When Should I Tell?

[legend00006]

so me and girl friend have been going out for 3 weeks. When is the right time to tell her about me liking diapers?

[Honu]

Wow, that's almost a FAQ. In my perspective, there are 3 divisions of GFs. The first are the ones that totally turned off by this and won't for anything participate or allow recreational use of diapers by adults. From my experience, run from the girls in this group. The second group is opened minded and might be willing to allow you to wear diapers or even change them for you out her love for you. The risk for this group is that you have to keep working for her love to stay in diapers and that she may never understand why you want to wear/use them. The third group is right here. These are the very rare but perfect for us women who also enjoy wearing diapers. They already know exactly why you like to wear them even though the way they think, feel and use diapers is a little different than yours. This group will never want you out of diapers, but there is more to relationships than that.

I wish you a lot of luck and know that it's difficult to find a partner that complements and corresponds with the important parts of your life. Please let us all know how this goes for you, okay?

Regards,

Honu

[sarah_ab]

three weeks, man thats barely even going out....

have you known her on an intimate (i mean like intimate friendship) level for longer than three weeks?

How much do you trust her ?

Three weeks into a relationship most people are still getting to know the whole superficial things like favourite color, tv shows, that sort of thing...

also what are your motivations for telling her? do you want her to participate? do you want to hang out in just a diaper around her?

And again, how much do you trust her? how much can you trust her after only three weeks?

If she got freaked out and told everyone you know, would you be ok with that?

if she got freaked out and posted it on facebook/myspace/twitter for everyone you know and even people you hardly know to find out would you be ok with that?

i mean there is no right answer for when to tell her, but you gotta evaluate where you are in your three week relationship and examine your motivations for wanting to tell her.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Three weeks is too soon.

[hidden]

i would suggest doing it when you guys are discussing kinks. just make sure she knows before there is talk of moving in together, weddings, etc.

[Guest]

I think the other posters have answered your question well. I've found that most girls are "type 2" in the sense that they are OK with it, but not totally into it. I've had lots of girl friends, and I've told just about all of them about my fetish, and only one of them totally freaked out about it, but she was a complete psycho to begin with, and she wasn't even one of those "good in the sack" psychos you here about. Good luck with what ever you decide to do

[ineedtopeeDL]

im also wondering the same thing but ive been dating my gf for 7 months and weve been best friends for 5 years. idk when to tell her

[WetterGuy]

You need to tell her when you can sense there's an engagement ring on the way. Be sure you tell her BEFORE you propose and before she starts hearing wedding bells. Any sooner than that is not necessary, but entirely up to you if you sense the situation is appropriate and you know she won't make fun of you, blab it to her girlfriends, etc. Any later than that, and you are concealing something from your future spouse that she may never forgive you for.

I hope it works out well. Let me know if you need suggestions of how to tell her, as I've been there and done a fair job of it, myself.

[diaper4life]

I have been a DL all my life and struggled back and fourth why i like diapers. After all these years now im 28 i have come to terms that this is part of who i am and my life style. Ive been dating my Fiancée for about a year now. When she decided to get real serious about the relationship. About 2 months into it i knew i had to tell her everything about me. So we text a lot and talked over instant messaging. To me that was easier to talk about for some reason. I told her i have something to tell her, I kinda kept her in the dark for a little bit. Just told her if we are going to be serious i have something i needed to tell you before we go further, and explained to her that i loved her a lot. And telling her this might make her leave me. So i told her. She was Confused and didn't understand why a normal well rounded guy would want to wear diapers. I explained a little bit of my history and showed her a few webpage links to AB/DL info sites online. I told her i can not be with someone that dose not except me for who i am. It took her a couple days to decide but she loves me and now we are engaged. But if she decided she could not handle it i would have had to leave her and find another girl. I waited awhile till she got to know me. If a woman is told right away she will think you a freak and leave. They got to get to know who you are first. And find away to break the ice. I have used for example "at night i sometimes have a accident" as a excuse so they would understand a little bit why we would need to wear it. But If people just know you wear it for fun they will think something is wrong with you. Just human nature. Well gl my friend, There are women out there that are accepting of us. Takes time. But The one you love needs to know the truth about you. And if she truly loves you she will be with you..

[sarah_ab]

I dont think marriage has anything to do with deciding when to tell someone.

Not everyone gets married, and you can be with someone long term and not get married.

However, i would say after 7 months, if you know things are going to go ahead for an indefinite amount of time, its going to be time to breach the subject, before you start sharing a life together, i.e. bank accounts, property, a family etc....

[d_drew12]

Three weeks, three weeks, really, not to be a jerk but I could probably tell you what I wore three weeks ago. Maybe you haven't dated much but last time I checked, that's not a long time. Really, stop and think about it. You're still in the honeymoon phase. That would be like a girl telling her life story on the first date and bringing up all and I mean all of her baggage at the same time.

Look at it in a different way, how would you like it if she told you right now that she has some kind of extreme fetish, not saying a diaper fetish is extreme but come on. What if she told you she use to sell her body and was heavy into drugs and fears she may fall back into that lifestyle. You may be more of the understanding type but I guarantee you'll look at her in a different light if she did this to you and if you tell her your story, she will too. It's okay to keep some skeletons in the closet, especially on your first few dates, hell, even your entire marriage depending on what it is. The past is the past, you didn't know her then. I'm sure you're just anxious to tell someone your secret in person, but I would definately hold off until it falls into the more, "serious" category.

I hate to break it to some of you, but no fetish or sexual desire is worth leaving a perfectly good person for. You can't honestly tell me if you and this girl were a total match, a match made in heaven say, and you confessed you're fetish to her, she listens, understands, but doesn't want to partake or have you continue your fetish, you would then just leave her in hope of finding someone out there as perfect but will allow you to continue your fetish. That's what relationships are, give and take. There's things I ask my wife not to do or do and vis-a-versa. I don't really care for restaurant a but since my wife likes it, we go and I make the best of it, however if I really hated it, she wouldn't expect me to go, and maybe go there with a friend who does. She doesn't nescessarily like a certain movie I want to see but she goes anyway, however, if she really had a problem with it, say it was a horror film and she really didn't want to go, I'd respect that and not go or at least not with her. A person, even someone you're in a relationship with, doesn't have to like everything you do.

I'll put it this way, a diaper fetish is somewhat of an addiction. It's like smoking, many dl's wish they could quit as do many smokers. If you don't like smokers and after 3 weeks of dating this girl told you she's a chain smoker, it would change your relationship. If you were to explain, you wish she'd stop because you don't care for smokers, after 3 weeks of dating, sorry bud, she's not going to change for you and will likely move on. If you've been in a relationship and it's getting serious and she then tells you she's a smoker, you say please stop, she will probably consider it and if she loves you enough, and it's a "deal breaker" she'd probably stop. It wouldn't be an easy task, throwing out all the smokes she's been hiding, maybe seeking some counseling, etc. You don't necessarily have to be accepting of that. Now just replace all of that with YOU in the story and diapers. See what I mean. Not a good idea this soon, and to me a dl fetish is not worth ending a relationship over if it's going well.

Good luck

[Guest aielen]

I've never told my ex bf. In any case he's too conservative to understand

[alex1]

so me and girl friend have been going out for 3 weeks. When is the right time to tell her about me liking diapers?

relationships take time to develop. see how things workout after a while. If a few months down the road you are still getting along very well....then bring it up in a playful way...maybe you ask her if she has ever had any unusual fantasies and that can open the door to you telling her about yours. This approach worked for me. Or just talk about unusual fantasies in general... "have you ever heard of people being into???" that way you don't really "out" yourself.

[sarah_ab]

all i can say is, if two people are TRUELY a 'match made in heaven' then even their kinks and fetish's would be compatible.

[Yvhuce]

I'd've said 2 weeks ago... ASAP, in other words. Do so before you become too committed to the relationship, in case it is a big deal. Better to wreck a relationship before it really takes off than while it's going strong...

[Wheels]

Next time you're spooning her from behind, fake a peaceful snore, then piss all over her back! After she calms down after the 5th time, tell her you need diapers.

No NO NO, abort this idea! BAD IDEA!

OK sorry, I'm just being goofey. But it sounds like you have some good advice from the other posts above. Good luck!

[momma.bear]

i want to add a fourth type of girl to honu's list - those like me who had no idea about ABDL before their boyfriends told them, & then they ended up both actively participating in & very much enjoying it. it does happen! i am living proof!

that said, i think the reason i was able to fully accept my boyfriend's fetish when he told, & then experiment with it later, is because there was already a strong level of trust & love between us. even if i had fallen into the category of girls who didn't understand it, i always would have supported him because we loved each other.

you can't really say how long it takes to know that the love & trust between any two people will be strong & healthy; you just sort of have to feel it out.

i warn you, though, not to keep it from her too long. if my boyfriend had kept it from me much longer, i would have been so angry at him for hiding something this major (& the lying/covering up it would have taken for him to hide it considering the progression of our relationship) that i don't think i would have reacted so positively.

[d_drew12]

Why are so many people here so anxious to right away tell a person that they've know for a few weeks about there fetish yet haven't told family or friends they've known there entire life? Seriously, you'll entrust some random person you've known for like 21 days with this information?

As I said before. Best to keep some skeletons in the closet, at least until the right time and that may be never. Don't let this control your life. You may wind up being alone your entire life finding someone just to accept your diaper fetish. Or you could be with your spouse for 60 years of happy marriage with one dirty secret. Sounds crazy to some I know but I'd rather take the lifetime of marriage, a family, and all of lifes joys outside of diapers over just diapers.

You know, if you're going to tell someone about the diaper thing and this could be a deal breaker, why not tell them your whole life story and every sexual desire, fantasy and fetish you've ever had, evertime you've masterbated and to what, ever stinking detail of your life....then see if anyone wants you, afterall, that is who you are and you want them to accept you (you know, before you share a checkbook, family, house etc.). I don't think you'd want someone telling YOU all that. If your saying "accept me for who I am" then tell them EVERYTHING!!! It's not going to get you a ring on your finger anytime soon. Thus my previous reasoning.

I would say in any relationship, each partner has sexual fantasies, desires, fetishs and wants. Would you want that person to know all the thoughs you're having? Would you always want to know what thoughts your partners having? Hell, every guy probably has had the fantasy about the 18 year old, the neighbor, the girl from work, getting a prostitute, being dominated, an office romance, some random hot chick, thoughts about someone who just walks by you. Why don't you act on them,

mainly because it would affect your relationship. So then I ask, why would you let a diaper control the paths of your relationships? It is your fantasy, your fetish but you don't necessarily need to act on it. Sure, bring it up before you start sharing a life together, if it's a go, go with it and congrats, that's good for you. If no them maybe you could reason with her or find a way for you to keep it as part of your life but don't make it a deal breaker. Don't end a relationship because she doesn't like your fetish. You may not like everyone of your partners fetish's if they were to tell you them.

Sorry, but so many put this diaper thing infront of there entire life and base there life off of it. If THIS is the desciding factor in a relationship then that is not healthy, you are letting a diaper fetish control your life. You can be stronger than that.

Good luck to everyone.