Regressive Ab: Curse Or Blessing?

[rosalie.bent]

Morning all...

The question has been raised with us and discussed a number of times privately, but now we want to get some imput from others.

If you are a regressive AB (ie not DL or role-player) do you rate this aspect of yourself as a curse or a blessing? Which parts are the blessing and which is the curse?

In my case (Michael), I have often considered it a curse in that the overall impact on my life has been negative. However there are certainly some positive sides which are:

1. I relate extremely well with young children in part because I have a good idea how they realte and know it instictively.

2. I am a very good story teller both in writing and in telling stories to groups of children

3. I can experience some of the joy of being a nearly authentic toddler or even infant, which is completely denied adults or teens

However the curse side is that:

1. It has controlled my life

2. It has limited me by always being my #1 thought throughout much of my life

3. It has been a phenomenal struggle

All in all, probably a curse, but now that I am in a parent/child relationship I find that the balance has moved to the positive. There is just a very large negative balance still to be overcome.

Love to hear other's feelings opinions and experiences.

[dancin_angel02]

hi

I think you need to find a balance and once you find the balance it becomes a blessing and I have found my blessing with my baby boy whom I love as my boyfriend and as my baby.

but being in a parent/child relationship is not easy having to attend to your little one especially if they are very regressive as mines is. I have never considered being a mommy a curse but frutstrating. During my searching for that right baby to fit into my lifestyle and with my family. I came into this lifestyle as AB mommy knowing what I was exaclty looking for so i was able to keep a clear head during my search.

here are my reason for why some ABs in the community might find it a curse

1 feeling alone b/c they cant find a mommy or daddy

2 feeling afriad to be themselves and being judged

3 lossing family friends and even lovers if they find out

4. not being able to understand themselves

I could go on but i will stop.

When an adult baby cant find someone to relate to they feel alone. Searching for that person they can connect with, and if this search still leaves them alone with no connection than it can become a curse for some adult babies

however for me it has been blessing and I dont regret being a mommy I compare it to a biological mommy getting a call a from the adoption agency and they have said we have a baby up for adoption and it yours. This is how I felt when i met my baby brett. It was awesome and amazing to be able to find a Adult baby I can relate with and also bring happiness to his life as well as mines! After finding Brett and being able to work on the nursery and blance our lives together it became more of a reality that became my blessings being in a parent/child relationship with someone I love

mommy

[Yuna]

I can identify with the first three things, but not so much with the 2nd three. I mean, I am a kid, I have come to slowly accept it, largely because I was incorrectly tought that I would grow up.

For me the struggle has been:

Trying to be an adult.

Trying to think like an adult.

And trying to trust adults.

I must say though that for all of the difficulties it can cause me to not be able to be an adult like most people my "age", I must say that I am a most responsible child and I like to think that my personality contains much of the best of both age-worlds. Lots of the advantages that adults have over me, like with the art of deception are not things which I wish to learn and employ on the people around me.

Being able to be a "normal" adult sure would be easier to make it through life, but I have learned that it sure isn't as much fun, even if both are equally stressful.

[rosalie.bent]

I can identify with the first three things, but not so much with the 2nd three. I mean, I am a kid, I have come to slowly accept it, largely because I was incorrectly tought that I would grow up.

For me the struggle has been:

Trying to be an adult.

Trying to think like an adult.

And trying to trust adults.

I must say though that for all of the difficulties it can cause me to not be able to be an adult like most people my "age", I must say that I am a most responsible child and I like to think that my personality contains much of the best of both age-worlds. Lots of the advantages that adults have over me, like with the art of deception are not things which I wish to learn and employ on the people around me.

Being able to be a "normal" adult sure would be easier to make it through life, but I have learned that it sure isn't as much fun, even if both are equally stressful.

There is a lot of truth in what yu say. I know that in watching my own baby behave in both adult and infant modes tht there is something special happening. I think he sees things a little different from us total adults. I guess you could say as parent/child now, we are trying to maximise the good and minimise the bad.

[Yuna]

Rosalie.bent, are you the child or the parent? Or both, but with a partner and you switch?

I'm kinda like Sasami from Tenchi where I do adult things like cooking (with a cute Hello Kitty apron) and cleaning for the house, but then I like also like coloring and playing with my ponies.

One thing I have heard from multiple therapist or special ed people is how they are amazed at how I have not lost any of my childlike innocence or my sense of wonder about the world.

I prefer the directness of children, in speach and motivation. While children still lie sometimes, they do not murder the every moments truth with their speach.

[rosalie.bent]

Rosalie.bent, are you the child or the parent? Or both, but with a partner and you switch?

I'm kinda like Sasami from Tenchi where I do adult things like cooking (with a cute Hello Kitty apron) and cleaning for the house, but then I like also like coloring and playing with my ponies.

One thing I have heard from multiple therapist or special ed people is how they are amazed at how I have not lost any of my childlike innocence or my sense of wonder about the world.

I prefer the directness of children, in speach and motivation. While children still lie sometimes, they do not murder the every moments truth with their speach.

I am very definitely the parent - always. My baby is a sissy ages 1-5

[mike indiapers]

I find being an ABDL is both a blessing and curse. I love certain emotional and intense feelings that get generated from my desire to wear diapers and be little, but feel odd and out of place from the vanilla world I must exist in as a member of society. Finding the proper balance and having friends that understand and are like-minded has been key to my coexistence.

[babybrett]

Well I would have to say at first I did find it a curse. I really did, now were talking around age 15 for me as now billions of people know bout me. I would say around age 1 it became a blessing. I had a couple people in my life that were just accepting of it and even got baby diapers when i could fit into them. I have been really REALLY lucky in my search for what I have wanted. First I had Cat which if you ask anyone to this day she still treats me like a 2yr old more then a grown up. Found out Cat and I were not meant to be, not because of the show but because of other things i really don't want to get into. Now when I went to go search for a family because i was fed up with love and all that jazz. I actually had 20ish offers of stuff and the person that doesnt even ask me, Teisha is the one I fell for and still fall for. I am a very regressive baby and have infantile traits everywhere in my daily life. This is exactly what she wanted and we connect on a whole different level both adult and baby. I would have to also say that it was a blessing to live my life how I do. Ask teisha first hand I literally will dress how I want act how I want, though shes adding rules to that >.> Its all about finding that other someone for a true adult baby. Once you do find that someone, most search for a woman and not a man, but alot settle for either just to have the extra someone there for you. I get lucky and its woman the whole way for me The only way I think it is a curse is if your "in the nursery about it" and I mean adult babies not DL's. I know my cousin is and he doesnt like his life to much. Me on the other hand love my life and I spend every moment doing what I think is best. For now thats get enough money to move closer to Teisha, but that will change soon. Anyways thats my say on it, if your happy who you are its a blessing if your sad and think your sick inside or alone I think its a curse.

[babymaggie]

For me it I guess I would consider it both a blessing and a curse as well. For me I have exhibited child like behavior all my life and am really surprised that my family has never siad anything about that behavior. On the other hand they do not know the extent of it. the fact that I wear diapers 24/7, drink out of baby bottles and sippy cups, use pacifiers, sleep with my favorite blankie and bear, color, play with toys etc. I ahve never lost my over active imagination which most adults lose. I have always wanted to be with/work with children as I believe I relate better to them than I do adults most of the time. Growing up I also played with toys long after most of my friends had stopped playing with toys and that was hard because of all the teasing and such that i got.

For me the blessing is that when difficult things in my life happen, like when I was diagnosed with a pulmonary hypertension a non-curable fatal lung disease, I retreated into my little self for awhile to give the adult side some time to process the news. The day I was diaganosed I decided that I needed to go grocery shopping by myself even though my mom and grandma thought they should go with me. While wandering Walmart my little side saw this cute glow bear and had to have it, the bear found its way into the cart my regressive side needed the comfort. On the other hand because of my regressive side I can burst into tears at the drop of a hat and i can also have tantrums just like a two year old, this being a curse most of the time. I know this is an unattractive side but as hard as the adult side of me tries and wants to gain control of this I can't. I aslo have bad behaviors that are unexceptable and my adult side tries hard to gain control over the behavior but just can't and I know that it can cause problems. Yesterday is a great example of why it is a curse. My little side woke up grumpy and tired. My husband/daddy asked why I got up, my answer was that the adult side of me had things to get done before church. We get to church and my little side is what I call fidgety and hyper. When I am like this I get into trouble and do naughty things that children would sometimes do. So in church I can't really sit still, try to write on my hand, and a few other little things that upset daddy. When we get home I am busy doing grown up adult chores while still fighting with my little side to be good. Throughout the day my littles behavior gets worse and while watching TV with daddy I bite myself, lie to daddy end up in time out, have a tantrum and basically make daddy mad. My adult side tries so hard to gain control of this behavior but i just can't. I know that sounds crazy and sometimes when this happens I think I am crazy but if I lost my little side I would feel empty and incomplete.

I too have a hard time trusting adults, while I can be an adult and act like an adult my little side is so dominant in my life that it used to scare me. I thought something was wrong with me, that I was a freak of nature. In college I had a hard time with classes, started out in elementary ed, couldn't handle the work and because I took a pyscholoy class and liked it I decided to major in it. I only went to college because my parents wanted me to have a good education and I wanted to please them. I decide that by majoring in pyschology that I would find out what was wrong with me, I didn't but also at that time, by doing an internet search on adults and diapers I found out that there were others like me so that was conforting to me.

I am a very functioning educated adult who acts like a grown up when she needs to and also needs that balance of being an adult as well as being that little girl. That I consider a very big blessing because I think that if all I wanted was to be nothing but that little girl, than I would have lost touch with reality. I am very thankful that I have found the most wonderful husband/daddy that accepts me for who I am and puts up with my behavior. I know that on my littles bad days it takes a lot out of daddy as he really does not like those days and I feel bad because I wish I could control it, try hard to control the behavior but just can't get the control I need. He is a DL but does like a little mommy time and I enjoy being able to give that time to him as a way to thank him. I do need to give him more of that time though because I know I do not give him enough of that time. I am working on this though.

All in all I would say that my life has been a balance of blessing and curse. I have come to love the way I am and accept that I am who I am and I will never please everyone, but I am happy about who I am and that is a unique individual that is an adult that still has a child side and has never truly grown up the way most people do.

[rosalie.bent]

Thank you everyone for these responses. They are all wonderful and remarkably honest. I think that most regressive ABs have similar stories of dealing with the regressive forces that so often control us and indeed, limit us. What I am trying to understand now is by stories such as these as how people find their way thru life as regressive babies, what the triggers are and how we all deal with it. I want to be able to help teach and train ABs and their partners in this issue. I wonder sometimes if the number one problem for regressive babies is that the drive is not easily under our control or in some people under control at all. I know that Michael still struggles immensely with managing some of his severe regressive episodes because we rarely have the opporunity to let it run its course without limits.

please continue to tell me your stories and experiences.

[dljim95]

Currently I am 50 going on 3. I do wear and use my cloth diapers 24/7 and that does help me cope with my needs but it does not go far enough. Both my wife and I read your book and we both learned a lot to help us move forward. Before the Baby in my bed experience she had no clue how to handle my needs. While still not perfect we are finding ways to help get my baby side under control. I now sleep with a pacifier every night and I am lost if for some reason I can not sleep with it. During the day she let's me color and play with our grandson, he loves to have someone to play with and it gives a chance to be little. Being a regressive baby is now more of a blessing since my wife/mommy understands me better but it can be a huge curse when I do not get my baby time.

[rosalie.bent]

Currently I am 50 going on 3. I do wear and use my cloth diapers 24/7 and that does help me cope with my needs but it does not go far enough. Both my wife and I read your book and we both learned a lot to help us move forward. Before the Baby in my bed experience she had no clue how to handle my needs. While still not perfect we are finding ways to help get my baby side under control. I now sleep with a pacifier every night and I am lost if for some reason I can not sleep with it. During the day she let's me color and play with our grandson, he loves to have someone to play with and it gives a chance to be little. Being a regressive baby is now more of a blessing since my wife/mommy understands me better but it can be a huge curse when I do not get my baby time.

It is great to hear that you have made steps forward in dealing with your regressive AB side. I gather that you also found that 24/7 diapers helped with handling the regression? We discovered the same thing by accident when Michael had to go back to 24/7 diapers and suddenly his baby side was a whole lot more balanced. I can relate to the use of a pacifier at night as my baby sometimes cannot sleep with out onewhile other times can.

I also know what you mean by needing your baby time. I have to schedule good baby times for my baby or else she gets cranky and frustrated. She sleeps as a baby girl every night and that certainly makes a hude difference but it is no alternative to regular day-time babyplay even if it is no more than wearing baby clothes while working from home.

Thanks for your post. If you want to discuss anything about this with me, my email is rosalie.bent@gmail.com

[Honu]

Balance is a key in all relationships, including AB based relationships. So, I think there is a balance between the blessing and curse aspects as well. Doesn't an individual have their own relationship with their inner AB? Okay, so I'm saying there is both and if one side is winning, it's time to cheer for the other side and encourage it.

Besides all that, I hope that everyone will forgive me for publishing a very public (within the community) thank you to my wife, BabyMaggie, for being straight forward and transparent in her post above. Both of those attributes are also good for relationships.

Aloha and Peace,

Honu

[rosalie.bent]

Balance is a key in all relationships, including AB based relationships. So, I think there is a balance between the blessing and curse aspects as well. Doesn't an individual have their own relationship with their inner AB? Okay, so I'm saying there is both and if one side is winning, it's time to cheer for the other side and encourage it.

Besides all that, I hope that everyone will forgive me for publishing a very public (within the community) thank you to my wife, BabyMaggie, for being straight forward and transparent in her post above. Both of those attributes are also good for relationships.

Aloha and Peace,

Honu

Balance is certainly the key. But the problem is that there are some who dont really understand that and then there are those who do , but struggle to achieve it. AB is very poorly understood and so finding balance with a very strong regressive drive and not really knowing much about it can make the taks so much hard and for some, impossible. It certainly seems to be a lot easier for those within relationships to find balance.

[babymaggie]

Balance is certainly the key. But the problem is that there are some who dont really understand that and then there are those who do , but struggle to achieve it. AB is very poorly understood and so finding balance with a very strong regressive drive and not really knowing much about it can make the taks so much hard and for some, impossible. It certainly seems to be a lot easier for those within relationships to find balance.

I find that I understand that balance is the key but struggle so much to achieve it. While it may be easier to achieve this balance for those who are in relationships it is also a struggle. I guess what i mean is in my situation, Honu and I have been married for almost 4 1/2 years and I still struggle daily with the balance. I am just now grasping that during this four years it has been more take on my part and not nearly enough give. I am just now starting to do the things that Honu really enjoys about being a DL. I had to get past a few adult stuggles as well. First when we met I thought it would be easy to be his mommy and it was while we were emailing each other before we met in person, six months after we met online. After we got married I realized that it was hard because what I had alwas wanted most was to be a mommy to an actual baby. Due to medical reasons I cannot have children.

So we get married and it is super easy for me to fall into the little girl role loving that she had a wonderful daddy, while the grown-up me was finding it so hard to be a mommy to an adult. I was so scared that if I couldn't do the mommy part that Honu craved that our marriage would fail, after all as an adult I do understand on some level that it cannot be all about me. Sure I did mommy things for him like change his diaper though not nearly enough, get him in his night time diaper and get him off to sleep by rubing his back and other things that he enjoys about this lifestyle. Did I do it nearly enough to achieve any sort of balance? Well the answer is no and four years later it is finally sinking into my head.

Now I have to say that my daddy has been so wonderful because he has put up with so much from me and my litlle side. There is no real way to truly show how much I love and appreciate him except to acknowledge that I need to give more to him. I have started to do this in the past few weeks by during more of the things he wants as far as having a mommy. So while I have a long way to go in actully achieving balance in our lifestlye, I am certainly go be be more aware and remind myself that it can't be all about me. For those that have the same struggle, my advice don't give up.

[babymaggie]

Balance is a key in all relationships, including AB based relationships. So, I think there is a balance between the blessing and curse aspects as well. Doesn't an individual have their own relationship with their inner AB? Okay, so I'm saying there is both and if one side is winning, it's time to cheer for the other side and encourage it.

Besides all that, I hope that everyone will forgive me for publishing a very public (within the community) thank you to my wife, BabyMaggie, for being straight forward and transparent in her post above. Both of those attributes are also good for relationships.

Aloha and Peace,

Honu

Your welcome daddy. As my husband knows I am not open and transparent about how regressive of an AB that I am. In fact on most of the post on here I say very little about myself other than things like diapers I use, the use of a pacifier etc. I do this to protect myself form ridicule from others . So one might ask why I am suddenly going to try and explain to the best of my abilty all about my regressive AB side. Well because I think that if people want to learn more about the differences between other regressive AB's and even AB's in general, then people have to be willing to talk about things that they feel are very personal and private to them. There are no two regressive AB's unlike, my opinion and my opinion only, as in I do not wish to be attacked for the comment so please respect my opinion and yes I am sure there are some that may diasagree and that is fine everyone has that right.

Okay so daddy mentioned "Doesn't an individual have their own relationship with their inner AB?" For me the answer is yes. Obviously there is the adult me and then there is the baby Maggie side but what I never have really disclosed here is that I have an older little girl side that has a seperate identity form Maggie. Do I have mulltple personalities you ask. The answer is no but for so much of my life I believed that I did and that I was crasy. There again why I studied pyschology in college. The Sarah side of me is so very painfully shy and withdrawn and scared. To explain a little when I was a child I had two seperate incidents of almost being kidnapped. The second time I was 8, the age of Sarah, my brother and I were walking to school and a car started following us. We ran for the convent, wnet to a Catholic school at the time. The nuns called the cops as they were able to get part of the license plate number. During the day I was called out of class to look at mug shots. Long story short, I can still recall the color of the car and the face of the long grey haired bearded man to this day. My parents said, nothing happened you are fine, here have a cookie. Do I place blame on them for not seeing how tramautized I was, no in their defense they didn't know how else to handle this.

I began wetting the bed again and hid it from my parents by lying to them and being sneaky. Am I proud of that no, but I didn't want to be in trouble. Now the Sarah side of me has nightmares and needs reassurance that things are fine. When that side of me is strong then I do things like kid crafts such as American girl, making bead necklaces and bracelets. Watching things like Good Luck Charlie, Jessie, movies like American Girl, Enchanted and so many others. She loves to read and reads the American Girl books, Little House on the Prairie, Anne of Green Gables, and so much more. She has her own unique personality and even my daddy would say that he doesn't see enough of that side of me. The reason for that part of my is the part that feels safer to stay locked up inside of herself. Here again I know that all of this sounds like I am crazy and have multiple personalities, I can assure you that I do not but it still doesn't make it easier for me to accept myself let alone ask other people to accept or believe what I am saying.

Baby Maggie well she is either very, very good or very, very bad. It is the bad behavior that is hard to deal with even for me. I still don't know how to get control of that behavior even though I am well aware the the bad behavior. It is so hard to be an adult and accept what I am saying but I live it and sometimes it is so hard on me. I wonder why do I have to be like this and why can't I control this behavior. The one thing I do know for dur eof my own regressive AB life is that I have to struggle everyday to be an adult, to not regress into baby or little girl mode and stay there all day. The adult life that I do have I love and am thankful that I do gain the control to not totally regress. I have no doubt that if I didn't have that control I would not have the ability to function in society let alone to have found the most wonderful loving husband that does truly accept me for who I am despite what I tell him at times. Maggie is not always bad. What she craves most is attention and loves to snuggle with daddy and give him princess kisses. She has a silly imagination and can be so very sweet and lovable. The bad behavior comes from being over tired, stressed, upset or just plain trying to get attention.

I am not sure how people will take this post but this is my very personal insight to my life as a regressive AB, everyone is different and I am willing at this point to put very personal insight out for all on this site to see in order for more understanding of how regressive AB's and AB's in general are not all alike but have their own unique lifestye and personalites.

[curiositykilledthecat]

It's neither a curse nor a blessing, it merely is. how you let it impact your daily life is wear the curse or blessing comes in.

[rosalie.bent]

It's neither a curse nor a blessing, it merely is. how you let it impact your daily life is wear the curse or blessing comes in.

Which is ironically, the point of the question. Although I think it is simplistic to think that it is as easy as that implies, often the outcome is about how we decide we want it to be. But oftent he regressive urge is very, very strong and requires more help than simply 'deciding'. It requires other skills.

[rosalie.bent]

It is quite striking that when being totally honest and free of fantasy, that most regressive ABs see it as a negative overall rather than a positive. We had a difficult day yesterday when my baby wake up very deeply regressed and simply couldnt 'grow up'. This hasnt happened for quite a long time and it was difficutl for all when on a day when a lot of adult interaction was required that he found it exceedingly difficult as his baby side was very very strong. If we had been on holiday or free to let him spend the day a a fully regressed 1yo then it would have been wonderful for him, but because of circumstance, it was an exceedingly difficult day for both him and I.

Uncontrolled regresssion is certainly not a fun experience. Has anyone else experienced a level of regression that that found exceedingly difficult to control or manage?

[curiositykilledthecat]

A few times, however i think it stems from suppression more than an overly regressive side.

[rosalie.bent]

A few times, however i think it stems from suppression more than an overly regressive side.

I agree that sometimes uncontrolled regression is from lack of opporunity to regress at other times. But Ive also seen that soemtimes very deep regression can just appear almost out of the blue and then need attention. The trouble is that that is not always possible.

[Nia]

I have definitely had times where I am no longer functioning normally and have to regress for a while. Its like a pressure release valve and after a while if you haven't let the pressure off it blows up in your face.

[diggir]

I agree with Mike indiapers. It's a blessing when I'm home alone and I can use my paci or baby bottle. The emotions I feel take me back to a time that unfortunately I don't remember. As adults we don't know how it was when we were babies because, I'm told, the memory doesn't kick in until later. The simulation of those times makes it feel like a blessing. Of course it's a curse when you have to put those things away and be an adult. In a perfect world we would be free to be in that frame of mind 24/7 but society prevents that from happening. Unless we want to labeled a freak.

[rosalie.bent]

I have definitely had times where I am no longer functioning normally and have to regress for a while. Its like a pressure release valve and after a while if you haven't let the pressure off it blows up in your face.

Thats a pretty common experience of regressives. Being a baby is a NEED rather than a fetish or an elective choice to role play/

[Crinklebritches]

Very interesting topic. I've found it's been both, a blessing and a curse.. Looking back I think the curse side for me is beating myself up for having this deep desire to be a baby. Allowing myself to let society tell me that these feelings are not right and that I shouldn't have these needs.

However, I have come to embrace it instead of fighting it, which is the blessing. I love being AB/DL, I cherish the moments when I get to regress and let the cares of the world fade away. Now, the curse of the blessing is not having a female companion who wants to share or understand the intamacy of the AB/DL lifestyle.

I guess in my case so far it's been a Curse, Blessing, Curse.. But still.. The BLESSINGS of being AB/DL has far outweighed the curses.