Want To Understand

[bailey5]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 months now and he has been amazing, he told me at the very start about the fact that he like to wear diapers and he likes to be treated like a baby. He hasn't ask me to participate in anything and I'm not sure if I could. I really love him so it hasn't changed my feelings about him. But I am struggling to understand why somebody would want to wear diapers. I'm sure there's others out there who are in a similar situation, do you have any advice to help me understand.

[dans7008]

Well I'm glad your boyfriend is comfortable enough with himself to tell you from the onset. It took my boyfriend about 6 months to tell me and it wasn't easy for him.

It's been two years since then and I'm still trying really to get a good understanding on it, but it's truly more a feeling than something you can rationalize and explain. The only way to really understand is to experience it with him. But of course, that requires a LOT of trust and comfort.

My main advice would be to talk about it with him. Ask him to try to explain to you why HE wants to (because every one is so different). It's going to be frustrating in your relationship as it progresses if you can't indulge him a little (in the same way he indulges you sexually) so i'd recommend it.

As far as I've come to understand it (the way it is for my boyfriend might not be the way it is for yours) is wearing diapers/playing the baby is a beautiful and innocent thing. It's the intimacy between a nurturing care giving and a baby who feels complete trust for them. Society demands, from men especially, self reliance and toughness. So this intimate play can provide a release from those constant demands and a safe place to be the opposite. I think it's that acting out the dualism that makes it arousing (the same way that S&M acts out behaviors that are typically 'inappropriate').

But you've really got to ask him.

I really recommend that you at least try participating once. Being a mommy to the man you love can really deepen the relationship to a whole new level of intimacy.

Best of luck!

[loopy]

Its not just about diapers diapers diapers (well, nappies nappies nappies ). Its about the loving care and comfort babies/toddlers recieve, and trying to get that back for ones self. All of us are different in why we do this, and the reasons, but thats probably the major one.

http://understanding.infantilism.org Has some very good articles on the why and what of us. Hope it helps.

[enfant]

Bailey, there are a couple of books you might find helpful. "When Someone You Love Is Kinky" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt addresses the issue of why someone would want to have an odd lifestyle, and how you as a partner can deal with it. "Come Hither" by Gloria Brame is mostly about BDSM, but also addresses the general issue of how you can learn to relate to and appreciate, and even begin to eroticize in your own way, a partner's kinks.

To answer your specific question... most of us don't really know why we like what we like, either. And we're all different in what we like and how we got started. I'd be happy to tell you my own story, but it's just my own story, it's not your boyfriend's, so I don't know how much help it would be. But here you go.

For various reasons, from a very young age I felt a lot of pressure to grow up as fast as I could. I was bright and a natural mimic, so I learned how to act as if I were a lot older than I was. Everyone praised me for being terribly smart and mature for a toddler, but by the time I was three (and already reading and playing chess and using long words), I'd started feeling like I was a phony, like everything I ever did was an act designed to impress people. At some point, I think I just got really tired of feeling that way, and I wanted to remember what it was like to just be myself... and the last time I could remember feeling that way was when I was a baby.

I didn't actually think of it in those terms, of course, but that's how I interpret it now. What I remember is that I suddenly got very, very curious about what it would physically feel like not to be able to control my body in basic ways. It was fascinating to me that at one time in my life I had been so utterly free of self-control that I couldn't walk, or talk, or feed myself, or drink from a cup, or stop myself from crying, or keep my pants clean and dry. What would that feel like, I wanted to know? I would watch the younger kids at the nursery school I attended, crawling or crying or getting a diaper change, and I'd burn with envy and try to imagine what it was like to be them.

Being the mature little paragon of self-control that I was, I couldn't bring myself to ask for diapers or a bottle (like some three-year-olds do), so instead I just obsessively thought about it all the time. And so diapers and other babyish items became a powerful metaphorical symbol for me. The idea of wearing diapers tied in with the idea of being a baby, which tied in with that idea of a basic lack of self-control, which, for me, symbolized being free and relaxed and entirely myself.

I knew, early on, that other people didn't have this feeling, and I always sort of figured I'd grow out of it eventually. Instead, what happened was that I got older, and this big symbolic button in my brain got connected up with budding sexual feelings and became a fetish. It kind of makes sense, actually--orgasm is also a loss of self-control, after all. So the desire to lose control got connected together in my head with the desire for orgasm, and presto, I was kinky.

Now, it's very possible that none of this resembles your boyfriend's experience in the least. For some of us, baby play isn't tied in to the sex drive at all (though I think I'm safe in saying it is for most of us). And for those who do eroticize it, some will eroticize entirely different aspects of it. But, since you asked why someone would want to wear diapers, I offer you my story as one example. I wear them because they have this deep symbolic meaning for me, and when I wear them I feel relaxed and content and nurtured and safe and real.

[dprtodd]

Bailey, there are a couple of books you might find helpful. "When Someone You Love Is Kinky" by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt addresses the issue of why someone would want to have an odd lifestyle, and how you as a partner can deal with it. "Come Hither" by Gloria Brame is mostly about BDSM, but also addresses the general issue of how you can learn to relate to and appreciate, and even begin to eroticize in your own way, a partner's kinks.

To answer your specific question... most of us don't really know why we like what we like, either. And we're all different in what we like and how we got started. I'd be happy to tell you my own story, but it's just my own story, it's not your boyfriend's, so I don't know how much help it would be. But here you go.

For various reasons, from a very young age I felt a lot of pressure to grow up as fast as I could. I was bright and a natural mimic, so I learned how to act as if I were a lot older than I was. Everyone praised me for being terribly smart and mature for a toddler, but by the time I was three (and already reading and playing chess and using long words), I'd started feeling like I was a phony, like everything I ever did was an act designed to impress people. At some point, I think I just got really tired of feeling that way, and I wanted to remember what it was like to just be myself... and the last time I could remember feeling that way was when I was a baby.

I didn't actually think of it in those terms, of course, but that's how I interpret it now. What I remember is that I suddenly got very, very curious about what it would physically feel like not to be able to control my body in basic ways. It was fascinating to me that at one time in my life I had been so utterly free of self-control that I couldn't walk, or talk, or feed myself, or drink from a cup, or stop myself from crying, or keep my pants clean and dry. What would that feel like, I wanted to know? I would watch the younger kids at the nursery school I attended, crawling or crying or getting a diaper change, and I'd burn with envy and try to imagine what it was like to be them.

Being the mature little paragon of self-control that I was, I couldn't bring myself to ask for diapers or a bottle (like some three-year-olds do), so instead I just obsessively thought about it all the time. And so diapers and other babyish items became a powerful metaphorical symbol for me. The idea of wearing diapers tied in with the idea of being a baby, which tied in with that idea of a basic lack of self-control, which, for me, symbolized being free and relaxed and entirely myself.

I knew, early on, that other people didn't have this feeling, and I always sort of figured I'd grow out of it eventually. Instead, what happened was that I got older, and this big symbolic button in my brain got connected up with budding sexual feelings and became a fetish. It kind of makes sense, actually--orgasm is also a loss of self-control, after all. So the desire to lose control got connected together in my head with the desire for orgasm, and presto, I was kinky.

Now, it's very possible that none of this resembles your boyfriend's experience in the least. For some of us, baby play isn't tied in to the sex drive at all (though I think I'm safe in saying it is for most of us). And for those who do eroticize it, some will eroticize entirely different aspects of it. But, since you asked why someone would want to wear diapers, I offer you my story as one example. I wear them because they have this deep symbolic meaning for me, and when I wear them I feel relaxed and content and nurtured and safe and real.

My own experiences run a somewhat parallel theme with Enfant. As a toddler my parents were very indulgent but as I turned the corner of 3 there was a bit of a hard cut off with their expectations. Like Enfant I was a very early reader, spoke articulately, and in general acted much older than I was (Which in turn only set my parents expectations higher - as if I was somehow supposed to go from 3 to 20). I remember wanting diapers and being jealous of my cousins who were still in diapers. I feel I spent much of my childhood wanting an actual childhood (Thats not to say I was unhappy - I grew up with lots of love and I wanted for very little... 'cept diapers) When puberty hit my desires intensified and solidified in a very concrete manner - My mom had a good friend who still had two diaper age boys who wore disposables and plastic pants. They kind of became an almost iconic representation of how I wanted to be treated and dress and act. Now many of my AB traits have evolved since then, a topic which is well outside the scope of your post so I will not muddy the waters further.

I'd say the biggest thing is to ask him. I've always been somewhat introspective and curious about what me different so I think I have a pretty good grasp on what contributed to me being this way. Your boyfriend may not know, or it might be something he is unable to articulate - but I think he is very fortunate that you are even here posting on this forum (Would only that I have been so fortunate in my relationships.)

As far as understanding you may never come to understand, but perhaps acceptance is a bit easier?

Best

Todd

[sweetnewmommy]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 months now and he has been amazing, he told me at the very start about the fact that he like to wear diapers and he likes to be treated like a baby. He hasn't ask me to participate in anything and I'm not sure if I could. I really love him so it hasn't changed my feelings about him. But I am struggling to understand why somebody would want to wear diapers. I'm sure there's others out there who are in a similar situation, do you have any advice to help me understand.

In my experience...acceptance is a huge factor. I have been involved with someone for almost a year now. He's not just the love of my life, he's my best friend. I found out about his 'lifestyle' when we first started talking. My view then, as it is now with anyone, is...whatever floats your boat. I'm not someone who likes to be judged so what gives me the right to judge others. Could you accept him and this on a daily basis? Are you still comfortable with and around him? I'm sure things are strange but if you really love him, this is something you will get used to. Im sure you will even enjoy it. It takes two to make things work. He needs to be patient with you just as you do with him for when ever your ready to give this a try, if you do.

Trust is HUGE. He must really truly care for you to be able to open up to you in such a way. Most people turn their tails and run. For me, I learned everything I could. I read so many articles. Even the stories on this website. I've seen that there are many different wants and needs when it comes to this. Not everyone is the same. Ask a lot of questions. Try to be open minded. How old is his age play? Is this infant play as a boy or as a girl? What kind of things does he like/dislike? Does he just want to role play or does he want a 'mommy'? You may not truly understsnd it but if he's told you this much, you can learn what all he wants and or needs. Things may be strange at first for you if you decide to adventure into this with him. It does get better. I can still remember the first diaper I changed (mind you, I have two children). How clumsy things seemed.

The intamcy shared is amazing. I'm not speaking the sexualy aspect. But the two of you will share a bond unlike any other. It's so very special. So very unique!

i'd love to help..so if you have any other questions...ask away!

[Guest DiaperCurious12]

I told my girlfriend yesterday that I like to wear diapers so I know how hard it was for him to tell you. It took me a year to tell her. She thinks it's a little weird but says we all have quirks. She's okay with me wearing diapers and is trying to understand the best she can. Props for being supportive of him, from my experience I know it means a lot to him.

[LitlAndy1]

To Enfant, all i can say is wow! That's exactly how i feel, all these responsibilities of adulthood which I'm good at, yet yearn and wish at times I wasn't so good at. With you saying how we tend to act as adults and the only time we're not acting is when we can let go of it all and return to a time of innocence.

As to you understanding your boyfriend, I'm happy to see you joining the forums here to learn a thing to two. I'm in the same vote, but on the other side. I told my gf what I'm into (on like the 2nd date) and now it's been about a two years since we've been together. As people have said everyone is different. For myself I like it for the escape which my gf still doesn't understand. She does love to see me in diapers but will only put a clean diaper on me from time to time. (I haven't even botherd asking for a change yet! lol) At least now days (after a good argument about how it felt like I was doing everything to make her happy but she wasn't lifting a finger to make me happy) she now at least puts a diaper out on the bed after I leave to work so when I come home before she does it's waiting for me. Again it's the trust issue. It's hard for me to feel like she's truely ok with it, and without that I feel like I'm back home when I was living with my parents and I had to hide all my ab desires. I think that's the first and formost for the relationship to work...is trust.

Cheers

LitlAndy

Now I wonder...are all ab's just truely actors....if that's the case we should all submit for some Academy Awards