enfant

Yes, I've leaked on purpose. (Good rule of thumb: To any question that starts with the words "Am I the only one who...", the answer is always "no".) In fact, I'll tell you a story. Several months ago I bought a package of Tena Serenity pullups, because they were on sale for a ridiculously low price and I thought I might as well try them. They turned out to be terrible diapers--the clothlike cover, which is supposed to be waterproof, isn't, and pee goes right through them. It was really embarrassing, there was a huge wet stain on my pants. A few days later I tried one more of them, just to make sure the first one wasn't a fluke, but it was just as bad. And I stopped wearing them, but I didn't throw the bag away; I figured I'd be able to use them for something. And then, oddly, a few weeks later I found myself remembering that first embarrassing incident with the big wet stain... and found myself in the mood to experience it again. So I wore another one of those useless diapers, specifically so I could be embarrassed with a big leak again. Silly, and not my usual taste at all (I like diapers to be thick and secure and reliable), but as a once-in-a-while thing, it's fun. It seems to amuse my wife when I leak, whether it was on purpose or not--a number of times now when it's happened, she's asked me to pose for pictures. (One of them is on my fetlife page, for those who visit that site.)

Yes, there are.

I pee in the shower, so habitually that sometimes it happens without my thinking about it--I look down and hey, I didn't know I was doing that. Once I got in the shower at a public pool to rinse off, and caught myself starting to wet my swimsuit.

Glad to see you back, Mean Mommy. Regarding your parents... in the immortal words of the host of the Midwest Teen Sex Show, "Should your dad happen to stumble on all those pictures of feet under your mattress, don't freak out. Pops probably has his own thing." (Easier said than done, though--I'd probably freak out a little too.)

...except the sagginess, puffiness, clumpiness, and slight discoloration. Diapers look different when they're wet. I'd say, either stay dry, or deal with the fact that someone might notice you're wet.

I carry a pink diaper pin on my keychain as a key fob. I don't know if anyone's ever thought anything of it, but it makes me happy. I also have a Baby Pride pin -- http://www.babypridestore.com -- and have worn it to a few events. If anyone noticed, they didn't say anything. But I like the design a lot.

Hundreds of times: I'm a dad. It's a little icky at first, and then you adjust, and it's no big deal. I suppose changing an adult is different in some ways--bigger and heavier, if nothing else--but I imagine you probably adjust to that too.

I've got nothing to add to Sarah's post except "ditto".

I don't save them forever, but when I found a bag of old proctor & gamble Attends at a drugstore that was going out of business, I used them up verrrrry slooowwwly over a period of years. I think I might still have one left at the bottom of my stash, I'm not sure. They were just really good diapers and I hated to use them up too quickly. Of course now that there are even better disposables on the market (yay Bambino!) it's not such a big deal anymore.

I can't think of any songs that I ever suspected to have deliberate AB content, but there are times I hear a song lyric and it gives me a little smile. Two that come to mind... Rodgers and Hart's "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered": I'm wild again Beguiled again A simpering, whimpering child again And the last few lines of the chorus in Suzanne Vega's song about Marlene Dietrich, "Marlene on the Wall": I think it's called my destiny That I am changing... Marlene on the wall I know those are supposed to be two different phrases, but every time I hear it I think it says "I am changing Marlene" and get a nice mental image.

Huh? Original post: "If I could get both males and females to respond that would be great."

I'm fine with answering a questionnaire of this sort, so long as it's anonymous, but you really might want to proof-read it. Things like "Research Questioner", and "YOU'RE STORY" and "Where do you buy your diapers at?" don't look particularly professional. Just saying.

I remember seeing part of it on TV when I was eleven or so; it was the late movie one Friday night. I was up past my bedtime, and wasn't able to watch to the end. But oh my, it did make an impression. The opening sequence stayed with me in particular--it shows a woman looking through a series of pictures of a baby wearing diapers, crawling, eating in a high chair, playing in a playpen, etc, but in each picture the baby is older and older; by the end he's physically adult. A few of the pictures in the middle of the sequence showed an eleven-year-old boy in diapers--and the kid they used in the picture looked a lot like eleven-year-old me--and boy was I ever wishing I could've gotten that modeling job. After years of only fuzzy memories of it, I finally saw it again this year. I have to say it's a pretty bad movie. As AB fantasy it definitely has moments (though it's a little more nonconsensual than I like), but the script and acting are enh at best. It seems very clear that the story was written by an AB. I can't imagine someone who wasn't an AB coming up with all that stuff. I'd love to know how it came to be greenlit and produced.

Okay, I've been using this internet thing since the early 80s and I've learned a thing or two, so I'm going to pass on some useful advice. Some of the people you meet on the internet are fictional characters. You'll be happier once you accept that fact and move on. Some of the fictional characters want very much to be treated as if they were real. It generally doesn't cost much to do so, as long as they aren't asking you for a bank account number--and it makes them happy. Think of it as tipping them for telling an entertaining story. If you suspect someone of being fictional, and you don't want to devote the time and energy to playing their games and participating in their reality, the best thing to do is move on quietly. You may be tempted instead to call attention to their lack of verisimilitude--effectively giving their fiction a bad review. Giving in to this temptation inevitably leads to having a flame war with a fictional character, which is just plain silly. Now, I do not choose to speculate at this time whether any individual participating in this discussion is fictional. I am only saying that if any of you think someone is, it's probably best to roll your eyes and forget about it, rather than engaging said person in a metaphysical argument about their various inconsistencies with consensus reality.

The best-fitting and most comfortable waterproof pants I've ever used were the nylon pants from Babykins. However, the plastic is thin, which makes them prone to tearing after a while. They're a good price (around $10 a pair last time I looked, though they may have gone up since then), but that's still high enough to make the tearing problem a real drag when it happens. These days I'm exclusively wearing Priva pants, which can be had from Amazon.com for a great price--about $6 for a three-pack. (Shipping is extra, but it's free if you order more than $25 worth of merchandise.) At that price I wouldn't mind tossing out torn ones once in a while--but in fact I've almost never had to; they're quite durable. Not as marvelous a fit, though.

Very well said, Sarah. It helped me a lot to get over my feelings of shame when I stopped thinking of my infantilism as "secret" and started thinking of it as "private".

No, I love my job too much. But I work at home... can I still be a baby 24/7 and work too?

Addendum: Yes you are.

The reason the teacher said "no more than 10 paragraphs" is that you presumably know a lot about who you are and what's important to you, have a lot to say on the subject, and she doesn't have all day to read it. So just write as many paragraphs as it takes to answer the question. If it gets to be more than ten, trim it. If it's less than ten, but you're satisfied with the answer--you're done. The question she's asking is who are you. I don't know the answer, but you do--or at least you will, after you write the essay honestly. S/he doesn't want your life story, except to the extent that telling your life story is necessary to explaining you. If it helps, I'll offer you some exercises to help you straighten out the question in your head. First, let's alter the sentence by one word: What are you? List the first five answers you think of, in the order you think of them--then write an essay about the list. That might be enough right there. If it's not, go to: What do you want? And why? Trying to answer this question in a way that pleases your teacher is a total waste. There's no wrong answer. (Well, you can lie, but the only person who suffers from that is you.) The question you've been asked is a gift; writing this essay is a precious opportunity--take it, and learn about yourself.

What's hard to understand about that? Can you clarify the question you're asking here?

I don't really fit any either, though I clicked some of them because they weren't too far off. I don't feel that I am a baby; I'm a grownup and like it that way... but I do feel, sometimes very strongly and sometimes less so, that there's a baby personality that's a part of me. There's a theory that everyone's personality is really sort of a committee--lots of different thoughts and ideas and voices mixing together into the overall sense of self. Maybe everyone has a babyish part of their personality, an "inner child" that's part of their mental committee. But in my case it's a very pushy and demanding committee-member and it insists on being in charge sometimes. Baby Thorp, I'm sorry you feel put-upon here and that people have been mean-spirited. I wish you would recognize that when people say "that's unhealthy" what they really mean is "that scares me", and it's an expression of concern, not dislike.

Thanks for the bump, because I missed this topic the first time around. I go with option #2, with a slight modification. It's not necessary to find a partner who's into infantilism him- or herself, but it is necessary to find one who's sexually open-minded, playful, and supportive of your interest. "Good, giving, and game," in Dan Savage's words. (And you have to be the same for them.) Sexual compatibility is incredibly important--but compatibility doesn't require being hot for exactly the same things. If I were dating again (shudder), I wouldn't just "hope for acceptance" of my ABDL interests--I'd require it; it's a dealbreaker. If it turned out the woman I was seeing found alternate forms of sexuality disgusting, there'd be no point in continuing; that relationship is doomed from the start. But being into infantilism herself? Not required.

I don't think the origins of fetishes are really all that well understood. It's been assumed for years that they're based on early "triggering" childhood experiences, because a lot of fetishists report strong memories of such experiences. But it seems just as plausible to me that that could be a sort of hindsight or availability bias. Childhood experiences that don't have strong associations are more likely to be forgotten. A person with a fetish for, say, rubber, might well retain memories of rubber raincoats and aprons specifically because of the rubber fetish, but forget experiences involving shoes, because those memories have no strong resonance that makes them stick around. A shoe fetishist would be just the opposite: retaining memories of shoes and forgetting about raincoats and aprons. And a sexually typical person might have plenty of experiences involving shoes and raincoats, and forget them all. So, years later, a sex researcher interviews fetishists, notices that they have these strong memories of their fetish objects from early childhood, and thinks that these experiences triggered or even caused the fetish... but actually it's the other way around. The fact that these events are still remembered is an effect of the fetish. The fetish itself was caused by something else entirely. Now, of course there can't be a gene or gene complex that codes for being a diaper fetishist--diapers were invented way too recently to have influenced evolution! But could the propensity to fixate emotionally and/or sexually on objects or ideas--to be a fetishist of some kind, in other words--have a genetic basis? Absolutely. Honestly, at this point, considering all the other things that have turned out to be heritable... I'd be a little bit surprised if it didn't. (I amuse myself sometimes by wondering about our fetishist caveman ancestors. What turned them on? Perhaps those cave paintings at Lascaux were primitive wank material...)

On the contrary, it seems quite natural to me that those of us who have such desires would spend a whole lot of time thinking and talking about healthy, balanced relationships, so we can avoid slipping into the other sort by mistake. We who enjoy submission are at high risk for that. I mean, sure, I fantasize about mommy taking complete control of me, just as some BDSM enthusiasts fantasize about not having a safe-word--but that doesn't mean either one would be a good idea. What you've been describing here, assuming you've been totally honest and not exaggerating at all, is the equivalent of a mistress/slave relationship with no safe-word. That's extremely dangerous territory, and a risk I wouldn't be at all comfortable taking, even though I do find the fantasy compelling.

Arggh... Today I was walking through a rite-aid drugstore when I noticed that they had Tena Serenity pullups on sale for $3 off, and there was an additional $3 off coupon attached to the package, which brought the overall price down to $7 for a package of 14. I didn't really need them, but for 50 cents apiece I figured what the heck, I'd go for an impulse buy. After I got home I tried one on, and discovered that they're quite comfortable. Then, to my chagrin, I discovered that they're also not the least bit waterproof. One wetting, not even a very big one, and the whole front of my pants was a big dark wet stain. Emphatically not recommended, unless you're into that sort of thing.