What If You Die

[tauschung]

I'm not worried about it. I take OAB meds..so they can deduce what they will. Either way, I'll be out of the picture..

[diaperpt]

This had been one of my major concerns for years; what if I were to die and my family found my diapers and other stuff?

As for those who say they don't care because they'll be gone - that's fine. You don't seem to give a damn about the people left behind, so I guess that's OK. I won't give a counter arguement because you probably don't care what anyone else says, either. OK. This is not a problem for you then.

For those of you who DO care and probably have loved ones who would find the stash even before a 'diaper buddy' could swoop in and take stuff (hmmm, a friend going throught the attic and taking out several large bags...not TOO obvious, huh???) - you've got a problem.

I can say this because my daughter ran across some used diapers a while back and asked my wife - who knew NOTHING! Yup, she loves me, but unh-unh - NO understanding here! I'm not divorced yet, but things are very, very tricky in my house. I won't go further and try to hijack the thread. The point in me saying this is whether you leave a note or just fess up now - it isn't just a matter of love. Some people (my wife included) are just SO set in their thinking that using diapers without physical need is dirty, disgusting, perverted...(throw in some more negative adjectives here...) that they can't accept it at all.

Don't expect that a note will do anything to ease the pain and anguish that MIGHT (or hopefully might not) be felt by leaving a note - the loved ones, already upset that you're gone (well, we hope so at least) are going to be further upset in finding something you'd hidden from them. I just don't see a note changing that. I suppose it is an attempt at explaining, but if you think its going to be accepted AFTER you're gone, why not face up and give it a shot NOW???

In my case, my only error in what I suspected would happen, was that she DIDN'T insist on a divorce immediately! I've voluntarily stayed out of diapers in an attempt to work on our relationship which was in need of work by both of us. I'm not sure it will work for me, but the point is merely that if you suspect your loved ones wouldn't accept your diaper side now, don't expect them to think any more generously after the fact - note or not!

[PrincessDragonette]

I honestly don't care. I'll be dead so my consciousness will be gone. Sure it might damage my reputation, but reputation is a social marker, without the ability to socialize, no need for a reputation. I can sit here and worry about what people will think of me, but it's my conscious mind that's doing the worrying, and that won't survive.

[d_drew12]

Sooooo diaperpt, what's your solution then? Sounds to me like you will definately hurt people according to you by leaving your things behind. However from the sounds of it, you are still into the scene so do your diapers and stuff self destruct at the time of your death or do you just not "care" either?

[sarah_ab]

As for those who say they don't care because they'll be gone - that's fine. You don't seem to give a damn about the people left behind, so I guess that's OK. I won't give a counter arguement because you probably don't care what anyone else says, either. OK. This is not a problem for you then.

.

wow .... what an assumption.. i said i won't care what people think of me because i will be incapable of caring as i'll be dead... however i also state that those who truely loved me, WON"T CARE what they find after i die... just like if i lost a loved one and suddenly went into their room and found a closet full of pony play stuff... i wouldn't care, I loved them, and will continue to love the memory of them, regardless of what they did behind closed doors. So those who truely cared about me will be the same.

If people want to make judgements about me after i'm dead based on what they find in a closet, then i don't think i'll care what they remember about me, clearly they were not the people i thought they were.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Simple solution for me, I'm dead, what do I care? Everything I do while living is wrong so what does it matter in death?

[sarah_ab]

Simple solution for me, I'm dead, what do I care? Everything I do while living is wrong so what does it matter in death?

welllllll not EVERYTHING is wrong.... wearing diapers is sooo soooo right!!!

[pampers212]

I have been thinking about this lately, as I plan to keep a stash around permamantly. I will probably write a note explaining everything from my POV, and since I am single, I plan on full disclosure before I marry. If she can't handle it, then it is not worth tying the knot.

[KittenAB]

Diaperpt ... if they feel hurt because of something you did that was not harmful to anyone, then they never really cared about you anyway.

[Honu]

There are some good points that were made already:

1) what me worry? - you're dead

2) what about the loved ones left behind?

3) those that don't understand/accept would if you needed them

So, why not just leave a note that explains that the diapers left behind are because you recently developed a medical need for them. You don't have to date the note or have it discovered anytime before the diapers are.

Okay, I'm lucky that I'm married to a woman who not only accepts my enjoyment of diapers, she shares it! Despite that, I have children from marriages before her and I have no intention of "coming clean" with them. I also have a reasonable story for medically needing them and can leave that excuse. I'm not worried about what happens to me after death, but I do love my children and they don't need to know, nor do they want to know the things that turn me on, no matter what they are.

[diaperpt]

Diaperpt ... if they feel hurt because of something you did that was not harmful to anyone, then they never really cared about you anyway.

Kitten, sarah and d_drew: I just flat disagree with your point of view. It seems to me that when we make statements like these, we're thinking about particular people. I've been married almost 25 years and my wife just recently repeated how she has always felt we were meant for each other. I take that as being from someone who cares. Yet, a few months ago, one of my daughters pointed out to my wife my hidden bag of used diapers prior to me taking them to the dump. She confronted me and I fessed up. She was absolutely disgusted, but stopped short of walking out of the marriage - as I thought would have been the case. She felt hurt because after this many years of marriage, she felt a betrayal that I hadn't told her (how could I, since I knew she'd not accept it!) and she feels I 'cheated' on her. Whether that point is legit or not, it was her legitimate feeling. If she'd found my stash - and she never knew the true extent, as I trashed it all (very sadly) to save the relationship - and don't YOU dare put a value on MY relationship! I shouldn't have put values on yours and I apologize for that. I think that is where we both make mistakes.

I still maintain that leaving a stash beyond can at least potentially hurt CERTAIN people. If all of you have evaluated those who might find out and have decided it's 'safe' for them to find out, then good for you. The other point I'd mention is: if you feel confident your loved one's won't take offense after you're dead, why not reveal it to them now? If you've revealed it to them, then you aren't really part of this particular discussion, are you? Of course your opinion is as worthy as mine, but I still think an attitude of I don't care after I'm dead translates to I don't care now...

I'm now in therapy - I need it not because I'm crazy and wore diapers, but because I can see that my need for diapers stems from issues I'd like to understand and possibly resolve. If I can find a different way to fill my needs, that's one thing. I can consider that. If I can't find a different way, then I'll have to evaluate whether I can stay in the marriage. We've talked about the diapers several times - I think she needs to talk with her therapist about it to see why she has such a resistance - probably wont happen.

Even so, my point in revealing this is:

1. she, like many, many others in this world, find that the fact that we wear diapers is just flat disgusting and sees no reason to go beyond that. She can love me dearly but still be disgusted and highly upset (beyond what any of us would want) because of her own inner bias, prejudice, mistaken (or correct) impressions, etc, etc. I'm having a hard enough time explaining why I need diapers - let alone get her to accept them.

2. I've been busted now to the one who does matter to me. She explained to my daughters that I had a 'temporary' need and that its now taken care of. Even if they found diapers again, they'd go back to that thought - I had a need. I wish I could have my diaper life back right now, but I am glad that I no longer have to make the decision of keeping my diaper stash or risk my wife finding out later on.

In conclusion, once again I apologize if my statements didn't match your relationship or your knowledge of others relationships - perhaps my statement was not as universal as I'd thought. Perhaps you should review your statements for the same reasons.

[sarah_ab]

,my loved ones couldn't care less what i do in the bedroom, btu that doesn't mean i have to tell them about all the sex i have.

its sorta like my loved ones couldn't care less if i take a shit once a day or twice a day, but i'm not going to call them everytime i take a dump.

they also couldn't care less whether i wear underwire bra or not, but again i don't have a need to divulge to them everytime i put on a particular bra.

my love ones could care less which brand of tampons i would use, but it doesn't mean every time i buy tampons or put one in i have to tell them.

just because someone wouldn't care what you do, doesn't mean they want to know about it.

i mean i don't care that my best friend has sex with other men, but i don't want him to call and tell me what position they were in, or what brand of condom he wore.

I couldn't care less that some of my friends enjoy wearing thongs, or no underwear at all, but taht doesn't mean if they do enjoy this they have to call me up everytime they put one on, or nothing on at all.

All i was saying is, if they truely love you and care about you, then discovering after you passed that you had a private life, should not make them think any different of you. See its ok to have a private life, and its ok to not tell everyone everything, and if people can't accept that, even inf your death, then they werent the loved ones you thought they were.

if your best friend died and you were asked to go through their closet and found pictures of them sleeping being tied up and whipped by another man, while a woman tied up in a chair watched, i really hope you would still care just as much about that friend as you did 5 seconds before you found thsoe pictures.

sounds like maybe your wife is not the person you thought she was? you can love someone and still realize they are not the right person for you. If she truely DID love you unconditionally, then she would allow you to indulge in your diapers. Doesn't mean you should do it around her, but it also doesn't mean you should have to hide the fact that sometimes you want to indulge in something you enjoy. Sorta like men who love football, their wives may not like it at all, but they don't stop their husbands from getting together with friends and watching.. without the wife there...

[Diaper666]

just thank of it in this way if were dead how will we know what our loved ones thank of what they find on our computers or diapers or anything related? i mean would be good to know what they would think about the fetish i mean ive been caught once or twice wearing but wasnt really that big of a deal but one would be wondering why they were wearing a diaper when they did NOT need to when they died this would be what they would be wondering aobut .................

[sarah_ab]

although i would hope when i die my loved ones will be more saddened by my passing then spending their time judging me for what i did in the bedroom.. again if those in your life instead of greiving your loss and celebrating your life, spend that time judging you and such... why do you want that type of person in your life?

[arren]

if i died my dad would know what to do with my stuff i told him i want my abdl sent to my good friend in america who hes meet before

[KittenAB]

The only people I care about in real life won't stop caring about me even if I was a mass murderer ... they'd turn me in to make me stop but they wouldn't stop caring ... why is something like a clothing choice or "fetish" ... or why ever else you do it ... any worse than that? I usually tell people I like to wear diapers for a long time before I actually tell them I need them, just to test this, make sure they do care. As for family, I know my mother didn't really love me, or my brother and sister, my father did though. Want to know how I know this? My family knew I was "different", and my father was the only one who said he didn't care how or why I was who I was, I was his child and he loved me. He's a redneck BTW, and the most loving member of my family. The rest of my family can go to hell for all I care, because I know they only love each other as long as they are "normal" ... it's not real love.

[diaperpt]

Sarah,

First of all let me say I have a lot of respect for you based on what I've read in the forums. Our point of view is a little far apart on this issue, however. I think there is a huge leap from conventional underwear - boxers or briefs - and style of bra - and brand of tampon to wearing diapers, being into S&M, what type of tampon I stuff up my butt to hold in a suppository so I can poop in my diaper!

Among people I know, some are more tolerant and accepting of aberrations than others. I do think true loved ones would not simply walk away from a relationship having discovered an aberration, but if they are not very accepting in general (perhaps because of their own hang-ups, bad experiences, etc) they may well be scarred by the discovery that a loved one has a hidden life focused on something they have always thought of as an abhorrent aberration. For example, my wife actually said she'd have preferred to find out I had an affair than to find out I wear diapers! No, she hasn't just walked away from the relationship, but we're having a hell of a time working on it now - and it is much needed work aside from the diapers (but that's another story).

Further, I'd agree that with unconditional love, anything at all could be accepted. The problem I have there is that we are all human and I don't think that within us as humans we are perfectly capable of unconditional love. We all have limits in some way - some less, some more. This is a function of being human and fallible as opposed to being capable of perfect, unconditional love.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I find our difference in thought on this interesting and I respect you and your opinion, even if we don't see eye-to-eye on this. Thanks for your comments.

,my loved ones couldn't care less what i do in the bedroom, btu that doesn't mean i have to tell them about all the sex i have.

its sorta like my loved ones couldn't care less if i take a shit once a day or twice a day, but i'm not going to call them everytime i take a dump.

they also couldn't care less whether i wear underwire bra or not, but again i don't have a need to divulge to them everytime i put on a particular bra.

my love ones could care less which brand of tampons i would use, but it doesn't mean every time i buy tampons or put one in i have to tell them.

just because someone wouldn't care what you do, doesn't mean they want to know about it.

i mean i don't care that my best friend has sex with other men, but i don't want him to call and tell me what position they were in, or what brand of condom he wore.

I couldn't care less that some of my friends enjoy wearing thongs, or no underwear at all, but taht doesn't mean if they do enjoy this they have to call me up everytime they put one on, or nothing on at all.

All i was saying is, if they truely love you and care about you, then discovering after you passed that you had a private life, should not make them think any different of you. See its ok to have a private life, and its ok to not tell everyone everything, and if people can't accept that, even inf your death, then they werent the loved ones you thought they were.

if your best friend died and you were asked to go through their closet and found pictures of them sleeping being tied up and whipped by another man, while a woman tied up in a chair watched, i really hope you would still care just as much about that friend as you did 5 seconds before you found thsoe pictures.

sounds like maybe your wife is not the person you thought she was? you can love someone and still realize they are not the right person for you. If she truely DID love you unconditionally, then she would allow you to indulge in your diapers. Doesn't mean you should do it around her, but it also doesn't mean you should have to hide the fact that sometimes you want to indulge in something you enjoy. Sorta like men who love football, their wives may not like it at all, but they don't stop their husbands from getting together with friends and watching.. without the wife there...

[KittenAB]

Sarah,

First of all let me say I have a lot of respect for you based on what I've read in the forums. Our point of view is a little far apart on this issue, however. I think there is a huge leap from conventional underwear - boxers or briefs - and style of bra - and brand of tampon to wearing diapers, being into S&M, what type of tampon I stuff up my butt to hold in a suppository so I can poop in my diaper!

Among people I know, some are more tolerant and accepting of aberrations than others. I do think true loved ones would not simply walk away from a relationship having discovered an aberration, but if they are not very accepting in general (perhaps because of their own hang-ups, bad experiences, etc) they may well be scarred by the discovery that a loved one has a hidden life focused on something they have always thought of as an abhorrent aberration. For example, my wife actually said she'd have preferred to find out I had an affair than to find out I wear diapers! No, she hasn't just walked away from the relationship, but we're having a hell of a time working on it now - and it is much needed work aside from the diapers (but that's another story).

Further, I'd agree that with unconditional love, anything at all could be accepted. The problem I have there is that we are all human and I don't think that within us as humans we are perfectly capable of unconditional love. We all have limits in some way - some less, some more. This is a function of being human and fallible as opposed to being capable of perfect, unconditional love.

I don't mean to hijack the thread, but I find our difference in thought on this interesting and I respect you and your opinion, even if we don't see eye-to-eye on this. Thanks for your comments.

Diapers are underwear.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Diaperpt ... if they feel hurt because of something you did that was not harmful to anyone, then they never really cared about you anyway.

Having met this individual in real life and knowing his background and it being similar to mine, I know a bit where he is coming from. if you have any type of religious or spiritual calling in life or act in said field people have an unnatural expectation of perfection on you. If someone also hides this lifestyle/fetish from a loved one and it is finally exposed upon death it would hurt them knowing you kept this from them for who knows how long. There are many factors to consider in this argument other than "If you don't love me unconditionally then you never did" Our hiding this from people is a lack of love to them as well. It's technically not, however that is how they would perceive it.

[KittenAB]

Having met this individual in real life and knowing his background and it being similar to mine, I know a bit where he is coming from. if you have any type of religious or spiritual calling in life or act in said field people have an unnatural expectation of perfection on you. If someone also hides this lifestyle/fetish from a loved one and it is finally exposed upon death it would hurt them knowing you kept this from them for who knows how long. There are many factors to consider in this argument other than "If you don't love me unconditionally then you never did" Our hiding this from people is a lack of love to them as well. It's technically not, however that is how they would perceive it.

Try from another angle, it just happens to be mine, where you have no choice because of incontinence and never tell any "family" members, simply because you don't talk to them. They turned on me for very different reasons but let's assume that didn't happen. Would it seriously hurt them to know I dressed like normal in spite of needing them? Would it hurt them to know that I wanted diapers that were at least cute or well tailored instead of bland and barely effective? Would not knowing I need them really cause them to jump to the conclusion that it's something sexual or a fetish (most fetish is not sexual related though some can be)? I only discuss my incontinence with AB/DL, others who are incontinent, and my one best friend. All others just don't care. Since I don't talk to my family, they know nothing about it. If they automatically assume the worst of a person just because they find something "not common" among their possessions on death, then really, why should you worry about them in the first place? There's only one thing blood family gives you, that's genetics, everything else you get to choose how they influence you ... and no one owes anything to their blood family just because of blood, actions bind better than blood.

[diaperpt]

Try from another angle, it just happens to be mine,

Hi Curi! Thanks for your comments. As you have read, there are reasons I've not been back in touch, but I think of you (and DW) every time I go through Waterbury. Maybe we can be in touch another time...

Sarah, I think that's the point exactly...there are a lot of angles. It depends on the people you're talking about and your relationship with them. I'm not denying your point of view - it sounds like you've got some people in your life who should care about you but apparently don't. You've got others who do care and might well accept just about anything from you and still love you - but you do seem to discount any hurt they might feel after the fact in finding out some hidden detail about you. Your point of view for your particular circumstance just may be right. But can you speak for everyone else in the world? I perhaps initially did in my first post in this thread - and I've tried to modify that point of view - are you ready to accept that there might be people in the world who might still love a person, but still be very hurt and upset in finding out about some hidden detail in that person's life? Might you be hurt and upset to find out someone very close to you was an active pedophile or a rapist? Sure, these are more extreme than wearing diapers - by far - but I'm trying to see your statement about people who love you ought to accept you unconditionally.

Further, you are talking from an incon point of view - I think even when it comes to incontinence (isn't it a shame that for whatever reason this physical problem is somehow 'less acceptable'???) - physical needs (diapers even) are much more acceptable than emotional needs. My wife, for instance...(my angle) was ready to feel great sympathy and give lots of support if I had only lied and told her I had a physical need for diapers. I can tell that her thoughts about recreational (and she just doesn't understand at all the emotional need - I don't think) are sooo strong and firmly ingrained that she cannot stand the thought of accepting it. If she didn't love me, it would have been the end of the relationship right then. We're working on things, but it's going to be very difficult for both of us.

Now, there might be people who'd accept the fact that you were a serial killer and still love you - but you've got to admit there'd be a lot of shock to those finding out post mortem. And with that shock, a lot of hurt. My point originally was that I wouldn't want to leave those people hurting - whether or not they'd 'forgive' me or not.

I suppose a lot of the whole discussion hinges on our philosophy/theology of what happens to us when we die. If we don't believe at all in any sort of afterlife and don't particularly believe in any God - even if it is only some sort of divine energy within each of us - then it might not matter to a person. I can accept that, even though personally, I'd like to leave this life thinking that people I care about in life with have good memories of me that won't be tarnished by things THEY might find distasteful after the fact.

I certainly hope that no one will think less of you after you die if they find out you had a physical need for diapers any more than if someone finds out I take drugs for cholesterol. I absolutely agree with you on that point!

Good conversation - I just hope we aren't just talking past one another. And I hope others might be getting something out of the discussion itself - I'm not looking to clog up the board with a totally personal diatribe.

[aleyxsis]

I have found this to be a very interesting thread and will say personally that i have also thought about this situation many times .I would leave some kind of very explanitory note ! I am also lucky because my x girlfriend knows and we are still great friends .Even thou she does not acceppt the diapers she said she would help .Not only that im a crossdresser and have a fairly large wardrobe .So if i don't have someome to help i have a whole lot of xplaining to do from the great beyond !

[babyvr6]

I'm dead. Why the f*ck do I care? Honestly, there are worse things to find while cleaning out somebody's belongings than a pack of diapers.

But everybody is entitled to fret about whatever they want.

[Santiago]

Who cares what your family or anyone else thinks about you when you are dead? Since you are dead - it does not matter what they think - good or bad. After you are dead you will be forgotten entirely in 1 generation, 2 tops - even during the time you are remembered - no one is thinking about dead people constantly. I say get over yourself - after you are dead, you don't matter anymore

I think it can potentially be a very good idea if you are concerned about the impression your diapers are going to have on your family. And also, it might keep them from thinking the worst...

[AutieAB]

Question (seriously) for those who believe in some kind of afterlife.

Do you worry about having to explain your private life to deceased members of your family or friends when you yourself enter it?

Seriously, as somebody who doesn't believe in an afterlife, I'm curious about what people who do expect to find or have to deal with there...