Dating N Diapers Help

[waycool_jr]

Last month it happened again my diapers destroyed yet another budding relationship. To this point in my life diapers have cost 1 marriage and countless girlfriends. Now I have worn diapers since I was 8 years old. Just at night at first but now I’m a full time user. I’m 35 and getting pretty darn lonely. I Tried diaper, blue singles ever the bondage singles and you get no where. 4000 men and 3hundred eighty something girls is poor odds you’ll never meet that someone special off these sites. So I set out to see if there was something I could used in place of a diaper and found two products. One I really like. it’s a cath system and bag system all in one no tubes no straps very easily hide able and more in line with a adult with urinary probs. But I have not only hit but slammed into a wall. I love my diapers and I’m so comfortable in them it keeps a smile on my face. This cath thing does not have that effect on me but I know deep in my soul if I stay with the diapers I will wind up a very lonely old man some day. Its always the same I meet lots of girls we go out have a good time at a restaurant or dancing, Ialways do flowers and sometimes jewelry like necklaces just nutral stuff we continue dating. So we date for several weeks while I hide my diaper issue and then just when I think ok or its time or I feel she is ready to get more entement I gently bring up the subject and at first its cool until the heart breaking end whether it be a few weeks or even months and then its over. Lanai my last girlfriend tells me one night while we are in bed she just can’t handle it. I did everything she asked I wore normal boxer shorts over the diaper and still the stigma or just the thought I was wearing a diaper killed a great thing.

So here I am wearing this cath thing instead of my diapers. And It seems the more I try to distance myself from my former diapered self the stronger the draw to any web page, video, picture of a diapered girls. So please someone help me out me out! Tell if I’m really doing the right thing or if you can relate I’m all ears.

Peace

Jr

[diapermommie]

I would say that if they are ending the relationship due to the diapers, then they weren't the right person for you. Because you're not going to be happy having a relationship where you can't share something that important to you. Giving up diapers in order to find someone else, just isn't going to work out well for most people here, I don't think. Too many people believe suddenly finding a relationship is going to make you happy or fulfill something, and that's just not true. There are ways to fulfill your life, and be happy without worrying so much about not having someone. People who work so hard to get a relationship frequently end up without one...until they learn to accept themselves as they are, carry on with life and enjoy it, and then that special person wanders into your life. I totally believe people give off an energy of sorts, and when you are not content with yourself, they are going to know it. Giving up something important to you in order to find someone, is just going to backfire. They might not end the relationship over diapers (obviously because you quit using them) but it'll end eventually because you aren't being your true self in the relationship, and that never works.

I know this is easy to say when I have someone who I can be myself with...but honestly I would rather be alone than be with someone I had to hide part of myself from. I've done that, and it never worked. I was more alone in that relationship than I was just being alone. Because being in a false relationship is much, much worse. Once I gave up and decided just to live my life how I wanted and under my terms, the goofy boy that is more perfect for me than anyone I could have dreamed up, wandered into my life. It was more than worth the wait. I know that was sappy bearie, sorry

[Pipsqueak]

I have to agree with what diapermommie has said. And it is difficult to hear and torture to wait for, but the right one will accept you for who you are and not ask you to be something you're not. When we try to change ourselves to fit someone else's version of the ideal partner, we are denying ourselves and resentment will soon follow.

If you have a good look around the boards you'll find that lots of guys here are happily married or dating women who accept that they wear diapers for whatever reason. If they can find those women (most of whom knew nothing about abdl to start with), so can you. Don't settle for someone who wants you to be someone else! Be yourself and be happy in yourself and she'll show up one of these days!

[Mr. Sea Otter]

I tend to agree that you need to be happy with yourself before you can find a good relationship.

One way to spare yourself the torment of losing relationship after relationship over diapers is to be more upfront about the whole thing. My rule of thumb is that I won't have sex with somebody unless they know I wear diapers. They don't have to know *why* I wear diapers, but they need to know that I do. That way if a relationship does start to grow, it grows with them knowing that they are getting involved with somebody who wears diapers.

I've said it time and time again, but its always worth repeating. Wearing diapers will be as big a deal as you choose to make it. If you make it out to be some deep dark horrible secret, it can kind of freak people out. If you make it out to be something that kind of funny, silly, different and OK, well, people tend to react better to that.

Best of luck, and don't give up!

-Mr. Otter

[Angela Bauer]

Add me to those who agree with Diaper Mommie and others here.

My life as a teenager and later women hardly ended when I started losing bladder control. I had to believe those who were real friends would not care that I needed diapers, and anyone who got upset was not a potential good friend. Eventually during law school I lost my remaining day control, but my outlook did not change about understanding friends.

Sure, some men ran for the hills when they discovered I was wearing a diaper on a date, but many good men did not have a problem. Then in 1991 I met a man who clearly understood all aspects of me. He is not an attorney, but he knew to get out of my way when I am in trial, or just being a royal pain! He was aware of ABDL, but has never given me any reason to think he only loves me because I am a big baby girl. It is also no secret that the two of us have been happily married sine October 1991.

You decide how you will be happy. Lots of men have bladder problems, using diapers or caths. There is nothing shameful about that, nor being ABDL with or without incontinence. All this is who we are. The record is clear that once we have an attraction to diapers, this is a lifetime thing for us. If somehow I were to regain my control, I am sure I would wear big girl panties often, but you better believe I will always relax as a big baby girl in diapers.

Luv, Baby Angel

I would say that if they are ending the relationship due to the diapers, then they weren't the right person for you. Because you're not going to be happy having a relationship where you can't share something that important to you. Giving up diapers in order to find someone else, just isn't going to work out well for most people here, I don't think. Too many people believe suddenly finding a relationship is going to make you happy or fulfill something, and that's just not true. There are ways to fulfill your life, and be happy without worrying so much about not having someone. People who work so hard to get a relationship frequently end up without one...until they learn to accept themselves as they are, carry on with life and enjoy it, and then that special person wanders into your life. I totally believe people give off an energy of sorts, and when you are not content with yourself, they are going to know it. Giving up something important to you in order to find someone, is just going to backfire. They might not end the relationship over diapers (obviously because you quit using them) but it'll end eventually because you aren't being your true self in the relationship, and that never works.

I know this is easy to say when I have someone who I can be myself with...but honestly I would rather be alone than be with someone I had to hide part of myself from. I've done that, and it never worked. I was more alone in that relationship than I was just being alone. Because being in a false relationship is much, much worse. Once I gave up and decided just to live my life how I wanted and under my terms, the goofy boy that is more perfect for me than anyone I could have dreamed up, wandered into my life. It was more than worth the wait. I know that was sappy bearie, sorry

[waycool_jr]

Thanks diaper mommy and all of you for your support. I posted this and a close female friend emailed me stunned at my posting. She thought for a second it was a hacker that stolen my id then posted that but as she read threw it she new it was me. She was one of the few girls that truely believed i was not freak or a perv I wanted to be friends with her that was it. I know most females on her go threw hell with some guys that just can't take no for an answer. We have been friends for about 4 years. A couple we could never be but close friends we are. We have chatted most of the day off and on. You guys are right I can’t change who I am and by nature I’m a happy, joking good guy. That what she said anyway. Its just this one really hurt me bad. Yes I have been up front with many girls I date and yes in the past it has on rare occasion been a non subject. In fact my ex luv me in diapers we just couldn’t get along. And 9 years later we called it quits. Really I guess what it boils down to is a I’m sick of the bar scene. I’m just burned out on taking those first steps over and over till I find another. Me and --- think I just need to kick back and relax for a while and who knows maybe something good will come of it. So I took her advice the cath came off went into the trash and I’m happily writing this letter double diapered. Its like the world is off my back.

So for now I’m back to my old self.. Happily, Crackly and wet.

Peace

Jr

I do still have one question I’m going to put to God one day,,,,,,,,,,,,, why.

[lynniehyde]

I do still have one question I’m going to put to God one day,,,,,,,,,,,,, why.

And God spake, "Because!".

Why? That is the question that puzzles most of us.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[tcc]

The comment about having a "deep dark secret" was made. When I met my fiancee, I had done a number of things in attempting, while dating, to reveal my "leanings", my fetishism, my kinky nature. Some of the women I dated - whom I met at "legitimate" date sites, like eHarmony, Match.com, etc. - took to my "revelation" about being a DL, a diaper fetishist. Others simply wanted to not talk about it or have nothing to do with it. A couple, once we parted ways, suddenly regretted being so closed-minded. During the course of the "relationship", several were quite willing to participate and encourage me. The darker I made my secret sound, the more often my "revelation" seemed so harmless once revealed. After all, I was NOT a pedophile or convicted axe murderer! When I told her what the situation really was, and that she would have to accept the situation, and ME, as I was and with what I was into, or we would have to part ways - and I KNEW that this woman had fallen into love with me, and I was more fond of her than with any other woman in my life for a long time! - and she's stuck by me. She told me to be patient, and I HAVE been. We just had a fantasy of mine come true over this past weekend. It was as much to HER benefit as to mine. How you choose to reveal your leanings and world is ultimately important. WHEN you do so, is your choice, but you have to be intelligent about it. And, to be honest, it's best to get to know the person you choose to make revelation to, then proceed to make that revelation with that in mind. It's not easy, but it IS necessary.

Oh, the question about being a DL or an AB? Or why God let you be an incon, or transgender, or gay or whatever? Drive yourself crazy! There are some questions in this life and world that just have NO answer. As others have said, once you get to know yourself, get to be comfortable with yourself, and LIKE yourself - AS YOU ARE - THEN, and ONLY THEN, can you reach out to and relate to/with other people. And, in many cases, it's how YOU present YOURSELF that leads the way in how OTHERS see you. Experiment with that. You'll see what we all mean! When you love YOURSELF, OTHERS will be led to love YOU. A positive aura brings a positive response from and by others. It doesn't MATTER "why". It IS. If you can deal with it in a positive fashion, you will find happiness. Happiness begins WITHIN, and never from the OUTSIDE. And, when YOU accept yourself for who you are, what you are and HOW you are, you will RADIATE that to others, and they will respond to YOU in kind...

[Mean Mommy]

You seem to have the answers you needed already but just in case you find yourself back to where you were, I have some advice.

You have been wearing diapers since you were 8. So you are familiar with the reality of them - they are a harmless, everyday thing. But you have to remember that to many people and in general society AB/DL is on the far end of the freaky fetish scale. While it is harmless, it is breaking many social taboos - remember that.

Now, you're a nice guy, who is comfortable with diapers, and you feel like you have no reason to hide this. You don't, and ideally you shouldn't, but I suggest you do. I suggest you do all in your power to gently and veeeery slowly introduce diapers to the relationship. Not within three to four months, but more like six to nine, depending on how connected you feel with your girl.

Why?

Because diapers are taboo. And they have heavy emotions connected to them - a primary one being shame. And while you are already comfortable dealing with these emotions, someone who hasn't been wearing diapers is not, and it just may be too much for her to take all at once. You have to look at the situation from her perspective. Wearing diapers is a scary idea to her - and she doesn't understand all that goes along with it. Even if she does, she may not be ready to deal with it.

My boy is ready to be diapered now. Two years ago he was not. I could not even mention the word without him getting a sour look on his face. Be patient. If you really care about this person, and think you see signs that infantilism may be up their alley (kinksters are way more responsive to the freakiest kinks than your vanilla lover), then take your time. Broach the topic slowly. Analyze their response.

To help you better empathize with someone who is not familiar with diaper fetishism, imagine if you were partnered with someone who happened to like yiffing, i.e. dressing up as a furry mascot (like the ones you see at football games) and having sex with other people in similar attire. Imagine if it were a big part of their life. It would be a little hard to take all at once.

Let her really get to know you, give her time to make a connection to you. Make sure she likes you and trusts your judgment, then tell her. She may be surprised but she'll be willing to work with it because she'll like the person beneath the the diaper.

[Guest]

I tend to agree that you need to be happy with yourself before you can find a good relationship.

One way to spare yourself the torment of losing relationship after relationship over diapers is to be more upfront about the whole thing. My rule of thumb is that I won't have sex with somebody unless they know I wear diapers. They don't have to know *why* I wear diapers, but they need to know that I do. That way if a relationship does start to grow, it grows with them knowing that they are getting involved with somebody who wears diapers.

I've said it time and time again, but its always worth repeating. Wearing diapers will be as big a deal as you choose to make it. If you make it out to be some deep dark horrible secret, it can kind of freak people out. If you make it out to be something that kind of funny, silly, different and OK, well, people tend to react better to that.

Best of luck, and don't give up!

-Mr. Otter

I never had ANY problem with any of my partners. I usually tell them within the first week, just to get it out of the way. I don't want to get attachend, then they run off.