Seeking Advice

[Jake]

I'm not new to this site but I never bothered to post here until now. I have been wanting to for some time, its just taken me a while to find the courage. Now that I have, I am sure this will be rather a long post and I apologize for that. I am really hoping to get some constructive guidance for my situation. Let me begin by explaining my situation.

I am a happily married man. My wife and I have been together for nearly ten years. Even before I knew what it was called I had a fascination with ageplay, paricularly the "Daddy/adult Little Girl" dynamic. I told my wife about this before we got married. At first she wasn't sure what to make of it. It didn't exactly freak her out but nor did she embrace the idea. It took a bit of explaining the difference between ageplay and pedophilia before she would agree to try a bit of roleplay with me. I didn't want to push her too far, too fast. Our first exploration of this lifestyle was pretty tame compared to many of the first time experiences I have read on the internet. She was a naughty school girl, dressed in a kilt and knee socks, I was her teacher. She fell into the role fully. That night I gave her her first spanking and her first cornertime. She gave me the most passionate night of lovemaking in my entire life. After we were done, I asked her what she thought about what had happened, confident that she enjoyed the experience as much as I did. I was wrong. She didn't like it. Being spanked, she told me, and sent to the corner, made her feel like a real little girl being punished. And that feeling didn't turn her on at all. I was so hopeful that her and I would continue exploring this together but her reaction was devastatingly disappointing. I asked if that meant she was unwilling to try again. Her response floored me. She said she could only let herself be treated and punished like a little girl, if she felt she had done something to deserve it. I had only ever thought of ageplay and roleplayin terms of play. The idea of a grown woman being made to assume the "little girl" role as a real punishment, especially a woman who didn't want to, was the domain af fantasy and fiction.

Over the following years, we would have the usual arguments common to all couples, but many of ours would be setteled with her over my knee, then in the corner and always dressed approriately. She had certain groundrules. Firstly, she had to feel she was in the wrong and deserved a punishment. Secondly, we both had to agree to the severity of the punishment. And finally, because of her job as an elemetary school teacher, she refused to act or be treated the age of her students, or younger. The first two rules we still stick to, the third has been bent over the years. She now has a number of outfits (dresses, babydolls etc.) I bought online from AB supplier, more approriate for a girl of 5 years. While she wears them, she still isn't comfortable acting that age.

If you have read this far, you are probably wondering why I am posting this here. My dilema is, The more she indulges me by breaking her third rule, the more I want. I have become obsessed with the idea of putting her in diapers. We have talked about it and she adamently refused. I won't force her. I am sure it's not something she will ever grow to enjoy. But I can't stop thinking about it. Does anyone have any advice. Has anyone had a similar experience and how did it work out.

thanks for reading

[Baby Bethany]

Hi Jake.

My gut reaction here is that she also has a choice in what she does, and maybe I'm wrong, but it sort of seems to be about what you want!!

Okay, so you like the idea of treating her as a baby. That's not uncommon, as you know, lots of the guys on here like that. And from what you say, she is playing along 90% of the way.......just doesn't want the diapers.

I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but my advice is respect her boundries and enjoy what she does with you (you have probably noticed from reading the posts, that many of the guys on here would love to have a wife as open minded as yours). You may find that further down the line she will wear the diapers for you, maybe not. But I feel that if you keep pushing her over her limit she may not want to play at all.

From my experience, the single most important thing with any RP is that you are both comfortable with what you are doing.

Take care

Bethany

[Morv]

Does it bother her if you masturbate while looking at porn? Specifically, porn of a diaper-fetish variety? Because that is the route I'd suggest. Enjoy what you have and masturbate to solve the rest, if it is sexual, which it sounds like it is.

What bothers her about diapers? Do you want her to act like a baby and use a bottle, etc? What is more important to you, the diaper or the associated other activities/dress? Which is she more objected to? How exactly is she thinking and feeling about this? Why is it that it bothers her to dress/act younger than the students that she teaches?

I wouldn't use these questions to try and convince her to do anything, but rather use them to try and gain a greater understanding of her, you, and the dynamic between you two. The worst that could happen is that she won't answer them. The most likely response, if you are genuine in wanting to understand her more, is that she will appreciate you attempting to be sensitive and learn more about her. The best is that you might be able to find out what's at the root of her objections and address that.

I mean, a diaper, or even the associated dress doesn't hurt anyone unless they are letting it hurt them psychologically. But, damage to the mind is often worse than any other type of injury, so be wary. If you don't use enough lube and rush an attempt at anal sex, your partner may not be able to sit next to you for as long as a week. If you don't use enough caution when it comes to penetrating your partner's mind, she may never sit next to you again.

[Repaid1]

MORV!!!!! Somethings are so simple, yet it always takes others to point out the obvious. Jake you have it good, take what you have and not for granted, work out the rest. Best of luck to you. I have it the other way with a Mommy, fortunately with no isssues. A relationship takes compromise, back up and think what does she want? What do you do for her? A little more indepth history can give you a little more insight from us! I really think at your age and this far into a relationship like this you really know the true answer (See Morv above). Not knocking you or anything but your quite old enough to make your own decisions about Your life Dude. Never Judge your life on the events of others, they are not you, let alone know you.

[sarah_ab]

have you asked her about any fantasies she may have? I understand this is a very alluring fantasy for you and you are obviously trying very hard to incorporate your wife into it, however, have you taken the time to try any of her fantasies? Perhaps by showing her you are open to her desires as well.

Also, like the others have said, Do you realize how lucky you are to have such an amazing woman she will even delve into this type of roleplaying with you? True she doesn't wear diapers for you yet, but understand, she works with children all day, everyday, its going to take some getting used to, the idea of acting like a child when with her husband, and then being the adult when with her students. For some people finding the right balance takes time, and it can be more than a day, a week, a month, it may even take years.

Give her time, but show her this website and other websites, encourage her to create her own account, separate from you, so she can explore anonymously. Let her find where she fits in thsi world, if at all,the more you push the more she'll begin to think its all about you.

Don't make this role play the only way you two engage in sex. Good ole vanilla sex lets her know you find her attractive even without the costumes of your fantasy. Make sure you still do plenty of 'normal adult relationship' things, romantic dinners and movies and get aways that dont involve the role playing.

It sounds like you could be letting it take over your life, fixating on getting her to participate in your fantasy to the point where you dont have any other sex life. Perhaps by backing off, she'll realize how much she enjoys it and be the one to initiate the role playing.

Just a thought... but i'd say definitely show her this site and others, encourage her to explore them separate from you and your log in. the anonymity could give her the chance to explore her desires in a safe private manner, before she acts them out with you.

[Three Rivers]

I think sara_ab said it correctly. Your a lucky man to have a women to roleplay with. Best wishes for you and your wife.

[Jake]

Thank you all for your input. Many of the ideas you all suggested I have or am doing. I would never force her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. I do know how incredibly lucky I am to have her and do not take what we have for granted. We have discussed and explored her fantasies as well as mine. our sex life is not all about me and what I want, but admittedly, my post was. I have approached this with patience and understanding, and so has she. I guess I feel so close to what I see as a final step that I getting anxious to reach that goal. In my heart I know that if I continue to be patient, I will most likely not be disappointed.

I am sure a lot of us who share this fetish have stories similar to mine which ended badly. One learns more from failures then from successes. Iwould love to know where people went wrong and hopefully avoid the same pitfalls.

Thanks,

Jake

[badaddy4u]

HI Jake

Congrats for creating a fun and seemingly enjoyable sexual relationship for you both.

The solution to your wife accepting being put in diapers may simply be in the presentation.

It appears that she associates diapers to a small child/baby which is understandable.

How about introducing the diapers as part of the corner time, spanking etc. In other words don't present them as a way of treating her as a baby but rather as a form of punishment to that teenager you mentioned or prehaps somewhat younger.

She may then see the diapers as a mild form of humiliation or punishment for an older child who doesn't want to take responsibilty for those things she is expected to take care of.

I have a friend who vists me from time to time who needs spankings, diapers and infantile treatment presented clearly to a submissive young adult woman for the feeling of humiliation and punishment that must always be present for her to reach sexual gratification.

This is totally different from what another baby girl friend of mine needs from me and that is total Daddy/18 month old baby care to be sexually fulfilled.

We simply must be respectfull to the way are mates are"wired" sexually and the "age" they need to be defined as.

And remember how fortunate we are to be with women who enjoy the exploration as much as we do. Good luck.

[Jake]

How about introducing the diapers as part of the corner time, spanking etc. In other words don't present them as a way of treating her as a baby but rather as a form of punishment to that teenager you mentioned or prehaps somewhat younger.

She may then see the diapers as a mild form of humiliation or punishment for an older child who doesn't want to take responsibilty for those things she is expected to take care of.

I have been considering this. A while back I (half jokingly) suggested she could get out of a spanking she was not looking forward to by letting me diaper her instead. She chose the spanking without a second thought. Even though I tried to sound nonchalant when I brought it up and hid my dismay at her choice, I knew she was well aware how much I wanted to try this. I also knew, from her response, not to bring it up again. Which I never did.

That was sometime ago. Since then she has accepted and even enjoys many aspects of ageplay that she never thought she would. Maybe the time has come to try again. I just worry that not only will she refuse but, it will put an end to the good thing we got going. And I don't want to lose that.

I'm not sure what I should do, other then bide my time and thats getting hard to do. Especially now as she has a spanking coming to her this Friday.

Jake

[jenniebear]

Hi Jake,

welcome to to the world of "posting"....warning it can be addictive

it sounds like You and Your girl have a lot in common with my Daddy and i...a difference being and it's a pretty key difference......is that i was a dl before i ever became involved in age play and met my Daddy after age play was a part of my life...though Daddy had never even heard of my kink prior to meeting me...

i think though the best tools Daddy and i had in the beginning besides taking it slow and wanting to please one another (both of U/us came from the world of bdsm, had a desire to have a Dominant/submissive relationship, and are in O/our 40's and at points in O/our lives where W/we were both looking for something "real") were stories i'd written about my kinks and desires which Daddy read...i never pushed them on Him but slowly offered them up.....He took them, read them, and began using them as a basis for O/our real life roleplay.....the other key tool was the internet...sharing interests, ideas and thoughts was important and finding relative information to explain these things online helped a lot....

besides DD, i've found the site "little girl lost" to be a very helpful and informative http://www.mybdsm.com/pages/Vamp/lgl/intro.html .........i've never met the owner but it was one of the first i was ever directed to...and i think has helped me in developing my own sense of who i am in this ageplay world.....there is a lot to explore there...and you may want to first look around it before sharing it with Yours....possibly giving her a few "homework" assignments to read and report back to You on?....i know i learned a lot by writing short reports assigned by my Mentors on things such as "communication in a D/s relationship" before i even became involved with anyone in real time...this girl's writings offer a lot of insight about ageplay...not always ab/dl related but there is a bit there to share...maybe even more relative to your own personal situation....

another place where there are a number of "littles" blogs is in tribe.net....it's sort of like myspace i think but on a smaller scale....i've found the "littles" culture there to be different from what's out there in myspace or even here in DD.....it for some reason holds a lot of appeal to me....and from the little You've described Your girl i think she and i have a lot in common in more then just kinks so it might be a place she would also enjoy exploring....there are a few groups there too.....i'm not real active but here is my profile there....you're welcome to use it as a starting point to explore what can be found there.... http://people.tribe.net/e8639f6b-8f03-403f-afdf-bb3680aed5cd

Anyway, i hope you B/both the best and look forward to future posts on how things are evolving

da beargirl