I've Told My Girlfriend - What Do I Do Next?

[biggs]

Hello everyone!

I'm an in-frequent poster here, so I'll start with a quick background summary..

I'm 23, and since early teens / late pre-teen, I've wanted to wear nappies / diapers. As a teenager, I did so, mostly with drynites etc. Although it started off more of a sexual fetish (DL), it's now more a AB thing, but just nappies, wetting etc, though would like to get into it a bit more. It then stopped for a few years, but in the last couple of years, it's come back with a vengeance. I don't get to partake very often. I live with my girlfriend, who I've been with for over a year. From time to time she returns home for a few weeks (we live overseas) and that period tends to be my only chance to enjoy them. I've been wanting to tell her about it for about 6 months, but just haven't had the balls to do it.

Well, the other night, walking back home from a night out, we were both pretty drunk. In fact, I was very drunk, and ended up telling her about it. I explained that I'd had bed wetting problems as a child, which I dealt with by wearing nappies. I explained that over time I became attached to them, and saw them as a source of comfort. Then, just so there could be no question in her mind about what I was telling her, I said that I enjoy wearing nappies 'for fun'. Her reaction was fairly stunned, didn't really know what to say. She asked a couple of questions about it and pointed out that at least we now know each others 'big' secret - I already knew hers (completely unrelated).

Now, although we were both drunk, I'm pretty certain she hasn't forgotten the conversation (well, it's not the sort of thing you're going to forget, is it?) but she's not said anything or brought it up since.

So I'm just wondering what my next move should be? Should I bring it up again, leave it a while, or should I wait for her to bring it up in her own time? What's your experience in this situation?

thanks for your help!

me

[Baby Bethany]

It's an interesting one that.

The fact that she didn't seem to freak out and took the time to ask questions, and that she mentioned the knowing each others secret thing, well that all seems like positives to me. She hasn't mentioned it yet, well that may be embarrassment on her part. When I first told my wife she was cool with it, but she still didn't tend to raise the subject unless I mentioned it. Once I raised the subject she would talk for an hour about it, but she still felt a bit embarrassed mentioning it. Others may disagree, but I'm not sure she will mention it, rather she may be waiting for you.......and no, I don't think for a minute that she's forgotten about it, lol.

Why don't you wait a few days and then when you have a quite moment together just throw it into the conversation? Maybe when you're in bed together or something. Just don't push her too far too quickly though, maybe let her get to grips with the wearing a nappy thing before telling her you use them.

Beth

[tris]

Its YOUR relationship and only you know it best. Of course we're gonna tell you to be upfront and say what's on your mind, but only you have the power to decide the time and place to discuss it further. If you REALLY know her, you'll know when the time is right. There's no harm in getting it out in the open.

Sometimes you think people 'get it', but they don't and you hafta knock 'em upside the head with it again! Try not to be ashamed of yourself, or what it is that you want --after all, if you see this relationship going somewhere, wouldn't you rather it be someplace you'd wanna go?

I would, however, not suggest trying to talk about it while on the job. Remember that scene in Old School where Mitch's gf is explaining what she was trying to tell him about wanting two or three other people involved, and he just thought she was 'talking dirty' to enhance the moment? It happens all the time. If you're really serious about something, the time to say so isn't while between thrusts.

Good luck!

[Knuxie Fawks]

a calm, quiet conversation about it would be best. Then, maybe ask how she felt about it, and if she would be willing to participate (i.e. change you). It's an unnerving subject, but as you already broke the ice, you should talk more.

[jessm5]

I told my ex-girlfriend shortly after we started dating. I told her after she confessed a lot of deep personal secrets in her past. So I shared so she wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. Plus she just happened to be a professional psychologist so I knew she was used to hearing unusual things.

Once we got her sordid past out in the open and my diaper fetish out there, we never really talked about either again. As I got to know her better, I realized that she was not into anything kinky. Even though I had my fantasies, I knew they wouldn't fly with her and never brought up diapers again. We didn't live together so I still got plenty of diaper time, so I didn't need her support for me to indulge. As far as I was concerned, there was no reason to bring it up again.

So I guess based on my experience, my advice would be to figure out what you want to accomplish by bringing it up again. Do you want her to diaper you? Do you want to wear diapers openly around her? Is it that you guys live together and the only way you can wear diapers is if she knows?

If you're like me and the answer is 'no' to those questions, then I'd let it go if I were you. If she's that upset about it, I'm sure she'll bring it up sooner or later.

Cheers

[diaperedkitten3]

I think it was very brave to talk to your girlfriend about it (even though you were drunk at the time) Only you can know what's right for you. I don't know your girlfriend and so i don't know how she'll react... but if this situation were me i would talk to her again when both parties are in a good space. Not when anyone is stressed out or just coming home from work. You should sit down with her and be completely open about your needs. You need to deicide as well what you want out of the conversation. Do you think your significant other will be okay sharing ths lifestlye with you or do you only want her to know about it so that you don't have any secrets from each other? You also need to think about how you want to live the rest of your life. I for one, cannot imagine not sharing this with my partner. So you have a lot to think about because if you tell her again (and No i don't think she's forgotten about it) and she isn't interested and this is something you need in your life (not want) then you take the chance of being with someone (for a very long time) who cannot fullfilll your needs (and may or may not be comfortable with you getting your needs met somewhere else)...

N one can tell you what to do. Some people can live with only getting their needs met once in a while and other people can't. I would never want to be in a situation where i needed something special but could never get it. But some people value other things in relationships. Some people would rather not be alone. I wasn't that kind of person. I knew how important having a Daddy (for me) was and i refgused to be in ANY relationship with someone until i found the right person. So you need to think about what you want.

But don't be surprised either if this isn't something she or he feels like they can handle right away. It takes time. even for me i had known i was little for years but never the extent to which it was. It came as a very big shock when i found out i was an AB. So maybe introducing your SO to it gradulally would be a good idea. Talk about it. show her things that are special, explain to her why you need this.... if she's open minded go from there. It's a proven fact that society is better able to deal with change as a whole when ideas are introduced gradually. So if i were you i wouldn't expect her to want to diaper you and be your mommy right away. Let her have some space to think about things. Let her asjk you a billion questions. Be open and not defensive.And try to show HER support because this can be a little unsettling for someone vanilla to comprehend

[biggs]

Thanks very much for your thoughts & advice so far. It's all still sinking in that I told her about it, so I expect it must be for her too!

With regards to 'what I want from it', well, I don't need to be diapered, and I don't need to be mummied.

In fact, I do recall her saying as the time that 'as long as you don't expect me to change you or anything'. Which is fine, would never expect her to, and is actually a good thing, as it shows that she is indeed thinking what I'm thinking. For me, I would be content with being able to wear (and ideally use, though not poop) my nappy - around the house & to bed would do me fine. And would also be happy doing it more as a once in a while thing (I'm so used to it that way now anyway!). So that will hopefully work in my favour should she be interested in learning more about it. Any more that that, and I would be very happy, but it's not what I need to be happy.

diaperedkitten3, you raise a very good point - that is, do you chose your partner or nappies. At the moment, I would certainly say I can live without nappies - I've done so for much of my life, but I'm happier with them. But as it stands, my girlfriend makes me much happier (although in different ways!), so that's not really something for me to think about at the moment!

Thanks again for your support!

[Repaid1]

Yeah I would just go with the flow. Things just happen when you least expect it. If she was open with the suggestion, drunk or not it gives good promise. I've been from telling them I'm incontinent..to being babied in a couple of dates so it's not unheard of. Relationships take time, and you took the first step. Let her take the second. Best of luck.

[biggs]

Well, it's been a while now, but thought I would update you on the latest.

Although I've been on here a bit, I've been avoiding it intentionally, as I didn't want to 'tease' myself about a lifestyle I've not been able to take part in.

So, if you've read any or all of the above, you will see that 6 months ago, I mentioned the whole nappies thing to my gf. Nothing has been said since about it - combination of being too chicken and there being too much has been going on in the last 6 months to get some quality time with her before bringing it up again.

Well, I put an end to that last night, and after talking about all sorts of stuff for hours, like talking about our childhoods etc, I asked her if she remembered me telling her about the whole nappy thing, what she made of it and basically how she feels about the whole thing, giving the strong hint that it was something I wanted to 'try out' again.

She did indeed remember, and gave the same initial statement as before. I dug a little deeper, as she seemed a little uncomfortable / embarrassed about talking about it, but figured if I didn't, it would be another 6 months until on comes up again.

She asked if it was something I wanted to do all the time, which I explained it wasn't, just whenever it was right to do so. She asked if it was a sexual thing, and told her it wasn't (which it isn't really any more) but that it's more a comfort thing.

I asked if it was something she had come across before, which she said she had, although only through TV programs (any idea what these could be), and I think it was because of these that she was under the impression that the sexual side of thing and the being babied aspect were one and the same thing, and this was something she was not keen on. I did try and explain the difference between AB & DL, but didn't really want to go too much into it. I did tell her that I'm not looking to be treated like a baby, although in reality, a little babying would be nice - I just want to wear a onesie, be changed once on a while would be amazing, but we'll take 1 step at a time! I did point out that in many ways, me wanting to wear nappies was similar to how she sucks her thumb still, and she agreed, so it was good to have that reference point to infantilism for both of us - that helped a lot.

I'm not sure where she stands on the wetting thing though - but suspect she may be a bit weird about to begin with, but hopefully she'll come around to the idea, maybe even suggest it, so it sounds like her idea.

Not sure if she'd change me - maybe, again its a wait & see.

And of course, (for me) the holy grail would be her trying out the nappies. Not sure if this would ever happen - I guess it depends how comfortable she feels about me wearing them, then maybe I'll suggest it further down the line.

So what next? Well, I took much of how the conversation went as an open invitation to go out & buy. I'm thinking, give it a couple of days (so as not to seem too eager!), then bring some home one day. Allow her to see them / look at them and take it from there. She's already stated that just finding me wearing them would be a little weird for her, so I already know not to take that route!

Sorry it's a bit long. Just thought it would be nice to share what is hopefully not the ending of the 'story', but just the beginning.

I would also just like to add, the members of this forum have been a great help to me over the years (even before I actually joined), and could probably not have got to where I am now without the support & advice I've received here - thank you.

[NewdudeDL]

Good to hear things are still going well!

[Diaper666]

i told my last girlfriend and she was cool with it but since me and her had a fight and broke up i dont know how my new girlfriend could handle it but for as my ex we just started talking about fetishes one day and i mentioned this and she was okay with it since she said she had seen worse lol but i was like okay and hell i even got her to change me once after sex so it was fun while it lasted

[babylin]

What was she thinking? perhaps "if I don't mention it and he doesn't bring it up again, maybe it will go away."

Had not read your post before. I would suggest that you need to provide her with INFORMATION.

Go to Bitter Grey and download "Understanding Infantilism". Leave it out where she can find it. If she asks,

"What's this", tell her you are trying to understand yourself better. She is more likely to investigate if she thinks

that somehow she is helping you. And gaining information will allay her own fears. BTW, there are lots of

articles out there that will help. Better, perhaps, if you find a diaper story that interests you, turns you on even,

and let ther find that also. She fears the unknown, as we all do. Does she see herself having children with you?

Will you desire diapers more that her? In six months you still have only hit the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

HAPPINESS IS WEARING COTTON DIAPERS

[curiositykilledthecat]

Try repeating the discussion both being sober and take it from there.

[Guest dl_aslee]

Since she now knows I would not make a big deal about as then she sees it as a big deal.

If you just wear them like the are not a big deal, don't be showing them off on purpose, but don't try to hide that you are wearing them either.

I think many times they have to actually see you wearing to truly get "it." Just get into bed one night wearing one, you will be able to tell her true feelings about the subject then. She will probably say something, and then you can talk to her to see if she is truly comfortable with it.

[AZDiapers]

I asked if it was something she had come across before, which she said she had, although only through TV programs (any idea what these could be

It might be beneficial to inquire about this, going off of her previous knowledge, no matter how minute, to build on. Also she may have preconceptions regarding the AB/DL community based off of these, which can either be accurate, completely wrong, or simply not what you are into. This may especially be a good idea as TV does not necessarily portray everyone in the best of light. The shows she might have seen it from, depending on the shows she watches can range from Jerry Springer, Tyra Banks, CSI, and I heard it was brought up in a new Nip Tuck episode recently, though I havn't seen it to be sure.

[sarah_ab]

you might want to invite her to check out this site... on her own, either as a guest or create her own id to explore and ask questions anonymously. We just had someone in the chatroom a few days ago, who was in a similar situation in which her boyfriend had 'come out' to her, and she came here and was in the chatroom and on the boards reading. she seemed to have some very intelligent questions and expressed her gratitude for us for chatting with her...

[biggs]

Thanks for everyones responses and kind words.

curiositykilledthecat:

Telling her again when sober, is exactly what I did the other day - I originally posted this about 6 months ago, as it took me a while sit down and have a heart to heart with her on the subject.

dl_aslee:

I do think that now she's 'expecting' it, she won't be freaked out by it, but she did mention that it would freak her out if I just got into bed wearing it without her knowing, so I will respect her wishes on that.

AZDiapers:

I would imagine it's CSI she's seen - sort of show she watches. I will try and watch that show, but in what light does it shoe AB? (positive, negative, neutral)

babylin / sarah_ab:

I do agree that getting her to read about it online will really benefit her, and should we find ourselves talking about it again, I will certainly suggest it. I am, however a little cautious about pointing her towards this site. I truly value the help & know everyone on this site would offer her, I really do, but it wouldn't be hard for her to find what posts are mine on here, and I've confided in a lot on here in the past, and whilst I don't have a problem with her knowing (much of it she already will), it's not how I want her to find out these things.

Well, I also took another step today. I knew my girlfriend would be out the house this afternoon / evening (we live together), so I went to the local mobility store and picked up a pack of molicare super nappies. She tried giving me tena, but I don't get on with the tapes very well, and prefer plastic back to cloth back. How disapointed was I when I got in and found they were cloth backed molicares?! The last time I bought molicares (super plus) they were plastic, but got them elsewhere.

So, after dinner, I'll remind her of our conversation, and tell her I went and bought some, and see what happens! All being well, I'll be able to wear one this evening. Wearing to bed or wetting is a doubt, but anything is better than not wearing at all!

I'll keep you posted!

[sarah_ab]

totally understand about u not wanting her to read all your posts biggs...

there might be some members here who would be willing to offer you their email or im name so she could chat with someone and ask any questions she may have, completely anonymously.. just make sure its a member who you feel will give her sound advice and information, so someone who's experiences either are similar to yours, or someone you trust to give her unbiased information.

[Guest dl_aslee]

I think that CSI episode was in bad taste, he is the one who dies. His "nanny" gives him drugs and such that makes him hallucinate or something, don't remember exactly. But he ends up running down the hallway and right off the second story balcony, you see his big cloth diaper in the trash and they are totally grossed out by it.

I also think it was poor taste to make him a middle aged overweight guy, seems very stereo typical to me. Also his nursery is hidden and they have to climb through a small space to get in. I think also he had a wife that knew nothing about this and so was in total shock finding out about him and his nanny mistress and such.

Well being able to wear is certainly better then nothing. Hopefully in time she will become more comfortable with them and allow you to wet or wear to bed and such.

[sarah_ab]

you forget the blackmail part of the csi episode...

the 'nanny' had had a baby and for some reason she had to be his 'nanny' in order to get her baby back.. i dunno if he sold the baby or what....

[aarondiaperboy]

I would just be honest about what you say. Open communication is always best, IMO. That's how my friends accept me. I haven't worn them in a while, doesn't mean I don't have the fetish! But, good luck with that! -Aaron

[biggs]

Hello.

It's been over a month since my last 'update', so thought I'd let you all know how it's going.

So, just over a month ago, I had a good discussion with my girlfriend about wanting to wear nappies, and she said she was fine with it.

So a couple of days later, i went out and bought a pack of Molicare Maxi nappies. Sadly of the cloth-backed variety, but either them or tenas - and I hate tenas - and they've turned out to be quite comfy!

So since then, I've worn many times whilst with her (we live together, but I also have the odd business trip which allows me to wear). The way it's worked out is that I've mostly worn them during my gf's monthly visit. This works out quite well really, as i don't need to wear all the time, and my gf is quite the nympho, so it suits both of us.

I've mostly worn at night, although I'm still too nervous to wet at night (don't you just hate wasting a good nappy!) but it's still great to wake up with a nappy on. I would like to start wearing during the day / evening more, but need to wait until my gf is more comfortable with it. She's only actually seen me in my nappy once, as most times I've left the room, changed, and returned in nappy + pyjamas, so she doesn't see it. The other day she did - and I think she wanted to, as she knew I was 'getting changed' (as I've been calling it) into a nappy whilst she was in the loo, but I couldn't find my shorts to put on - turns out she'd hidden them under the duvet.

I think she is getting more comfortable with the idea. After the first night, she admitted it 'freaked her out' a bit more than she thought it would, but she seems a lot more comfortable about it now, and perhaps quite curious. I've been keeping the bag in a room we don't really use (office / chill zone), but I've been keeping a couple in our clothes cupboard near my underwear, just so she gets used to seeing them, and means she can have a closer look at them should she wish whilst I'm at work. It has made a few things a little awkward - for some reason, I still can't call them nappies or diapers in front of her - it's just 'my things'. Silly really, and hopefully I'll get more comfortable about talking about them to her.

So what next? Well, I'd LOVE for her to want to wear, and would LOVE for her to change me. I don't see either happening anytime soon, but I'm OK with that. I reckon I'm close to getting her to help me put one on, as long as she's not changing me from a wet nappy. My biggest one though is that I'd love to get a onesie. I've wanted one for years and am dying to try it. My gf has already expressed that she isn't keen on the 'baby' side of things. I think this is because she's confused about it (bloody TV shows), but I respect her wishes. I think the way I'm going to approach it, is whilst wearing, comment how annoying it is that they always slip down / don't stay in place, and suggest I get 'one of those t-shirts that does up at the bottom' - and see where we go from there. I'm happy with a plain 'adult style' onesie - anything really!

Well, thanks for reading, and I'll try and do another update in the future!

[Aurelius]

Best of luck to you and congratulations on finding someone who (at least) isn't too offended. Sounds like you're off to a good start, even if it's slow. Keep in mind how long it took you to reach the stage you're at in this (years and years) and that even after a year it will still be sort of a novel concept to some people.

I plan to be just very slightly more insistent on trying to open up the possibility of my (hypothetical, future) girlfriend trying. Most people are not against the comfort factor once the initial shock eventually goes. Cuddling together trying to appeal to the comfort/relaxing factor rather than the (perceived) 'scary' sexual side is the way to go - and that would be great for both of you without pushing too hard (after breaking the ice and discussing it properly, of course). I can not see that being awkward when it is something you would probably do anyway (but now in the comfort of a powdered molicare super xplus!). I would suggest talking about this in that sort of context to begin with and let her know how much something simple like that, even for only 30 minutes, would mean to you but also to her in letting go of that awkwardness.

Keep us posted