I don't know what's wrong with me

[lilme`]

I really don’t know why I’m sharing this here, it’s not like me to openly discuss my personal feelings on some internet forum. Maybe I’m hoping that by putting it out there, I can better analyze and understand why I am the way I am right now.

[Lanthey]

*Hugs* I wish I could help, I wish I could explain it, I wish I knew all the answers, bit I don't I'm sorry.

[Bettypooh]

You're not supposed to feel bad without a reason, so there's something more to this than you've found so far, and odds are than once you've identified it, it can be treated and your life will improve quickly

[diaperguy]

First off Im sorry for what your going through. The whole job thing is everywhere. Unfortunally its wherever you work. Probably gonna stir up some stuff. Probably should find a church of some kind and give you life over to Jesus. Sounds like he wants to help you. You just need to let him in and watch your life change for the better. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I have first hand experienced him and my life is sooo much easier to deal with. something happens just give it to him. I will pray for you and hope things get better

[spoonchicken]

you're suffering through an acute (temporary) bout of depression.B ecause it's temporary, it'll "probably" pass, but the risk exists that it could go from bad to worse if you don't take proactive mental steps to avoid that. First is to hear what

[lilme`]

You're not supposed to feel bad without a reason, so there's something more to this than you've found so far, and odds are than once you've identified it, it can be treated and your life will improve quickly

[lilme`]

I had a good day today. I woke up and I told myself it was going to be a good day, and it was. I went to work and it was good. I'm in good spirits at the moment too. Just thought I'd share

[Bettypooh]

Glad your light is shining brighter today May that continue

[spoonchicken]

May the Farts Be with You.....lol....glad I could "help" a friend, my friend!... *hugs-n-farts*

[diaperwearntigger]

They say, "Happiness is a choice." Sometimes that's harder than other times. Do you really need this job? Do you really need to stay there for another year? From what I have read and understand is that if the AB side of you is not met you can go into a great depression. Even if your desires may not seem to be there, they really are. I have surpressed my AB side a lot, because like you, I got married to my 'daddy' and well, the diapers were a bonus, and our main focus has been us, but over the years I have realized that deep down inside I am an AB and being able to participate in that, even for little amount of time, makes me happy. If you have not done so, you should read the book, There's A Baby in my Bed. It is suppose to deal mainly for caregivers, but after reading it, I have truly discovered and understood myself a lot more. I understand that the deep depression that I too can suffer from (like yesterday) is because my AB side is not being met. My hubby/daddy realized that, I was able to be diapered, had my paci, took a nap in my crib, I was changed, and then put back to bed in my crib later that evening. I definitely woke up on a much brighter, happier side today

[RC-db-UK]

all work and no play makes all babies cranky,grumpy

so u has to find a way to let them out to play i'd say at least 3hrs a week min or at least sleep in a diaper cuddling teddy and sucking on paci

[Bettypooh]

They say, "Happiness is a choice."

[Dill_Pickle]

Lilme,

You returned to DailyDi for a reason....this is probably the most adult, safest place on the internet you know. And you know you have friends here.

It is past time you replaced your job. There are lots of stores in your area, and if the owners don't have what it takes to stand up to the schemers and plotters and slackers, they don't deserve you. There are lots of places that do deserve you, or will at least be less toxic, and there are places that will let you practice managing, too, which will help your new business succeed. I have little hope for your being able to manage at your current store, as I don't think the owners will back you up aganst the person you will need to fire to get the necessary credibility to impose discipline. There are also places supplying temporary workers that might find you interesting and give you a chance to see other workplaces.

As to sleep: getting good sleep at a regular time is essential to health. Have your husband check you for sleep apnea, if you have it, you will feel lots better once it is being treated. You need to go about 10 minutes at a time with regular breathing.

I don't understand why you are waiting for mid-2014 to start your business. Maybe there is a good reasson, like an ice cream stand, but the job you are working right now is significantly reducing your chance of success, and starting now is quite possibly a way to get out of a frankly toxic situation.

I am with Betty here: take time for yourself, take care of yourself. You have no higher priority. Your current job is not a priority...it is hurting you, and this must stop.

[lilme`]

Lilme,

You returned to DailyDi for a reason....this is probably the most adult, safest place on the internet you know. And you know you have friends here.

It is past time you replaced your job. There are lots of stores in your area, and if the owners don't have what it takes to stand up to the schemers and plotters and slackers, they don't deserve you. There are lots of places that do deserve you, or will at least be less toxic, and there are places that will let you practice managing, too, which will help your new business succeed. I have little hope for your being able to manage at your current store, as I don't think the owners will back you up aganst the person you will need to fire to get the necessary credibility to impose discipline. There are also places supplying temporary workers that might find you interesting and give you a chance to see other workplaces.

As to sleep: getting good sleep at a regular time is essential to health. Have your husband check you for sleep apnea, if you have it, you will feel lots better once it is being treated. You need to go about 10 minutes at a time with regular breathing.

I don't understand why you are waiting for mid-2014 to start your business. Maybe there is a good reasson, like an ice cream stand, but the job you are working right now is significantly reducing your chance of success, and starting now is quite possibly a way to get out of a frankly toxic situation.

I am with Betty here: take time for yourself, take care of yourself. You have no higher priority. Your current job is not a priority...it is hurting you, and this must stop.

I have a business partner who has a time table. He's finishing his last year of college and wanted to drop out to start this business with me when I ran it by him. I said absolutely not! It would be a mistake and I wouldn't allow it. Another 9 months for him to finish his schooling is a small price to pay for his education, and what he's learning benefits us both.

[Bettypooh]

Glad you're making that appointment But next time around consider doing it earlier. Depression meds take time to have an effect and if you are really down then you don't want to be stuck there for 10-14 more days before you begin getting better And maybe another 10-14 days (or more) before you're back to normal after that. That is why knowing your own warning signs is so important- it helps keep you from bottoming out like you seem to have now

[lilme`]

Appt. made.

[Dill_Pickle]

As I recover myself, my "WRAP" book is gathering dust. Doctor's suggestion of using a hig speed blender to juice beets and things is working, but I also need to get rid of a toxic job.

[Bettypooh]

All jobs are toxic- but starvation and exposure are more toxic so we put up with them I'm currently in a pretty good spot overall but my job has it's toxic aspects too So does self-employment on a fuller scale I'm no good at the administrative-office side of business but I excel in on-site job work and management If I could only find a partner whose skills complemented mine we'd both do superbly and we'd lose a lot of the toxicity So far no luck with that so I have to choose my poison and take it willingly Which he!! would I like today? hmmmm......what a loaded question

[WetDad]

Dearest lilme,

This should be a very exciting time in your life. You are planning a new business venture.! On top of that you have a wonderful life partner who istry ing his best to be a help to you.

Like you, I have spent my life struggling with depression, as has my mother, siblings, cousins... Darn shame it's not hereditary. I have always been most happy and excited when starting a new company and I've done this six times now. Yet there are days when I feel truly unworthy of all the opportunities I've been given, and my loving wife has to pick me up and remind me of all the people who look up to me- and they can't all be wrong...

So for you I would suggest:

1. Medication. Keep trying this and don't be afraid to change meds if you don't feel right, or you don't like the side effects. Once you find something that works to your satisfaction, stay in it. Forever. Really. You can't stop, and you can't taper off. This is one of those essential meds like insulin and your life just depends on it. I finally settled on a particular prescription because I found the side effects to be tolerable, and one of the effects is my Incontinence. The up side is how much better my life is, and I don't want to go back.

2. Your husband. He is your barometer, so listen to him and trust him when he says you are being moody, or too emotional or whatever. Learn to ask then listen and trust his feedback. Show him this note, his role is essential for both of you.

3. Look to your future. It is so bright and promising.

If you have any questions, pm me please. You are important