A Good Problem

[jessm5]

Hellloo fellow ABs And DLs!  I guess it's been forever since I've been here. But I'm glad to see Daily Diapers is still kicking butt! Hope everyone is having fun! I see lots and lots of new folks have come on board.  For the newbies, i have lots and lots of experience and love to share so please ask! 

Anyways I decided to come out of my cave because I am having a very good problem. See recently I got engaged. The bride2b is very lovely and smart and good looking. The only thing is that she is not into the diaper thing at all. Actually she is pretty vanilla all the way.  No kinks as far as she knows. She doesn't get diapers and doesn't want to. Obviously I knee that when I proposed to her, but there's plenty of other qualities I adore in her. 

But here's the thing, although she is not into the diapers she is totally cool with me wearing as long as the diapers don't take over and she remains my first priority.  I have worn tons of times around her and she doesn't mind. Heck she'll even give me l swats on my padded behind and play with the tapes.

My problem is that even though I can wear openly i still feel a little awkward about wearing around her.   She never stops me, but she will make comments like, "you're wearing again?" and when I say yes, she will just shrug.  Also she never calls them diapers and she has diapered me in the past, but did it begrudgingly.  I've told her flat out that diapers are a big part of me and that I'm worried she secretly doesn't want me wearing. She denies it says that she couldn't care less if I wear if it makes me happy. 

So should I be concerned and what do I do to make it less awkward?  I think part of the issue is that i wear only on the weekends and random times throughout the week. I was thinking that if I wore much more frequently (like every night, which is what I used to do when I was single) I may make them feel more like part of the routine.  But then again it may make things much worse if diapers are really a sore subject which is what I'm paranoid about.

Any thoughts? 

[abypk82]

I am in a similar type situation my wife of two years doesn't get into the whole diaper part of my life. We love each other and I don't think it's a big issue. If she's still with you after finding out about your affiliation with diapers then it should be cause for concern. Open communication is the main backbone of any relationship, and I would suggest keeping those lines open. Women In general look to change their partners into that perfect man they've always dreamed about. That being said, discuss your future together and if diapers are always going to be a part of your life ensure she accepts that. I wouldn't suggest asking for her participation in any activity that makes her feel uncomfortable. When you said she changed you begrudgingly then find out if there's anyway to make her feel more comfortable if you would like her to participate more often. Just my two cents...

[sarah_ab]

if she tells you she doesn't have a problem with it you have no choice but to trust her.... except of course you could not trust her. In which case, .... well anyway.... you need to be able to trust what she is saying is true before you enter into a marriage, this doesn't just apply to whether she is ok with you wearing diapers.

and it could be she is telling the truth but your own insecurities are causing the trust issue. Whatever the problem is, i suggest the two of you have an honest frank discussion of it before you enter into marriage.

Tell her that you want to be with her forever, and you want to make sure she is comfortable with all aspcets of you before you are married, don't make the entire discussion just about your diapers, for that may make her begin to wonder if they are your first priority. But ask her if there is anything about you she is wary of, and let her be completely open and honest without you jumping in to defend yourself etc... then if there is anything you are wary of in regards to her or your relationship also share that...

these are good discussions to have in general. If you can't talk to your partner about issues you are having with them, then nothing is really going to change (ok no pun intended on that one).

perhaps one way around is it suggesting that you have certain diaper nights, times when she will know and expect you to be diapered. It could be that she is just surprised to find you randomly diapered. Say, how about every other saturday and every wednesday night i will be in diapers. That way she will know what is coming and it won't be such a shock. It could be maybe those are the nights she will decide to go out with friends so you can wear freely. It sounds like she is ok with you wearing, but just simply doesn't want to be involved.

But regardless from what you've said, it sounds like she's pretty cool girl, she doesn't run away, she doesn't make any comments and she didn't dump you and accepted your proposal to marriage. I wish you the best.

[Guest Wetnmessy247]

I think if it's at a point where the diapers are the central focal point of discussion in a marriage, then it's time to take stock of what's important to you. This lifestyle is just that: a lifestyle. If you trly love the person and feel diapers get in the way, throw them out and love your woman "till death do us part".

We are mature here, and if your life comes down to "Oh my god, it's between the wife and shitting in diapers" you should be a man and take the high road. not being mean, but honest. If this is the debate in a marriage, it's obvious what should go.

If I was a woman, I would be PISSED if my man choose diapers over me. It would make me sooooo angry.

"So Samantha, what happened to Tom?"

"Oh, that a**hole chose pooping a diaper over having sex with me."

If you manage to work an agreement, then kudos.

[Closet_Baby]

Can't agree more with all that's been said in this thread.

Love is a strange beast and likes to surprise us when we least expect it I remember the time I met my fiancée. As all of us at some point, I always had had this brilliant idea that I will find my partner on DD or similar place. This was not the case though. And she had absolutely no idea what an AB or DL may be (or any other of my fantasies). I have loved her from the very beginning and always wanted to be honest and open. So I told her everything. And she was OK about it. However, I've made a big big mistake. We are living in our private world, but for others it's completely alien place. A few words is not enough. In my case it appeared, that when I was talking about what I did or wanted to do, she thought it's a pure dream and nothing to be realized. And when at some point she realized, there is more to that than just a dream she was shocked...

Thankfully we loved each other very much. And we talked and talked and talked. And now she understands most of it. It's unbelievable how difficult (if possible at all) it is to fully express one's feelings in the way other person can fully understand it the same way.

So - keep talking. Keep expressing your feeling and listen to her feelings. A good exercise is for each of you to express your feelings and then the other one telling the same thing as she/he understands it. You'll soon discover that what is obvious for you may be completely unfathomable for her.

From my experience I guess she may have the following reservations:

• Is it something safe? Does it hurt you in any way?

• Is it something more important than she is? Will she need to compete with it for you?

A good starting point is that you understand it yourself and convey that she is the most important, no 1 in your live and you are ready to give up your diaper side if necessary. (If you are not, maybe she is not the one). It's a really good foundation to mutually agree you are the most important to each other. Once there, everything else is just being self. Diapers is the way we are. And since you accept each other fully she'll happily accept this part of you.

Good luck

[Bettypooh]

....Whatever the problem is, i suggest the two of you have an honest frank discussion of it before you enter into marriage....

....If you can't talk to your partner about issues you are having with them, then nothing is really going to change....

Yes and yes to the above wisdom with some added input from my perspective. Girls believe they can change people, especially their guys It's just how girls are built and guys have to get used to it because it can't be changed. So you really need to sit down with her and discuss this, making sure that she knows that this is something that will never-ever change period Make sure she understands that there will be times when the need to wear becomes so overpowering that you are forced to give in at least enough to be able to manage the rest of the current urge Liken it to an addiction in it's power over people if she doesn't get it at that point, for that is how this thing behaves Be totally honest with her in what you've done and what you really want to do- explain that you wore almost daily until you met her and that you want to be able to return to that level of wearing. Say that even of you don't think you want to go back to that because you might find yourself wanting exactly that later on and she needs to be aware of that possibility

Now for you Don't expect to change her either If she doesn't want to say "diaper" then she won't, and you have to get used to that. If she doesn't like it you have to accept that as-is because people can't change your likes and dislikes whether they want to or not Maybe over time she will change, maybe not- but at some point in your relationship you're going to have to deal with this and there will be less heartbreak on both sides if you do that now instead of ten years from now Whenever you deal with it, it's going to hurt on both sides and there is nothing anyone can do to stop that pain. If she questions why you're bringing it up and causing her grief explain it just as I said above- this has to be dealt with; it isn't going away and it may or may not be in your power to keep from going back to daily wearing and you don't want to hurt her worse later on. If she needs time to think it over then give her all the time she wants- and until she is ready to talk about it don't push her; just be normal (whatever that is for you) and wait on her. Guys make big decisions quickly because they operate on logic; a simple thing. Girls make big decisions slowly because they operate on emotions; it takes time for them to find their way through the depths of that complexity. Pushing her when she is not ready practically guarantees you a negative response because it introduces the feeling of pressure, which nobody likes to feel

From what I can tell by your post I truly believe that you can work this out If you have to make a compromise limiting your wearing, be sure that you can keep your part of the deal up and never-ever break your half of the deal- that is the only leverage you will ever have to keep her from imposing tighter limits later on which you may not be able to handle Having something like ABDL or TG in your life can be ecstatic or a living he!! and how you deal with it is going to determine that. It's very much like an addiction and the first step toward resolution is always a total realistic self admission of who you are inside and what that drives you to do. Unlike an addiction this is something that you'll never likely be able stop because as we all know there's really nothing wrong with it, thus no valid reason to stop The best that anyone can do is to stay in control enough to handle it well by giving it as much of what it wants as you have to. That way it doesn't become overwhelming and incur a cost you don't want to pay Like a powerful drug this can do you a world of good by allowing you to experience the fullness of your bliss; or it can do you a world of harm by becoming the thing which makes all your decisions for you whether you like them or not. You're in a position where there is a possibility of the greatest happiness you can experience and I hope you achieve it Whether that happens or not isn't entirely in your hands, but approached properly at least you won't be closing the door to that possibility. And PS- I'm jealous but very happy for you regardless; maybe someday I'll get such an awesome chance too!

I wish you well, and please let us know how it's going

Bettypooh

[Loveable_guy]

Jess, every situation is going to be different. You have to do what works for you!

I will say in my life diapers play a big part and I use them as a place to escape and relax.

I told my gal of 35 years back ten years ago. At first she was OK no big deal and to this day when things are right its still no big deal. But watch out not to push the issue to much or she may retaliate when things go wrong and throw the whole diaper thing back in your face. How do I know,,, trust me I do.

Recommendation, go slow and easy. And if you are to open about she will let you know. Just be sure to read the road signs as a woman will normally not spell it out for you.

[rusty pins]

I think if it's at a point where the diapers are the central focal point of discussion in a marriage, then it's time to take stock of what's important to you. This lifestyle is just that: a lifestyle. If you trly love the person and feel diapers get in the way, throw them out and love your woman "till death do us part".

We are mature here, and if your life comes down to "Oh my god, it's between the wife and shitting in diapers" you should be a man and take the high road. not being mean, but honest. If this is the debate in a marriage, it's obvious what should go.

If I was a woman, I would be PISSED if my man choose diapers over me. It would make me sooooo angry.

"So Samantha, what happened to Tom?"

"Oh, that a**hole chose pooping a diaper over having sex with me."

If you manage to work an agreement, then kudos.

Ok, some fairly good points are made in this reply. The one's in red are fairly good for the most part. The one in brown has room for discussion. I'll explain.

First of all, the OP never said diapers were the focal point of the marrage, however if they do become an issue between husband and wife, then I agree that some kind of agreement needs to happen. If diapers control your life that much that you just have to wear them when your wife gets angry at you about them, then they have taken over your life and have become too much of an addiction. You should work out times when you will be allowed to wear your diapers, perhaps times when the wife is not home and things like that. On the other hand, your wife has to be flexable as well and realize that this lifestyle is a part of who you are and allow you your personal time to wear your diapers. Ballance is the key here. Explain that if you are allowed diaper times youwill do some special things for her. Trade off your likes with something special for her.

Now for the brown quote. As many know, you just can't throw out this lifestyle and quit it. It's a fetish and deeply ingrained in who we are as people. Take Wetnmessy's own position. He has a big open sore that is most likely infected from wearing the same wet and poopy diaper for 24 hours before changing it. He does this every day. People have suggested that he change more often but he clains that it is his lifestyle and he can be free to do as he chooses. He even tells people that he chooses to wear and use diapers as a personal choice of lifestyle rather than using a toilet. With a big open sore and the threat of serious infection, just how easy would it be for him to "feel (if) diapers get in the way, throw them out" in his own words. Yes, his health would be better if he changed his own lifestyle and he would probebly get more positive reactions from other members if he didn't publically do what he does. The fact is, he won't change his lifestyle because his lifestyle is what he likes doing. See? It's not as easy as just saying, "give it all up compleatly for the woman you love!". Marrage is give and take. Both partners have to compromise and come to understandings about some things. Having a husband who likes to wear and use diapers for enjoyment can be a very hard thing for a wife to take. Some may like it and participate, some may not like it but tolerate it (which may lead to a strain in the marrage at times), and others just won't be able to accept it no matter what. Compatability is the key and if you are on opposite sides of an issue, there will be problems. Maybe they can be worked out, maybe they can't. It all depends on how willing the two involved are in compromising.

Now, to the last comment in the color red. I agree to a point and disagree with some of this comment. If you really want the marrage to sucseed, then the man should take the high road. That dosn't mean giving up his diapers totally, but as mentioned above, he should be willing to compromise with the wife to keep peace if his diaper wearing ever gets to be a problem in the marrage. On the other hand, she knew of his lifestyle before the marrage. She can't pretend it's OK and then after the marrage, try and change the husband's lifestyle and make him give up his diapers. That's not fair and is manipulative. If the wife can't take it that the husband has his own diaper time, then she has a problem. On the other hand, the husband needs to be a man and a husband and supporter most of the time and not be thinking about diapers all the time. Being a man and taking the high road means compromise and ballencing diapers with the rest of your married life, not giving them up compleatly.

[toon]

honestly I havent read most of what everyone posted so if I'm echoing (my apologies)

marriage is a two way street....a compromise. You had the diaper lifestyle before her and you feel like it is apart of who you are.

She is okay with you wearing but doesn't want to wear or really "participate". I think you should be grateful for that.

You should just tell her sometimes her comments kind of hurt your self esteem or just make you feel a little insecure.

I in no way think you should give them up because they ARE apart of who you are. I think you need to really talk about

it and both need to set up boundaries and understandings so you can deal with it together. You are going to be a team.

If you cannot discuss this as a team and come up with a compromise solution that you are both happy about....I wonder

how long your marriage will last. If you DO give them up for her you and I both know you will resent her for it and you

definitely WONT last.

communication is the key in a committed relationship.

if she doesnt want to call them diapers...then make it fun and make a special word for them between the two of you!

[dl_ashlee]

I think you are letting your own insecurities take over. And when you do wear and she says something let her know how you feel about her comment, let her know that you feel insecure about her sincerity of not minding you wearing diapers.

[aleyxsis]

Communication is very important in this situation be honest and don't surgar coat it .Also don't overwhelm her with this and please please figure this out before you get married .I thought i did but i held back and promised i would quit In the end she was so resentful and bitter at this lifestyle we divorced .SO good luck i hope it works for ya !!