Depressed...

[krinklypants]

I find myself getting severely depressed - it is getting harder and harder every day for me to function within the adult world. I find myself just wanting to completely drop out of society, and be a 24-7 baby, but due to the obligations of my career, it is becoming next to impossible. I'm starting to get to a point where I have severe panic attacks when I am getting ready to go to work; had to call in sick yesterday, because I just couldn't stand to leave the safety and comfort of my diapers and baby world.

I'm starting to get to a point where I'm starting to doubt how much longer I can survive in the adult world. I'm depressed, my work is suffering, and I've been drinking and smoking way too much pot lately. I own my own business that is teetering on the bridge of extinction, largely because I do not care anymore. I haven't had a real vacation in over five years, and I am starting to feel like a zombie going through my life.

I've never been particularly attracted to women (or men for that matter); all I long for is someone -- anyone who will love me and take care of me just as if I were a baby 24 hours a day. But the obligations of my adult life, and lack of the ability to find anyone is really taking its toll on me.

How do you cope? How can you function every day in a world that is against you? Please help - I feel as if I am on the cusp of a complete and total nervous breakdown.

[lynniehyde]

I find myself getting severely depressed - it is getting harder and harder every day for me to function within the adult world. I find myself just wanting to completely drop out of society, and be a 24-7 baby, but due to the obligations of my career, it is becoming next to impossible. I'm starting to get to a point where I have severe panic attacks when I am getting ready to go to work; had to call in sick yesterday, because I just couldn't stand to leave the safety and comfort of my diapers and baby world.

I'm starting to get to a point where I'm starting to doubt how much longer I can survive in the adult world. I'm depressed, my work is suffering, and I've been drinking and smoking way too much pot lately. I own my own business that is teetering on the bridge of extinction, largely because I do not care anymore. I haven't had a real vacation in over five years, and I am starting to feel like a zombie going through my life.

I've never been particularly attracted to women (or men for that matter); all I long for is someone -- anyone who will love me and take care of me just as if I were a baby 24 hours a day. But the obligations of my adult life, and lack of the ability to find anyone is really taking its toll on me.

How do you cope? How can you function every day in a world that is against you? Please help - I feel as if I am on the cusp of a complete and total nervous breakdown.

Don't despair. I've felt the same old way. I am fortunate in that my financial position now affords me the freedom to explore my baby side, 24/7. I've been waiting for a post like yours. I knew it was inevitable. I would like to explain a few things, if I may.

First off, finding someone willing to care for you as a baby, 24/7, is well nigh impossible.

At least for any appreciable amount of time. Be it a daddy or mommy. Unless, you are funding the relationship. And still, finding that special person willing to enter into this type of relationship is like finding the proverbial "needle in the haystack". It's not impossible, but highly improbable. It's best to adapt a more independent AB attitude. Take care of yourself. Rely on yourself. But, always keep your antennae receptive to possibilities.

Second. Can you get into this position with your current employ? You certainly have to make a living, unless you are independently wealthy. I used to wear diapers and rubber pants under ladies pull-up denim slacks to work. You know, the kind with the elasitic waist band? Along with a collared polo shirt. Again, lucky to have a relaxed dress code at work. And, I was good at what I did. The boss allowed me a wide latitude, as far as what I wore to work. But diaper dresses would definitely not have been tolerated in the workplace. Like you, I dove into the depths of depression during this time. All I wanted to be was a big baby girl 24/7. Not some working schmuck. I realized I would probably never find a mommy. Frustrated, I was killing myself with drugs and alcohol. (mainly booze. But, the boss stuck by me through two detox periods. The second one took) But, I still couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But, I hung in and things turned around for me in a big way about five years ago.

Third. Can you face the possible rejection of friends and family that going 24/7 may cost you? If you're truly compelled to do it, I doubt that possibility would deter you. It didn't me. But, it still doesn't make easy. You have to be ready to accept the fact that you may be ostrasized, chastised and censured by some of the very people you hold dear to your heart.

I have an AB friend, here in the Phoenix area, who is having the devil's own time trying to balance out her own diaper desires, family, work, church (Mormon) and business associates now that her "dirty little secret" has been found out. Tami has three daughters and a wife he/she loves dearly. Her wife is understanding, but wants no part in participation. Talk about your rock and a hard place! I know nothing of your particular problems, but it seems to me your problems would pale in comparison. Tami wants the same thing as you and I and will probably spend her life in quiet desperation, like most ABs. Unless his/her wife and kids, church (not likely) and business partners come to realize and accept that this a huge part of what makes Tami, Tami. They already know all about Tami, now. Maybe that's the first step. Letting them know. How long it takes for them to come around and accept it, who knows? It's taken 5 years for my own mother to come to a begrudging, but loving respect for my lifestyle.

I was basically homeless for three years from 1998 to 2001 bouncing between the street and the rescue mission. (Phoenix is far from the worst place to be homeless, but it still gets cold at night.) I learned how to cope and with the Lord's help, I got back on my feet. Found a decent job with a great company. But, as stated earlier, I had doubts as to whether I would ever be able to realize my diaper dreams. I considered suicide many a time during this period. I'm glad I hung in and stuck to my boots, now. My father died in 2003 and left me a tidy sum. I had no realistic notion this would happen, as we had no communication for the last 5 years of his life. I fully expected to be cut out of the trust fund upon his death. I realize not every AB will have this type of windfall. What can I say? I'm a lucky SOB. But, I have had my doubts. Frustrations. Pain. And, I've paid my dues. Believe me, there are some a lot worse off than you. I've been there and I know. I sympathize with the way you feel. But, hang in there, mate.

You'll find ways to adapt, adjust and overcome. You're only human, after all. We humans all have a marvelous capacity for these talents.

God bless you.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[diaperwearntigger]

In my own personal opinion.... remember... MY opinion.... anyone that wants to escape adulthood and be a baby 24/7 is obviously trying to escape something they don't want to deal with.... there is an underlying issue in your life that you have never either acknowledged or rather surpressed so you don't have to deal with it. You may think being a baby 24/7 will help you cope and make things better and help you to be happier, but in the end you will find yourself still miserable if you don't deal with the REAL problems in your life.

I have once been there too, not wanting to go to work, not wanting to function as an adult, wanting to be in diapers all the time... it got to the point where I would take my paci to work and sneak a suck here and there through out the day, when it came to me that I was not dealing with underlying issues that I had surpressed for years.... over a year, I dwelled in being an AB, but I also dealt with the underlying issue that was causing the earning of being an AB all the time..... after I had dealt with that issue, my "daddy" came along, and most of my time was spent with building that relationship..... we dwell in the diapers occassionally... its definitely not a lifestyle or something that controls our lives, its something we can do and enjoy doing it, knowing that our adult lives are intact and successful and fun.

Running away from issues isn't going to solve anything, they will just follow you into the next world as well.

[DiaperBoyKR]

Ok. Everything I'm going to say here is from the perspective of a diaper lover as opposed to an AB, so I suppose it will have to be taken with a grain of salt. My own journey to where I am now is a little different that others, but it was a little complicated.

I basically have to agree with Tigger here....please don't take it as a rejection of anything that Heidi said....she pretty much hit the mark too, but I happen to agree with Tigger's post a little more.

Like it or not, we are all adults, and we delve into whatever level of diaper or AB play as we enjoy from the aspect of a fantasy role. I understand the argument of being a baby trapped in a Adult's body, but the point remains that a true baby/little kid wouldnt even understand the differentiation there. So on some level, you have a conscious adult brain/feelings. And as was pointed out, unfortunately there are very very few folks out there that are willing to be full-time mommies or daddies for an AB that wants to engage in the lifestyle full-time. This is especially true since the "baby" in question wouldn't be a baby for a year or two then grow up.....he or she will be a baby for an infinite amount of time. On top of that, the expenses (most notably diapers) that go with living as a baby are extremely expensive over time, and there has to be some way to fund them. As a result we have to engage with the adult world at least on some level, even if its only at work.

The AB lifestyle, at least as a full-time baby is ultimately an escape from adult life. Please don't take that as a condemnation, it's not how it was meant. We all need to escape from the grind of life, otherwise we will go insane. That is what this has become for you, your primary method of escape. From everything you mentioned, you are putting alot of stress on your psyche in terms of the amount of time you are working, the pot, the booze, and the expectations of what you want to find in a relationship. As Tigger said, I would also think for the desire to escape to be that strong, there has to be an underlying issue in question. I'm not a pshrink, so that is just my opinion, nothing more or less, but sometimes things can be hidden that you dont even realize are there.

My best advice to you would be this....please take care of your own body. If you've been smoking up too much and drinking too much, get yourself detoxed. Its not enjoyable, but it may save you in the long run. Take a vacation. See a pshrink if you need to. Get your job back to an enjoyable point in your life. Everything you have said indicates that your life is out of balance and IS headed toward a cracking point like you suggested. Only you have the power though to grab the reins before it hits that point.

Anything can be harmful if taken to an extreme. In my mind, the ABDL lifestyle is an excellent way to escape the difficulties that come with adult life. It is a way to make a complete break from the stresses that accompany our life in the modern world. However, as with all things, it must be done in moderation to keep a good balance. It's up to you to know what balance you need in your life.

On last bit....dont set you expectations to an unrealistic level. Will you find someone to be a 24/7 caretaker? Maybe. The odds are against you, as I know you are aware. As Heidi suggested, keep your ears open, you may eventually find someone. But don't expect it, and find enjoyment in your life as much as you can! Laugh at things, even if its the ridiculousness of the universe! If you let yourself sink into depression, it will only be a further and further downward spiral.

Our thoughts go with you......We've all had our down moments at times, if not as deep as yours.

[Pipsqueak]

Krinklypants, if you're severely depressed please have your doctor refer you to a good psychiatrist. Most of us can relate to the diaper wearing/baby play as a means of escape from our adult stresses. The problem is that even if you let your business slide and you stayed at home wearing diapers and playing baby all the time, your depression would not go away. Your depression is most likely not coming from not being able to be a baby all the time. It's more likely that your mind uses that baby need as a coping tool for your depression. You're treating the symptom and not the actual problem. Depression is treatable.

[rusty pins]

Krinklypants, if you're severely depressed please have your doctor refer you to a good psychiatrist. Most of us can relate to the diaper wearing/baby play as a means of escape from our adult stresses. The problem is that even if you let your business slide and you stayed at home wearing diapers and playing baby all the time, your depression would not go away. Your depression is most likely not coming from not being able to be a baby all the time. It's more likely that your mind uses that baby need as a coping tool for your depression. You're treating the symptom and not the actual problem. Depression is treatable.

I was thinking along those same lines of getting some medical help. If work was fun, they wouldn't have to pay us to do it. Unfortunatly, demands are increasing on employees more and more. More overtime, higher quantities and expectations from each employee in a world that is entering a recession. The CEO's get multi-million dollar payouts and bonuses whiel often their company is going under because of mismanagement or out and out fraud by the CEO's. The whole idea is to work employees harder and longer for less money and benifits. That said, you really sound like you are on the edge of a severe breakdown! While it's not practical for most of us (Boy Ricky is one exception) to be able to quit our jobs and live life to our fullest whim, those of us who have to cope with real adult life, jobs and stresses need a way to deal with them that does not end up harmful to our physical and mental health. I STRONGLY URGE YOU TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR AND EXPLAIN JUST HOW DEPRESSED YOU ARE! ASK FOR A SAFE PERSCRIPTION ANTI-DEPRESSANT MEDICATION TO HELP YOU OUT! I believe you need some help, not just from a psychiatrist but in the form of anti depressent medication. I fear from your post that you are so far on the edge that you need strong help! Please take care!

[krinklypants]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I know that my desires to be cared for 24-7 aren't realistic - these desires definitely wax and wane depending on the amount of stress that I am under...Right now, I have severe stress at home with family relations, stress with work, stress with personal finances and taxes. I think it may be time to seek help, but a bad experience with a shrink in the past who really made me feel like a sicko pervert. I have been on Prozac before, and it does help some. I think getting some outside feedback made me realize that there are some fires that I need to put out in my personal life, and that it is time to make some drastic changes, otherwise I am going to go over the edge.

I was thinking along those same lines of getting some medical help. If work was fun, they wouldn't have to pay us to do it. Unfortunatly, demands are increasing on employees more and more. More overtime, higher quantities and expectations from each employee in a world that is entering a recession. The CEO's get multi-million dollar payouts and bonuses whiel often their company is going under because of mismanagement or out and out fraud by the CEO's. The whole idea is to work employees harder and longer for less money and benifits. That said, you really sound like you are on the edge of a severe breakdown! While it's not practical for most of us (Boy Ricky is one exception) to be able to quit our jobs and live life to our fullest whim, those of us who have to cope with real adult life, jobs and stresses need a way to deal with them that does not end up harmful to our physical and mental health. I STRONGLY URGE YOU TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR AND EXPLAIN JUST HOW DEPRESSED YOU ARE! ASK FOR A SAFE PERSCRIPTION ANTI-DEPRESSANT MEDICATION TO HELP YOU OUT! I believe you need some help, not just from a psychiatrist but in the form of anti depressent medication. I fear from your post that you are so far on the edge that you need strong help! Please take care!

[diaperwearntigger]

I know for myself that my AB side is triggered a lot with stress, but thats how I escape, even though I know that I still have to tackle the issues at hand. What helps me is that I do the adult things while still in a diaper... ie. paying bills, grocery shopping, whatever....You will only feel better after you have made the changes in your life that you need to.

Don't get my wrong, there is nothing wrong with escape at times into a diaper to forget adult problems, I know I do that, but I also know, that when I am able to handle it, it needs to be handled. Using the diapers or AB side of things to escape adult problems all together and never face your fears, your stresses, your responsibilities, is not going to help you in the long run, eventually even the wearing won't be "fun" or an escape because your adult problems will come to service even into that aspect of life. If you are this stressed over life etc, the diapers escape won't seem like such an escape anymore.

I hope things work out for you and remember, things could always be worse. If there are some things you need to fix in your life then fix them, putting them off and pushing them to the side is not going to help, its just going to make your life more miserable.

Think of a therapist like a diaper..... you don't settle on one diaper, you try different brands until you find the one you like.... so with that said, dont let one idiot therapist ruin your thoughts on others who are there to help you ....and if another person says that you are a sicko what have you.... then say thanks for your opinion...and never go back...and again find someone that will work best for you.... we have to remember that even if they are therapists...they still are human and still can have ignornant thoughts and feelings just like the rest of us.

Good luck and if it helps keep posting, im sure there are many people out there that are willing to give you some encouraging words. And most importantly, don't think you are alone in this, or that you are the only one that is going or has gone through something like this.... I think we all have at one point in our lives. Just don't let it control you.