Mommy Needs Some Attention Too.

[j_addict]

I've posted before about how my boyfriend is a baby and I have assumed the mommy role. At first I had problems with the word mommy, but since I'm doing better in the role and we are doing ok.

My recent areas that need work are:

1. He works a lot, like 12-14 hour days and this means that we rarely have time to play. We usually just hang out and watch tv, make dinner, and do adult things. We go to bed around the same time every night, but we don't have play time before bed because he's tired. I understand that he's tired. He says he will have more energy for playing during the weekend but I feel like it's difficult to push all that energy to the end of the week.

2. Due to his working a lot his baby side gets tired and cranky. This leads to him not being able to sleep during the night, which just makes us both grumpy. When he can't sleep I ask him what's wrong and assume the nurturing role but he can't tell me what he needs and just ends up squirming away from me. This frustrates me because I want to help him, so I wake up and am attentive to his needs. Once he's comfortable and able to sleep I'm still awake because I felt the need to be awake for him. So I am sort to struggling with tending to the baby and then needing the husband/daddy role. I want to help him and am glad that I can but I also need him to help me sleep and it's not really working out right now. I know he's exhausted, but just because I don't have to get up for work doesn't mean I don't need a good night's sleep. I'll ask for help, like 'could you rub my back so we can sleep together?' and he will nod yes but then won't follow through. I don't want to be critical of him because I know he's tired, but I don't sleep well once he's asleep and snoring. Instead he has me roll over and hold him/spooning which is ok but it's hard for me to sleep like that because I need to be held and comforted too.

Anyone else have something like this? I'm really trying not to acuse him of anything, and just work through this properly. I want us to be able to find a middle ground but it's really difficult because he needs sleep and I want time with him.

[Dr_J]

You sort of answered your own question. You need to find a middle ground. While it's obviously difficult with him being so exhausted and working so hard, is there a way you can lessen the amount of "baby time" you have with him? The reason I suggest this is because if you say he has trouble sleeping, which in turn affects your sleep, then maybe there should be a night or two when either you or him (or the both of you) take something to help you both fall asleep. That way, he might not be as cranky and you might be able to get some sleep.

Also, you should really talk to him about this. Ibviously in any relationship, it's important that both parties are satisfied. It sounds to me like you're not getting your needs and wants fulfilled, even if that is no fault of yours or your significant other's. Still, you ought to talk to him. I know that's hard because you don't want to sound like you're accusing him, so there are a few ways to get your message across:

-When you do talk, tell him "I like doing this for you, and here's what I like that you do for me." And list those things. From there, you can tell him that you feel.

-Tell him, "When you do this (such as when he squirms and doesn't communicate what he wants from you), I feel..." and say it that way. Do you feel unappreciated? Do you feel like there's a rift between the two of you that's starting to form? When you say "I feel" it again makes it so you're simply telling him how you feel and you're not blaming him.

-Emphathize with him. Tell him you understand how tiring his job is and how rough that has to be...From there, attempt to find a middle ground. Try to comproise or negotiate so that your needs are being met, too. Obviously you need some TLC, too I'm not sure how your husband is when it comes to communicating, but this might help.

The only reason I'm suggesting these things is because I recently graduated from Grad School in the communications field, so I learned a lot about theory and interpersonal communication. Keeping a level head is most important, and so is emphathizing. Again, these are just suggestions, but I do wish you luck and hope you two find some middle ground!

[confusedmommy]

I kind of understand what you are going through. My baby and i are still in college and living in dorms so it is really difficult to be alone and have play time. He is busy constantly and on the rare occasion that we can be alone, he cant be completely comfortable when playing cause of the chances of people barging in. He has been fussy almost everynight so far. We're balancing with it the best we can but during the night i make sure i feed him before bed (room temp water or warm milk) and than he sleeps with a diaper or pullup on and his paci in his mouth. When i do this he relaxs alot, like all the stresses from the day never happened. He latches onto my side and snuggles on my chest. Yes, it is the reversed sleeping role for a couple but i love it. You may not get playtime but making sure he sleeps like a baby may help him sleep, and you as well.

This doesnt please every aspect of baby that he wishes it would but he understands that we cant go all out all the time and he knows that he will be getting a complete baby day soon. so that helps alittle. I hope this helps.

Contact me anytime, i feel like we are both in a very similar situation. New mommies and all.

[j_addict]

Dr_J: Thanks, we are trying to talk through it. We seem to have a trend of 'heavy Saturdays' where we work through our issues. I sort of hate it because it's a day we get together and I'd rather not have it contain dealing with heavy, stressful stuff, but it needs to be done sometime. I know he's tired and I need to be accepting of that, it's just hard right now. We are working on it and your input really helps.

confusedmommy: It is difficult for us to have play time because he's so tired. We have sort of deferred it to the weekends, which is usually sexual play time with me talking to the baby. My problem right now is that he is relaxed more or less, by me helping or him just being exhausted and it feels like he leaves me in the dust. Like he can just switch into sleep mode and I'm still awake because I helped him. I want him to be snuggly and cuddly and he doesn't have the energy for it. He might hold my hand but that's about it, it's hard for me to feel comforted while he's shut down and sleeping.

[NewMommy2]

Oh my, there is a lot going on with you guys. I may not have as much experience as some of the others on here, but what I have learned is that the most important thing is communication. And it sounds like you need to do a lot more communicating on your part if your needs, physically, mentally, sexually, emotionally, are not being met as well. The more you continue to give and give and not get what you need in return, the more the resentment will build up inside of you. Being a mommy is draining, it is hard to constantly give especially if you are not getting what you need and deserve in return. There needs to be balance, and definitely some give and take.

I hope my two cents helps. I know it is hard when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings that you love, but he is hurting you just as much if he is not listening and giving back.

[confusedmommy]

I agree, I think the best thing to do is talk to him. Tell him that you love taking care of him but you need alittle attention as well. They don't think they are doing anything wrong and that's why communication is key. My baby always tells me that we're a team and never to hesitae to talk. When your new to this lifestyle, its the only way to learn.

[Honu]

I'm a Daddy to Baby Maggie and have had similar issues. The AB, or LG in my house, is by it's nature a self-centered role. Nuturing one has some rewards but as mentioned, adult interaction or some other equity is necessary for the relationship. Yes, communication is prescribed, but it is for all relationships. More to the point, I found that negotiation is the key to working out the give and take of being with an AB. Be specific about what you are looking to get out of the negotiations and communicate in good faith.

Good luck and know that you are all wonderful for accepting your partners the way they are. As we are all aware, there are few others we can talk to about these sorts of relationship issues.

Aloha,

Honu

[NewMommy2]

Good point Honu, there are very few others we can talk to about this lifestyle because it is so misunderstood. And yes, communication is key in any relationship. But j_addict, I still think you need to be more forthcoming and maybe stern with your needs being met as well. I am the mommy of SoakedinTexas, we talk about EVERYTHING and if there is something I don't like or don't understand, he takes the time to explain. Which is especially helpful when you are new to all of this.

Good luck and do not hesitate to send me a pm if you have specific questions. Everyone on here is very helpful!

[j_addict]

Thanks everyone. We have discussed it as well as taken some steps that have made us closer together and even better together. We have started with him wearing in front of me, something that we weren't ready for earlier. It was totally fine and led to us being even closer and more in touch with our needs. We appreciate your feedback, it has been helpful for us getting over this obstacle and coming out closer on the other side. I'm so glad he showed me this community because it is difficult to talk about this stuff with just anyone since they don't really understand it.

[NewMommy2]

Thanks for the update j_addict, I am glad to see that you guys are starting to work through this all. It is worth the relationship. But I hope that you are not still loosing sleep because of his baby side.

NewMommy2

[confusedmommy]

Im happy you two have worked things out. The bond you two have or will have is amazing. This website reminds you that you arent alone and there are people who do understand.

[DaddyHatiwolf]

Join up with your nearest local ageplay community ... though understandably us parents are still a bit rare even in those groups. Experienced parents to talk with even more of a rarity.

[Fulldiaper]

If he's too tired to play, why not occasionally just take control and diaper him, while you watch TV. Let him nurse on your breasts while diapered and this probably will get both of you in a more playful mood. If not, I'm sure it will be a great cuddling time.

Respectfully

Michael

[j_addict]

If he's too tired to play, why not occasionally just take control and diaper him, while you watch TV. Let him nurse on your breasts while diapered and this probably will get both of you in a more playful mood. If not, I'm sure it will be a great cuddling time.

Respectfully

Michael

Thanks, this is a good idea and as we are growing within the AB relationship this is an option.

[Honu]

Another idea that doesn't take much time is to put your little one in night time diapers when you are putting them to bed (or they are going to sleep). When they wake up in the middle of the night, remind them that they are in thick night time diapers and don't need to wake up. You can also feed them a bottle of water and then help them go back to sleep if they woke up because they were thirsty. Those, ah, other needs should be addressed before the night time diapers are put on.

Just a suggestion,

Honu

[sharonbethlyn]

I like some others feed my baby a bottle before bed time it is part of mommy baby, there are time mine has extra stress and also has a hard time sleeping when this happens I so much enjoy breastfeeding my baby, I take my baby to my breast and alow her to suckle as long as she like and this always puts her back to sleep, as I said I enjoy having her suckle.

[j_addict]

Thanks again everyone for your feedback.

[Forced2wet]

Great to see a Mommy want to baby their partner and keen to play more.

Most partners join in begrudgingly or will do to keep their other half happy rather than enjoy the role in the 'relationship'

[j_addict]

It's definitely difficult at times @Forced2wet, but I'm embracing the role when I can. I'm definitely getting better at working in things for us to do together, and making sure that everyone is happy instead of struggling with both sides like we used to. We are more open about communication and when baby wants more over less. It's not an easy road, but it's getting better as we continue. We're in this so we are working to make the most of it so everyone is happy.

[chubbieshybigbaby]

its great to see so many mommys here.but where are all the older mommys . it leaves a great hole in my heart, i ty tp be happy most of the time being

[Fulldiaper]

When working 12-14 hour days, there is a definite need to decompress before bed. A diaper, cuddle time and maybe a beer in a babybottle would take off the edge and make both of you more ready to slumber and therefore sleep. If you can't get him in a diaper, while on the couch cuddling, you could get him aroused or even soaking wet with precum/cum and excuse yourself and go get a diaper and lovingly change him afterwards and have him nurse on you when he finishes his beer bottle The climax will usually get rid of the grumpiness on the AB side and it allows the mommy side some time too.

[LoveJenny]

Hi all. Would it be okay to be mommy to my baby, but when baby wants to be a different role I dont know what yo do? Should I try it and see what happens.

[Fulldiaper]

Jenny,

[newmommy123]

My (hubby) little boy also works long hours.