How Do I Love My Dl Boyfriend?

[WantToLove]

Hello,

I am not a DL, but my boyfriend of over 4 years is, and I've known about him being a DL for almost the whole relationship. (I am a girl, btw.) I love him very much, he is an extrodinary person. But over the years I've found it harder and harder for me to do DL things with him, especially in a sexual way. Part of the reason for this is, I have had increasing IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and I have had very serious #2 accidents in public, and I have actually had to wear diapers occasionally for this reason (I am not completely incontinent as of now). But it is very hard for me to accept that what he wants me to do to him: make him have an accident in public, or at home, and also "punish" him. It kind of hurts me that he wants to do what I suffer through. It might not have been so bad for me, but I have depression and anxiety and having accidents in public has really hurt me and my confidence. There are also other bathroom problems I have but I'm not going to go into details, just know that these problems make it harder for me to try to be a DL.

I want to accept him for all that he is, because I love him. I know that this fetish is harmless and that it does not mean anyone who is a DL is a pedophile. But he keeps asking me to do these things for him, and finally we had a fight about it. Now he doesn't want to do anything sexual because he's about to move into his own apartment, where he said he can finally do all the DL stuff he wants without having to worry about being caught. I also know that when this happens he is going to expect more of me to do these things with him, and I am really scared because if I refuse these, he might get upset and assume I don't love him.

I talked to my therapist about this, and she said it may be a harmless fetish, but it's not harmless if it's hurting our relationship. She gave me the name of a sex therapist and said to tell my boyfriend exactly what she said. When I told him about it, he said to keep the therapist's name, as he didn't think he needed it now, but he said he understands bad things can happen and he wants to have that option for the future if things don't work out. I think things are gonna be ok until he moves out and expects more of me. Does anyone have any advice on how I can work through this? It's very important to me because I want to have a future with him, and he has also told me he wants a future with me. I feel like I'm not accepting him and that I'm doing something wrong. He has done so many things for me, yet I can't do this for him. I feel terrible.

If I am doing something wrong, or if anybody has any suggestions at all, please, please respond to this, I do not hate DL or AB people, I just cannot be one myself. And I kind of hate myself for it. I'm sorry this was a lengthy post, I am extremely grateful if anybody replies, even if just to say hi or something. Thank you for listening.

[tcc]

Hello,

I am not a DL, but my boyfriend of over 4 years is, and I've known about him being a DL for almost the whole relationship. (I am a girl, btw.) I love him very much, he is an extrodinary person. But over the years I've found it harder and harder for me to do DL things with him, especially in a sexual way. Part of the reason for this is, I have had increasing IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and I have had very serious #2 accidents in public, and I have actually had to wear diapers occasionally for this reason ...

...If I am doing something wrong, or if anybody has any suggestions at all, please, please respond to this, I do not hate DL or AB people, I just cannot be one myself. And I kind of hate myself for it...

Sweet young woman, WHAT would you be doing wrong? YOU have real medical issues to deal with! THAT is substantial for YOUR life. You have already shown acceptance and encouragement to your BF, far more than many DLs and ABs EVER receive - they have to hide their "leanings" from their SO and indulge themselves in private forever! I think your BF is being very selfish and immature. You don't TURN someone into a DL or AB. There are ABs and DLs that WISH they could become true incon to legitimize their wearing and use of diapers. IBS is a very difficult medical problem in and of itself. Having to wear diapers "just in case" is NOT something most people want to have to do. And, then, to actually have an uncontrolled accident out in public could be downright traumatizing. For DLs, the fetish often HAS sexual connections and connotations. This is where BF needs to be more considerate and less demanding. It sounds to me that you care for him A LOT. It sounds like you've gone the extra mile, especially if you've been with him for 4 years. Too, you both are young, and you are showing a great deal of maturity, especially with YOUR OWN situation. The fact is, perhaps your BF is not "the one". And finding out how he is or CAN BE, before you get married, might just save you from an unhappy divorce. There are many men out there that would be delighted to have you in their lives, just from the fact that you accept DLs, are encouraging, and are willing to participate from time to time, that would NOT be demanding, would be tender and caring lovers, AND, as the situation presented itself, would be sympathetic and empathetic AND do anything they could to support YOU in your situation with IBS, to the point of assisting you with diapers, and helping you to be as discreet as was possible, to make you feel as "normal" as possible in the "regular" world. Yes, there ARE men like that "out here".

Sorry for MY lengthy reply. But, the AB/DL/Incon world is a two-way street when it comes to a partner. If one wants to be satisfied oneself, one has to offer something in return. And, one cannot be selfish or it will erode the delicate balance relationships enjoy, especially when they are NOT totally "vanilla". Best of luck and best wishes. Perhaps your BF can see he could be acting a little selfish and will be willing to think less about himself, and more about you, and in return, you may be more willing to indulge what he perceives are his needs. Give and take will bring a couple to a point of balance.

[WantToLove]

tcc,

Thank you so much for your reply. Sometimes being depressed, I forget that I need to take care of myself first on occasion, and that being myself is not always wrong. What you said definetely makes sense, that "you cannot turn somebody into an AB or DL." I think I got the wrong impression when he was trying to tell me that he was a DL, because he didn't do a very good job of giving me the option to NOT to be a DL. He just said that he wanted me to wear diapers, he didn't say anything like, "Is this ok with you?" Over time, he explained that there was more to his fetish than just simply wearing them, and that's when I started to become uncomfortable.

I think I will have a long talk with him, and see what's really most important to him. If he cannot compromise, and still wants me to do the things that are uncomfortable for me, then I understand that he is not the person for me to be with. But I am gonna try my best to make this work out somehow. I know that communication is a tough point for a lot of relationships, but the good thing is if we need help, I have a therapist that is willing to talk to us both. And I also know that he is willing to talk to her if necessary.

Again, thank you for your advice, it is very comforting to know that there are really nice people out there in the world.

[Pipsqueak]

Tcc has nailed it on the head. Relationships are a two-way street and a good loving relationship requires respect and understanding from both sides. You're holding up your end, but your boyfriend is not. If you really love him and think you can work this out then I would suggest you make an appointment with that sex therapist now and not some time in the future. Let your boyfriend know that this is a real concern for you and you both need to discuss this with someone right away. You're not being silly or selfish at all. Your trauma from public accidents is completely understandable and if being a dl is not your thing then it's not. That's your right and should be respected. Don't try to change who you are for someone else. You're a supporting and caring young woman and you're just fine the way you are!

[Dill_Pickle]

Tcc has nailed it on the head. Relationships are a two-way street and a good loving relationship requires respect and understanding from both sides.

(snip)

You're a supporting and caring young woman and you're just fine the way you are!

Bingo!

In my own, now married life, I am a DL and my wife knows it, but she has had some traumatising experiences....drunken, bedwetting, now ex-husband blaming things on her, no support with her and ex's daughter, etc. So she is turned off by it, and I continue to not remind her of my liking for diapers on myself and my wearing and using of them. That doesn't stop our sex life together, and it gives me an outlet for my somewhat higher sex drive.

If you don't like wearing diapers, then your BF has no right to push them on you...even if you find you HAVE to wear diapers. He should, however, be helping you with procuring them and saving you from the embarrassment, and with getting you the doctoring you need to get better. Helping figure out what is effective protection for you is optional. In my own case, depends with a boost in front are generally effective and quite easily available.

I have IBS of a different sort (a scarred spot on my gut tells me it is grinding up rocks from time to time, especially if I am under stress), and it is usually treated with dicyclomine, which used to be called Bentyl?. I also find peppermint in any form effective, whether tea, capsules from the natural foods store, or peppermint candy such as York Peppermint patties. When the dicyclomine didn't work, the Dr prescribed me Hyoscyamine, which is a belladonna derivative. All of these things relax the gut. So does mindfulness meditation, and I never seem to have real trouble when I am hiking, which is very heavy physical exercise that I try to do weekly -- generally 8 or 9 miles and 2000 or more feet vertical. I also make a point of eating plain yogurt from time to time, and drinking plenty of fluids.

Hope this helps you some.

Dill Pickle

P.S. ABs and DLs are, above all, people -- with all the good and the bad that implies. Go see that sex therapist. You might also want to look up the "Savage Love" column, where other people have problems with, among others, their DLs.

DP.

[Kaliess]

Interestingly enough my minor case of IBS is something I attribute to liking diapers. I feel safer when I am wearing. That being said he is a very lucky man for having a gf who is accepting of his habits. If it is bothering you then talk to him and explain your perspective. Take care and best of luck with everything and keep a calm stomach :-)

~Kali