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Hiya folks! I have been a DL for many years and have only recently started exploring (and really enjoying) being an AB. This change has occurred largely because I started dating a woman several years my senior, and, though she had never before been into diapers and such before now, she finds both great emotional satisfaction and sexual stimulation from playing the role of mommy for me. In recent years, I have been gaining some enormous insights into my own psychology in other ways, and have been finding that through my AB experiences that I am gaining yet more. I believe I can at this point shed at least some light on why I am an ABDL, and I thought this might be illuminating to others with AB tendencies seeking to understand themselves as well as an interesting topic for discussion. A good primer for a psychological discussion on infantilism may be found at http://littleab.com/abinfo.html, it is actually the one from the now defunct DPF website that seems to have been borrowed. My own case is different than those discussed, but there are important notions discussed here. Basically, I believe that I am an AB primarily because of elements of how my psychology developed in early childhood. My mother and I had an unusually close emotional relationship throughout my childhood; she was my best friend through much of it, and a needed defender from my rather angry and violent older sister. She was also a juxtaposition to my father, who was rather emotionally distant from both she and I (and pretty much everyone). He was also in many ways married to his work, and thus not around much. In some ways, it might be said I took over my father's proper role of emotional support for my mother far too young, indeed I was to take over most elements of the "man of the house" role somewhat younger than appropriate. My parents remained married until I was 14, but they were not close through that whole period to my recollection. My dad does not really know how to relate to people emotionally even now, so you could say that he is incapable of being close to anyone. This is due to his own psychology, and as such blame is inappropriate. He was never an abusive man nor a Mr. Macho, and I've never really doubted that he loves me. He just finds emotional matters very difficult to express and to receive, and as such I pity him. I think in some ways we are closer now than we ever have been, which is still not that close... As for ABism, there are several factors discussed above that play into it I think. I am told I was resistant to potty training; it was not achieved until I was almost 3 and then with a threat to keep me out of pre-school. I think this resistance was partly due to the prospect of losing that special bonding ritual of the diaper change with my mother, partly due to not wanting to be "big boy" if that meant being like my father, and partly because of a third factor I have yet to mention. In my study of myself and my childhood, I have discovered what appears to be a power relationship between my mother and myself that I have until recently been unaware of. The child depending on the mother emotionally is natural; the mother depending on the child emotionally is probably not so. Whether or no, it gives the child power over the mother he or she would not usually have. What do you suppose happened when that power was challenged by the first time in life anything was really expected of me? There were of course other manifestations to this "I don't want to grow up" mentality, many of which persist to this day. I was big into stuffed animals rather long into my childhood, for instance; I slept with a stuffed killer whale into my 20's (still not sure why I stopped, saved a perception that girlfriends might find it unmanly). There are also numerous examples of how I psychologically try to duck adult responsibilities, often with disastrous results. There are elements to my maternal relationship that are similar to (though surely not the same as) sexual abuse, especially if you factor in the freudian association of mother and lover (I am male, so the more so). I'd swear she was more than a little jealous of my first girlfriend (which seemed strange at the time), and it was about then that the closeness we had once enjoyed came to a close. I do not for a moment believe my mother meant me any harm by anything she did, or even realized the potential for such. But as a human being and a woman in a loveless marriage, an offer of real intimacy from someone she'd be expected to be intimate with on some level anyway was probably irresistible. She has her own psychological scars that left her open to such a thing, and, though I perceive harmful effects to some parts of our relationship, it is far more useful to correctly perceive what happened than it is to lay blame. We are still pretty close today, and we discuss these things (not the AB side of it!) I am finding being an AB both instructive and therapeutic. My "mommy" is in some ways like my mother, indeed my lovers always have been in one way or another. If people get into this thread, I'll post more about her psychology, but suffice it to say she is a willing and even enthusiastic mommy. In playing out the baby role (toddler, actually) moreso than ever before, I am able to perceive a similar affection and power relationship to the one I must've had with my mother at that age. Marvelously instructive! It's therapeutic in the sense that if I'm allowed to be a complete baby sometimes, I can be a more complete big boy when dealing with the big bad world. So, what do you folks think? Anything ring a bell about my story, or possibly you can offer a different analysis? We can discuss me, but I'm really interested in YOUR ideas about where YOU think YOUR AB tendencies come from. Look forward to reading about it! Oh, and feel free to ask questions, make comments, etc. I will post more if we get a good discussion going!
Good diaper vibes to all my friends, AB or DL or sissy either or, or transgender...whatever, I love you all!! I am a bisexual male and a boy persona AB and a caregiver to an AB anatomical girl...well met! I write today to suggest a theory about the origins of ABDL tendencies in some at least of us: Infancy and toddlerhood are a unique time in our lives in the sense that it is a time when we are loved for simply being, without behavioral expectations, familial or social. Or gender-based... I shall explain: we may commonly dress young children in pink or blue as befits their specific gender, but we tend to judge the behavior of pre-potty-trained folks as though gender does not exist or possibly does not matter. Indeed, the Victorians dressed male and female babies in the same sort of "baby dresses," and did not separate social expectations and sleeping situations until the child was old enough to leave the "nursery", 5-6 years old? I will now be bold enough to compare this set of ideas to a phenomenon I have observed in many a friend: it is a notable phenomenon, though far from universal, among the many gay men I have had the privelege of knowing over the years that many of them seem to have curious childlike obsessions: I had a boyfriend who regularly purchased "Smurfs" figurines and DC Comics action figures, and he was 41 years old. I have a another dear friend who is also in his 40's and decorates his living room with classic car die-cast models....large ones, 30 large cars at least, carefully chosen... I compare the above phenomenon with the large number of sissies (Much love!), gay and bi AB's (love!!!) and MtoF transgender folks (love to you, always!) who are on this forum, and am curious: Paint a couple of pictures in your mind for a moment: the most masculine male you can imagine, and/or the most feminine woman you can picture. Is there anything less masculine or feminine than these individuals wetting or soiling themselves? Obviously we judge a baby or toddler differently, both individually and socially. I suggest that precisely THIS "love without judgement" is what at least many of us are seeking when we put on a diaper. What do YOU think? Be frank, life is short!! Think on it: keeping our pants dry is perhaps the first real discipline that is really required of most of us...
So a friend of mine is taking a human sexuality class this semester and he crashed at my place last night. We were talking about it and I was flipping through the book when I found a passage on fetishism and the like. I thought to myself, "oh, this'll be good" and kept looking through it while he was on the computer. So, there was a section on infantilism and adult babies. I was kind of surprised because it was very well written and completely unbiased. Also, it covered almost a full page. If I get a chance to see the passage again, I'll cite it on here for everyone. If that wasn't odd enough, the very next day I was sitting in the student center with two girls just talking about random stuff. One of the girls starts talking about her sex offender psychology class, which made for a pretty interesting discussion. Eventually, paraphilias came up and sure enough, abdlism as well. I played dumb and inquired as to what it was while she explained it. From her explanation, she sounded put off by it while the other girl didn't really give two shits either way, but the first girl wasn't exactly against it, only saying that it was odd, which led me to believe that whoever is writing these textbooks and teaching these two classes either one, knows their stuff, or two, is pretty free-minded when it comes to these things. It's nice to see that the fetish/lifestyle (whichever your flavor) is gaining positive attention in educational areas compared to the negative stuff you see online and in the media. I kinda regret playing stupid to the idea now that I've had time to think about it. I could have at least lied a bit and said that an ex was into it or something like that. Has anyone else actually had the chance to discuss this intellectually with other non-abdls without accidentally outing themselves?