Marriage And Kids

[Guest cloudroll]

I've been really trying to figure out if you can go on wearing diapers (let's say just to bed) if you have a family with kids. A wife might be understanding of your need to wear diapers, but a kid won't. It might confuse him quite a bit to say the least.

It's kind of a big secret to hide. Kids wake you up in the middle of the night, snoop around, etc.

Does anyone here have a family or know of someone who does? Has anyone thought about this issue before? I'd love any thoughts. Thanks.

[superdiaperbaby]

I've been really trying to figure out if you can go on wearing diapers (let's say just to bed) if you have a family with kids. A wife might be understanding of your need to wear diapers, but a kid won't. It might confuse him quite a bit to say the least.

It's kind of a big secret to hide. Kids wake you up in the middle of the night, snoop around, etc.

Does anyone here have a family or know of someone who does? Has anyone thought about this issue before? I'd love any thoughts. Thanks.

You know I have been wondering the same thing too. I have sleep apnea and my CPAP mask already makes me different. It is not like our future kid won't deal with it. It is inevitable he will have to. I might just explain it to him that I have to wear a mask cause my lungs are too tired or something that will make sense to him. I figure if I just wore bambinos biancas to bed the story about me being sick when I am sleeping would be very believable as my bladder would be too tired. It is a good story, but that would make me have to wear them every night? Would that lie snowball?

The thing I think we wonder about is privacy. Would you want your kid to tell your neighbors, friends and possibly coworkers you wear diapers to bed? I suppose if you explained that it is embarrassing then he may not tell, but if your kid ever got mad at you he would have ammo. I think looking at the future helps you decide. For instance, what about when he is older? Will he put 2 and 2 together and figure out you don't wear for medical purposes? How long can that lie be kept vs the hiding be kept? Are you a good hider or a good liar? Will the truth eventually be known anyways? I remember when I was a kid I could find anything in the house. I also remember I could hide anything in the house. As I got older I began to care less and less and the thought of hiding or lying about diapers all of the time is saddening.

I think parents have to think more about their kids than themselves. When I was younger it was all about me being me, a diaper lover, and at one point I desired so much freedom I told most of my friends and family. When I got married I realized that all of a sudden my wife had become a diaper lover lover, and my friends and family knew it by proxy. All of a sudden my son would become the son of a diaper lover. Now there is nothing wrong with it, but it could add some more stress to his life even without him knowing because others know. It is like in between a rock and a hard place. So the odds are if you slip in your hiding of it your kid will discover it anyways. But you know, as I think about it, that is probably the best thing to do. Hide it and expect he will find it and be ready to explain it away as medical, none of his business or a lifestyle if he is older. But to start with, hiding it will ensure that his prime developmental years are not jaded by our own strangeness. I think each situation is different. This definitely requires more thought.

SDB

[bedwetter73]

When, or if, I have kids I am going to be open about it with them. I wear diapers to bed because my bladder is broken. It's a simple thing to tell a kid, they get it, and they will understand. I mean don't go out to hang with them family in full "baby" gear. But don't hide it or be secretive about it either. I searched my parents house and found everything, I mean everything. My dads private stash of porn, my parents bong, shit I found all sorts of dildo's and stuff. Kids search and they will find it all. If they are searching with a friend how would they react? So be open and honest about things and that's going to be the easiest. If I were searching my parents house and I knew where my dad kept his diaper stuff I would make damn sure my friend didn't search there. I would want to protect my families privacy and not let my friends know, Kinda like them protecting themselves by hiding their Goodnites.

I wear a CPAP too and my nephew understands, he also knows I wear diapers at night. He doesn't seems to mind, but I only put them on at night in the bedroom. He asked me one morning if I was going to go change soon so we could go outside and play, god what an embarrassing thing for him to say. I just said that I was going to take a shower and then we can go play; he told me to hurry up.

Kids are VERY smart and VERY inquisitive. He will find them, but hopefully he is prepared for what he finds. Oh I forgot: He was looking in my diaper pail one day when he was like 5 and asked why the towels smelled funny. It was hilarious.

[Guest Saya]

I've seen these kinds of questions loads of times on here, it comes down to is...

What are your own moral and eithcs about this? Would you expose this to your child? wife/husband? what would you limit yourself too??

[Nia]

My nephews where sleeping over one time when my SO left the door open to our bedroom when she got up out of habit. My nephew woke up and walked by the bedroom and saw me sleeping with my bear Puffy. I got asked about it later and simply told them that your never to old to have a stuffed friend. That was all it took and they have never asked again.

[Bettypooh]

'll begin by making it known that I've never been a parent- but that doesn't mean that I have not seen what goes on Children can handle a lot more than many people give them credit for- yet they can also be overwhelmed by things we take in stride. Their age and their maturity at that age matters in how you tackle a subject with them As old fashioned as it is, I was raised with an understanding of the concept that some family matters were not spoken of indiscreetly- even to the point that certain things were never discussed among anyone outside of the family, such as the Gay relative we had. Being Gay isn't seen the way it was back when I was a child, and it could have brought a lot of problems to my relative had it been spoken of openly as things are in today's world. I was taught that I did not have the right to cause him problems and that certain family matters didn't belong outside of the family. I was also taught to make sure my friends were also like this- nobody else was really trustworthy enough to be a real friend. That has proven to be true, and even today I select my friends with an understanding of the value of their trustworthiness as one of the most important things about them. Teach your children this concept and your wearing diapers will not be as likely to cause anyone problems Miss this point and you're in trouble already- and not only concerning diapers. I can't tell you how many times I've overheard kids talking and hearing one say "Yeah, I know Mom and Dad smoke pot sometimes, but they don't want me to know so I don't say anything about it to them. Besides, it's not anything that matters anyway. They're not bad people, they're just weird like that sometimes"

Don't lie to your child about why you wear diapers unless you can sustain the lie until they are old enough to understand why you felt it was necessary to deceive them. Saying you need to wear diapers, then not always wearing them when you said you needed them is going to be noticed. Hiding them isn't going to work- children can and will find everything eventually even if it's under lock and key. Don't tell me that you've never left something unlocked that you intended to keep locked. We've all made that mistake or will be making it- and that will be the time the child decides to try to take a peek Fate is funny like that.

The only way I know to keep something from a child is to have it elsewhere- a place where the child will never go, and having it be something you will never speak of elsewhere. I know crossdressers who keep their 'oddity' from their kids by renting a storage unit, paying for it in cash with no paperwork at home, and nobody but the wife having any idea that the situation exists. When they want to 'do their thing' they "go off for business for the weekend"or "have a weekend with Mommy", complete with luggage as if they were doing it normally, stop by their storage unit to pack the special suitcase, then go to a private setting like a hotel room or like-minded friend's house hundreds of miles away Anything less than this level of security will not work with a child. They're not as stupid as parent's sometimes think they might be and one tiny clue is all they need to figure things out. It's more in what you teach them morally than in how to hide things from them- if you instill an understanding of why some things are private and best left that way they will be better able to deal with life overall, including your diapering

If they discover your diapers and you haven't discussed the subject with them, they will talk with a friend about it eventually, but if you've done your parenting job right it will be a non-issue just like the pot-smoking I spoke of above; just another of the millions of things kids speak about among their friends and of no real importance. Besides, all of our parents were weird anyway, weren't they?

Bettypooh

[Repaid1]

While I wear for reason, I also am a AB. I got the whole package as it were. When I married my wife she came with two children. At first I didn't give it much thought as I wear everyday and nobody else has noticed. We kept the baby play at a minimum and to our bedroom mostly. There was every other weekend when the kids went to their fathers for a visit that I had the whole house to play. Well this lead to that and eventually the older one discovered my diapers. She had not or does not know about me being a AB although I believe she has seen a bottle now and then. I think the wife told her that it was one of theirs from younger days and a memento of past. The Daughter who is now 14 did a year ago fire back at me "At least I don't wear diapers".

To which her mother intervened and had a heated discussion with her telling her I was wounded in action, and it was a disability. I believe it got to the fact that if you have to make fun of someone with a disability then you are one of the worst kind of people and your life has to be very pathetic. She was told it is a very private matter and she should NEVER bring up the subject again with ANYBODY. Although I know with a 14 year old she probably has told others, but so be it.

Personally I don't feel that it's something that one needs to be ashamed of, but saying that, I also don't think the AB side should ever be disclosed to your children. Pretty much anything that involves adults need not be shared with children. Until that little speech about the birds and bees, which hopefully my wife has taken care of.

[DiaperNewb]

As I've said before, my mother-in-law told the kids I would need diapers after my surgery, so there wasn't any need to hide it.

That being said, I got some Assurance (Wal-Mart brand) Maximum Protection diapers last week, because I've been using pull-ups but I want something that I can pull tight to try and prevent leaks. It's more like a "real" diaper and less like, well, all the other stuff that pretends that it actually "looks and feels" like real underwear. So after I changed one the other day I was standing in the bathroom making sure the tabs were tight enough and that it looked secure, and my 4 year old son walked in and said, "Daddy, your new diapers are cool."

[AutieAB]

Like Repaid, my marriage came with two kids (10 and 13). Obviously that means I have to be discreet around the house. Things are kept out of sight and behind closed doors but crucially, I don't try and be over-cautious. If you try too hard to keep everything secret, then it becomes obvious you're hiding something. Hence my diapers are in a cardboard box on top of the wardrobe in the bedroom and my other bits and pieces are in a box in the bedroom closet. They're two of probably a couple of dozen generic looking boxes lurking in closets around the house. In just about two years, they've never noticed enough to put two and two together. Anything that they may have seen (if at all) has been insignificant enough that they didn't connect it to anything.

It probably also helps that the kids are old enough to understand that Mommy and AutieAB's bedroom is a private place where they aren't allowed to go rummaging around and that bedroom doors exist to be closed and to be knocked on I'm not sure how I'd deal with younger kids except keeping everything well above their eyeline...

[Angela Bauer]

You can fool some of the people some of the time. You can fool some people all the time. You cannot fool all the people all the time!

The above applies to wearing diapers, especially when incontinent. The final sentence applies to roommates, spouses and your children. Diapers are simply not a secret that can be kept from those living with you.

Given that your diaper use cannot be kept secret, why even make it a secret? Of course you need to be discreet, circumspect and use common sense. However, it is counter-productive to go beyond common sense into deep security Top Secret mode. One reason is that the consequences are always worse when you are caught in a lie and still try to brazen out. Think of the politician Gary Edwards. His affair with a female staffer was exposed long ago. Then it was widely speculated Edwards was the father of her child, which he specifically denied several times on the record, and nobody believed him. Edwards was mocked for his continued denials. Yesterday he admitted being the father. Who doubts it would have gone easier on him had he simply admitted the affair and being the father the second all that became known?

As many here know my family was diaper-friendly because my Mom, Granny and Aunt Betsy all wet 24/7. It was anticipated all my sisters and me would eventually have bladder problems. The adult women did not tells us about their diapers because they were perverted or exhibitionists. They knew growing kids would see the diapers being washed or drying. Granny was raised by her mother who wet so as not to be ashamed about wearing diapers. Mom and her sisters all believe the same thing. My youngest sister Missy has been a mother to her daughter Karen since April 1990. Missy and her husband John have always been open about incontinence and its management with Karen. Aunt Betsy's 3 children also are parents of kids approaching puberty. Karen lost her night time control at puberty in 2002. Betsy's grand daughter has not reached puberty but reverted to bedwetting last week. Considering the odds it makes common sense to be as open as possible about needing diapers. Remember everyone started out in diapers and if we live long enough we will wind up back in diapers. You might as well get used to it.

My loving husband Don Davis was married to Jean from 1959 (and in love with her since 1953) until Jean was killed in an auto accident in March 1989. In 1975 Jean reached early-onset menopause, which resulted in loss of most of her bladder control, which is a fairly common situation for women who gave birth. Jean had delivered 3 kids, the youngest less than a year before. The funny thing is that Jean had never been incontinent during her pregnancies. According to everyone who knew Jean once she did start wetting she kept her own adult diapers folded in a stack next to the smaller ones for the baby. In those days Dydee Service still supplied adult gauze diapers in the Los Angeles area. Her youngest baby was toilet trained at 27 months, but they still kept the DyDee service until that firm stopped furnishing adult diapers. Jean started washing them herself.

What about incontinent parents who are also ABDL? Well Granny, Mom and Aunt Betsy all say they never knew about ABDL until Missy and I told them in late 1990. I believe them because despite reading some very "adult" material since I was 13 I did not know about ABDL until then. Jean Davis first learned about AB as a coping strategy in 1984 from Cheryle B. Gartley, the founder of the Simon Foundation for Continence. Jean felt it might be worth a try and did some research, resulting in her contacting DPF. In those days this was a non-commercial club mostly for gay men. Yet that founder, Tommy, welcomed Jean. DPF members gave her good advice. With the help of Don Davis, Jean explored AB in a super discreet way. They had a locked cabinet in their bedroom for baby bottles and so on.

Flash forward to 1988. By then Jean Davis had written blurbs for the DPF newsletter. She had written 2 long articles about living as an incontinent parent who uses AB for The Play Pen #11, which Infantae Press had not yet released. Jean, Don and all their offspring (including the adults Kurt and Cynthia) were in Germany on vacation. Cynthia bought Jean an adorable fancy Bavarian dress, saying "Mom, you will look so cute in this with your diapers and frilly square dance panties" It turned out Cynthia had discovered the AB supplies shortly after Jean bought her first pacifier!

Missy and I read Jean's account of that once I was given back issues of DPF after I joined in 1990. Then Karen was 6 months old. Missy and I decided it would make more sense to simply let kids find out in an organic way. By this Missy means not showing off ABDL, but also not locking cabinets. When Karen was about 10 she told Missy she felt AB was "Silly" Over the recent Christmas vacation I asked Missy how she feels about AB since she herself has needed diapers 24/7. Karen told me she has read about it and even visited some websites, and still does not consider AB of use to her. Who knows when Karen is 26 or so?

Aunt Betsy's older son, Matthew, still wet his bed until he was 11. I have often written about the time I changed Matt for bed when he was 9 and I was 17 and not yet an AB. Matt graduated from law school in 1999 and is currently a prosecutor in Nevada. Because by 1990 Betsy was living in Nevada I did not see her family often, so I had not personally discussed AB with Matt. So imagine my surprise in 1996 when I received a snail letter from Matt starting off "Dear Aunt Angela, or should I say 'Baby Angel!" Matt told me about his success in pre-law and law school claiming I was his inspiration. He then went on to say he had joined DPF using a screen name and recognized my photo. He purchased a DPF video containing several talk shows about ABDL, including me on Montel Williams. However, he was too frugal to pay Tommy to forward a letter. Instead he got my snail address from Betsy.

Matt married another deputy district attorney named Ginnifer in 2004. Their son will be 5 in a few weeks and has been out of diapers since he was 3. Matt and Ginny are in constant contact with me. They believe it will be best to let their son and future kids find out about ABDL organically. BTW, he is a member of DD (and ADISC) but he only posts occasionally under a screen name. Ginny does play both big baby girl and mommy in their bedroom. She has not joined but reads DD when she gets the chance. I did ask their permission to share this.

All parents who are ABDL will need to carefully consider the options and decide if, when and how to inform their kids!

Maybe if and when we get WKLD re-started that will help.

[enfant]

I have an 8yo, and I haven't actually found it to be all that difficult to keep it private. While it's true that kids are inquisitive, some things aren't really on their radar screen. There might be a pair of plastic pants drying in the bathroom, but my son doesn't peer at them closely or question them; it's just another random thing that mom and dad have in the bathroom, alongside the underarm deodorant and the aftershave lotion and the toilet snake and all the other things he doesn't care about.

So, I'm discreet, but not extremely cautious. When I wear diapers in his presence, they're always under regular clothes, and I lock the door before changing them. The diapers and baby clothes are generally kept out of sight. We don't overtly roleplay when he's around and awake. He knows I sleep with stuffed animals, but I don't think it's occurred to him that that's unusual (he and his friends do too, after all). I think the main thing is not to call attention to things--if you let kids see you being furtive and embarrassed about something, they'll pick up on it and look closer, but if you act like nothing's unusual, well... they've got more important things to do than worry about what you're wearing under your pants.

YMMV, of course. Kids are all different, and older kids could be a lot less oblivious than my guy--I guess I'll find out when he gets older.

[Saladin1976]

So far so good here on the whole 'keeping it a secret' approach, but then, I'm a very occasional wearer. No need to lie so far, though I can't imagine telling my daughter that I wear diapers because it's a weird sexual turn-on that I don't entirely understand. I'd imagine that I'd tell her- if she found my stash or somehow (improbably) caught me wearing, that it's a private matter.

[Aurelius]

That's an awful dilemma. Another reason I am reluctant to marry and have children.

I would only accept a wife having already addressed that problem, however. It would be a major precondition in a long and serious relationship (even a moderate one, really).

It is imperative to address the whole thing within a few months of the relationship (really as soon as it gets sexual at all).