Need Some Advice

[hidden]

I need some advice. My sister is 22 (23 in a month), has an associates degree in accounting (general, not specific), and works at McDonalds. She started working at McD's when she started college in 2004 and got her degree in 2006. SHE IS STILL WORKING AT MCD'S!!!! She refuses to look for a better job and doesn't use the opportunities our dad has given her to apply to places. She still lives at home and refuses to drive places! She had her license at least 3 years before me and I probebly have spent more time driving in the last year than she had driven total! If she wants to go out of town to go to a mall (none in town), she waits until me or my mom is around to drive her! The only place she drives to is the 3/4 mile drive to McD's. She got her car new in 2002 and is still under 15k miles (I got a 1990 accord used(where's the justice!?!))! She acts as though she is scared to drive even though she is/was a good driver but her skills have decayed due to lack of use. What little $ she earns, she spends on CD's, DVDs, and etc. in large quantities. It's ok to buy this stuff but she spends hundreds on them each check! She has literally a mountain of CD's, DVD's, Manga, and etc. that takes up half of her room!

I am now in my second year of college and am about to pass her in terms of amount of education even though she had a 3 year head start! She refuses to go back to school to get a higher degree since she isn't doing anything with her current one, which probebly won't be good much longer.

Any advice as to get her to get her act together, save $, and get a real job?

[Baby Bethany]

It sounds a bit like she's 22 going on 15 lol.

Question, what would happen if both you and your mom refused to drive her anywhere? Some times you have to be cruel to be kind you know.

As for the job thing, well you can only give your advice so many times and then they have to make their own decision what they want......especially at 22. You can keep trying to help her Hidden, but at the end of the day it is her life.

Beth

[beallucanb]

She sounds like she is afraid to move into the real world, she figures she is safe where she is at, and is afraid she will fail if she moves on into a real job.

As for the car they are some people like that, I know a guy here that had a 91 saturn and had ony 10K miles untill he hit something now he is afraid to drive.

With jobs as hard as they are to find these days she just might be better off where she is for now, but the CD collection is stupid what a waste of money she could have that money makeing money someplace, even with times as bad as they are I still have money comming in from my investments.

I did loose some money, but after I checked just what I lost it was about the same money I made in interest over the past few years, so I'm not crying about it.

[diamondback6881]

Question, what would happen if both you and your mom refused to drive her anywhere? Some times you have to be cruel to be kind you know.

I agree completely with this statement. Sometimes, they have to learn things the hard way.

[twister_girl]

In the current economy, she might not be able to find a better job, even if she wanted to.

Maybe she's afraid to try? Does she have really low self-esteem? Any other "issues"???

In my extended family, there is a girl who never wanted to leave her mom. She got married and has her own house - on the same block as her mother's house. And she rarely leaves their town. She tried to go to the state college right after high school, had a breakdown, and they called her mom and told her to come get her and take her home.

[loopy]

I need some advice. My sister is 22 (23 in a month), has an associates degree in accounting (general, not specific), and works at McDonalds. She started working at McD's when she started college in 2004 and got her degree in 2006. SHE IS STILL WORKING AT MCD'S!!!! She refuses to look for a better job and doesn't use the opportunities our dad has given her to apply to places. She still lives at home and refuses to drive places! She had her license at least 3 years before me and I probebly have spent more time driving in the last year than she had driven total! If she wants to go out of town to go to a mall (none in town), she waits until me or my mom is around to drive her! The only place she drives to is the 3/4 mile drive to McD's. She got her car new in 2002 and is still under 15k miles (I got a 1990 accord used(where's the justice!?!))! She acts as though she is scared to drive even though she is/was a good driver but her skills have decayed due to lack of use. What little $ she earns, she spends on CD's, DVDs, and etc. in large quantities. It's ok to buy this stuff but she spends hundreds on them each check! She has literally a mountain of CD's, DVD's, Manga, and etc. that takes up half of her room!

I am now in my second year of college and am about to pass her in terms of amount of education even though she had a 3 year head start! She refuses to go back to school to get a higher degree since she isn't doing anything with her current one, which probebly won't be good much longer.

Any advice as to get her to get her act together, save $, and get a real job?

Shes 22, harsh as it is to say she needs to make her own way in life, and maybe cutting support from mum and you is the way to kick start that.

My sister is in a simular position except being younger then me, she's at uni, doing a 7 year architecture course, and seems at times to be milking it as a way to not grow up, sadly we had the safety blanket of a home to go to pulled away rather unexpectedly, and she seems to be starting to get the hang of the real world. The only real difference is she loves driving and i can't drive (well i have no license :S)

Basically don't try to take her problems on your back, just be there for her, she'll either see the light, or alienate everyone which is when you need to be for her the most. Real life will soon encroach on all the safety, and its surprising how much people will change to still be comfortable. The blanket will have to be removed for someone to truly change their ways.

[MusicBABY180]

Well, dude, from what it seems, she has been nurtured all her life and never really learned the value of a dollar or the meaning of initiative.

Was she coddled all her life by her mom or dad?

I don't know the best way to fix this, but I do have an idea. Talk to your mom about this. If your sister well being means that much to you, try talking to you mom and discuss ways to fix this. Like what Bethany said, try saying no to driving her places.

AND also talk to your mom about putting her foot down and getting her out of the house.

and see if that works.

[Baby Bethany]

I know this seems harsh (because it is) but I remember when I left school and got my first job at 15 (in a factory packing tins of peaches into boxes) and I took home my first wage. In those days you would go to the manager on a Friday and he would give you your week's pay, cash in an envelope. So I got home that Friday, and my dad said "Did you get paid?" He then told me there will be a third for me, a third for the bank (he paid it into an account for me), and a third for my mom (for housekeeping). This was how his dad did it with him, and how he would do it with me and my brothers. This was how it worked until I left home about four years later. Strict? Yes, but it taught me respect for money, how to pay my bills, and how to save. It also meant that when I left home I had several thousand pounds in the bank, money which would otherwise have been wasted on records, videos and games for the old Sinclair Spectrum.

Beth

[sarah_ab]

of course there is always the option she suffers from a social anxiety disorder and the mere thought of changing her routine is so overwhelming she shuts down and employs coping mechanisms such as spending her money on material items to block out the anxiety she feels.

just a thought.. you know.. not everyone who is afraid to get a job, to drive, and to move on life is just lazy, some people truely do suffer from severe anxiety, but because of their advanced coping mechanisms it just appears to be laziness, apathy, greed, or low self esteem... perhaps she could see a counselor ?