Persuading A Loved One

[NewdudeDL]

So I was exchanging emails with my mother and found out she will be staying the night with me on campus tomorrow, as she has a funeral to attend near my school Saturday. Normally I would be happy to lend her a couch or bed in this situation. The problem is, 1) she knows I'm a DL from a journal of mine she read in high school and she does NOT approve of this, and 2) she takes her time to clean anything she sees is out of place and as a stress reliever. This happened last year when she was in town for a business meeting. Luckily then I had nothing for her to find, but if she falls into her old routines she will almost certainly catch wind of my AB/DL indulgences unless I throw out all my diapers and other assorted items, which I really don't want to do. Being in college, every dime counts and I carefully budgeted for this stash and won't be able to buy any other diapers unless I come upon a winning lotto ticket.

I REALLY don't want to throw out these things and would love to find the right way to tell her that this isn't harmful in any way/shape/ or form. So I'm just fishing for ideas here if anyone has had a similar disagreement with a family member/loved one who didn't understand, but was able to sway them and came out of it all right. PM me or post here, whatever works.

If push comes to shove, I will get rid of my stash at the last minute. I value my family relationships waaaaay more than any fetish. Thanks in advance to any contributions.

[babylin]

"Mothers are like that. Yes they are." so went the commercial once. I would expect that you still have a suitcase in your room

Take your stash and put in in the suitcase or duffle or whatever and lock it and put it "in order" in the closet or under the bed,

wherever it would belong. Also try to structure her visit so that she is not left alone in your room. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO PRIVACY!!

Let us know how this works out.

HAPPINESS IS WEARING COTTON DIAPERS

[Bettypooh]

I guess a lot of it depends on your relationship with your Mom. If she's got enough respect for you as an adult you should be able to say something like "Mom, you know about my diapers. I'll make sure that you aren't exposed to them when you visit because I know they make you uncomfortable. But you need to know that if you go digging, you're going to find them and that will not make either of us happy. So please, if you must go cleaning, just bypass anything that you don't like and leave it alone."

If you don't have that kind of relationship where a word to the wise is sufficient, then you may have to set rules, which is OK because it is your home and you set the rules there just like everyone else does. Let her know the rules are "No digging or cleaning while you're in my home", or "Do not look under my bed because you won't like finding my diapers there". Make it clear that you aren't hiding drugs or anything illegal, that you are doing this for her own good because you care about her feelings which would get hurt, and that if she disobeys your rules that you will not feel safe allowing her into your home again. As long as she understands that you want to protect her from hurt feelings because of your affection for her it should go OK

If she's likely to still be a problem, either find a place to stash the stuff or risk losing it and/or your Mom's affection You might just be able to find one of those private storage rentals at an introductoty bargain that you can afford. Riskier but maybe possible is bagging it up and stashing it somewhere it isn't likely to be found, disturbed, or ruined. Maybe a bus station or gym locker(if it will fit). Be creative and think, you'll find relatively safe places to hide stuff if you want to. Ages ago I knew of drug deals that were transacted using a car trunk in a junkyard that could be opened with any screwdriver(the junkyard and the people involved are long gone and I've been clean since 2003 ). You can find a good spot that is relatively safe for the duration if you think about it, I'm sure

I had to do something like this when I came out as TG. My family and friends understood that while I wouldn't intentionally expose them to my feminine things unless they said it was OK, if they were to come by unannounced or didn't give me time to put things away, they were likely to see things they might not want to see. Especially if they started digging around. When they visit, anything I don't want them to be disturbed over will not be found in any socially public part of my home, nor openly exposed in my bedroom. If they open my closet or dresser then it's their fault and they have no right to complain about anything they find. When there are children involved my dresser is always under some adult's watchful eye and my closet doors are bound shut at the top where kid's can't reach to open them They respect my privacy and I respect their sensibilities and their children. It works well for all of us and it avoids anyone receiving an unwanted heartache. It also lets me stash my diaper stuff with a lot less worry since I know thy won't be digging, but I still hide it anyway since they don't know about my being a DL

Actually though this may seem a problem to you, what you have here is an opportunity to settle the issue with your Mom permanantly since she already knows Then it will never be an issue again since you'll both know what to expect from each other from then on. It may not be exactly what either of you wants but if you care enough about each other a workable compromise is certainly reachable where nobody's feelings wil get hurt.

[hidden]

put them in your car trunk if you have one

[beallucanb]

If you have a storeage area, put them in a plastic garbage bag and put them there, if you don't put them in a garbage bag anyway and just tell he its garbage and the trash guy didn't come this week and you didn't want to put it out because animals would rip the bags apart and you would have to clean it up.

I put my stuff in a garbage bag, when I decide to purge or someone is comming to visit, and put it in the garage but I usually go and get it after company leaves or I change my mind about my fetishes.

My sissy dress and stuff, has had a few of these trips in the garbage bag, but I still have it all.

[underwhere]

Here is the sad truth about moms: if you don't want them snooping, don't invite or encourage them to come over. Further, make sure they do not have access to a key.

I've gotten into some pretty big battles with my mother, the last one because she tried to "help me" and I felt a gross invasion of my personal space. This was not the first time this had happened, but I guarantee it will be the last. We are involved in family therapy together, and I gave her more than a small piece of my mind, though I tried to do so relatively diplomatically, to which she responded very negatively. Honestly, I expected nothing different. I knew she would not be accepting of me, because she still wants to try to "protect me". I'm no longer seeking her protection, but I am forced to deal with the fact that she will not "let me go" at this point either.

I will admit that I am nowhere near being a "neat freak" and I have a tendency to spread out a bit, and if I'm not careful, things can get out of hand sometimes. I'm also not the best person with general cleaning. At the moment, I'm also not financially sound, and have been relying on her to assist me far more than I would like to have her assist me. Obviously, this plays into our relationship in very negative ways via the power struggles it causes.

My mom knows about some aspects of my kinks. Several months ago, due to circumstances related to some poor personal choices on my part, I felt compelled to tell her about them. Her response was much kinder than I anticipated, but she still doesn't get the fact that I am completely unwilling to allow her to dictate the kind of personal relationships I choose to form, with whom, and on what grounds I choose to form them. However, she does not object to any of my paraphernalia and will just "clean around" it if given the opportunity. However, she also tries to "straighten things up" to the point where I know where I put stuff, and days/weeks/months later when I go looking for something specific and I know where I put it, I can't find it. Really, it's just a huge nuisance.

So here is the solution we finally worked out: There will be an unaffiliated third-party person whose job it will be to assist me with cleaning. We're still working on details as we've had a few technical bumps along the road, but my hope is that once those are resolved, my mother and I will have a much more "adult" relationship, and I can reserve the "being treated like a baby" thing for when and how I really want that to play out.

I hope this helps somewhat.

[NewdudeDL]

Thanks for the ideas all! Deeply appreciated! Lockers aren't an option as I'de have to lug all my stuff across campus. I saw a footlocker for sale really cheap that should hold all my things though, so I may buy that and a padlock. Just have to put my diaper pail in my trunk. If she asks I'll say thats where I keep my bank statements and other valuable items. Not sure if this will work, but if it's something important yet mundane, she shouldn't be bothered.

zacky, I appreciate the input (you have no idea how many times I've dreamed of doing that!) but the truth is I care too much about her to treat her like that.

[mogumbo]

Almost any post office, train or bus station has lockers you can rent for like $.75 to $1.50. Through your stuff in, insert coinage, lock and walk away. Good till ya go back to retrieve it.

Mo

[curiositykilledthecat]

Tell her to stay out of your room? you're dorm, not hers.

[Guest dllightning]

Black 3mil Trash bags... Always have some if you wear diapers.

1) Bag up all of your stuff. You are in college. No one will think twice if you carry that, maybe a backpack, even a pillow and act like there is just clothes or toiletries in the bag. (IDK what you have, if you list it I can help you find it a place to hide.) Carry that stuff out to your secure place. Anyone asks, tell them something, but be decided on what you will tell them. If you dont want to lie, throw clothes in there with it and tell them, clothes and stuff for an overnight trip.

2) Watch the Bourne Identy series. They are all really cool.

3) Lock them up in a locker. Places to find those - Mail stores, Gyms, School grounds that you have legal access to, Roller Rinks/Organized Skate parts. Some self storage places have very small places to rent. (costs money up front for security deposits but it is an option)

OR

4) Dump ur bag into a school dumpster and retrieve later. (I have not tried this, but I would recommend on the retrieval that you set your alarm for 3am to retrieve your garbage.) Anyone asks, just tell them you threw away some things you didn't want your mom to see in your room and you are now getting them back. The truth? Yup. Let them imagine what's in the bag and MOVE ON.

OR

5) Put the bag in a trusted friends trunk and tell them the same thing in #4. Tell them thanks.

OR

6) Mail them to yourself. In the sender name put a fake business name (not yours) like Bagwell Promotions. If you do that on friday, they will come back to you on Monday. Hopefully your mom is gone. If not, when they show up - just say, its for a buddy coming back to school later this week and you are holding it for him/her and that you just know that they are promotional products of some sort.

7) last resort - hide the stash at your place. Tell me what is in your room and what you have to hide and I will tell you how to hide in a manner that will be least likely to be found... Example, if your stash fits in a 2' x 2' box. You pack it up, cover the box with a sheet or blanket (think decorating it) then set your TV and stuff on top of that box... If you just had a couple diapers to hide and had a dresser, then you would pull your dresser drawers out and tape them to the back of the drawers. If you have a sink with cupboards underneath, there should be a good 12" or bigger gap of space above the door opening on the inside. You can sometime hide a whole pack of diaper up there! If you drink, you can hide stuff in like 24pack bear boxes. Put your stash in one box and place in a cupboard and set another real box of bear cans on top. If you can fit some cans in the stash box, then do that in the corners to make it stronger. If you have a couch, turn it upside down and find a way to stash them inside it and not fall out.

So I gave you alot of options. I should be a spy or something...

[Guest refridginator]

if you have a lockbox or a master lock you can put on something like a chest then do that. otherwise rent a locker somewhere.

[sarah_ab]

so i have faced this dilemna. my mother was coming to visit, because well, i had invited her. But she too likes to clean, and snoop. So i did the logical thing, gathered up all my sexually related items, including condoms, lube, and a few funny things, rubber hoses, double sides sticky tape, a plastic tarp, and put them all in a rubber maid bin, then labeled it "sex stuff".... when she opened it, sure she saw the diapers, but she also saw a tarp, rubber hoses and a bunch of other stuff, and assumed i had put that there to 'teach her a lesson' or as some weird prank for my friends, she never thought twice of the diapers because they were mixed in with all that others tuff, and the box was clearly labeled 'sex stuff'.... sometimes the obvious works, because its so obvious people think... thats too obvious, so its clearly not serious.

[Baby Bethany]

Remember when you lived with your parents and they said "My house, my rules!!" That rule works the other way too.

Beth

[sarah_ab]

trust me... it does not work to say my house my rules to a parent when they are visiting you in your dorm room. There are ALWAYS going to be times they end up alone. When you run to the rest room, or take a shower, or when you have to go to class, or drop something off for a professor...

and you can't just say my room my rules, cause its gonna end up being a not so fun summer when you go home and have to live with that same woman.

. Forget renting a locker, or anything like that, just put all the stuff in a box, label it "diapers and other fetish stuff" and then put the box in the closet. If your mother choses to clean your room, which honestly having someone come an clean your dorm room is not necessarily a bad thing, but if she choses to clean, then she runs the risk of finding things that she doesn't even know she doesn't want to see.

So dont stress. Yes you are her child, but this is a good opportunity to stress that you are an adult and can have your own life. She can't force you to go into therapy, or to see a doctor, or to talk to her about it. Honestly, all she can do at this point is stress how much she doesn't like what u do or whatnot....

[NewdudeDL]

Just an update...

The funeral service was postponed until February, so she only ended up staying until a little while ago. I chose to put my things in a personal footlocker under my bed and padlocked it. I was also fortunate enough to remember to put my diaper pail in the trunk of my car. The footlocker she never noticed, but the first thing she cleaned was my closet, where I normally kept my pail!

I think I will take your advice for when she returns in February, sarah_ab. If all goes as planned in my personal life, I may be in a better position to let her know that this is my choice as an adult, if she should go snooping around again.

Thanks again to everyone who offered advice. I kept everything you guys (and gals) said in mind in case she found something I forgot to put away.