enfant

Software engineer.

Wow, cool--I'm so glad you posted that. I remember that day very well; my wife and I had been married for about six months, and she called me at work at about 11 AM and said "Sweetie, I think you should come home for lunch today." I asked why and she said, "Just... trust me on this." So I went home, and she had lunch waiting, and put it on a tray on the living room floor and hit "play" on the VCR. She'd happened to switch on the TV about one minute into the show, figured out what they were talking about, and recorded it for me... I still have the tape to this day. I always wondered what was in the first few minutes that I'd missed, and now I finally get to find out! I was always very impressed with "Stephanie's" composure and grace in the face of Springer's hostility. Always hoped one day I might meet Denise and tell her how grateful I was for it. The rest of the show made me angry--the way the producers brought in that guy who'd apparently been told the show was about something else entirely so there'd be an argument. Lame. And a bit of trivia that DailyDiapers readers may find interesting: If I'm not mistaken, the male AB guest on that show, who threw the teddybear and called the guy a poopiehead, was none other than the late great HeidiLynn.

I think it's probably more than that; my guess is somewhere closer to one in a thousand (heck, in the town where I live, one in 5,000 is registered at aby.com). I once saw a couple that seemed likely to be engaging in AB play. I was shopping at a drugstore when this couple walked by with a package of Attends in their shopping cart, which naturally caught my eye, so I looked at their faces. They were quite young-looking, 20s or 30s. He looked embarrassed and excited, and she had this wicked smirk on her face. I saw her make a whispered remark and swat him on the butt as they headed off to the cashier, and I was pretty sure I knew who those diapers were intended for. Wish I'd had the nerve to say something! If it happened today, I think I'd go get a package of diapers and get in line behind them.

I think my most common diaper dream is of one or more of my friends finding out I wear them. It's always embarrassing, but sometimes in the dreams my friends react to the news positively, and those ones are pretty nice. The second most common is one I had a variation of just the other night. In this one I was kneading some bread dough, and concentrating on the work I forgot to control my bladder, and suddenly I felt myself wetting my pants, and the pee trickling down my legs. I then remembered (in the context of the dream) that I'd been wearing diapers a lot recently, and realized that I must have gotten into the habit of wetting without thinking about it. It was embarrassing and exciting at the same time. (I kind of wish this one would come true, actually.) Sometimes I'll be dreaming about something else entirely, and suddenly diapers turn up in the dream out of nowhere. For example I remember one dream about going to the doctor for a checkup. It was a perfectly normal appointment in every way, until the doctor left--and then suddenly the nurse picked me up and put me in a baby scale to weigh me. I didn't know how she was managing to do this, as I was a lot taller and heavier than she was, but somehow she could do it, and I couldn't stop her. I started complaining about the indignity of this, and she just chuckled at how silly I was being, then laid me down on the examining table, pulled down my pants, and started changing a totally sodden cloth diaper that I hadn't even realized I was wearing until that moment. My favorite dream of all time was one I had a few years ago. My wife and I were going over to have dinner at the home of some friends, a married couple. (Not people we know in real life, but in the dream they were old friends of ours.) We were dressed up in fancy clothes and had brought a bottle of wine, and when we arrived at our friends' door they invited us in and we made smalltalk for a few minutes, and then suddenly the woman we were visiting turned to her husband and me, and said, "Okay, you boys GO PLAY!" The last two words seemed to echo in my head, the whole world dropped away from me, and I suddenly knew that she was a witch, and had just cast a spell on her husband and me. The husband gave a high-pitched toddler giggle and went scampering out of the room. The sound of his baby laughter blew away my own resistance and I giggled and ran after him, my entire adult personality wiped out, nothing left in my head but a two-year-old. He led me nto a playroom full of blocks and toys and coloring books, while our mommies stayed behind and talked. We played and giggled for what seemed like ages, until I found myself having an accident in my pants, and was suddenly alarmed--oh no, I was wetting my good suit! what would mommy say?!--and I tried to stop myself, but each time I stopped peeing, I'd get confused and forget what I was doing and it would start again, and pretty soon my pants were soaked and I'd forgotten all about it and gone back to coloring. That's when mommy came in and started scolding me, and the other boy's mommy was smirking at me, and her husband was laughing and laughing. The woman offered my mommy one of her husband's diapers to change me into, and we all ended up going to the dinner table with me wearing a shirt and tie on top, and a big thick diaper on the bottom. It was great--after I woke up I wanted to go back and dream it all over again.

I've been wondering about her too; I'd sent her a private message and never got an answer. But, I believe she's been gone from the forum for fairly long stretches before. Lord knows I often disappear for a month or two at a time, as the interest level waxes and wanes. But I always come back eventually, and I figure she probably will too.

I've told two therapists. Both good experiences. One, who I'm in therapy with now, is actually a specialist is sex issues, is kinky herself, and knows all about infantilism--that's partly why I chose to go to her. I mentioned I was an AB the first time I called her on the phone, and she found it totally unremarkable; she's had a bunch of other clients and friends who were infantilists, no big deal. She's been fantastic. The other one, I was seeing about entirely different stuff, back in the early 90s. After I'd been talking to him for a few months and felt comfortable with him, I brought it up. He'd heard of infantilism before but so far as he knew I was the first one he'd ever met--but it didn't trouble him a bit. He immediately and correctly pointed that the problem wasn't wanting to wear diapers but being ashamed of it, and got to work with me on that issue. If you're interested in talking to a therapist but you're worried about it, I suggest googling for the "kink-aware professionals" list maintained by the national coalition for sexual freedom. There may be someone nearby who's already familiar with the subject and able to set you at ease very quickly. But if not, go ahead and see any therapist--remember that you don't have to tell them everything on the first day. Spend some time finding out whether this is the sort of person you can work with first, and then go for it.

In an environment in which it was socially appropriate to do so--that is, an ageplay party--I actually have openly shown my diapers and other AB paraphernalia. So I vote "sometimes".

I share the feelings of the original poster: I don't mind ordering diapers online once in a while, but I really like buying them at a store and seeing what I'm getting when I buy them. I do most of my buying at a medical supply store. The woman who runs it knows me well enough now to greet me by name when I come in. She has attends pullups, tranquility ATN, tena ultra and a few other good brands. No molicare, abri, or secure, unfortunately, but maybe eventually she will. (She did ask me one time if there were any particular brands I was looking for, and I listed those.) For bambinos, I go online.

Go to their website, there's an online calendar. I see three or four ageplay events on it for 2009, and more may be added. They're not a big organization, and I don't think they have a marketing department--let's be grateful they advertise at all, and not complain about their timing.

Afterthought... there are a couple of groups for discussing edge play on fetlife.com. You might want to join up and check it out. (FYI, I'm "enfant" there too, you can friend me if you like.)

Do you have stats on unique visitors, DailyDi?

Edges, where the party was held, is a sort of social club and rent-by-the-hour dungeon for BDSM folk: http://www.edges.biz Lovely place.

When I'm diapered before bed, I nearly always wet at least a little before I fall asleep. There've been two or three times when I've gone to sleep a little bit damp and woke up soaked. Which was very nice. But so far I've never gone to sleep dry and woken up wet. I guess maybe there's some sort of "hand in warm water" effect going on.

I think people might be able to answer you a little more coherently if you were more specific about what you mean by the word "break". To me, "break" has a few different connotations. One is breaking like a dish--after which the thing that's broken has to be painstakingly repaired (and is never as good again afterward) or just thrown away. The other is breaking like a horse--training an animal or person to be docile and manageable (from which we also get the word "housebroken"). It seems neither one of those is what you mean, but prior posters in this thread have taken your meaning to be both of those. So how about telling us specifically what you imagine doing to your boy--without using the word "breaking"--and how you imagine him reacting, and then we'll tell you if it sounds realistic? From the vague things you've said so far, it sounds as if it is. I know it appeals to me: I suffer from an overabundance of self-control, and I think that's probably common among AB's. (I'm pretty sure it's why I'm an AB, diapers being symbolic of the ultimate loss of self-control.) I have kind of a flat affect most of the time, not showing much emotion in my face or demeanor. I almost never cry, and when I do, it's silent. I would love to have the experience of being pushed to the point of crying like a baby does, out loud, out of control. I can only imagine what it would be like, but I imagine the catharsis would be incredible, an orgasm for the soul. And if that's what you're hoping to help someone achieve, then I'm sure you can find willing and eager partners. But if you're going for something else, then I'm not sure. More specificity, please.

Honestly, I think most of the people who claim that ageplay isn't sexual for them simply don't have an expansive enough definition of the word "sexual". An act can make you feel happy and satisfied and fulfilled in a sexual way without being masturbation or intercourse--and even without necessarily resulting in an orgasm. I think the "non-sexual" ABDL crowd are seeking that kind of satisfaction. It's still tied in to the sex drive, but it doesn't take the overt and obvious form that everyone expects. As for my own answers, I said it's "sometimes" sexual... but it would probably be more accurate to say it's always sexual, but only sometimes gives me an erection.

Definitely ask the counselor about confidentiality. I don't know what the rules are in this situation: is she working for you, or for your employers? If the things you tell her can get back to the people you work for, then consider finding someone else to talk to. But if she assures you of confidentiality, and you feel comfortable with her in all other respects, then I see no harm in discussing it. If you're still nervous, though, you could try to find a sex therapist or a psychologist who already knows about these things. The "kink aware professionals database" at http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option...word&id=270 may help with this. My wife and I have been talking to a sex therapist for a few months now and it's been really great. It's very nice to be able to discuss these things with someone without having to worry that it'll freak them out, or that you'll have to go into a long explanation of why you like this stuff... (It happens that our therapist has a blog and had mentioned infantilism in it, so I was already sure before I spoke to her that it would be okay.)

If you're not a mommy type and don't know anything about diaper related topics, why are they asking you to do this show? (I wonder if they've got you mixed up with Curious, who is a mommy type and has a similar name on this board...) I'm not going to bother answering the poll without more information, but I don't understand why you'd want to do a show as something you aren't.

While I usually applaud such skepticism, Jimmy, in this case you're talking to heidilynn: the one person whose AB lifestyle is such an open book that you can easily verify it. There've been not one but several news stories about her, on TV and in the papers, complete with photographs and interviews with her family and friends. Look around this site or google for them, they're not hard to find.

Would have been nice to see your answers! But sure, I'll start. I'm 40 for the next few days, married, software engineer, and how often I wear varies from "24/7" to "hardly ever"... If you add it all up, I'd guess I've worn diapers for about 3 months out of the past year. 4 days this past week.

Well, aby.com requires full members to post pictures of themselves, so duplication should be fairly easy to spot. I'm sure there's a little bit, but a cursory glance at several cities with ten or more members turns up very few (or else a lot of people posting pictures of strangers). I'm sure there are some duplicates and that they inflate the membership by a few percent, but I really doubt it's as much as a factor of two, much less ten. I'm not surprised people find the estimate implausible--we all get so used to thinking of ourselves as uniquely freaky and all alone in the world. But it's really not that crazy to suppose that in a city the size of, say, Dallas-Fort Worth, there'd be five hundred or a thousand people fantasizing about diapers and buying the occasional pack of Depends for fun. It's not really that many.

Of course there is, and that's why I'm only asserting a gross order of magnitude. "Somewhere between 100 and 10,000" is a really big error bar. It's unfortunately difficult to know with a higher level of precision because you'll never get enough people answering a survey and giving honest answers. But you can figure the order of magnitude with a reasonably high level of confidence. We know for sure the prevalence can't be less than 1/10,000 because the membership figures in DPF, aby.com, DailyDiapers and other such organizations wouldn't pass the smell test. And I'd bet it's at least five to ten times higher than that, because I've personally met a lot of AB's who aren't joiners. 1/100 seems equally improbable because there'd be a lot more organizations like DPF, aby.com and DailyDiapers--and I'd bet it's at least ten to twenty times lower than that. The range of 1/1000 to 1/2000 I find plausible. More AB's, sure--but there's very little reason to suppose they have more ABs per capita. It's just that people in larger population centers probably have somewhat more opportunity and/or willingness to join groups. Smaller towns and rural areas, the AB's are probably more likely to think they're alone. But that doesn't mean they aren't there.

I don't agree. You can get a meaningful "order of magnitude" estimate. That is, if I estimate that it's "on the order of 1:1000", that means I'd be very surprised, given the available data, if it were as high as 1:100 and equally surprised if it were as low as 1:10,000. I went and looked at aby.com again, thinking since my home town is a bit small it might not be a big enough sample. I looked at some bigger towns, and then some of the smaller states. San Francisco: one aby.com member per 7,000 population. Seattle: 1 per 4,000. Portland: 1 per 7,000. (The big cities are probably inflated somewhat by people in neighboring towns saying they live in, for instance, the "San Francisco area"). San Jose: 1 per 20,000. State of Alaska: one per 20,000. State of Wyoming: one per 25,000. State of Montana: one per 18,000. State of North Dakota: one per 27,000. State of Vermont: one per 26,000. Now, if the ratio were as low as 1:20,000, then we'd have to suppose that virtually every infantilist in all those rural states has joined one relatively obscure AB/DL website (which doesn't even show up on the first page of google listings for "diaper fetish" or "adult baby", and which disproportionately though not exclusively attracts gay men), and filled out a profile. There's just no way. Even supposing that half of all the AB's have done so is a stretch. Frankly I'd find it astonishing if it were even as high as 10%... which would get us to a ratio of 1:2000, the low end of the range I estimated. I wouldn't try to push it to any more significant figures than that, but I think 1:1000 is the right order of magnitude.

So, you reckon fully half of all AB/DL's have been members of DPF, and a third have joined DailyDiapers? That seems like a gigantic stretch to me. As it happens, I'm the one who came up with the estimate of one in a thousand that wetvinyl was quoting. (Actually my estimate was between 1:1000 and 1:2000.) And DPF membership is one of the places I got that estimate: You see, I polled lot of online AB/DL's from a mailing list and asked how many of them had ever been DPF members, and the answer was around 5%. If 5% of the infantilist population has joined DPF, and DPF's roster has 15,000 names on it, that means there are 300,000 infantilsts in the English-speaking parts of the world--or about one person in a thousand. (Of course, DPF members might be underrepresented in the mailing list membership... but by that much? And anyway it seems just as likely to me that they're overrepresented; both groups would select from the set of people who know they're not alone with the fetish and want to talk to other people about it.) Another source was the arbitron statistics for the old alt.sex.fetish.diapers newsgroup, which had 25,000 readers at its peak, something like one out of every few hundred USENET readers. Even allowing for the fact that some people were probably just reading every group that had "sex" in the name, that still suggests a surprisingly large number of people with an interest in the subject. My home town has about 50,000 people living in it. At aby.com you can search for member profiles by city, and there are nine aby.com members living here. Now, not everyone's computer literate, and even among those who are, aby.com isn't to everyone's taste--so it seems unlikely that every AB/DL in my zipcode is an aby.com member. Besides, most of them are in the 20-30 age range, but there's no reason to suppose that age cohort is any more likely to have infantilist leanings than the 55-65 age bracket, right? So I'm going to guess, very conservatively, that there are 4-5 times as many infantilists in this town as aby.com members. And so once again we get one person in a thousand. Wetvinyl of course has a good point about people in poverty-stricken countries not having a lot of leisure to indulge in fetishism. So I doubt if the 1:1000 ratio holds throughout the world. But I'd be astonished if the total number were as low as 130,000: I'd bet there are more than that in the US alone.

Well, I know of two who live in San Francisco, and I met a woman at an AB party who was from the south bay area; there's an AB girl in Berkeley who posts videos, and two or three women I've met online who are from the LA area. I used to be pretty good friends with a mommy-baby switch hitter who lived on the central coast, but she's moved away. At least one woman from California posts in the DailyDiapers forum on a regular basis. More than one, I'm sure, but one I know for sure. I mean, come on, California has a tenth of the population of the US, of course there are ABDL women here.

Shoot, I didn't notice that I could check more than one until it was too late. I picked bedwetting... but if it were reversible, I'd happily try any of the first five. (I might take the bedwetting pill even if it weren't reversible. I think I probably wouldn't... but I'd definitely think long and hard about it.)