. My depression has almost completely gone away since letting my family know my secret, and I've been generally happier with my life. Now I just get ticked off when I don't bowl well enough for my standards on my league, or when work is annoying (most times). I'm planning to go fishing this weekend, and am hopeful that it will go well.

[Bettypooh]

Don't be too hard on yourself with things- that can trigger an episode of depression too When things aren't going right take a break if you can, and do something pleasant unconnected with whatever was bugging you. Even something as simple as stopping to truly relish a bit of an apple can help you keep depression at a distance. Being hard on yourself without let-up will only create a loop of things not going better and not feeling better Break the loop, and even if things don't go better you'll feel better and remember that any 'win', no matter how small, is worth celebrating evven if that 'win' is just feeling a little better. And try not to catch all the fish- leave a few for someone else to have fun with

[id0ntknow]

Don't be too hard on yourself with things- that can trigger an episode of depression too When things aren't going right take a break if you can, and do something pleasant unconnected with whatever was bugging you. Even something as simple as stopping to truly relish a bit of an apple can help you keep depression at a distance. Being hard on yourself without let-up will only create a loop of things not going better and not feeling better Break the loop, and even if things don't go better you'll feel better and remember that any 'win', no matter how small, is worth celebrating evven if that 'win' is just feeling a little better. And try not to catch all the fish- leave a few for someone else to have fun with

[id0ntknow]

I had a bit of a scare at work yesterday. I will talking with a couple of co-workers that know I was going through depression, but I haven't told why, since there is really no need to. They are both African-American, and one of them likes to joke that I am racist, knowing I'm not. I go along with the joke, since I know it's only a joke after all. The thing that scared me a bit yesterday was that after that joke, he made a joke like, "He (as in me) knows I'm kidding around, like how he wore a diaper on Wednesday." That one really threw me for a loop, as I've told both of these guys that I'm feeling better, but have not even alluded to the reason why I'm better. I forced a laugh, and don't think I aroused any suspicion. Both of these co-workers have said that I can tell them anything, and they won't judge me, but I have serious doubts about that seeing how much they both laughed at the last joke. Sorry if I'm ranting, but I needed to get this out.

[id0ntknow]

I don't know what triggered it, but my feelings of depression and self-loathing came back today. Everybody at work today could tell I was mad about something, but they didn't know what or why. I feel like a freak for having these diaper loving tendencies, but at the same time I don't want to get rid of them. My family has supported me, which is great, but I still feel like my entire life is a big lie to the world. I'm thinking of going without diapers for a while, and maybe see if I can feel normal again. I want all this anger at myself to go away, but don't know what to do about making that happen. I guess that means I still can't except myself for whatever I am. Well, with the rant over, I'm going to go workout.

[Bettypooh]

It does seem that you may have Clinical Depression, and unless you get treatment it only gets worse and worse. I wish you'd see a Therapist or mention this to your doctor on your next visit. Life can be good with Depression but you've got to learn how to handle it. And that's what a therapist can help you do. When what you're trying is not working it's time to try something else- kind of like switching baits when fishing. If you try enough different ones you'll find the one that works And BTW, how was the fishing? Bettypooh

[id0ntknow]

It does seem that you may have Clinical Depression, and unless you get treatment it only gets worse and worse. I wish you'd see a Therapist or mention this to your doctor on your next visit. Life can be good with Depression but you've got to learn how to handle it. And that's what a therapist can help you do. When what you're trying is not working it's time to try something else- kind of like switching baits when fishing. If you try enough different ones you'll find the one that works And BTW, how was the fishing? Bettypooh

unfortunately, the fishing was lousy. my dad and I caught one small bass each, and our boat wasn't working right.

[id0ntknow]

My pastor gave me another number to try that psychologist (as he called him) at. I tried it, and it has been disconnected. I retried the other number for the guy, and got a voicemail, so I left a message. Hopefully I'll here something soon. The thing that makes it harder for me to try to set something up is my work schedule. I work from afternoon to night, and have very little time before then unless I just don't get much sleep the night before. If I could see him on a weekend, that would work, but I'm sure his office hours are for during the week only.

[Bettypooh]

Keep trying- someone will see you and help out It took me a few tries to get the right Therapist for me. I ended up going about 40 miles right after work on Friday to see her at her cabin / second office; otherwise through the week I would have had to drive another 30 miles to get to her main office I've found that those who really want to help people usually work with you to see that you get the help you need and they will try to work something out or recommend someone you can get to

[id0ntknow]

He actually called me back fairly quickly today. We set up an appointment for next week, and I'm trying to take off of work for that day, but I haven't heard back from my supervisor yet.

[Bettypooh]

If you have to, be sick that day. Which isn't actually a lie because Clinical Depression is a physical disease that needs treatment Glad to hear you're getting off to a good start fighting the problem and with the new help you're likely to win that fight

[id0ntknow]

I still haven't heard anything back on whether or not I got the day off. I'm going to ask my supervisor tomorrow for sure, and hopefully I got it.

[Bettypooh]

Don't ask or hope- tell them you have to have that time off and that you'll do whatever they need to make up for it. Let them know that you've doen all you could to work it into your current schedule but that it cannot be any other time. You don't have to give them a reason other than saying it's a deeply personal matter and that's the approach I'd recommend for now as a lot of people don't understand that Therapy is a good thing and that everyone wiould benefit from it- especially those who might think there is something wrong with it

[id0ntknow]

I just hope the therapy helps me out, since at the moment I don't really feel like my life has any purpose to it. I feel like I am mediocre to terrible in everything that I do, and am always hardest on myself. A while back before I tried cutting, I would come home and workout to cope with what was going on in my head. One night I wound up doing 400 squats in around an hour and a half. The next few days it hurt to even walk. I figured that since the depression is coming back, I'd be getting back into my workouts again, but that hasn't happened. I need to be working out though, since I'm overweight at around 210-215 pounds. I was at 200, and got down to 190, but then I had to put my dog to sleep, and shortly after that I broke my fingertip, which got me into a lazy spell which I haven't broken out of yet. On the plus side, even though I have my knife on me every day at work, I've not once felt the urge to cut again. I still have the thoughts of worthlessness and self doubt, but haven't done anything really reckless because of them.