Fetish Vs. Lifestyle

[DiaperBigBoy]

My beautiful wife is a principal in an elementary school. 1,000 students, 1 principal. Dumb, I know. She's been talking about a kindergarten age child who wets and messes his pants all the time. The school nurse's response: "have mother bring extra clothes." The mother's response: "you provide the clothes." My response: This child is obviously having a crisis, and crying out for that transitional object that gave him comfort in the past (diapers) and no one is catching it. Knowing my background my wife actually suggested they put him back in diapers. They have other kids on campus in diapers. The nurse's response: "I'm not changing them!" The mother's response: "He's been begging for diapers since he was 3 (surprise, surprise!)" Mother wears designer clothes, has money dripping from her purse, wears the most expensive gold jewelry. She works at night (she says) but she's too busy to have her son at home. My heart goes out to the kid.

Thanks for all the great answers and discussion above. The "experts" are arrogant, because medical practice shows that no two bodies react the same to any drug or treatment. Duh. Every human has unique DNA, therefore every human is unique. Whatever the answer is, I don't have it. I just know I need diapers, not just because I'm incontinent, but because somewhere deep inside my DNA is stamped "Diaper Daily". he he

That poor kid, i hate people like that, those are the kind of woman that make me want to take them over my knee and spank them till the cry and realized what there child needs, and speak for them forist, not themselves

[diaperwearntigger]

I consider myself an "AB".... however, I don't feel like I fit in with a lot of ABs and their likes... I like the bottles, pacis, blankies, stuffies, and of course the diapers, however, I could care less about the baby outfits and playing with toys, and for me its a sexual thing... so I'm sure I don't fit well into the category that the "professionals" consider "AB".... what gets me is that I'm into the scene, I don't understand the why behind it, yet someone like the "professinoals" who aren't into the scene are going to understand it and explain it to me? Highly doubt that....

I find this to be a fetish for me...maybe more because I don't consider it a lifestyle... I consider it a bonus into my life and my relationship with my husband... it doesn't control my life, nor does it help me really to function as an adult, its something that I can live without weeks at a time and at other times can't get enough of it. Its something to do on the weekends, especially when I'm sick or tired or stressed.... its definitely not something that controls everything thought, feeling, or action as an adult. I love my adult side and tend not to mix the two. I don't wear to work, I don't wear around friends and family, its not something that I expose to others. I think its rather a personal thing that I share with my SO, I think its something that should be just shared between the two of us. I share with others but those are people who have been friends for years and who have also been into the scene for quite awhile, its not something that I feel I need to share with everyone nor do I wish too.

I guess I label it a fetish because it is sexual for me....but then again, those that don't find it to be sexual, is it still considered a fetish? and are they really able to consider it a lifestyle. I think even putting it into these 2 categories are too hard to do. I'm not exactly sure why we even need to have categories to label ourselves. We all enjoy diapers... just let it go at that...and if you're real interested in others then you will learn what their likes and dislikes are. Its almost like me teaching my kids... i see kids... not color, not sex....kids...and with the people here on DD... i see people who share the same interests as I do... not whether they are male or female or if they are AB or DL ...etc.. just people.

[Eric D]

"So you are grown up unless you are not able to take responsibilty for your own action.

A court would put you to jail or whereever if you go wild and murder people - they would treat you like the adult you are."

Gay area? Excuse me... ahem. Grey area? Of course. Huge.

Prosecute me for being a big baby girl? Not in my "hood". How can you equate a murderer, with someone who merely has an innocent fixation with diapers? Ridiculous! This type of attitude is exactly what's wrong with the community.

No, sorry, you've got me wrong - maybe I didn't write this good enough - what I meant was this:

you say you're no adult - you claim that the adult is "pretend" ... Ok.

But if you would end up in front of a judge after having comitted any type of crime (no being a LG isn't a crime BY ANY MEANS! I would not condemn it - neither politically nor morally - it is your life and you're hurting no one with it).... let's say you go broke financially and as a last measure (with or without your LG Outfit) you go and rob a bank... it all goes bad you shoot a hostage or whatever...

Just play along the hypothetical idea here of mine - again I'm not implementing you would do anyhting like this in reality, I'm not saying you have done anything criminal - it's just an example...

now you'll get prosecuted for the bank robbery and the slaying of an innocent hostage. - You will be TREATED like an adult, because despite the fact that you have WILLINGLY CHOSEN to ACT like a LG Sissy in your daily life - you still are old enough and mentally healthy (I assume) to take responsibilty for your own actions.

If a five year old child by accident kills his brother or father with a gun he finds around the house - that five year old boy will NOT be put behind bars - because he is no ADULT, he is a kid, and in most countries children are not to be made responsible for such actions in fron of the law.

So what I wanted to say is this - YOU are no KID anymore, you're no little girl in reality. it is a play - albeit one you feel very comfortable with, maybe even quite more comfortable with "playing a serious adult"... but no matter what you gonna do, you have become an adult at one point or another in your life. And wearing a LG Outfit doesn't make the responsibility associated with beind grown up go away.

You MAY PRETEND othrwise - that is your good right! You may ACT not like being grown up 24/7/365 that is your good right too... But you can't make the adult go away - it is not pretend, it is reality.

"Joy factor"? Of course. I'm extremely joyful. And, I will not let anyone steal that joy. Or devotion.

I would never want to take away your joy-factor (and I can't see how I could achieve this btw.)...

I'm perfectly fine with you playing your role - but I think denying that you're a perfectly capable adult is just plain wrong. but that's me.

As to "growing up"?

I would like to borrow a quote from a signature in a post I saw here at DD, awhile back. It read, "

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up, an option. " I wish I'd said that. I'd be famous by now. Infamous? Well...

An Option? I don't think so.... for some that is what I would call "wishful thinking..."... sorry mate, but look, you grow up the very moment you have to take care of your own.

I don't get it why so many here believe GROWING UP is EVIL...

it's as I've said above - you can NOT get rid of your responsibility for your own actions.

Cause and Reaction - every ACTION you take EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM, has consequences - some good, some bad, some neutral and some anywhere in between. But consequences there are.

You have to live with these consequences... enjoy the positive ones, and take care of the bad ones... You can deny this, but it still is an undisputable truth.

You might get away with a few things here and there, but still everything one says, does, sees does have an impact (varying degrees).

Being grown up means realizing this AND acting accordingly... some do this more "aware" than others, but we all have to face the consequences of our actions - agian a CONSEQUENCE can be something very Positive or something Negative... If I decide to play some lottery and win a few millions - that is a consequence too.

What I say is that you can dress up as an LG, you can PRETEND to be an LG Sissy 24/7 - you can go shopping like this, pay your bills like this, work on whatever job you can work like this - the list goes on.

BUT IT IS A DECISION you have MADE, willingly made, you bear the consequences. For example should you ever wish to work in Law Enoforcement, or any other "Public" job - you'd have to change your outfit for "adult" stuff, if you want the job at all. Maybe you're rich beyond means and don't need no stinkin' work

But still it is your CHOICE to live your "lifestyle" 24/7/365.

and if you're faced with any consquences in the "bad way" - you ARE EXPECTED to deal with it accordingly - Society, Nature, and the rest will deal with you as an adult - unrelated to your claim that the "Adult" is just Pretended part of you, that you're a LG or anyhting alike that - it doesn't matter you're grown up, you're responsible... unfair? no! reality.

[lynniehyde]

"No, sorry, you've got me wrong - maybe I didn't write this good enough - "

Perhaps, not. But you bring up a point that has been debated in these forums, countless times. How to balance the baby side with the adult. For me, this has been a gradual process. Especially, in the public eye. As has been stated in some of my previous posts, I have come to the regressed point in my life, to where I find any adult resposibilties, abohrrent to my nature now. It kinda sucks, in a way. Because, you're right. When you advance in age, you have to take care of business. But, it is possible to balance everything out. It just takes practice, patience and devotion. Having someone to take care of all this for me, is, as Shakespeare would say, " A consummation devoutly to be wish'd." Until I find that special someone, I baby on, solo. And continue to "play adult" when necessary.

"let's say you go broke financially and as a last measure (with or without your LG Outfit) you go and rob a bank... it all goes bad you shoot a hostage or whatever..."

God forbid! I hope I never find myself in such a predicament. But hypothetically, if I did, and committed these crimes dressed as a baby girl, I would think my lawyer could make a strong plea to aquit on grounds of insanity! I have no serious priors. I might have to spend a little time in some state sponsered mental health institution. But, I would be eventually released, "without predjudice". Hey...that's jurisprudence. I'd just have to promise not to rob or kill anymore. And, keep my nose wiped, so to speak.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[Mean Mommy]

At first I was like "A topic on lifestyle vs. fetish? Horray! Finally I can gain some clarity!" But NO. You people only further confuse me and are a testament to the fact that nothing in life is simple unless one wants to be ignorant. (Oooh. That was a good quote wasn't it? I'm feeling very Oscar Wilde today..) SOB. Now I have a pounding headache from all you babies, wanna-be babies, and people who are in it just for the fashion.

SOB.

And sigh... Is this a lifestyle? Or a fetish? I don't know. I feel very strongly that being a (Mean) Mommy is a major part of my sexuality and has told me more about my inner demons than any shrink ever could, but I am hesitant to call it a lifestyle. This is not the only thing that defines me. Far from it. Many people don't know me in this context and nevertheless are very close and dear to me.

It is an important part of my life, but just a part of it.

And from the outside, you can't tell I'm into this. So am I following the lifestyle if one can't tell I'm part of the "culture"?

But it is not just a fetish. I don't just put something on and wank off. I ensnare whatever poor fool shares the same bed with me and CRUSH HIM. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!! Aaaah...memories. Anyway, I don't think that's a fetish. It's a light-hearted version of whatever happens in Guantanamo, but with consent. Diapers are an integral part of this process. Diapers are a way of sloughing off the outer layers of the psyche: reducing a man to the pink, shivering little boy he was all along. Yum.

Sooo fetish or life-style? Fetish is too small and life-style is too extreme. What about ISL? Important-Sector-of-my-Life? Not as catchy, but precise.

[Goerge]

Very good post 'Baby Bethany! Unfortunately I don't feel I have the academic skills to respond to your post, but non-the less I enjoyed reading it.

[lynniehyde]

At first I was like "A topic on lifestyle vs. fetish? Horray! Finally I can gain some clarity!" But NO. You people only further confuse me and are a testament to the fact that nothing in life is simple unless one wants to be ignorant. (Oooh. That was a good quote wasn't it? I'm feeling very Oscar Wilde today..) SOB. Now I have a pounding headache from all you babies, wanna-be babies, and people who are in it just for the fashion.

SOB.

And sigh... Is this a lifestyle? Or a fetish? I don't know. I feel very strongly that being a (Mean) Mommy is a major part of my sexuality and has told me more about my inner demons than any shrink ever could, but I am hesitant to call it a lifestyle. This is not the only thing that defines me. Far from it. Many people don't know me in this context and nevertheless are very close and dear to me.

It is an important part of my life, but just a part of it.

And from the outside, you can't tell I'm into this. So am I following the lifestyle if one can't tell I'm part of the "culture"?

But it is not just a fetish. I don't just put something on and wank off. I ensnare whatever poor fool shares the same bed with me and CRUSH HIM. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!! Aaaah...memories. Anyway, I don't think that's a fetish. It's a light-hearted version of whatever happens in Guantanamo, but with consent. Diapers are an integral part of this process. Diapers are a way of sloughing off the outer layers of the psyche: reducing a man to the pink, shivering little boy he was all along. Yum.

Sooo fetish or life-style? Fetish is too small and life-style is too extreme. What about ISL? Important-Sector-of-my-Life? Not as catchy, but precise.

For the few, the proud, it is a lifestyle. And, why bring Gitmo into it? This is not torture, after all. You do bring up an interesting point, however. Let's put all the captive subversionists in baby clothes and deprive them of their potty rights. (The toilets/buckets are nasty enough in there, as it is) Parade them in front of the cameras. I wonder how long they would last? Would it be considered cruel and inhuman treatment? I doubt it. Sheriff Joe Arpaio, ("The Toughest Lawman In America") has his male inmates forced to dress in pink underwear, pink longjohns during winter and pink sandals during lock-up in the various facilities located here in Maricopa County, Arizona. It never bothered me, personally. I was taken in on more than one occasion, wearing nothing more than a pink tee-shirt and my pink rubber panties and diapers. All the guys in line at intake, waiting to get their picture taken at the "Horseshoe", had a hoot. So did I.

Cuddles.

--heidilynn

[PampersPete]

At first I was like "A topic on lifestyle vs. fetish? Horray! Finally I can gain some clarity!" But NO. You people only further confuse me and are a testament to the fact that nothing in life is simple unless one wants to be ignorant. (Oooh. That was a good quote wasn't it? I'm feeling very Oscar Wilde today..) SOB. Now I have a pounding headache from all you babies, wanna-be babies, and people who are in it just for the fashion.

SOB.

And sigh... Is this a lifestyle? Or a fetish? I don't know. I feel very strongly that being a (Mean) Mommy is a major part of my sexuality and has told me more about my inner demons than any shrink ever could, but I am hesitant to call it a lifestyle. This is not the only thing that defines me. Far from it. Many people don't know me in this context and nevertheless are very close and dear to me.

It is an important part of my life, but just a part of it.

And from the outside, you can't tell I'm into this. So am I following the lifestyle if one can't tell I'm part of the "culture"?

But it is not just a fetish. I don't just put something on and wank off. I ensnare whatever poor fool shares the same bed with me and CRUSH HIM. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!! Aaaah...memories. Anyway, I don't think that's a fetish. It's a light-hearted version of whatever happens in Guantanamo, but with consent. Diapers are an integral part of this process. Diapers are a way of sloughing off the outer layers of the psyche: reducing a man to the pink, shivering little boy he was all along. Yum.

Sooo fetish or life-style? Fetish is too small and life-style is too extreme. What about ISL? Important-Sector-of-my-Life? Not as catchy, but precise.

What was that that David Cassidy once sang? Oh yeah! I think I love you.......... Just don't tell my mommy/gf...she may get a bit jealous....lol. Don't ever give up the fight you got in you,Mean Mommy. Some of us really do understand where you come from

[BitterGrey]

The mental health community would love to box us all in a nice, neat pigeonhole. "ABDL".

Actually, the AB/DL acronym is rooted in our community, not theirs. We usually discuss it as a continuum: We might be AB, DL, or a little of both. The technical classifications are paraphilic infantilism or diaper fetishism. While these tend to overemphasize sexuality, they are part of a more sophisticated system than mere pigeonholing. For example, consider a person who hasn't been significantly distressed or impaired by his or her desire to wear diapers. He or she wouldn't be diagnosed with either infantilism or a diaper fetish. It might be just a lifestyle choice for that person.

For those who are interested in some more detailed (but admittedly more complicated) ways of describing our interest, please see the survey report on Mapping Infantilism

~BitterGrey

[lynniehyde]

Actually, the AB/DL acronym is rooted in our community, not theirs. We usually discuss it as a continuum: We might be AB, DL, or a little of both. The technical classifications are paraphilic infantilism or diaper fetishism.

"While these tend to overemphasize sexuality, they are part of a more sophisticated system than mere pidgeonholing.

~BitterGrey

Good to see you on the board BitterGrey. However, you're kind of straddling the fence here, I have to say.

"The technical classifications are paraphilic infantilism or diaper fetishism"

Are those the only two classifications clinical professionals use to describe this condition? You point out later in your post that ours is a far more complex condition than one would see at face value. But to me, any way you slice it, it still qualifies as a "pigeonhole". Well, maybe two holes. This is, no doubt, where the acronym "ABDL", came from. True, there are similarities in all of us. But to lump us all together in two separate classifications, does a disservice not only to our community, but to the mental health community, as well. Unless, they feel they have a handle on this. Which I seriously doubt. Until there is some real research done here, I suppose we'll continue to slog on through the muck of misunderstanding.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

PS: sp, Take the "d" out of pigeon. I oughta know. I lost a spelling bee contest once on that word. We're not talking about the actor, Walter Pidgeon.

[BitterGrey]

Are those the only two classifications clinical professionals use to describe this condition?

Thanks for the spelling tip.

We have similar interests, but are not all the same. For many of us, these interests are driven by conditions. However, I'm not convinced that we all have the same condition. The results are different, so the causes might be different too.

AB/DL, used as a two-ended continuum, is a reasonable compromise between a detailed description of our interests and a complicated one. As for myself, I prefer to use a triangular picture of our interests, with three points. One corner focuses on a sexually-charged object, the diaper. A second corner focuses on the loss of control, much like masochism. A third corner focuses on the change in role, much like transvestism. (These other two corners wouldn't necessarily be sexual.) Depending on our interests, we would each be somewhere on the triangle's surface.

Again, there are more complicated ways to visualize our interests. Perhaps we are in agreement that any system that depends on a few, isolated categories is an oversimplification. Since AB/DL is a continuum, and paraphilic infantilism and diaper fetishism are not mutually exclusive, neither of these require isolation into a few categories. We are all different, and should advocate language that conveys our diversity.

~BitterGrey

[lynniehyde]

Thanks for the spelling tip.

We have similar interests, but are not all the same. For many of us, this interest is driven by a condition, However, I'm not convinced that we all have the same condition. The results are different, so the causes might be different too.

AB/DL, used as a two-ended continuum, is a reasonable compromise between a detailed description of our interests and a complicated one. As for myself, I prefer to use a triangular picture of our interests, with three points. One corner focuses on a sexually-charged object, the diaper. A second corner focuses on the loss of control, much like masochism. A third corner focuses on the change in role, much like transvestism. (These other two corners wouldn't necessarily be sexual.) Depending on our interests, we would each be somewhere on the triangle's surface.

Again, there are more complicated ways to visualize our interests. Perhaps we are in agreement that any system that depends on a few, isolated categories is an oversimplification. Since AB/DL is a continuum, and paraphilic infantilism and diaper fetishism are not mutually exclusive, neither of these require isolation into a few categories. We are all different, and should advocate language that conveys our diversity.

~BitterGrey

I think we're nearing the mark, BG. As always, your post is succinct and well thought out. The triangulate theory is intriguing. Have we gone from two pigeonholes to three?

(Juss messin' wif ya. )

However, I still think there are more sides to this. What are we? A geometric figure? If so, I prefer a circle. A big one. Room enough for everyone.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[jenniebear]

i'm pretty much in the same room as tigger and her Daddy...

if i have to classify it...i'm just not going to fit nicely into a catagory...too many twists and turns....i do live an alternative lifestyle but it's more based in Domination and submission...i enjoy diapers in a fetish sense...but it's not an obsession...i enjoy many things sexually...diapers are occasionally the cherry on top of the dessert of the day...

i do submit with a "child like" quality....i hold Daddy's hand when crossing the street...i ask His permission for most of my actions...i want Him to buy me every pretty plushie i see...i want to be cuddled and doted upon...all the things that weren't a part of my own childhood....i sleep with a special blanket and plushie...i suck my thumb to comfort myself when really tired or emotionally drained...but ...........i wear diapers prolly once a month if that often...i could wear more...i could wear less...i'd be no more elated about them either way.....while they are a fetish for my DL side...they are only a prop for my AB side....

i do desire them more when times are stressful...but now that my life with Daddy has given me a sense of safety and security i've never felt before....i desire them less and less.......

as for wanting, needing, or just being childlike all the time...that is not for me.....i love adult things...adult situations....adult responsibilities and rewards...challenges...moving towards goals...having a dream...planning a future....working to achieve all of these things....

[Oranges]

Again, there are more complicated ways to visualize our interests. Perhaps we are in agreement that any system that depends on a few, isolated categories is an oversimplification. Since AB/DL is a continuum, and paraphilic infantilism and diaper fetishism are not mutually exclusive, neither of these require isolation into a few categories. We are all different, and should advocate language that conveys our diversity.

@Bittergrey:

I agree with this, and it's good to see well-thought out posts being added to this thread by everyone involved. I like your idea of a continuum, I have often thought of it that way myself.

I have one general comment about the last page or so of posts: I think that while the community is still pretty young, so to speak, it would be a net negative thing to start trying to divide it into other subcultures so rapidly - the "AB/DL" banner is also one that gives social solidarity and acceptability to the group, regardless of whether we view it as clearly defined "AB" and "DL" groups co-existing because of a shared interest of diapers, or whether we view it as a continuum.

Perhaps even a continuum of those is limiting, because it defines us in ways that even people within the AB/DL community (myself included) find unnecessary. For example, I am a "DL", but not really. I enjoy diapers, but my wife and I both dabble in ageplay, sometimes there is no sexual 'kick' from it. But occasionally, if the mood is right, there is. From my vantage point, it would be fair to say I am neither "DL" nor "AB". But the "AB/DL" moniker is where I know I can find people to talk to, and write posts like this, without fear of social rejection. And while the continuum nor the discrete categories fit my -exact- needs, they are certainly a million times better, imho, than having no community or definitions at all.

Just goes to show the diversity inherent in humanity, I suppose.

Thanks for reading.

[lynniehyde]

@Bittergrey:

I agree with this, and it's good to see well-thought out posts being added to this thread by everyone involved. I like your idea of a continuum, I have often thought of it that way myself.

I have one general comment about the last page or so of posts: I think that while the community is still pretty young, so to speak, it would be a net negative thing to start trying to divide it into other subcultures so rapidly - the "AB/DL" banner is also one that gives social solidarity and acceptability to the group, regardless of whether we view it as clearly defined "AB" and "DL" groups co-existing because of a shared interest of diapers, or whether we view it as a continuum.

Perhaps even a continuum of those is limiting, because it defines us in ways that even people within the AB/DL community (myself included) find unnecessary. For example, I am a "DL", but not really. I enjoy diapers, but my wife and I both dabble in ageplay, sometimes there is no sexual 'kick' from it. But occasionally, if the mood is right, there is. From my vantage point, it would be fair to say I am neither "DL" nor "AB". But the "AB/DL" moniker is where I know I can find people to talk to, and write posts like this, without fear of social rejection. And while the continuum nor the discrete categories fit my -exact- needs, they are certainly a million times better, imho, than having no community or definitions at all.

Just goes to show the diversity inherent in humanity, I suppose.

Thanks for reading.

ABso!

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[BitterGrey]

I have one general comment about the last page or so of posts: I think that while the community is still pretty young, so to speak, it would be a net negative thing to start trying to divide it into other subcultures so rapidly - the "AB/DL" banner is also one that gives social solidarity and acceptability to the group, regardless of whether we view it as clearly defined "AB" and "DL" groups co-existing because of a shared interest of diapers, or whether we view it as a continuum.

Certainly. We need language to express the differences in our tastes within the community. However, there is no reason to arbitrarily divide the community. We don't have to be exactly alike to enjoy each other's company.

Perhaps even a continuum of those is limiting, because it defines us in ways that even people within the AB/DL community (myself included) find unnecessary.

True, and in some cases, it is inaccurate. For example, those who reported being equally AB and DL tended to mess more than either ABs or DLs.

~BitterGrey

[Crinklebritches]

Here's my thought:

I think AB/DL should be on a spectrum similar to how Autism is measured. Yes, there is some commonality betweens us all, but we are all on different areas of the spectrum. Now I think the research needs to be is what are the different levels of the spectrum and where do each of us lay within that spectrum.